How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
And then you think for a moment and realize these family gatherings are nothing more than "U have baby? u looking forward to baby? y no baby? no baby no life...". Look any of these 'achievers' in they dead eyes and ask "what good have you done for society? will your community remember you, if you died?". I doubt The Farms would notice any of us disappearing, but at least you've reached out and interacted with people beyond your proximity. Yet, I also yearn to have some local ties with people of equal age and interests. But then comes the whole 'gotta be okay with them being retards' and other such associations. As a kid I had a 'friend' constantly come over to play my PS2. It was fun until it wasn't and then it became a whole thing to cut those ties.
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Nah, in my case, I don't feel that negatively about them at all... But yeah, sucks to be alone and such. As they say, sucks to suck. I just have to git gud and suck less I guess.
 
Drove for a long time and I can’t sleep cuz everything feels like it’s moving when I lay down which is normal for me after I drive a long time but I fucking hate it let me sleep I’m tired

The body is stupid and weird when it comes to balance. The inner ear is a crazy cunt.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
Reality is that you shouldn't need to alter yourself in either case around people who do care about you.
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I want that. I don't have that outside my immediate family, and even then I sometimes have intrusive thoughts that they don't.
I know the solution is to be away from my home and actually interacting with people but damnit if that isn't a Herculean task of its own.
 
AnOminous said:
I am in a state of absolute madness.
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I hope you're OK.

I no think gud this morning, didn't fucking sleep I was too busy having anxiety ridden thoughts, followed by this morning where my head is filled with an inescapable fog of fuckkery and no matter where I step, it's following me.
Dog park people can be petty cunts, and there was one dude with a poodle who told us that we're not welcome in that park. Since he is probably as smart as his poodle and not the park mayor, I disregarded his shitty comment and kept going to the park. I feel as if people are retarded and have no objectively decided that poodle guy is right and people are trying to tell us that we're not longer welcome. My dog is very sweet and plays nicely with everyone, she has never been a problem but I think they don't like me because I'm an odd duck.
Usually this shit doesn't bother me, but this negative cloud wants me to fed my insecurities about what these NPC people are saying, because they have also jokingly (but half seriously) accused me of being a witch and a bad sort.
I texted that friend and we caught up a little bit yesterday, that was nice.
 
PetiteFeet said:
I want that. I don't have that outside my immediate family, and even then I sometimes have intrusive thoughts that they don't.
I know the solution is to be away from my home and actually interacting with people but damnit if that isn't a Herculean task of its own.
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Having that with your family is more than most people. I revert to how I was when I moved out; mute, hostile, not feeling it worthwhile to talk about anything. Then I see a mom/daughter duo at work talk as if they're two individuals with each their own lives and shit to talk about. I'm not sure how I'd even attain that or if it's just not meant for my family. It's half the reason I'd want a partner; a second family to have that with (hopefully).

I alter my behavior to appease people, but in such a small way that it's still a change but not enough that I feel fake for doing it, which just leads to me wondering what 'I' am like at my base. Even at the closest I've been to proper friends in high school, it never went skin deep. We played games and hung out and shit, but it was still that "wassuhhhh" kind. I'd like to imagine women go deeper than that by default, but that's just as volatile, ending up with the typical satanic bullying behavior and fakeness.

And then I go "yeah, it's aight being alone".
 
I'm sorry for posting my thoughts about where I am here of all places.

I want to believe there's good things in life that make everything worth it.
I haven't been okay in a while. Probably longer than I'd like to say. This is all a weird dream. I just want out most of the time.
I really thought for a second I was moving towards something good. But it was all just a setup for a joke. I know what I need to do. Always have.
I shouldn't have been talking about my problems, especially here. That itself is kind of the icing on the cake. I can't keep complaining and whining when I know the answer. That was pretty dumb of me.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I'm sorry for posting my thoughts about where I am here of all places.

I want to believe there's good things in life that make everything worth it.
I haven't been okay in a while. Probably longer than I'd like to say. This is all a weird dream. I just want out most of the time.
I really thought for a second I was moving towards something good. But it was all just a setup for a joke. I know what I need to do. Always have.
I shouldn't have been talking about my problems, especially here. That itself is kind of the icing on the cake. I can't keep complaining and whining when I know the answer. That was pretty dumb of me.
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Mate you'd better not be implying you're gonna kys. That would be very gay.
 
long waters said:
Mate you'd better not be implying you're gonna kys. That would be very gay.
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The problem is I can't even do that, despite knowing it logically is where my brains' been at most of my life.
Up until last week I at least had that as some sort of hope to get out. But I don't even know if I can now. Not for lack of trying. Which makes things somehow worse.
So until I actually can do that, I can't be distraught about anything, and I can't bitch about it on here. This isn't the place for that.
I kind of would like to delete some of the posts I've made on here just because it's all a bit cringe. It's not that I haven't been in that mindset, but yes. Sharing all that might have been a mistake. I just don't know where to go or who to confide in, so naturally this place obviously would be the right spot for that right?

