How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Broadside]

Currently going through what feels like my monthly mental health crisis where I convince myself I have the symptoms of a thousand different cancers and other ailments and have been stressing myself out to the max the last couple of days. Can’t focus on anything, can’t enjoy anything, can’t sleep, glued to my phone almost every second of the day googling different symptoms…
Legit feel like I’m going insane.
I feel like I really should get on some sort of anxiety medication but taking SSRI’s has become a meme at this point and it seems like the negatives outweigh any positives they can provide…
I just don’t know anymore. Rawdogging life really sucks.

SSRIs aren't often for anxiety. You want an anxiolytic like Pregabalin/Lyrica(?)

 

[PetiteFeet]

I swear they put Crack in those. For most of my life i only drank water, coffee and beers, i had a coke or some other sweet soft drink maybe once per month. About two years ago i picked up my first Monster Peachy Keen and ever since i am hopelessly addicted. I go grocery shopping almost every day and the first thing i am looking for is if they have Monster on sale, which both the Lidl and the other super market i go to regularly have. Peachy Keen, The Doctor (it's some kind of mandarin orange flavour) and the ginger one are my favorites. Rockstar has some Blueberry Acai berry mix flavor that is also pretty good. I get cravings for a Monster just typing this.

Peachy Keen is my second favourite next to the Rehab peach ice tea, I'm also fond of the Rio punch Juiced.
My favourite GOAT energy drink is no longer made/sold in my country, it was called Cult Cola and tasted like a milder cola than your bog standard coca cola. But then Coca Cola decided they wanted to make cola energy and the brewery that has the license to make Coca Cola had to stop making the other energy drink because we can't have more than one energy drink with a cola flavour I guess.
When I was a real gremlin NEET and drank energy drinks on a weekly/sometimes daily basis my go-to would be a brand called Burn, but I haven't seen that brand in a decade at this point.
Budget energy drinks for some reason always taste more like sugary swill than a brand like Monster, no idea why, but one of my favourite flavours that I actually get really sick from drinking too many of is a weird pseudo bubblegum flavour. Yummy! Lidl also has some great own-brand ones, you know with the gorilla on the can.
Alas, I am not 16 anymore and I can't subsist off of energy drinks and chips.

-
Today has been.. weird. It's been snowing again but not enough to make snowballs from, so no need for me to wrap up in furs or worry about salt and my poor dog's feet.
My brain refuses to focus on things I need to do because those things are not on deadline until next week or even later, so I guess it's just not a priority at all according to my internal logic.
At least I made enough food yesterday so I have leftovers for tonight, otherwise I'd probably order some shitty turkish pizza (because none of the "authentic" pizzerias in my city are authentic anymore). I by far prefer napolitan pizza over americanised turkish pizza. I say turkish because 99% of the time you pass by a pizza/kebab place it's run by third gen turkish immigrants. They know how to make a good döner kebab but man, I hate too much crust for my pizza.

 

[Squanto Airi]

I swear to God I just want to kill everyone black and older than 50 at my work place

That combo of being black and a boomer is about 70% of my workplace. They are so clique-y and selective with how policies are followed. One of them did bless me with some collard greens and cabbage from her garden, however.

TAX: Kinda looking up. Got some debt paid off, eating a bit healthier and not spending a whole lot at the grocery store by eating at work.

 

[TotalNematodeDeath]

I think really the hardest part of life right now is just not having someone i can talk to about my issues without bothering them in some way. I could very easily talk about it just I wish I had someone who doesn't care that deeply. Therapist was nice but I just ain't got that kind of time now.

 

[Banquet Meal]

I think really the hardest part of life right now is just not having someone i can talk to about my issues without bothering them in some way. I could very easily talk about it just I wish I had someone who doesn't care that deeply. Therapist was nice but I just ain't got that kind of time now.

that sucks!! i hope you find someone you can talk to, that honestly can help just as much as anything, sometimes.

 

[long waters]

When I was a real gremlin NEET and drank energy drinks on a weekly/sometimes daily basis my go-to would be a brand called Burn, but I haven't seen that brand in a decade at this point.

We have that here, but I never liked it much. As far as budget energy drinks go, I think Hell energy was my favorite. Funnily enough, looking up Burn right now it seems they're also owned by Monster.

