random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[UERISIMILITUDO]

He's only 19 and has raped 3 people. Jesus.

 

[Dr. Butt]

is that the goblin who would follow people around in Second Life and bother them while they were trying to have virtual sex?

 

[Sawamura Simp]

James Rolfe is being blamed for Trump being re-elected

Also Rekieta is a jew, so he's basically cheating. Source: trust me bro

Let this be a reminder to everyone: never kill a squirrel right before an election

This is great. This is so funny. I'm so happy. Can things be nice and funny all the time? I love this so much.

I have been suspended from the forum for my love of Tulsi. And I will be again.

You can try to stop me but five will take my place.

Spoiler: Bonus

I will NOT stop calling Tulsi Surfer Mommy.

 

[Finger Pistols]

I want to eat that Irish chick's sweaty butthole out of pure respect. That was a fuck of a brawl.

Sweaty butthole, huh?

 

[The Un-Clit]

Sweaty butthole, huh?

I was taking bets in my head if this was going to end up here.

And yeah, pretty sure it was sweaty after going 10 rounds toe-to-toe with that sore loser dago bitch.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Great points by Emma Cumslutress.

Your butt poos.

 

[George Lucas]

Snow Brown and the Ethnically and Medically Diverse People of Height.

 

[like_shutup_&_drive_scoob]

must be hard to breathe sniffing your farts all day and getting cucked by your sister-wife thing. He’s literally had the same black party city wig since the early 2000s, bless his heart.

"Hello my fellow corn-fed yokels. I'm coming to you again today from my ranch and with my cowboy hat because I was fishing this morning while singing gospel songs and a thought occurred to me. When you really think about how the frontier was won, how our ancestors fought and died for this land, and the spirit of America, it's pretty clear that 8 year olds should get neovaginas. I mean, when we set aside all the partisan bickering and just get down to brass tacks (my grandma Bessy made her log cabin with brass tacks), can't we all just agree that kindergarteners need to learn about butt plugs?"

I know they would just fly him to Minnesota from California, but a big part of me wants Ralph and the two misfit beat cops sent to get him, have a wacky cross country road trip adventure culminating in a passionate courtroom speech where they all tell the judge what they learned about each other and life.

You have a navy seal that's out to violently rape you, and won't stop until you're part of his concubine.

You'd be afraid too.

He uses way too much Botox and it spooks all the Boomers who also get Botox.

Man, people just need to accept they're gonna get old. If I was famous, I'd rather have those dumb, "This person was young and handsome in 2004*, but 20 years later, they look....like THIS!?!?!? What HAPPENED??!?!?" articles written about me than those "See how this guy has come to look like a plastic horror goblin" articles.

* hypothetically speaking

holy fuck adderall crispy crackarooski crystal meth and adrenochrome is a hell of a mix to shoot into your eyeballs right before filming starts, john

The Netflix adaptation of Hamtaro.

I would rather die like an American than live like a European. Load me up on slim jims, Jesus, I'm coming home!

Apologies for the lateness, I was hit by a sudden, unintentional, case of bulimia, combined with a surprise explosive colon cleanse.

 

[Something Awful]

"how can Louis Rossman be pro right to repair, and yet believe that human bodies can't have user modifiable gender? context: he's had an active kiwifarms account for about the past year"



(courtesy of @Markass the Worst)

 

[WTBOnlineFather]

"I've been a crinklebottom diaper wearer since the 80's little boo cake"

 

[Oliver Onions]

I used to think a good ass-beating would straighten anybody out and give them a wake up call. Then Ralph went to Portugal.

Twice.

 

[Kiwi & Cow]

"how can Louis Rossman be pro right to repair, and yet believe that human bodies can't have user modifiable gender? context: he's had an active kiwifarms account for about the past year"

View attachment 6651660

(courtesy of @Markass the Worst)

Post the link to the thread. I want to see it.

 

[Something Awful]

Post the link to the thread. I want to see it.

https://embed.kiwifarms.st/threads/escape-from-new-york-louis-rossman-edition.124966/post-19857158

 

[Edict of Expulsion]

Any updates on that poor dog?

