Job Hunting Tips and Tricks. - Or how to not get stuck as a retail wagie

[Waffle Iron]

Sadly I can see any welfare program getting the "back of the shed" treatment the more we import the dregs of the planet that abuse the shit out of it, they'll either axe it or make it far worse and far harder for people to get on it, and sadly the people that will be affected the most are the ones that actually need welfare.

Here, you have to take a job they offer you after you've been on welfare for a certain period of time. The government has ties with a few companies that offer menial labor almost anyone can do (taking phonecalls etc.). So white boy will end up taking phonecalls while ubongo gets to stay on the dole because he can't even speak the language.

It seems some people understand a lot of welfare is just there to keep nogs from prowling the streets, but it doesn't seem to reach the people handling immigration.

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

I already have a pretty good government job working second shift, but this thread is making me want to ChatGPT myself a fake resume and work history and see if I can ChinkJeet my way into a second wfh job just for shits and giggles.

And then if I get one, see how long I can keep it up before they fire me.

 

[Steve Pinto]

you can just sign up for all the side events during big financial conferences and get free food and open bar and nobody will question you as long as you're wearing a suit and have a fake linkedin. great way to practice pretending to be rich. you might even meet a fellow pretender and make a useful friend.

 

[Payne in the Max]

Tips for everyone out there struggling:

1. Be a nigger.
2. Be a woman.
3. Be an Indian.
4. Be a Mexican.

If you aren't any of these, consider trooning out.

Every job I'm interviewing for, I'm met with a bunch of Mexicans and muslims who can't speak English, then they don't hire me. On the ride home I see these anti-ice protests full of white women, gay boys, and foreigners. My opinions become even more radicalized.

Still jobless btw.

 

[BigMan13]

Still jobless btw.

Goodwill the store, or being fine with not working (doing things non-professionally).

The last decade has shown opinions don't change anything no matter how radical they are.

 

[sodaboard]

not exactly a job but i've learned that you can just apply for city council positions by filling out a simple two-page form. somewhat tempted to try to do a few of them as a joke and see what happens.
idk what i'd do if i was actually accepted though. there's an african american affairs committee i could apply for and you're not required to disclose your race or gender so that'd be pretty funny

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I generally enjoy working on my resume but it's such a fruitless endeavor. No matter how you style it, someone is gonna hate it and others love it. My first few interviews were landed with 2 full pages of text for a resume. Now, I've boiled it down to no introduction, no text, a few bullets and to-the-point. My resume is my past; the cover letter 'our' future. It's a nice way to force yourself into thinking only in that way and not "Uhh in my past job I did this, and I can do that for you too", even though that's often what employers want.

I went to this workshop for unemployed academics and it was honestly good, but these consultants had worked with a bunch of employers and 80% said "we want someone who looks to the future and talk themselves into our tasks", but you damn well know they'd hire whoever sounded the most like whoever just exited. I'm about to quit my job and I've no second thoughts about it, but now I'm just gonna beg for my old bottom-tier job back. Physical labor but man, I can point to something and go "that's what you pay me for".

I already have a pretty good government job working second shift, but this thread is making me want to ChatGPT myself a fake resume and work history and see if I can ChinkJeet my way into a second wfh job just for shits and giggles.

And then if I get one, see how long I can keep it up before they fire me.

I've seen so many posts on reddit of techies who land 2-3 jobs at a time and just tread water working from home until they get fired. I thought techies were autistic and just wanted to work from home, but no, now they're also stealing jobs from one another. I've basically chosen to lie about one of my employments, mostly cause they can't question my employer who's now a convicted murder-rapist-pedophile, but I doubt even adding 4 months to an employment would help much.

somewhat tempted to try to do a few of them as a joke and see what happens.

Read of a guy who applied for a job just to act like Bateman during the interview, saying they're wrong or dumb half the time. They called him back begging to pay him to be a consultant. I think shopping around is a lot more worthwhile than people imply, even if you're not actually looking for a new job. You know, like women in relationship still swiping.

