📚 Megathread The Pooner Zoo - A thread for collecting wild Pooners and posting OC Pooners, and anything Pooner related

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Why do I get the feeling that they are trying to transition so they don't need to pay child support?.

What? That's not how that works.

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

No, they're hoping to keep their wives trapped in the marriage and too exhausted looking after the new baby to question or call out their insane fetish shit.

 

[Severed Penis Klinic]

Why do I get the feeling that they are trying to transition so they don't need to pay child support?.

No, I think its more of a reverse baby trap.

 

[Magic Pickle]

And just to be clear: I have no sexual interest in MP.

Which suits me well and good, because it would probably perturb my pickle paramour if there was competition for my briny heinie.

Thread tax.
Update on the Tboy Wrestling debacle: after being accused by u/MrYogiBrrr of misrepresenting the situation, Lopez has now started sharing more screenshots which discuss her opponent, Franky, lording over her victory on TikTok without any regards to Lopez' well-being. Interestingly enough, as of writing this post, Franky has now locked down her Instagram but seems to have left her TikTok accounts unchanged, though the video is gone now.
Last Post
Link | Archive

Spoiler: The original Reddit thread.

Spoiler: MrYogiBrrr's now-deleted comments.

Spoiler: Screencaps.

Upon watching her beloved grandmother succumb to the brain-withering effects of dementia, a girl with pronouns still finds a way to make the situation all about herself, bereft that Granny never got to know who she "really" was and how no one in her family understands her - even when they, too must endure the pain of being erased from a loved one's mind.
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My grandma doesn't recognise me​

My grandma has dementia, she keeps forgetting people, events. I see her 2 times a year and today me and my family arrived for christmas. She saw me first time since I started T (it will be 6 months on christmas eve). And she doesn't know who I am. She mistakes me for my two brothers,and keeps asking where deadname is.I wanna cry so bad, she never got to know the real me, and will never understand what happened to her grandaughter. And I can't even be sad about it cause my family doesn't understand. They keep saying it's same with them, she asks them for example where their husbands they divorced 10 years ago are.But they don't get itShe doesn't know who I am and never will and I just feel so bad about it

Credit where it's due to @Big Shot for bringing ASilentThinker to my attention because whew, lads, she's a fucking trip. Take this post of hers, for example, where she fantasizes about being a total fuckhead scumbag who sleeps around on baby mamas while pretending to be a provider to the family. I'll be keeping a close eye on her because she's got 99 problems, but thankfully, a bitch - so far - ain't one.
Last Post (c/o Big Shot)
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My traditional views on relationships makes me ashamed to be gay...​

If you're going to insult me, please just go on and watch for Santa, summon Krampus or go play with the coal in your stocking. Thanks .
I'm a binary trans man who would say I'm pretty traditional when it comes to how I see relationships. I've only recently become open to the possibility of dating a woman and I have no desire to interact with her "parts" but that may be dysphoria or my running away from my sexuality. Until recently, I've only been attracted to men and maybe 1-2 women.
I had a conversation with someone tonight and was open about the fact that if I were cis, I'd probably be a stereotypically DL guy (ie sex/having kids with women while having sex with men when not in a relationship with a woman but never divulging my same sex attraction side). He was thankfully not judgmental as he's a gay, cis guy himself. It's the first time I've ever said it out loud.
I feel most affirmed at the thought of being in a relationship where I am the dominant, male partner (though I'm very shy and quiet in real life). I don't ever seen that working with another man, especially one who is cis. I see myself in a provider position and feel that can only happen with a woman. I don't believe a woman should necessarily have to contribute to the household and if she does, I'd want to pay for her gas, getting her nails done, her hair appointments, meals, etc. Having a partner that relies and trusts me for security is of the utmost importance and I don't believe that I can ever have that with a male partner. In this reality, I'm forever alone, but at my age, relationship discussions are almost impossible to avoid which already sucks.

A li'l dood overthinks what will become of her memory once she's transitioned from the land of the living into tasty, tasty worm chow. There's a certain kind of caliginous preoccupation many troons 'n' poons have with dying and what others think of them even after they're long gone - almost as if they're driven so crazy by the idea of what others think of them that they can't let go even in death.
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Imagine dying and having your deadname on your fucking headstone​

Some days I just want to completely give up but realised that if I do I’ll be buried under my deadname, a she, a her, their daughter, their niece, sister, granddaughter. Imagine that. It would be like you never fucking existed. You would be buried as someone you weren’t and your entire life would have meant nothing, you never even existed, no one acknowledged who you were or respected you even when you’re dead and even after you’re dead you’ll still be their little girl who died from her mental health issues and not the man you always were… never even fucking existed.