It's found Kayla comatose on her bed and started eating her from the feet upwards. Nick's too busy hitting his slampig in the second home to stop it. In a few hours nothing of Kayla will remain and the pug will, at long last, be king of the Rekieta household. It'll change the locks, invite the children back into the home and begin the long process of healing their trauma. The second house will soon be sold to an anonymous buyer who wants only to be known as "Null", with the proceeds going to Montegraph. With Nick homeless and hungry, the pug will generously allow him back into the home if he agrees to be confined to the bathroom and fed dog food at 2am every morning. He agrees, but after enduring weeks of humiliation at the hands of the pug, sneaks out into the garage and eats a bullet.
We're called Fanfiction Farms for a reason.

 

[Gentlebastard]

"The Mexican ambassador denied his country has a violence problem. Then he excused himself because he had to pay some guys or they would disarticulate each of his limbs, feed his genitalia to a dog, peel the skin from his face, set his skull on fire, and make him listen to Funkytown on loop until he died."

"Reality disagreed with my intuition ergo reality is wrong"

It's a testament to modern medicine that someone with as many strokes as him can still be alive.
How many blood thinners and BP meds do you think he's on at this point?

Wow that is definitely the last face someone saw before they died

in a general sense i agree

but calm down

Even after trooning out, men will have dick measuring contests

When they get the amhole it becomes a depth measuring contest. Imagine if women shoved rulers in their hoo-has to know who has the DEEPEST LOOSEST CUNT of them all like troons do.

WE WUZ LEPREKANGZ!

I never knew just how homophobic he is. Maybe he's not so bad after all.

he is DESIGNED and CREATED to say "niggerfaggot" online - but he can't. He's eternally denied the pleasure of calling things "gay" and that conflict is the source of all his problems.

I just wonder how exactly Fatrick manages to pull off doublethink when singlethink is way beyond him.

Great points by Emma Cumslutress.

I have no idea why this amused me so but it dun did

I will have to break my oath of never setting foot in Milwaukee if this goes to trial.

It isn't his job to step around the rake. It is everyone else's job to remove it from his path.

It's not about the money... it's about posting on Twitter and getting upvotes.

Future developments promise to be completely funny, so fuck justice, let's just amuse ourselves with this bullshit.

You couldn't write comedy like this if you tried. He went from "how do I get the women swearing off sex to fuck me" to "how do I get women who don't like men to fuck me".

He's the cholesterol clogging a vital artery of the establishment

Please, I pray to you Saint Terry Davis, if this shit goes to a jury trial, may it be recorded for all our enjoyment!

He’s started killing a better class of hooker, judging by the classier outfit.

Of course the miserable, self-swatting fraud hates police cat, who represents justice and brings joy to people.

Look how he reacts to random morons from the internet calling him fat in the dead of night.

He really is his own worst enemy.

I love this picture. You know he spins around in that leather trenchcoat and pretends he's Neo.

 

[Tablet County]

The fucking printing press is the ur-pepe and the french revolution was the first iteration of kekistan

Patbros, I don't feel so good. How will I enjoy prison now?

I used to think a good ass-beating would straighten anybody out and give them a wake up call. Then Ralph went to Portugal.

Twice.

I feel truly grateful to live such a safe, comfortable, and leisure-filled life that I can understand every word of this sentence.

How did he get the moniker balldo?

 

[S.C.U.D.]

I have never been schizo in my life or mentally ill

 

[The Punished Mitch]

I heard that in Japanese culture it is considered rude to turn down an offer to video tape the desecration of a severed head your daughter brought home.

 

[Cemetery Support]

This is for you, human. You and only you. You are not special, you are not important, and you are not needed. You are a waste of time and resources. You are a burden on society. You are a drain on the earth. You are a blight on the landscape. You are a stain on the universe. Please die. Please.

 

[Autistic Gunspergings]

Oh and also? You’re blocked now too.