 

[seri0us]

it's such a fruitless endeavor. No matter how you style it, someone is gonna hate it and others love it.

Most of the job-seeking advice going around especially in this thread is incredibly out of touch. It's not even necessarily incorrect, but the job application process is so byzantine and unresponsive that I'm not sure it really matters the manner in which you spruce up your resume or how much your references assure recruiters that you're "the GOAT" or whatever.

 

[Queen Aleena]

Most of the job-seeking advice going around especially in this thread is incredibly out of touch. It's not even necessarily incorrect, but the job application process is so byzantine and unresponsive that I'm not sure it really matters the manner in which you spruce up your resume or how much your references assure recruiters that you're "the GOAT" or whatever.

The only way to actually increase your response rate on job applications in 2026:

• Don't use Linkedin, Easy Apply or anything like it. There are smaller less known sites that crawl through local newspaper ads and company job-posting pages. Use those since there's a small chance they're really actively hiring. (Most job postings are not real anymore.)
• Become a scrapist. Example: You want to be a network engineer. Look up "network engineer" on Udemy. Sort through Most Recent. Create a list of software they explain using then add it to your resume. Subreddits for the job, Substacks and other resources can give you more software that the recruiter AI will notice. Use AI to create a list of what this software does. Make up ways you've used it.
• Create a resume that includes everything the job posting demands alongside some other stuff to make it less obvious you're directly scamming them. Recruiting is often done by HR who give potential employees an ick test anyway, they don't know shit about the role in reality.
• Look up contracting firms. Say you worked for them. Defunct LLCs are your friend. Predominantly Indian ones may also go "yes saar she work here saar great employee" if you claim to have worked for them. This is mostly for those with no job experience who don't mind (more) lying.
• Remember remote roles are for elderly people or anyone with seniority and a family to take care of. Similarly accept you will not be hired for adequate pay. The name of the game is getting your foot in the door, having income and fighting for that stuff later.
• Practice interviewing with AI. Yes you can provide a video to Grok and it will give feedback. Obviously you are a useless fuck right now so instead of actual interviewing just pretend you are making a Youtube video essay about something you're knowledgable and passionate about. If you can come off as personable doing this, you just have to change out "Sonic lore" with whatever you are trying to do for a living.

Use these tricks and you too can end up in six rounds of interviews for a job that pays 30% less than industry standard and be rejected anyway.

 

[werbwub]

Most of the job-seeking advice going around especially in this thread is incredibly out of touch. It's not even necessarily incorrect, but the job application process is so byzantine and unresponsive that I'm not sure it really matters the manner in which you spruce up your resume or how much your references assure recruiters that you're "the GOAT" or whatever.

Yeah, it doesn't really matter much if you tailor your resume to the role you're applying too since the HR person gets 100 similar looking applications every single day. I found it best to just create a 1 good resume and change the first sentence of your introductory paragraph to align with the role you're applying too; that shows the HR person you paid attention to what you applied too. Sort by latest on indeed, linkedin, etc and shotgun apply to positions that you are qualified for. Even if you have a 0.5% chance of getting interviewed and hired with your application, you're bound to land something within a couple of months if you do this every single day.
Another tip would be to have any employment when applying for jobs, even if it's something completely shit like working as a part-time grocery bagger. You are something like 15% more likely on average to get interviewed if you have a job vs unemployed; that turns 10 applications into 11.5 applications; that turns 50 applications into 57.5 applications.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I found it best to just create a 1 good resume and change the first sentence of your introductory paragraph to align with the role you're applying too; that shows the HR person you paid attention to what you applied too. Sort by latest on indeed, linkedin, etc and shotgun apply to positions that you are qualified for. Even if you have a 0.5% chance of getting interviewed and hired with your application, you're bound to land something within a couple of months if you do this every single day.
Another tip would be to have any employment when applying for jobs, even if it's something completely shit like working as a part-time grocery bagger. You are something like 15% more likely on average to get interviewed if you have a job vs unemployed; that turns 10 applications into 11.5 applications; that turns 50 applications into 57.5 applications.