Your pillow princess is in another castle: the majority of this lesbian couple's sex life has been made up of the FTM half doing all of the work while the regular chick lays back like a stunned mollet, but every time she suggests things get a bit more reciprocal, her cissy sweetie literally starts to gag over the very concept. Pathetically, OP is still unsure whether this means that the relationship will last, which is so pitiful that I actually feel kind of bad for her.
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Am I overthinking my girlfriend being disgusted by me or my identity? ​

Using a throwaway account for this as don’t want any IRLS to figure out who this is. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year and a half. She is a cisfemale and I’m a trans male. She’s straight, and I am incredibly cis passing and have been on T for a little bit now. Just wanted to give some background.
When it comes to sex, it typically is us making out, me going down on her, and that’s it. It’s came up in conversation about the idea of her going down on me, or anything similar (This wasn’t me asking her too do so, just the concept came up). The first time she seemed genuinely disgusted at the idea and said ew ect. The second time (a few months later.) she started gagging as if she was about to throw up, saying she would never do that, that it is disgusting and that I’m her boyfriend not her girlfriend. She won’t take my shirt off, or even put her hand under my shirt to touch my back or stomach, despite trying to make it clear to her I’m comfortable with the idea if she is. I feel like she is disgusted with me, or at least my body. Am I overthinking this or over reacting by thinking she is not interested in me? She’s more than happy when I’m doing anything to her, just the idea of her doing anything to me disgusts her.
Is this a lost cause? Will it just take time for her to get used to the idea? I would never ask her to do anything she didn’t want to do - I just can’t help feeling unwanted.

Tensions flare between a TiF and her father when his patience for her poonerism reaches max capacity, especially as he's been getting complaints from his girlfriend that her grandkids are asking uncomfortable questions after having a discussion about gender with OP herself. In a huff, OP says that if her gender is such a big deal, "just dont have them around me then!"; this immediately backfires on her as Papa OP agrees with the sentiment, souring her mood further as "I dont truly want people to hide their kids from me when I havent done anything but exist."
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Hurtful Dad​

Ok so this is kinda wordy but I thought full context was needed bc I need advice for what to do after my dad was being more transphobic than usual. Tw for depressing emotions, minor cult mention, and my potty mouth. Oh, and transphobia if that wasnt obvious

So I got into this big argument with my dad that started out with him making a dentist appoitment and suggested i make one too at the same time. I agreed and he started giving the lady over the phone the wrong pronouns to call me and stuff and it felt strange, like they where talking about another person since ive been socially transitioned everywhere at this point for years with some minor exceptions like my unaccepting family. Im also physically transitioning, having been on t for 7 months so aside from my chest I like to think i pass as cis pretty well. Its not a surprise or anything, I knew my dad didnt agree with me being trans and a big part of it was because he is religious and stuff, but I always figured we had a decent relationship for the most part. I like to believe he cares about me since he has done so much for me over the years.

Anyway, when they finally addressed me to speak, I tried to light heartedly say "hey its the spawn speaking here. Not daughter, as yall have incorrectly addressed me yeah so-" and the lady on the phone was completely chill but after hanging up, my dad turned to me kinda pissily and said I was being snappy and I said "well I wasnt trying to be rude" and he reminded me that "you know where I stand on this subject" well apparently I didnt know to the full extent until that day. Right after he said that, he was like "oh yeah, ive been getting complaints from so and so" his girlfriend's daughter-in-law "because her kids are asking questions about trans people that she wasnt ready to answer" in this accusing tone of his and im rolling my eyes at that internally. Her kids, about 5 and 8 i dont remember their exact ages, had come over to hang out and kept asking me why I looked like a man when the family kept referring to me as a women.

So I tried to explain it in a simple kid friendly way that I used to be a little girl and now im a man and that was it. Apparently my adopted sibling, who was also there, tried to explain things like testosterone man juice and stuff to them, which is a bit much I think for little kids to understand and definitely something i knew the family would get upset with us telling their kids, but its not like I had been around for that conversation and I doubt my sibling was saying anything like "you should do it too! Take drugs!" Like the family probably thinks.

