random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Crex Crex]

Why Joe Biden Is Unpopular in Prison

One respondent, a convicted serial rapist held in Blurgnorft County Correctional Institute said, "I'd support Kamala Harris because it gives me hope that one day, I can rape the president, without having to turn gay."

 

[Hitman One]

bargain basement cartel horrorshow adoption agency

 

[Gentlebastard]

I'm sorry but there is absolutely no way she is not trolling.

I love how the "nasty sex pest man in a bra imagining girl sleepovers as an orgy" trope never dies.

It's like Fun Dip, but horrible.

I worked with a black chick who, no joke, once brought in an entire seafood boil in one of those giant storage tupperware containers that she jammed in the break room microwave and then noisily ate right off of her lap like Saturn devouring his child.

Someone's gotta drown this nigga in a beer vat.

And so, for the crime of bestowing mundane knowledge in the form of condescending posts on social media, Zeus punished Patmetheus by chaining him to Chubby's Cheeseteaks. A black youth punches him in the gut and steals his phone and then Dan Mullen mocks him for getting robbed waiting for food. Pat denies it until he's hoarse and passes out (he could not, but his ego compels him to). His phone returns and vocal cords then regenerate, for it to all begin again.

Chained to his phone, Patmetheus can only tweet in agony as strangers steal his chairs. Every night he rebuilds them, and every day they are stolen again.

 

[Delany's Donkey]

You have never had real butter. You probably eat that Country Crock shit. Or at best salted sweet cream slop. You will never be a true European. Your butter has no culture, no enzymes, no nuttiness from fermentation. Your butter is so plain it has to be salted to be good. You have no cheesefaring culture, no vineyards, your lands are littered with supermarkets. Your foodscape is a soulless projection of what was once true European cuisine.

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

Those are the kind of outfits I expected someone named Bad Bunny to be wearing, honestly. I just wasn't expecting the penis.

Every complex machine has its own kind of sperg.

All technology eventually evolves to enable young men to get their rocks off.

Here I am making a funny and all you can think about is prison rape.

 

[Speedrunner]

So is this the gay porn thread now?

 

[MongInTheMirror]

"How do you know you
don't like cock? Do you never
try new things?" - Tranny

I hope you are gang-raped by a dozen of the biggest blackest AIDS infected gorilla niggers around who use your tongue to clean off their 4 inch thick 12 inch long cocks after each one is done and may I never see your words again.

I once took some LSD in the park and became convinced that the ducks were going to get me. I've never been more terrified in my life. It was completely irrational and ridiculous, but I knew with every fiber of my being that they were going to come for me if I dropped my guard.

J. K. Rowling: "Transwomen are men."
Kiwi Farms: "Oh really Joanne? What about the immigrants Joanne? What about the rape Joanne? WHAT ABOUT THE RAPE??!!!"

 

[mr. testicular torsion]

If you dont want Cortanas big blue tits in your face while she's bouncing on your dick then you're gay and I ask you to leave this website.

 

[Mr.Bucket]

It's not hard to find a good woman, just make sure to wear a nice suit, look her right in the eye and give her a firm handshake

 

[Rotollo 2]

I'll be real though I expected this guy to go out trying to John Lennon the Angry Video Game Nerd

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Me: *smarr and resonable*
Srawman: HURRR DURR GHHHHFH

I'm hesitant to admit that I've been lurking at Onion Farms

I am getting my penus eracting of hardness and climbing on top of fat gurlfirnd and making the entrance into fat girlfrun's large vigina, and when I am making my enterings she is always asking of me "Is it in yet?" I am tellings fat gerlfund that I have made my enterings into her vegoona with my erections penis, and she is not believing me!

 

[Cnidarian]

Originally posted by @Margo Martindale here.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

sir you are the nigger faggot we been talking about all along

So I gotta be honest. I can not respond to this because I'm too busy staring in awe at your avatar. It's like Pac-Man but an onion.... this must be what angels look like.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

What sort of person would ever find this acceptable? Sucking on the milky-milkies of a 60 year old woman as a revenge against his Mum?

 

[Uh Oh Stinky]

I'm Irish and there is a Diving School in Muff. Muff Diving School.

This guy is a walking navy seal copy-pasta.

I can't be as bad as the person who thinks filming porn in portrait mode is a good idea at least.

Either a heart attack or you're just reading the Farms.

She's been wiping her ass with bath towels for a long time. I think when she was smaller she could lay it across the toilet seat and grab both ends and floss it.

"cram in all your pronouns, sexual orientation, mental and physical disabilities and remind them that you are 0.012 percent indigenous Botswannan"

as much as I like the idea to banish entire races of people I don't like to canada. it's never going to happen.

It needs more Tub Trumpet

He likes his site how he likes his women.

If you have to go out of your way to let everyone know that you're skinner and more self sufficient than a 600lb toddler who can't even wipe her own shelf and needs to stop and do a three point turn every time she wants to waddle in a different direction, you're no better than she is.

ALR's "I choked on a potato and shit my unwashed torrid parachute knickers" is giveeen Chris Chan "dirty crapped briefs" energy

Is not life one big gay porn thread?

>tfw you’re so fat that your hands have cankles…hankles?

 

[Tablet County]

The "killed his wife" meme was forced by some old friends he disowned. (And also by him killing his wife.)

It's like watching Trainspotting and thinking oh wow, drug addiction seems like a hoot and a half. And then you see the real thing and it's just three halfwits sitting in the dark hoovering amphetamine until they start bugging out at shadows.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Wait, are 177 and Super Slut Stepsister Beach Volleyball Blackmail Rape Adventure 4 actually real games?! I thought you guys were joking

 

[Gentlebastard]

I wonder what the Hamburger symbolizes in the American religious culture. Is it like Ambrosia, food for the Gods? Or maybe like the communion wafer, a piece of their God. It may even be like Jews and their unleavened bread, an object eaten as part of a religious festival.

Well no wonder she was such a lonely autist bringing shame to her family, she's an ABDL lonely autist who hired a lesbian prostitute and became 5% less awkward from the encounter but is still no less shamefur than before. Gee, sure would've been nice to know this information during her spiel about her life lmao.

If you dont want Cortanas big blue tits in your face while she's bouncing on your dick then you're gay and I ask you to leave this website.

Some troon wrote a ridiculous 24 page "peer-reviewed" academic article about "Puppygirls" back in May and it received some attention on Twatter. The paper basically argues for trans-speciesm.

Academic papers need to go back to having standards. Very strict standards.

I remember smug young me not believing in the "slippery slope" theory back in the days.

God has tried to kill Jack four or five (or six? seven?) times. The fat fuck has pulled through each time. Nothing short of a lightning bolt will stop him, and I'm not even sure that that would take him out.

 

[CaddestSlown]

NIGGERS DO CRIMES LOL

 

[Xarpho's Return]

What do I win? I hope it’s ice cream.