In a sort of angry knee-jerk response, I tried styling my resume after one I found on reddit (later turned sidehustle slop here: https://sheetsresume.com/resume-template). My initial resume had a bunch of "about me" and my whole education lined out, but honestly having it boiled this far down makes it a lot more appealing to write a one-off application. I do change a word here or there to fit the application, but other than that, my resume is my past and it ain't changing. I haven't straight-up lied yet, but might be my next modification.

I generally avoid introductions or "I'm applying for this job because-". It's valuable text real estate and it adds nothing unless you use it as a chance to put in one of the few hints of humanity in your resume. "- in case you're looking for a wacky wahoo office drone, who don't mind wiping down the kitchen" or whatever. At this point, filling out the competence buzzwords is to be expected - the actual humanity behind not so much. The more humor I apply, especially before AI boils it down, the better. I've seen some quips that had even me fooled.

It's real rough knowing that 80% of jobs are given through internal rearrangement or 'network' (meaning one guy on linkedin goes "can you use @This Guy?"). I don't mind applying to everything for the next 3 months, but knowing I could've included a short video here or sent it on a personal email there to get the interview is unnerving. I have a feeling I'm downplaying going on unemployment, knowing what hell it was last time, but this time around I've worked manual labor for 2 years and 8 months in an office; surely... surely that'll help.

I'm basically just parking my ass til my old job opens up, hoping to get my mental health back on track and maybe replace drinking and dooming with going on walks or even finding social things to attend. I really feel like this is the time I have to change shit up in my life, and moving ain't really a possibility right now.

The only way to actually increase your response rate on job applications in 2026:

I feel like most posts I read including this are directly aimed at IT and techbro type shit. Most administrative data input monkey jobs I've seen, they still prefer to hire the person as opposed to the skillset. At least I like to tell myself as much. You shouldn't have to straight up fabricate job history if you've already been around the block a bit, but I guess other countries are more cutthroat about employment.

 

[singlele]

Started my current job in October. I'm a "risk and strategy analyst" for a bank which means so far I've been refactoring a legacy simulation codebase and wrestling with Power BI, Excel, and various PowerPoints. It doesn't sound like much on paper, and to be honest it isn't, but given the two Indian women who make up half my team, one of whom is my manager, has made that incredibly stressful. Another point about my team, we've always had a vacancy during my time here, and for most of my time here we've had 2 vacancies, it's not hard to see why. I may have mentally checked out but I dread my 1-on-1 with my manager this week. Regardless, I updated my resume last month and am going to start applying for other jobs, ideally not in finance to avoid the freaks. I'd love to avoid working for and with Indians but in my field that's asking for a bit too much it seems.

Update: My poojeeta manager is poised to PIP me next week. I'm trying for an internal transfer to another position in the same office but the boss is a director guy (white man) who openly dislikes my manager so that's a big hope spot. Regardless, I've been talking to a buddy of mine about all of this and he works in cybersecurity. He told me that my data science degree wouldn't do me any good if I was trying to work in cybersecurity but he did recommend that I start looking for work in research and the sciences. My concentration for my particular degree program was bioinformatics, which means I've taken some biology classes including genetics. Any tips for a data science and analytics guy trying to look for that work in research and the sciences? Thinking of looking at universities.

 

[Mister Fister]

I have a rare niche that when someone needs it, they really need it. Makes interviewing interesting.

 

[AirMail]

If I were really needing a job, here is how I would do it.

1. Make business cards for yourself. Just put your name, phone number and email. Nothing fancy.

2. Post yourself available for odd jobs. Do anything for a few bucks. Price yourself as low as possible so you get a lot of jobs. You're aim is to do as many different jobs in a day as you can, not to make money, so you can offer yourself cheeper than you competition to get more jobs.