With that context, I responded to my dad by saying "well what do you want me to say? They asked and I wasnt going to lie to them" and he went "but you are lying to them" and of course im confused as fuck by that like what? So im like wdym and he said "youre not a man and you dont need to be telling these kids that you are or that its ok. Its not normal and shouldn't be normalized to them" so this definitely pissed me off. I went from trying to defuse a tense situation to wanting to punch my dad in the face. I didnt, thanks to my self restraint and the knowledge that that wouldnt help anything. We go back and forth about how im a human being and you cant just hide my existence from children and he went on about how im brainwashed and that I shouldn't indoctrinate children into my cult.

Hearing him say that was actually insane. He believes trans people are a cult. I didnt know he thought that til then. I was, and still am, really fucking hurt by his words. I thought i had made progress with getting him to accept me, hell ive even managed to get him to use my correct name these days! But all that progress felt like nothing now. I love him and he's done so much for me that made me think he cares about me, then he goes and says my existence is wrong?

I blew up and said "if they didnt want their kids to know about the world then they shouldn't let them outside!" And also said "just dont have them around me then!" Which he said can be arranged, but I regret saying that out of anger because I dont truly want people to hide their kids from me when I havent done anything but exist.

I eventually stormed off because I just couldn't look at his stupid ignorant face anymore. Its been over a week since then and he acts like nothing has happened, gone back to normal, does little things for me like he cares. But I cant look at him anymore without this heavy feeling in my chest.

Ive tried so hard to be patient and understanding with all of my family, but its been actual years and I wish things didnt have to be so hard. So with all that, the advice im looking for is how to move forward with this? It feels hopeless that this can be fixed and I dont want to cut off my dad, but he can be really hurtful more than I think he realizes. He is so stubborn in his old ass beliefs of the age old argument about sex vs gender or soul vs vessel. I think it should also be noted that I live with him and although im a young adult trying to save enough money to move out, existing is expensive these days

Finally, a poon pens a passive-aggressive pronoun-pushing post. This is a great example of female socialization in action, because even when she's trying to enforce a form of thought control on other people, you can see how she feels beholden to a less direct method of delivery (which doesn't make the text message much friendlier - only less overtly hostile). Not sure how old OP is, but if she's on the younger side then she has great potential working in human resources some day.
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Family Misgendering Me​

So I sent this text to my family group chat (just parents and siblings) and I have been quite down in the dumps after spending all day there for Christmas yesterday. I am out to them all, I have been for several months now and they all said that they accepted me and everything. But the all seem to be completely incapable of using the right pronouns for me. Some of them are okay at not deadnaming me, but none of them will use the right pronouns despite my mom being all like “we practice to each other all the time!” And it’s just getting kinda exhausting because it feels like a clear sign that they don’t actually respect me as a trans man and they don’t actually believe that I am a trans man. So I sent them this text, I wanted to get my point across that they are actively hurting me while also not coming across as accusatory because I know that will set them off.
Text Copied and Pasted:
“Hey guys! Hope you are all doing good, I just wanted to let you all know that I love you very much and also I wanted to ask that you guys try to make a bit more effort in using the right name and pronouns for me. I know it's gonna take time to switch without slipping up, that's okay, but it hurt me a lot yesterday to only be referred to by "she" or even "they". As a reminder I use male pronouns, so "he/him". Not she or they.
And while I'm okay with you still calling me at home l especially would appreciate it if you guys can try to used more around anyone outside of our immediate family. The lack of using my preferred name feels a bit disrespectful.
Once again I know you guys love me very much and mean no harm which is why I wanted to let you guys know that you were unintentionally hurting me by either referring to me as she or they a lot yesterday with what felt to me, no effort to correct. I don't want a big apology every time just something like "blah blah she blah... oops I mean he" or even "she- I mean he..."
Again I understand this is a change for everyone, I also hope you guys understand how much it would mean if you can be a little more respectful.
I love you all very much and have a good post Christmas Day! I am not mad or upset with any of you guys I just want to let you know what's up”

 

[Potato Burrito]

Merry Christmas, Kiwi cisters. I come from the East with an assortment of pooners found at underrated poon nest r/transmanlifehacks

My journey started with seeing this in my feed:



I knew before clicking what I would find in OP's post history. She claims schizophrenia, binge eating disorder, depression, anxiety, gender dysphoria, and autism, and posted in r/sexualabuse about getting molestered at 11. Shocking.


As an obese mentally ill young woman? Definitely.

On to the transmen in search of life hacks:

Spoiler

Ironically this Proactiv Before Picture is the most passing of the bunch.



The tiny hand

My personal favorite of the bunch:


Aww keep at it, Champ. You'll get there.

This post made me laugh. If gender identity is so innate then why must they dedicate all this time and effort to performing as the opposite sex? It's almost like it's all a poorly fitting costume and they have no fucking clue what being a man is.



