random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Account]

Perhaps the most bizarre was the time he appeared to be climaxing after listing to MHA fanfiction read by Obama TTS at 6AM.

 

[neger psykolog]

Where elsw would i go to see a bunch of people accise each other of either being brown or a barren seamstress?

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

For half a second I thought she listed Jewish as a disability.

 

[Botchy Galoop]

Weep for the future, the kids are not ok

 

[StudMccool]

If I were a women I would gladly have him grab me by the pussy

 

[POWER IN MISERY]

I bet MAGA must be responsible for this...

This is what happens when you're autistic and your special interest is autism.

I have cum stains larger than Switzerland.

Here are my kids, nimrod, dildo and boner. We are proud Israelites.

This is basically a pedophile's fantasy room.

What's Somalia going to do, starve to death at us?

golem moment.

his butthole will never know simple childhood fun

 

[Gentlebastard]

The space Koreans with anglerfish teeth are kinda hot.

You niggers better not be browsing Kiwi Farms on your work laptops.

 

[Zeftax]

NO I DO NOT TO CALM DOWN. I AM FINE. FUCK OFF. STUPID RETARDS.

This thread started out very retarded, yet it still somehow managed to go downhill

 

[Dr. Butt]

If we don’t look, how can we point and laugh?

 

[Stan]

Here's some rosemary. I stole it from the grocery store for you.

 

[Mound Dweller]

Things I learned tonight:

1. Sex is surprisingly fairly physically intense;
2. Sex is really pleasant but is nothing special - it's not as big of a deal as people try to frame it;
3. I want to love and be loved much more than I want to fuck, though I still want both.

I'm no longer a virgin (technically yay, in reality it's more of a ¯\_(ツ)_/¯).

The option to choose the "gender" of the driver is the capitalist fig leaf over the capitalist rape penis

 

[mr. testicular torsion]

Wow, I love chinks now!

 

[Thé au lait]

Strongest one first as always:

Inquiring minds have decided that they no longer want to know

5'4 Joe Pesci has had more pussy than your last three generations combined.

The Greeks may have invented sex, but us Italians invented having sex with Women.

He was targeting Big Ladyboy.

Wow, who hates Rev and Shanny enough to send them Domino's?

>My Dad used to keep me in line by saying that Obama was watching me through the light bulbs

 

[Super Dilator Duel 3D]

Sure, you might have to suck some tranny gamer girl cock, but mormons aren't the kind of people to be deterred by being on the business end of a few chin loads.

 

[WonderWino]

Dan also used to drive special milk floats around town that claimed to be able to detect the resonant frequency of any milk bottles inside a person's home

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I gasped with horror. The size! The glistening yet rotten look to it!

Have a guess? I’d say nine inches. Do your magic.

Welcome! You’re here forever now. Enjoy.

I worship the "Tripple Goddess" of good article writing: Proofreading, spellcheck, and a friend good enough to tell me when I'm being a retard.

I know that isn't up to the rigorous autistic documentation standards the Farms usually have, but I feel like "I know this because I've already laughed about it" cares more weight here than it would elsewhere.

I do agree though that we all need to walk more. It was still a functional penis though.

 

[UnsufficentBoobage]

man if I had a jar on how many times the internet killed my innocence

We are Santa's elves!
We are stuck in hell!
Every day's a hideous nightmare
Only death will quell!

It'd be a good take on the character, if not for the farts haunting him.

I was being sarcastic, did you ever saw penises voring someone without mouth?

hose me father im dry and crave the liquid refreshment

Joke's on her, I'm autistic! I CAN FREAK OUT EVEN WORSE!!

look really fast between them two and it becomes a little animation of a goat chewing

who apparently has another as yet unmurdered child

it's always up to the person merging into a lane to make sure they merge properly, not just drive on in and hope everyone around them magically knows some jackass is materializing in from left field

It's sort of like the wartime version of an angry woman calling you a dicklet.

Ah fuck I've been storing my chlorines wrong this whole time

bro I max my contribution to a 401k and haven't had anything shoved anything up my ass since the obama administration

I know this because an annoying friend begged me to watch the "highly influential" and "extremely good" Firefly show, all 13 episodes and movie of it, and saw nothing but an overhyped and mediocre show that oddly glamorizes the CSA but in space, and not in a fun way like in Starcraft

no fewer than three films with "nigger" in the title

It's insane woman with zero sense of men or masculinity tries to describe a vagina.

no one on this site has had sex

get adblock nigga

Besides, it was written by World Church of the Creator types, which is like if Unitarians played Skrewdriver albums during their fellowship meetings as far as religions go.

Though listening to Kamelot makes me a faggot, so it cancels out.

CCP is actively trying to subvert Japan with communist manipulation (like Jewish manipulation, only somehow dumber and soysauce flavored)

Sheep are an underrated animal, just look at one...its so fuzzy and has exactly zero IQ points in that head.

