random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Ventrue]

All Zootopia did was turn me into a furry.

Zootopia did help me realize that society needs to discriminate against furries

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I will assasinate that doe with muh dick (consensually)

 

[Dr. Butt]

Do you want to listen to an hour and a half of Marxist trannies discussing trans Marxism? Of course you don't.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

"So I get on a bus, sit in a puddle of piss and don't take my eyes off the crazy hobo up front ranting about 'killing Martians' and then a half hour later, I'm two miles further than I was! Also my wallet is missing somehow!"

don't pass off another man's hoagie roll recipe as your own... or the man WILL write a slam piece about you

Ah yes, another case of "joined yesterday"

I have not yet seen a school shooter capable of writing in cursive. I see now why it was previously a staple of elementary education.

you should have given your "friend" a wedgie for being so programmed that she remembered the propaganda verbatim.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I'm fat around the Penile Shaft area of my body

I love him

 

[Aunt Carol]

Yeah, no. 12 year olds don't need to be wearing nipple clamps.

I was gonna ask how do you know if the bussy was below mid, whether you're some kinda qualified bussy appraiser or something, because that statement genuinely raises some questions.

Sometimes, you just gotta close your eyes and hope that your ass holds in the cum better than your snatch.

 

[Oliver Onions]

His final outing seems to not have been out of the ordinary for McCaine,besides the stabbing and the drowning

 

[Poonocchio]

Dieticians hate him for this ONE SIMPLE TRICK (it's crack).

 

[Gentlebastard]

>All adults in this city should carry NARCAN
You couldn't pay me to live in a shithole so nasty that this opinion is seen as a somewhat reasonable suggestion

No idea why they or anyone would sponsor his videos. I'd pay money to NOT have him mention my company name.

I'm glad Patrick already lives a miserable, joyless life. It spares me the trouble of wishing him ill.

Communities like theirs were always inherently ideological, and just like every other ideology in history, they chose one of the stupidest ideas man has thought to be their hill to die on.

I have no idea what we can learn from this

Yeah bro, you got issues. We're here to laugh at the retards, if you're this emotional you need to unironically touch grass.

Internet 101, day fucking one, don't put anything under your government name you don't want an employer seeing. Do they not teach kids opsec in school anymore?

There are people who don't hate mumble rap? It's the one subgenre I can think of that produced literally nothing good.

I know we are just here because we like to laugh at his insanely funny retardations and all, but never forget: we laugh at his INSANEly funny retardations.

 

[demicolon]

He is self unemployed

 

[Clotso Coof]

Imagine two life size portraits on the front of your arm and there’s enough room for a third

 

[Merton J. Dingle]

The normie fears the NEET samurai.

 

[BIG BILL HELL'S]

Are you supposed to put dice in your vagina, crab-walk up to someone and Magic 8-Ball them?

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Wish I was an actual psycho, like full Jared Leto with "Damaged" scribbled on my head. That way I wouldn’t remember what it was like when people had emotions

dredged from MySpace’s rectal vault

Steve sounds so awed to be in the presence of experimental ham

I hope to last long enough/be rich enough upon death that it would be affordable to launch my body into a high orbit when I die, so I may not need the mortician's touch. Vacuum should preserve me just fine until my orbit eventually decays and I get the most badass cremation of all by atmospheric friction

Do they teach at bartender school that you have to be a bald, ornery fuck?

no you can't tell the company reps and vendors to fuck themselves even if they should

Conversely, my garden shed - while creepy, dimly lit, and full of unsettling and bizarre objects that are quickly becoming the hot new vacation spots for spiders - is not a liminal space

get a fucking job you retarded nog beggar, if you can't get a job because you're a thief or a rapist how about you go jump off the nearest bridge? Have you considered suicide yet?

I had the misfortune of trying to get along with a nigger worker yesterday and of course he's from Niggeracua or Africuntia or whatever because anything I ever said to him, he'd just give me this blank nigger stare. Get the fuck out of my country, you waste of resources

kind of reality-shattering fact that blows your mind and sucks your dick clean off

I miss the shamwow guy

"HAY! LETS MOVE DIS BUTTON! UPDATE NOW! AND WE DECIDED ON ROUNDED CORNERS INSTEAD OF SHARP POINTY CORNERS!" Go fuck yourself.

And now people do it to each other, because in the 21st century the Internet has persuaded us that Cenobite and Slaaneshi cultist are valid sexual orientations. Google 'figging'.

The window jew game is strong

I wish all my customers were as well-mannered as Shoulder Rat

DISCLAIMER: I WROTE NONE OF THIS! HE DID THAT! DON'T RAPE THE MESSENGER!!!

I'm very hard headed and a little retarded... obviously

I've experienced so many construction delays and detours in the past year, I half expect to wake up one morning and find the road commission attempting to lay asphalt in my bedroom.

They must kneel in front of the bass pro shops pyramid while holding a big mac as an offering to Uncle Sam (PBUH), else they'll be banished to American Tartarus aka: baltimore

Just wanted to point out that the Japanese magazine lists the characteristics of each console owner's penis:
Turbo Grafx/Pc Engine: Smells of B.O. (man-smell)
Megadrive/Genesis: Clean penis
Super Nintendo/Famicom: Regular penis

This one is funny due to nickname combo

How it's seemingly impossible to eat shredded cheese without dropping it all over the place.

 

[Cemetery Support]

One sickening picture depicts a dog-character performing a sex act on a horse.

Robinson also appeared to be friends with another porn artist making 'deviant' cartoons of absurdly fat women being fed.

 

[Laburnum]

There is nothing wrong with liking a thick woman with big tits, a big ass, and enough body fat so she won't die during childbirth.

 

[Gutless]

"Keep, ancient users, your Semper Fidelis!" cries she
With silent lips. "Give me your dumb, your disagree,
Your dislikes yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the autistic, tempest-tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the optimistic sticker!"

 

[Doxmatix]

I don't like black people, and it seems there are a lot of you in this thread.

If I ever describe something as "Epically Crazy" you are legally allowed to shoot me.

…look, you can find fat white guys playing games on the Internet. You can find ‘em. There’s more’n a few. They’re out there. The Fat White Game-Playing Guy pipeline is not serviced from a single source. I myself prefer the Canadian Bacon flavor, I believe that is well-known, so unlike anything else on Earth I can speak on this with authority, is all I am saying.

Let him know when they evolve velcro wallet technology on mars.

I understand now why we declared war on Japan.

We’re all different autists. There is no one “forum’s perspective” except that you come across as a complete idiot.

 

[Aunt Carol]

She's got 99 personalities and they're all your problem.

I hope to god I never see a pooner naming themselves Goro Majima.

my boy may be an autist but he knows a good pair of tits when he sees them

he vacillates between “the four tittied tiger got a cup of coffee and those around her admired her yuuuuge BULGE” and “fuck you osama you wetbrain retard fuck”

Well, I am a roid abusing racist giant, so I am pretty sure she would hate me.

So it's a very yeasty manatee. Poor manatee.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

Also Super Mario. you better not be a Nazi Candian who gets bumhurt over truckers.

I think that's what being a cell must feel like, or perhaps an Indian.