random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Zeftax]

Basic bitch insults generally fly under my radar. But if you want an answer... Sure. I'm a virgin and being a woman would definitely be easier in this political landscape.

Ctr+F "nigger" almost crashed my computer tbh

my god you all need to get off this site and read a damn book about oceanic creatures

If I don't deliver this means I killed myself.

Holy fuck you're right, I can actually pinpoint the moment I was brainwashed into docile nigger cattle by Sam Hyde's evil reality show as being when I watched a fat guy's penis get vacuumed

Bro we're just here to watch a black guy jack off

I can feel a blood vessel popping in my brain just reading this.

if you kill a VP you should be legally allowed to usurp his position like medieval kings in days of yor

guy is really digging through some guy's cumstash picking out the "good" ones

why are people having gay fapfic dm chains on this site

I'm not sure if he gooned to this, but picking plane/car was a TERRIBLE IDEA, and I just want to cross it off my card.

I believe you can cross out sissy hypno with this one.

Depending on who you ask, I'm either a black woman or the president of SAG AFTRA Sean Astin.

Santa is NOT a Turk

 

[DickMain]

The only thing I'd change is that his dick WAS confirmed to be tiny, this is an important clarification.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Someone analyze the color of that man's nipples STAT!

 

[Click reply to view]

to me it felt like my dick was inside of a warm, soft, wet hose that was slightly strangulating it from all sides simultaneously. It's definetly a thing worth feeling at least once in your life, that's for sure.

 

[GunCar Gary]

Diversity Visa. Chuck Shummer. JEW. JEW. JEW. JEW. JEW. TRAITOR FUCKING JEW !

 

[Dr. Butt]

He would pozload my neghole, in a tragic way,

 

[JackingOffGeorgeLucas]

If anything, he will be remembered for his dedication. This man does not jump on the next wolf plushie he sees. He has his wife, and that's all he really needs. His large Pokemon dragon wife. That is not real.
What the fuck was I trying to say?

This man looks at every technological advancement and thinks "how can I used this to make Reshiram vore?"

I am not a furry I'm a xenophile, there's a difference.

I have an e621 gold account

 

[Dr. Butt]

I now want to eat a deep fried owl.

 

[Laburnum]

"Patrick sentenced me to prison because I said that he looks like a fat baby."

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

at the time I’d never wanted to strangle a fictional child more.

I'm distracted from the hot steamy scorpion sex by that man's dirty-ass bare feet. Was he walking around barefoot outside when he picked up that scorpion??

CAPS LOCK MEANS SERIOUS BUSINESS.

I maintain that you're not really mad unless you commit to holding down the shift key while typing.

Holy shit someone at the grocery store has a Loud House shirt and it's some random frumpy hispanic gal and not some obvious turboperv

Dibble was clearly designed in a lab to be the most obnoxious person on the planet.

Exploding Kittens was so bad it gave me cancer AIDS.

But now I realise he probably almost certainly had a touch of the 'tisms. Especially with the revelation that he enjoys getting mildly discombobulated by a micropeen whilst pretending to be a furry animal.

Jesus you can tell the guy who wrote this had one cock in his hand and another one in his mouth.

Look, ma! I've been referenced in Wired!!!

i don't generally think of horses as being sexual-looking, but that could be just me

I'd like a medal for this.

"I'm Karl Kasarda and this is the latest installment of my multi year long purity spiraling crashout that involves me burning every bridge and torching literally every relationship I have because of my retarded political beliefs, Enjoy the show!"

 

[Dr. Butt]

You're right but you seriously need to get laid.

 

[Mound Dweller]

per mod advice I am not showing you feet.

Fat= will eat whatever you cook, even if you cook like @Mound Dweller

 

[Clotso Coof]

"We need infinity refugees."
"Why?"
"Holocaust."
"That doesn't answer my question."
"...Huguenots?"

 

[Dr. Butt]

i came to the west again for work purpose. huge mistake.

 

[Escalating Violence]

EDIT: You know what actually fuck you guys, I'm getting "lol" reactions on this post, you know what I think when I get a lol sticker, it says to me "you shouldn't have made this post" it basically means I should have straight sucked this turd back up into my asshole instead of hitting post, fuck this, and guess what, you're right, I shat up the thread and it's my fault.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I once took some LSD in the park and became convinced that the ducks were going to get me. I've never been more terrified in my life. It was completely irrational and ridiculous, but I knew with every fiber of my being that they were going to come for me if I dropped my guard.

I had a cousin who fucking loved Red Robin. He's dead now.

"awwwe well, maybe cutting off your dick is just God's plan for you after all "

Same story, but for me it was 1/2 a pound of deli ham.

The problem is that autistic nerds are really bad about telling people to fuck off.

I do not want to google "crossdresser licks girls' feet".

Even after years of knowing this fact, I still can't believe people literally want to fuck the pokémon.

 

[neger psykolog]

Sorry for not living up to your standards of commentary on fat women wrapped in bed sheets

 

[Chandelier]

They were mirror images. They were two guys making love with their penises.

the strange way that the release felt like a sexy poop.

is there buttsex in your heaven?

It smelled musky, maybe even a bit cheesy. Stinkier than the way pussies smelled.

he was a dutiful cocksucker, and dutiful cocksuckers didn't throw up before they put a dick in their mouth.

Behind the counter and in the kitchen area was like the fucking baboon pit at the zoo. A dozen niggers grunting at each other while the manager who was a young white guy struggled to complete orders with the one other white person, a young woman, who was preparing the food. They both looked exhausted.

 

[Patrick Bait-man]

Thank god I'm retarded

 

[Rozzy]

You can't stop me. I will continue drinking pee until the end of my days