I am in a state of constantly feeling like that solution is the only one. But talking about it instead of just doing it in quiet is sad. A lot of people on here have been helpful with it. But it's just one of those cases where I don't think anyone really knows how much it all is weighing down except the person dealing with it. And talking has never really solved any issues. So it's on me if I do something like that. Shouldn't be looking for external validation in the first place. That's kind of why I'm here anyways.
 
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(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I am in a state of constantly feeling like that solution is the only one. But talking about it instead of just doing it in quiet is sad. A lot of people on here have been helpful with it. But it's just one of those cases where I don't think anyone really knows how much it all is weighing down except the person dealing with it. And talking has never really solved any issues. So it's on me if I do something like that. Shouldn't be looking for external validation in the first place. That's kind of why I'm here anyways.
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You are right in that we can't really know how much it is weighing you down. I don't know, but I hope there is hope for a better life for you regardless. Even if only because the thought that others might find a better life fills me with hope that I might resolve my own issues one day.
Godspeed stranger, and I pray you don't give up hope.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I kind of would like to delete some of the posts I've made on here just because it's all a bit cringe. It's not that I haven't been in that mindset, but yes. Sharing all that might have been a mistake. I just don't know where to go or who to confide in, so naturally this place obviously would be the right spot for that right?
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I get feeling embarrassed about oversharing but you’re anonymous here. You can be 100% honest without worrying about if anyone’s gonna think you’re cringe. Like, who are we to judge? We don’t know you. People here share their ups and downs so naturally you’re free to do so as well.

(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I am in a state of constantly feeling like that solution is the only one. But talking about it instead of just doing it in quiet is sad.
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Those who have truly decided to check out don’t feel the need to talk to anyone about it. They’ve already found the solution to their problems, what’s there to talk about? As long as you feel the need to reach out to someone and vent about your thoughts, there’s doubt. And if there’s doubt, there’s hope. There are always other ways out.

Also please don’t bash that guys head in. I’m sure he deserves it but its not worth going to jail over.
 
I think I've made a friend. I exchanged phone numbers with another dog owner. I've spoken with her a number of times, giving her tips and ideas on how to train her young adult dog, and she praised me for my knowledge (for which I feel like a fraud and entirely undeserving of said praise, as I have no true knowledge just surface level interest in dog training). She asked me if I would like to go to the forest with her and her dog some time in the future, which is why we exchanged numbers.

Small wins count, too.
 
Me•cha•ni•cal said:
Those who have truly decided to check out don’t feel the need to talk to anyone about it. They’ve already found the solution to their problems, what’s there to talk about? As long as you feel the need to reach out to someone and vent about your thoughts, there’s doubt. And if there’s doubt, there’s hope. There are always other ways out.

Also please don’t bash that guys head in. I’m sure he deserves it but its not worth going to jail over.
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I wasn't talking about my friend. I'm talking about a dude who was stealing my shit and assaulted me in the house months ago that his cunt sister keeps letting in the house after being banned.
And I'm close to wanting to check out, it wouldn't hurt to do something in the meantime. Sometimes life has to get to that point before you start acting fast on decisions.

And I've already made my decision. I'm not going to talk to anyone anymore, because I have already found the solution. And I've known it for a while. So why am I talking about it on a site that's supposed to be for laughing at retards?
I know the answer. So until I can do that, I'm not going to try to seek solace or a temporary relief. I know what I'm supposed to do. It's become more abundantly clear to me for a while now. So that's pretty much it.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
I wasn't talking about my friend
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I didn’t think or say that you were. I read your post where you said you wanted to bash your friends sisters boyfriends head in. I didn’t know I needed to specify which guy I was referring to. Just don’t bash anybody’s head in.

(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
And I've already made my decision. I'm not going to talk to anyone anymore, because I have already found the solution. And I've known it for a while. So why am I talking about it on a site that's supposed to be for laughing at retards?
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Not gonna talk about it anymore, talks about it. Sounds like you’re talking out of both sides of your mouth, buddy. If you’re going to stop talking about it, just don’t talk about it anymore. There’s no need to announce it.
 
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