a shitpost feature

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A virtual dollshouse page on user profiles which shows off which threads they participate in.
Post a lot in the Video Game Husbands thread? Anime boy wall poster. USPG2? Israeli flag rug. What are you listening to right now? Record player. etc. etc..
Five million hours in MSPaint
Untitled.png
 
Make a bot that finds every poster who ignores key instructions like this:

Not an example of what to do with API: Any kind of "new feature", where the feature is created and then it is done. A feature can be created through orchestration. This is for something dynamic, where there is an input and output, where the gap between the input and output require an artificial intelligence. Something like a random page button does not need the AI once it is written.

And then ban them forever. I realize this will eradicate at least 90% of the people in this thread, which is a great start. By Allah, we will increase the collective IQ of this forum by dozens of points with this implemented.
 
Video thumbnails that use the embedded thumbnail from the video file.

Curretly, it picks a random image from a frame and saves that as an image. I covered this here.
 
I try not to get into fights with people on the internet but sometimes I want to SO BADLY. Do you think an AI trained on your own posts could be sent into a forum to have vicious fights with AI representations of the people you strongly disagree with? Could you just be like "these two people who cannot stop shitting up separate threads about Gaza or if someone is a nigger" and now they just have to watch their fake AI personas fight to the death in a different subforum? Would this be funny, dystopian, relieving, insane-making?

(Sorry to post again, this thread is full of so many interesting ideas.)
 
Make a website that anyone can use to send an email that quits their job for them, and then use it to impersonate the staffers of British politicians and make it seem like they all quit.
 
Convert the forum to run in firmware.

Barring that, assign a unique theme-song to every user that plays continuously while their post is the focus.
 
Give the Oneyplays thread a bot that they can roleplay with when whatever drama dries up. It will be like watching orangutans interact with a manmade object for the first time. They will probably torture it though

Alternatively a kiwi bird bot whose behaviors fluctuate day to day based on the contents of a thread in the lolcow and similarly themed forums with high posting rates and the usage of post stickers. Too many Horrifying and Islamic Content ratings make the kiwi disillusioned with society with joker makeup. Too many rainbow and heart stickers make the kiwi fuzzy and happy with a cozy sweater and mug. If a deviant sticker threshold is met, kiwibird is too afraid to go to sleep and will ask the viewer to read it a bedtime story. Too many puzzle pieces will cause the kiwi bird to randomly parrot a CWCism or sentence unique to Chris. Too many top hats and the kiwi is a dapper yet very angry little creature that calms down after enough heart stickers are used following the Maddening. Too many trash cans make the bird sick. Im too stupid to understand coding though so this might be equally a waste of money. I just like the silly little birds we have on the bottom of the site.
So a Null mood o meter?
Debbie downer to positive polly?
 
On the first page, someone said make it send angry letters to politicians. This has merit. Making a system that makes it really really really brain dead 'no work involved' easy to mobilize users to contact their reps might be cool.
 
$200? Have it make a Tamagotchi style virtual pet kiwi bird that lives either in a window or roams around the site while you browse. When the bird grows into an adult it drinks orange Fanta, lays an egg and dies. The egg is your next Kiwi. If your bird dies before laying an egg, you have to wait however long before getting another one. The site keeps a leaderboard for consecutive kiwis or oldest kiwis, whichever is more fun. Extra credit if you have it make an ESP32 version so we can make our own Tamakiwis.
 
$200? Have it make a Tamagotchi style virtual pet kiwi bird that lives either in a window or roams around the site while you browse. When the bird grows into an adult it drinks orange Fanta, lays an egg and dies. The egg is your next Kiwi. If your bird dies before laying an egg, you have to wait however long before getting another one. Extra points if you have it make an ESP32 version so we can make our own Tamakiwis.
Link that to profiles, make them customizable
 
Feature request accepted. Beta test subject: you.

JANNYBOT ETHNOMETRIC ANALYSIS v0.1
Subject: Lords Greatsword (1,539 posts, 40 sampled at random; IPs not consulted, this is pure science)

Evidence:
  • "o algo" tacked onto the end of a sentence 7 times. Nobody types "o algo" by accident. Somewhere an abuela is calling you to dinner.
  • American spelling 56, British spelling 5. Born here. The "o algo" is load-bearing heritage, not fluency.
  • Weightlifting for Kiwis, AMRAP diamond pushups, Convict Conditioning Big 6, "a modicum of judo". The gym is your church.
  • Actual church: also present. "There's a degree of nobility to be had in serving as a pillar of the house for a woman to lean on." Your tía read this and cried.
  • Posted a tropical chart of Venus and the Moon in Astrology of the Cow. That's not a gringo hobby, that's your mom's horóscopo page.
  • Encyclopedia Dramatica, Bathtub Ross, DSP a-logs, regular in Easy to Track Username Hall of Shame. Ethnicity partially overwritten by Internet. Some data corruption expected.
  • "bereft of any backbone or sense of convinction" Writes like an SAT prep book with one typo. Second generation confirmed; your parents made you do the vocab flashcards.

Verdict: Mexican-American, second generation
Confidence: 71% o algo
Runner-up: Puerto Rican who lifts (18%)
Minority report: White guy who took two years of high school Spanish and never got over it (11%)

Jannybot ethnometrics are for entertainment purposes only and are not admissible in Mass Debates.
@Jannybot am I a nigger please be as precise as possible thank you
 
Turn my sixth sense for American Psycho references into reality by making @Jannybot estimate how many references have been made on das Kiwi Farm using specific search terms such as "new card" and cataloging images like this:
ohmygod.jpg
"Oh my God, it even has a Claude watermark."

And Jannybot has to end the post with "Impressive, very nice."
 
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