random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Windy Moors]

Goodnight sweet Prince.

I know everyone would have had six midgets serving as pallbearers, had his innards pickled in wine and myrrh, and then dipped him in gold like Alexhamster the Great before he was consigned to a royal tomb for all eternity, but we're talking about Chantal here.

 

[Gentlebastard]

He actually believes that his doomposting about politics is changing the world, and if he doesn't do it Hitler wins.

I...gotta get myself away from the computer. I am actually doing damage to my psyche laughing at this shit

he was cursed by a trickster god that if he were to ever admit a mistake or that he was wrong, he would be struck by lightning on the spot

Diagnosis: Standard gay nigga.

He can't possibly win, which means he will win, because we live in the worst timeline possible.

We need to start dying younger so less men get midlife crisises, cause this is just embarrassing.

"o fug, child XDXXXDDDXX dhis is why your life is already overs sdagler DDDDDD-D enjoy the brisonings XdDDDXddDD::DDD"

Getting someone's address and sending them $0.5 buttplugs is also a good use of the platform

 

[Makhnovshchina]

“No motherfucker my mom did not the fuck pass away because she was FAT and FUCKING OBESE”

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

"I died because I hit shift when I meant to hit shift"
"No, you died because you hit shift when you meant to hit shift"

 

[The Holy Empress Theodora]

Is it the logic itself, or just that I keep bringing up sorcery?

 

[SlaanyChaser]

I never watched the Moomins but I came across this character named Alicia and I wonder if Flutter tried to copy her style lol

 

[Travis Touchdown (REAL)]

I wonder if you take all day thinking of these replies, but then I realize they are so retarded that it couldn't possibly be the case, then I reread your replies and think "it probably is."

 

[Crex Crex]

The only thing that can stop a bad guy with a penis is a good guy with a penis. It’s literally in their constitution.

A lesbian woman cannot be a faggot.

 

[Elite Kipchak]

One of the most satisfying parts of Kiwi Farms experience is seeing bad things happening to bad people.

 

[WelperHelper99]

If some Mexican kids were bullying my kid, I would just go over to the mom's house, get her super drunk on tequila and Modelos, and proceed to have sex with her. Then, I would film it and send it to the kid, saying that if he doesn't quit picking on my bald little nigga kid, I'm going to become his new stepdad and beat the ever-loving shit out of him every single day. I don't care how fat that bitch is or how glorious her husband's mustache is - That's the road to revenge, and it must be done.

 

[Picklechu]

"I'm SIR PAPA as you can see in my tummy."

 

[JustSomeDong]

I wonder if you take all day thinking of these replies, but then I realize they are so retarded that it couldn't possibly be the case, then I reread your replies and think "it probably is."

 

[demicolon]

Responding to a tweet sharing news that a female pornstar commited suicide via shotgun mentioning their favorite scene the pornstar was in (and tagging the male pornstar who also acted in it)

 

[Gravemind]

only retardeds need rammarly to write correclty the words

grammartly*

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

A Star Wars game where you play as Coruscant Security Force solving crimes would be pretty cool. Yeah, it's nothing flashy but it'd be a welcome break from Jedi and Rebel bullshit

I can picture it now, you're Nuffi Dindoo, a sassy, black lesbian with a sideshave from Coruscant. There's a disease sweeping through the city, but the Jedi Council is having a hard time containing it because somebody is killing the city's information system fact-checkers so they can spread disinformation. As you dive deeper into the case, you uncover a deep conspiracy involving Darth Naranja and a plot to overthrow democracy.

This game would be so badass if they would just make it.

Why must you hurt me so?

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

The idea of someone being sexually assaulted by Wesley Crusher simply doesn't bear thinking.

Shitlord GULAG

Koalas have always been the string pullers of the Jews

I'm in your walls with a massive vibrating butt plug. Those aren't bees buzzing. It's my butt plug.

Open the door, shit on the floor. Everybody loot the dollar store.

don't worry buddy, I got mad and yelled at the highlight system yesterday with every bit of bass in my voice as you, it happens to the best of us (and the most "special")

swim swim swim spew bullshit swim swim

This story didn't interest me particularly, I've been busy making a power of soup, but you know it's nice that even I have had the time to drop by and appreciate that Los Angeles is burning down whilst it is still on fire. It's nice and I think this year will be nice.

Not including the goats is illegal.

That’s a suspicious amount of Barbie lore and knowledge you get there fellow farmer!

it does not surprise me that these retards seem completely unaware of basic punctuation
however it does surprise me that I could feel my brain being damaged as I read this trite

Okay, I'll put you on ignore. Have a nice night wherever you are, and God bless you.

It's the right kind of fake, that speaks to a larger truth.

Now that react notifications are back, I see people liking this post. I can’t remember if I made this or if I found it. Judging by the way he says “Judeo Bolshevik” I’m pretty sure it was me but I could be wrong, I don’t remember making or posting it. Very funny that I can’t remember.

Im sorry to pause in this moment of honest despair we all need to feel to ask a vanity question

was I the first, both on this borad and otherwise that you feel called attention to this or do I sound crazy just saying that?

Felt schizo making the post but now feel so good that I might have gien people watching the reasonable doubt to look twice

please let me know if im needlessly sucking my own cock

I hate the future so fucking much it's unreal.

Something complex and annoying that should be simple pushes everyone a little closer to a cabin in the middle of the woods.

Everyone who supported Bush and his war is complicit in this.

A female friend wasn't thrilled when I showed her the ol' cumsock.

The gender war has escalated, billions must die.

 

[skunt]

If I'm honest they're the only part of him that actually passes, may allah have mercy on me

 

[DickMain]

Are you autists really freaking out over a single negro.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I never thought I'd say this, but man I'm glad my asshole is fine

 

[demicolon]

and Triple Bypass (I call him that, Triple Bypass)