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

Finally got the 'are you in the right place?' sit-down at work. Some of the points were valid, but the 'gotchas' were shit like not engaging socially in the office or writing the wrong word in an email. I'd be down to just lock in and treat every day like a challenge where I have to prepare questions for lunch or what have you, but I don't even know what I'm supposedly doing wrong. I gave a job site a quick look for the hell of it and jesus christ, it's barren. The few jobs that do sound somewhat relevant are so poorly defined you just know it's already settled internally or they're looking to hire a catch-all mid-40s woman. What used to be a quirky 2-year stay with a library requires a master's degree at this point.

I think really the hardest part of life right now is just not having someone i can talk to about my issues without bothering them in some way.

First you need to find someone who'll want to talk and don't disappear 2 weeks at a time. Then you need to vibe with them. Then they need to be mature enough that both parties stand to benefit and it doesn't just turn into venting or "I got the solution" arm-chairing. I've had this one friend who on the surface was toxic as fuck, basically not replying unless I didn't complain. On one hand it taught me not to vent too hard, but the other obviously I just clogged up and didn't feel appreciated. Honestly at this point I'm so worn out by Discord group chat dynamics I'd rather just DM people all "Got Discord? ".

Fucking terrible. Why even have hope in the first place. I knew this shit was going to happen. My job is gone for good and the union can't do shit.

I'm convinced nobody can keep a job these days other than those who're so ingrained in the culture through knowing coworkers, knowing superiors, knowing the fucking cake list by heart and generally just being around. Yet, I still see younguns get out of university and land an absurdly well-paying gig, so it's possible to do so, just not for normal people. Every other time I open Tinder, I see decent folk my age "just" be kindergarten employees or fucking painters or what have you. Yet, even the trades require years of education, so it's not stooping to be one such.

A friend got into trucking, couldn't find employment -anywhere- because he had no miles. Found one, got booted after a month, then found another going on 4 years and he's already rubbed into the company to the point he can't get fired. Dear lord I could only hope for such job security. I still remember when being fired was something that happened twice in life to your aunt and it almost ruined her. Now, you get fired left and right cause the next underemployed PhD is ready to step up.

God damn, I just need to lock in and keep this job. Force myself to do all the things.. I already do? But more? Idfk.

 

[PetiteFeet]

SSRIs aren't often for anxiety. You want an anxiolytic like Pregabalin/Lyrica(?)

can confirm. Pregabalin changed my life dramatically. I used to not be able to increase my walking routes because "unknown scary", and now I can order food at a restaurant face-to-face rather than having to go via an app or their self-check out system without feeling like I'm fainting.
I can feel a panic attack bubbling under the surface but it never manifests beyond that. I can have conversations with people I don't know about random shit without being afraid of slipping up or mumbling, and I can actually soldier through it if I happen to slip up or mumble and then correct myself.
It's fantastic. It's liberating.
Not saying meds are a cure-all, but they're a good crutch if you are debilitated enough by whatever ails you.

 

[Motherf*cker]

i want to buy one of those giant silver tea urns, with the teapot on top..they look super dramatic, and i drink a lot of tea, so it would be kind of worth it

If you enjoy a daily cup of tea then I think it would be a nice small spoil to indulge for yourself and you should do it.

 

[Outer Space Traveller]

Passed my eye test, good for another year.

Good 'ay. (yes I know TF2's sniper/Mr. Mundy says "Good Day". Yet could be mistaken for "Good eye".)

I'm feeling moderate.

My rations are right now gradually depleting. That delayed citation coming in the way it did really threw a wrench in what financial momentum I had going. So now I'm just sitting here nervously checking my total rent and watching my pay to come next week in hopes the numbers are right where I have some money left over to temporarily patch up my resources. I had to reach out to a couple friends to help get some support but it's only used to help make up the difference of the withdraw of my PAL loan that's going to attack the next paycheck I'm going to have next week. Since, I had to dip into the savings and throw all I could at the citation so it would leave me alone.

I'm just glad also my right arm is functioning fully again. During my time off and the last day of work, I was developing a bad sore somewhere on the right side of my chest. Couldn't sleep right on the side it was on and got around to finally dealing with it tuesday morning. Summary was a gross experience I'd like to not deal with again, but it healed up and now I can move my arm around without restraint and can sleep once more.

