random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Hooked on phobics]

JOSHUA CONNOR MOON IS LEGALLY LIABLE IF I KILL MYSELF ON THE 7TH OF DECEMBER

 

[Mound Dweller]

Me and a friend rented a porno once that had sex scenes so bad that we fast-forwarded them to watch the insane plot. It was like watching an Ed Wood movie.

 

[JackingOffGeorgeLucas]

There is nothing sexier than mass shootings

Who the fuck thinks Gwen Stefani embodies the edgelord lifestyle?

does... does he actually wanna fuck Obama?

 

[JustSomeDong]

I assume you losers are stalking me even now. Have you subbed to my tiktok? Go ahead. MAKE ME FAMOUS.

 

[General Emílio Médici]

classical music to bury your dead child after a poor harvest and hard winter to

1 ton of silber being taken for delivery from the Shanghai Gold Exchange, Chinese woman for scale:

This isn't 850BC, people have no excuse for getting swindled anymore.

Ah yes the sexualities. Homo, homo, insane, pink, and nigger.

 

[Hitman One]

"GayNiggers International to hold a 72 hour fist-a-thon at the Lincoln memorial to combat The Will Stancil Show"

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

Kid's on a fast track to either becoming an anime protagonist or a hobo

That's how the Ants get you.

searching homeless nigger schizo freaks out in back of police car produces half a million results.

This happens thousands of times so that an entire generation is 50% homo

we have created entire departments to justify keeping around the type of individual who used to be designated the very important role of holding the duct tape pieces in every class project

ass-surgery having

if you kill a VP you should be legally allowed to usurp his position like medieval kings in days of yor

you get to sit quietly and memorize stats. it's like sudokus except with little dudes in the squares instead of numbers.

think about it. if spiderman gave up his powers to cure cancer.
who the fuck is going to deal with sandman, venom, that dinosaur guy, green goblin?

even IF spiderman cured cancer. that same dude who just got cured is still going to get mugged by some bulletproof freak.
curing cancer doesn't fix all of the worlds problems. spiderman would know this.

Spiderman needs to stay in his lane, curing cancer was never his mission and he's stupid for thinking the dinosaur man riding another dinosaur
would respond to the whole "but what about cancer?"
how about you cure cancer spiderman? stop asking the dinosaur man to fix all the world's problems.

Florida Man has evolved into a being that gets most of its moisture by breathing air, thus avoiding potentially-contaminated water sources. That must be why Steve says "not thirst-provoking" in such approving tones; it means something, when you have to be certain every water source wasn't peed in by a radioactive meth zombie.

Quentin Tarantino is a foot fetishist who on rare occasions reluctantly makes films

Tumblr was less of a containment zone and more of a kodoku where they'd put a bunch of terrible ideas in a jar and make them fight each other until one survived

robots jerk each other's roboners off

I think that's a fair summation of Alan Moore's entire career. It's just been that scene of Ron Livingston in Office Space scaling a carp on his desk but it's lasted about 40+ years.

ю

Correct me if I'm wrong, I'm no animal husband, but aren't horses notoriously fragile?

 

[Dr. Butt]

On several occasions, I've been nominated to be a janny here

I’m a registered clown

 

[Mound Dweller]

What is The Drugathon?
The Drugathon is like a subathon, but instead of sleeping they do meth!

 

[Dr. Butt]

Edit to clarify I wasn't at some fags house watching him quilt.

 

[Drip Torch]

my mouth is ready to suck

 

[Dr. Butt]

well it turns out im even retarded than previously thought possible

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

He learned pretty quick to shut up about interdimensional sasquatch if he wanted people to buy his books.

No one would have believed, in the early years of the twenty-first century, that human affairs were being gooned at from the timeless worlds of space.

Nice. Last I heard of him was that he made a porno due to the novelty of his stitched back on cock. And I think he appeared in WWF also. For some reason. Probably the stitched back on cock.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Santa is real and he tried to fuck my dad

 

[Gentlebastard]

It's staggering how bad someone can be at something that defines everything about who they are.

I earnestly petition to make this the motto of the thread.

They heard that politics are smart and mature and presumed it must be easy to do, just yell about whatever upsets you personally! Missing the whole point that nothing truly smart and mature is ever easy
It's like following the logical presumption that the image of drinking a tumbler is whiskey is mature and classy, ergo drinking a pepsi-redbull-vodka-beer shot out of a novelty football cup must be sophisticated as all hell

Damn... here i thought i was super unique and was going to blow people away

Why do I always click on the spoiler? One would think all the horrors I've witnessed on this site would have taught me not to by now.

so basically she was just making dog noises while sucking his dick? Jesus Christ.

Me and a friend rented a porno once that had sex scenes so bad that we fast-forwarded them to watch the insane plot. It was like watching an Ed Wood movie.

This is what she got for all her trouble and pain.
A blatant woman who despite having the titchop, still looks like she has a pair of low hangers.

Some detransitioner also did an interview where they said they know people that have legitimately stopped trooning out because of the Sex Change Surgery thread, so this site truly is doing God's work enlightening people.

“How dare they repost that no image I published on public social media for anyone to see”

The driveby doppelganger porn spam shatters my ribs every time

I wish I could laugh, but I'm tired bros, it's all just sad. "James" should have lived out her life as a jolly, slightly dorky woman who raised ferrets and volunteered at a local museum on weekends, and maybe had some jolly, slightly dorky kids if she so desired. But Tumblr got her, and now her body is falling apart in early adulthood and she probably won't reach 30.

Horribly filmed absolutely ugly indian amatuer porn is definitely flooding free porn websites. It's fucking annoying.

SAAAR WE ARE TAKING YOUR ONLYFAN SISTER JOB

You can refuse GA at a biopsy to get an idea of what the banter is like at your hospital.

That is some majorly heather blue t-shirt & GAP blue jeans 7 days a week, 14 tupperwares containing a skinless chicken breast, six potato wedges, and a scoop of boiled green peas, type behaviour.

I'd be disappointed if my surgeons DIDN'T make fun of me and say awful shit while they were in the operating room.
Anyone who sticks their hands inside of people for hours a day every day and only speaks in clinical creepy medical talk is a sociopathic as fuck.

There are people in the coma wards that are more active.

If you’ve ever been out with medical students, it doesn’t take long for the conversation to get around to Worst Thing Found Up Someone’s Ass.

 

[Cringemaster Supreme]

Hell I had a head mod in a game forum shut down a news thread I started about a college girl that was found decapitated

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

hahahahhahahha @Fatpacks cmere my little munchkin

I see now. I misunderstood what he was getting at.

time to pay $4620.00, coffee boy

I'm amused how the thread couldn't stay locked even for 12 hours this time

We really won't know unless we try, and by God I believe.

> "funny folder"
> clinical porn addiction and not a single funny image
>

"shoemogged by Al-Qaeda"

I'm pretty certain I can start a new religion based around God as Patposter; I think it explains damn near everything.

This shit goes for months at a time without any real hilarity. Then something relatively minor like this pops up and I’m completely reinvested.

 

[Dr. Butt]

But on the other hand, can you even imagine how cheap it is to buy potatoes directly from the farmer, one trailer-load at a time?

 

[Black Man Underwear]

my dick leaks all the time dude, i just have to replenish my water, when i get hpme , my pants always soaked, imagine my couch dude

 

[SaidNoOneEver]

He's meant to graduated the top of his class at school.