All of this could’ve been prevented if the scourge of the 2000s bald men were run out

Swearing, specifically FUCK has morphed into the corpo "safe edgy" adult humor crutch the last decade or so and it's a massive shame upon the funny swear word ecosystem.

Fuck count per character allegedly

One of the few times adam sandler's copius swearing had thought put behind it. Imagine if he did that more, maybe he'd be an unstoppable nightmare.

The only Italian I know is words for food and coffee but as a disgusting fat fuck of the gourmand(cultured fine-dining fatass) variety I can assure you I know them well

You need to try my Christmas cake. It’s made in October and fed with brandy weekly .

Slap a Kraft single on top and throw that little nigga in the microwave for 10 minutes.

Jesus, gooners can't even look at a stick figure without typing up a full research paper-length essay about how they'd bend it over and raw-dog it, complete with three pages of APA citations, can they?

Grew up with a painting of an old bay seasoning can on the wall

My takeaway from this is that Swifties don't get good dick, which I choose to believe because it matches my prejudices.

if dana ever did any of this her audience would vore her ass.

You are a soulless cabbage and I can kill your with a salad glove.

If I don't find another job by the end of this year I plan to drive off the highway overpass

Dude thrives on chemicals, but only pronounceable ones

Then it would've been queenwoke tranny garbage but with dialogue comprised entirely of fucks

Attila the Hun - nearly conquered Rome but did he own the libs? I didn't think so

Mixed Korean, yeah mixed with what plastics. Label yourself properly Koreans! Think of the environment!

Every once in a while; talent, money, and American Christianity manage to get together and not be cringe

They make such a big deal online about having always been outcasts, but you look at them irl and it's all just Katelyn, Catelynn, and Kaetlins all the way down.

why not both (the gonorrhea is real)

You don't think efficiently. They have no need in that. What they did is strap him to a generator and now whenever he spins in his "coffin" they get free electricity. So spinning is to be maintained. They did the same to Hitler(through complex machinery,every time a right-wing femboy throws a sieg heil Merkel gets 12 seconds younger), Stalin and a number of other historical figures. Lenin specifically lucked out by being a tourist attraction. That's the truth behind the green energy.

Those transcend Problem Glasses to enter the realm of the mythical Incident Glasses. I personally thought them only a legend, but here I am, enlightened as to the truth of their existence.

Whitey lacks like 200 years of experience in professional ranked cotton picking compared to black people so unless they get Johnathan Deere to level the playing field African Americans will remain as the top cotton pickers.

>camera pans to a man so black, light seems to actively avoid him for fear of being robbed of its radiance

Why are all these blacks on the move? Where are they traveling to? Why do they have better phones than me? Are they allergic to iPhones?

Didn't know this was a thing, everyday I continue to lose my innocence. Today I lost it to niggers.

Should have been a pedo, you stupid car thief.

You can make grilled cheese on the radiator

I'm a diligent hard worker and this was the moment I was introduced to the concept of not giving a fuck.

well yeah if you fucking ban funny Goromi costumes your reddit page about fucking yakuza is going to die and you'll have to use pedo steve's discount robots to get even minimal ad revenue. god i hate everybody

I'm at the point of troubleshooting where I'd try logging in through my PS3 just to see if maybe there's magic fairy dust in there that will fix my problems.

I love to believe that lil pajeet here stuck a lime up his arse, couldn't get it out and reached for a fucking eel, the sworn enemy of limes, to somehow navigate his body, grab the lime and leave peacefully.

If I looked at my food package and saw “White Chicken Chunks” I’d defect immediately. What the hell kind of morale booster is “Chunks” supposed to be?

Fuck you, bug.

Failing that, point a box fan at an open window

here is a sports documentary wrapped in holocaust filmmaking techniques

This is caused by the computer being filled to the brim by deadly penises

"Blacks are naturally fat pigs. They need to eat Little Debbies and McDonalds all day because of their culture. Going outside and taking a walk is for white people only." OK, Hitler

I didn't feel like looking at penises so I just banned the retard

 

[BigMan13]

Well @crackers breakfast is right, driving a car is harder than jerking off, by a significant degree.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I thought she was having lots of hot yaoi sex? No?

deer sneeder should i start punching people, is it civil war? WHAT DO I DO WITH MY HANDS

could you please never describe in vivid detail the sensation of being inside a prostitute again

Life is good, mostly because of the soup.

She can’t return home because she would most definitely eat her parents or kill them for weed money.

I really don't think it's wise to wish death on politicians on public platforms.

I thought the muppetsonas would have brought in enough recurring income to fully support two obese weed smokers indefinitely. I guess there really is a black trans autistic genocide happening

 

[Speedrunner]

Most of this site doesn't use this thread so a user can be exposed for being into futa and go into a community watch thread and most people wont know about it there