Heres to another monotonous work week of trying to please foreign babblers who shop around blindly. Oh and I'm trying to actively get a couple niggers evicted because I heard them pipe their music up around 3 in the morning because, nigger behavior. Went on for 35 minutes, captured recordings, snapped a picture of where the source was. Sure enough it was this nigger couple. I had to evacuate my bedroom and pile everything into the living room portion of my apartment a month ago as a way to try and resolve this ongoing sound issue. So I'm paying nearly 900 for a third of an apartment size and then this kind of shit happens, fucking niggers.

My state is going to get raped by the cold dick of weather Friday, negatives all across the board all day and night. Wonderful...

Feels like me, who should have managed my finances better before I was terminated. So you aren't alone.

 

[Banquet Meal]

If you enjoy a daily cup of tea then I think it would be a nice small spoil to indulge for yourself and you should do it.

if i find one in decent condition, absolutely. im trying to cut back on spending though, because i am the worst with money...!!

 

[KRAINOS]

Just got back from another hellish long haul flight, this was 13 hours but my worst was 16.
Who else has been to the sky tube hell dimension (iykyk, that 8-10hrs in when you're delirious)?

 

[bellybutton exorcism]

I got ghosted by the person I've considered to be my best friend for the last 2.5 years and I'm still feeling wounded about it.

Just found out that my other close friend, who I work with, is going to find a different job. So now we'll probably talk way less and hang out way less, since we usually do so right after work... Man. Come on. This year is going to be a lonely one, I can feel it.

I'm not upset with her at all, I'm just a sad little bastard. Big sigh.

 

[Broadside]

can confirm. Pregabalin changed my life dramatically. I used to not be able to increase my walking routes because "unknown scary", and now I can order food at a restaurant face-to-face rather than having to go via an app or their self-check out system without feeling like I'm fainting.
I can feel a panic attack bubbling under the surface but it never manifests beyond that. I can have conversations with people I don't know about random shit without being afraid of slipping up or mumbling, and I can actually soldier through it if I happen to slip up or mumble and then correct myself.
It's fantastic. It's liberating.
Not saying meds are a cure-all, but they're a good crutch if you are debilitated enough by whatever ails you.

Unironically saving this for when I get the urge to abuse my meds. I know it's for the best to take them normally instead of just binging them on bad days.

 

[Otterly]

Its just now I throw up at least one day a week after breakfast and the food isn't the common factor.

Are you female? If you are, any chance you could be pregnant?

 

[CAPTAIN HAPPY]

Pretty good.
This is a nice thread.

 

[Quijibo69]

Enjoying the weather before it gets cold again next week.

 

[AnOminous]

a couple days ago it was hurting really bad, i look in the mirror and i have two black eyes outta nowhere. damnedest thing never had an illness do that to me lol

This is why I always do the flu vax unless it's one of the rare years they totally failed to get the really nasty strain into it. I know a few people who got this and it knocked them on their ass for literally weeks.

DeLonghi is the brand to get, i think they still produce their machines in Italy and haven't outsourced production to China like so many other, previously quality brands.

One of my favorite coffee machines is a vintage Gaggia machine from the '70s. It's absolutely impractical for a normal human being but utterly gorgeous. It's impractical because no normal person could maintain it and keep it working, sort of like an Italian motorcycle. It was in a coffee shop in a tiny house where the dude who ran the shop was a painter who lived in the second story of it and would come down whenever someone dropped in.

I'm not sure if this is it but it's what it looked like:

 

[Me•cha•ni•cal]

Slept for most of the day except when I walked the dog. Made somewhat healthy dinner, but caved on my "no caffeine" attempt and had a Monster because I'm a weirdo who actually like the taste of energy drinks.
Also made cookies because I can.

I wish they made caffeine free redbulls. I love how sour they are, but if I drink one my heart rate sky rockets. I never really liked Monster though, doesn’t taste toxic enough

Choc chip?

 

[Cemetery Support]

Just got back from another hellish long haul flight, this was 13 hours but my worst was 16.
Who else has been to the sky tube hell dimension (iykyk, that 8-10hrs in when you're delirious)?

Ive regularly done some 14+ hour drives in my life. I always found that I had that "Get me out of here!!" moment about halfway to two-thirds of the way through. Ive just learned that you have to pack it in. Turn your body into an object. Don't feel the rain on your skin, this is not the time.