3. Do the jobs well, be friendly. Carry conversation starters, such as sport team apparel, video game key chain, ect. Try to find something in common with every person you meet, and make as many acquaintances/friends as you can. (Most people care more about working with someone they like rather than someone competent)

4. While you are doing the odd jobs, hand out your business cards like confetti. Tell everyone you meet that you're doing odd jobs while you job search. Ask everyone if they need any employees or know anyone who needs employees. Try to get every person you meet to take a card. Tell them to call you if they know of a job openings, or pass the card on to someone who might be hiring.

Passing out cards is better than passing out CVs. CVs stink of desperation and begging. Cards are for people who have something to offer. If you say to someone "I'm here to ask for a job, here is my CV", you're basically making yourself a beggar, but if you say to someone "I'm here to do a job, btw I'm looking for full time work, here's my number if you know anyone" then you're more like a mover and shaker - a busy person who can only spare a few seconds out of doing another job to talk to them.

 

[ita]

I recently got done with (yet another) multi-week gauntlet of interviews with a company and in my final interview with the hiring manager he concluded the meeting by telling me to start thinking about my compensation and keep an eye out. Then two weeks of silence passes, I send HR a nudge email, and they tell me they hired someone else. What happened, bros?

 

[Frunkiss]

Never disclose you're on the spectrum of 'tism.

 

[Audit]

Never disclose you're on the spectrum of 'tism.

Also, for those of you who are autistic, or as I prefer to say, semi-retarded, the soycucked liberals running around pretending to have mental illnesses are just playing a game with each other. They all know the others are faking it for social cred. So if you show up with real retardation, they won't cut you sympathy points for it. Any attempt by you to get help will get stonewalled and laughed out of the room.

How do get hired while autistic/retarded:

1. Don't act or look retarded.
2. Imitate normal human behavior, even though you're retarded and don't understand it.
3. Have you considered not being retarded? No? Bummer.
4. Be more competent than the average soycuck.
5. Apply to a conservative company. Conservatives won't give you a bit of sympathy but will use you if you're useful. You're retarded, they know you're retarded, but that's immaterial if you make them money.
6. Give up because you're retarded and collect neetbucks to stay home and play vidya all day. Be a parasite on your single mother until the day she dies. It's all her fault for not giving you the post-birth abortion you needed.

 

[Halbschwanz]

You ever see a job listing for something you know you'll probably get a call back on but the work description gives you pause? I'll be honest in saying I'm not sure I have the heart to apply for something when "make sure bovine fetuses are properly dead before blood extraction" is listed as a regular duty.

 

[REGENDarySumanai]

Most of the job-seeking advice going around especially in this thread is incredibly out of touch. It's not even necessarily incorrect, but the job application process is so byzantine and unresponsive that I'm not sure it really matters the manner in which you spruce up your resume or how much your references assure recruiters that you're "the GOAT" or whatever.

A lot of it nowadays is contradictory and flat out retarded.

• It's easier to get employed while you are already employed. Then what the fuck is the point of getting the first job in the first place if you are going to leave it immediately?
• You must format your resume a specific way or else AI can't comprehend it. Then the AI you are using is either A. retarded, or B. made by the retarded.
• Call or email them to nudge them. Most places don't give a phone number to call and all emails are done automatically.
• Make a LinkedIn account. Who the fuck uses LinkedIn nowadays other than jeets and hustle culture?

Job hunting might as well be a form of arcane magic and you are too retarded to understand it while the people who made the guidelines are inbred, sniff glue, and eat crayons for all meals of the day.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Been bombarded with resume subreddits and half of the posts are "omgg i started adding bullshit numbers to my bullet points and suddenly I get offers!" followed by hr subhumans going "I need numbers so i can convince my boss you'll be useful!"

A guy then commented "so you agree that someone who saved their company $50k is a better engineer than one who saved theirs $32k?" and they stopped replying.

It's one big fucking smokeshow and the only uplifting posts I see anymore are "I quit my corpo job to be a janitor and my whole family thanks me".