random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gog & Magog]

Is this the guy who got inches stolen off his penis by a spy satellite?

If you look for any rule 34 shit online you're inevitably going to find some furry porn. I don't want to see that shit.

We shouldn’t have to put up with foreigners and their strange made up non American languages. And that goes for British too!

If we get diversity in the farms I demand mandatory race wars. I want the full cultural enrichment.

A long time ago I decided I wasn't ever going to off myself unless I could write a coherent justification of it. Every time I tried and then reread it I couldn't go through with it because what I'd written was a bunch of lolcow shit. Just ridiculous crap even I couldn't help but laugh at.

I haven't done this in 20 years but I was an expert in college (where it was a socially acceptable public activity because everybody was extremely drunk almost constantly and it'd be rude to cut short a conversation).
See, you make a seal with your dick head against the lip of the bottle; this prevents spills. However, air pressure will also rapidly build up inside when you do this, so you apply a little pressure with a finger on the hand holding it to vent the air. Until the very end, where you allow the pressure to build up again right as you finish, so your cock dramatically bursts off with a loud satisfying pop and windmills back into your boxers. That's a little flourish for pros though, work up to it.

See now I want to call you out because I've known a lot of uncircumcised people who's foreskin went all the way past the head, but now I feel like you're just going to make fun of me for being around so many uncircumcised penises.
Thanks for putting me in a lose-lose.

KF brings me great joy and I don't know whether to be proud or seek help.

Quit ruining my dreams you evil weird mean dude.

If I have been a dick like that to anyone, and I'm sure I have been, I hope you know it's almost always bants, I just sometimes go too far. This isn't an apology because I'll probably do it again, but if I do, it doesn't mean I hate you. Not directed to you personally.

I just hate the idea I probably come across like this guy did to so many people and most of the time, I just want to be funny, not a complete jerk.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

"Oh really Joanne? What about the immigrants Joanne? What about the rape Joanne? WHAT ABOUT THE RAPE??!!!"

This is stupid and I demand someone be killed over it.

I'M NEVER USING THE STUPID WEBSITE AGAIN!!!
*runs away crying to Thailand*

 

[ForTheHoard]

Left wing anti-semitism: "The Zionist Apartheid Regime plus ultraorthodox fundamentalist religious elements in Israel which have installed systemic Islamophobia, settler-colonialism, imperialism and Global North-centric policy at the intersection of patriarchial and capitalist elements working to control the US Military-Industrial Complex via enriching the profits of the 1% through the institution of Whiteness and religious dogma which results in the marginalization of vulnerable communities is unfortunately challenging to deconstruct due to the socio-economic context of the Zionist-Whiteness alliance..."

Right wing anti-semitism: "The Jews. LMAO bottom text"

 

[Shartavius]

He once threatened to rape me with a spider monster from a movie.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

I never cum in my underwear.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I've been saying it for a while now too
Butt mining does not equal happiness.

 

[Gog & Magog]

Usernames are usually dead giveaways of sick fucks.

 

[Shartavius]

Homie wrote a real life Scrotie McBoogerballs then killed himself. What a retard.

 

[BigMan13]

Edit: you are so fucking lucky I did a search on Furaffinity and e621 and found nothing on the username bigman13.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

whoa hey come on. not all speds hate women. some of us are women. there's no need to slander the retarded in this fashion.

 

[tehpope]

Keep in mind that in non-slang his name would be Hot Dog the Drug Addict.

 

[Jason Wynn]

Can’t quote it since it was on his wall

 

[Zemblan Physics]

This is just more proof that most of kiwifarms is retard on retard violence, myself included.

 

[Drip Torch]

Kiwifarms is even from concept a really autistic place all things considered, so it's kind of expected to have a bunch of weird users.

 

[Haloperidol]

God did punish the Romans by turning them into Italians.

It's cracking and raspy. Like he's never raised his voice in his life except to shout "wooooooooo!" at a Taylor Swift concert.

Antifa isn't so much an idea as a refusal to perform personal hygiene.

I'm not a political guy or a smart guy, but I think it wouldn't be a good idea as President to drone strike Congress.

 

[JackingOffGeorgeLucas]

I discovered I had another fursona involuntarily

Kiwifarms are a stochastic terror machine who have driven people to suicide in their pursuit of things only the sick would find "lulzy"

I just busted the biggest fucking nut of my life to some armless shota fart porn. I bet you guys think I'm pretty cool now?

 

[GunCar Gary]

If you help us re-open the government, the sombrero memes will stop

 

[Tablet County]

"I want put penis in feminine asian girls with short hair, am I teh gay?"

 

[Slideshow Bill]

Dear Latino's,

We know we kick ass and appreciate you worshipping all our creations, unlike those filthy goddamn Jeets and Jews. But you've got to let us create some new shit. TV shows aren't suppose to live forever. Lets find you a new pet to buy merchandise of. Besides, that Matt Goeing guy has so much money he was banging kids with Epstein. No one wants to support that.

Sincerely,
The Master Race

 

[Aunt Carol]

The level of autistic detail for buckles and cowboy hats is coming from someone familiar with the field.

Answer: IDK, autism?

Autistic until proven transgender

Uncle Fester never turned to the camera and said "I hate white people and I love to fuck children".

In all cases, in all realities, TETRIS is superior to every game still in the running right now. Objectively and subjectively the accusations raised against her walls ARE ALL BULLSHIT.