Wrapping this up with a tip for any lurking tiny doods who might benefit from this information.

 

[Chandelier]

This post made me laugh. If gender identity is so innate then why must they dedicate all this time and effort to performing as the opposite sex? It's almost like it's all a poorly fitting costume and they have no fucking clue what being a man is.

These tips are a great way to turn them into Deus Ex NPCs.

 

[Athena Loves Kiwis]

A li'l dood overthinks what will become of her memory once she's transitioned from the land of the living into tasty, tasty worm chow. There's a certain kind of caliginous preoccupation many troons 'n' poons have with dying and what others think of them even after they're long gone - almost as if they're driven so crazy by the idea of what others think of them that they can't let go even in death.
Link | Archive

And always remember, young lady, that even when your your body learns to spell her elements, and find her birth written in dusty heraldry and lines; which dissolution sure doth best discern, comparing dust with dust, and earth with earth...* archeologists will still know you were female.

Through burning at extreme temperatures, cremation can transform a human body into little more than ash, warping bones and scorching identifying clues like DNA out of existence.

But, according to a study published today in the journal PLOS ONE, archaeologists might have a new way to glean information from charred remains of the past. A team of Italian scientists has shown that eight specific measurements of cremated remains, such as the length or width of certain intact bones, can reveal an individual’s sex, even after thousands of years underground. Though substantial differences exist between ancient and contemporary human populations, this knowledge could help advance modern forensic methods used after wildfires claim human victims.

https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/article/archaeologists-find-new-way-determine-sex-cremated-individuals/

*https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/56370/church-monuments

 

[YouTube Autist]

Does anyone else get uncomfortable or upset when trans men call their dih their cl!t?

"Dih"?

Hoping that her fellow FTMs might show her mercy, a tomboy's self esteem is sent careening into the Shadow Realm when everyone can tell she's just a regular girl even at her most masculine in presentation.

Why? Why can't a slightly masculine woman just be a slightly masculine woman? Why must this be a crime? I thought the pride movement was all about letting people be who they are even when it doesn't conform perfectly to some established type.

And just to be clear: I have no sexual interest in MP.

Speak for yourself, I find @Magic Pickle's alliterative descriptions of gangrene-infested false penises exquisitely romantic.

"He's trivializing my wrestling injury!"
"No he isn't!"
"YOU RACIST!!"

Hey guys! Hope you are all doing good, I just wanted to let you all know that I love you very much and also I wanted to ask that you guys try to make a bit more effort in using the right name and pronouns for me. I know it's gonna take time to switch without slipping up, that's okay, but it hurt me a lot yesterday to only be referred to by "she" or even "they". As a reminder I use male pronouns, so "he/him". Not she or they.
And while I'm okay with you still calling me at home l especially would appreciate it if you guys can try to used more around anyone outside of our immediate family. The lack of using my preferred name feels a bit disrespectful.
Once again I know you guys love me very much and mean no harm which is why I wanted to let you guys know that you were unintentionally hurting me by either referring to me as she or they a lot yesterday with what felt to me, no effort to correct. I don't want a big apology every time just something like "blah blah she blah... oops I mean he" or even "she- I mean he..."
Again I understand this is a change for everyone, I also hope you guys understand how much it would mean if you can be a little more respectful.
I love you all very much and have a good post Christmas Day! I am not mad or upset with any of you guys I just want to let you know what's up

The style of thought and self-expression in this message is so feminine that I think just reading it caused my estrogen levels to go up.

 

[TismFarmer]

We've seen this metal face before.
I remember looking through their accounts and finding a surprising coincidence!
It turns out that the'sleep apnea' which caused the ptosis, caused it at almost the exact same time as their eyebrow sprouted more metal.
It's not like there's room to put that much crap into your face and also avoid damaging nerves.
Poor eyebrow piercing technique and positioning is known to cause ptosis....

@Big Shot
Another dangerous aspect of poonerism are the seahorse dads. From reddit and tumblr I’ve noticed that pooner pregnancy is unfortunately rather common. It's a shame they don't castrate themselves like troons

This is one of the main things that infuriates me when it comes to Pooners.
Everyone sees them as much much more harmless than trannys.
Which they usually are, unless you're a fetus that didn't consent to being steeped in cross sex hormones, causing irreversible damage (actual DSD's, Trannys be jealous) just so their gross hyenas Mother can get her rocks off by pretending to be something she's not. At the same time denying them the vital connection between both Mother and Child and Father and Child.

 

[Peaches Demure]

We've seen this metal face before.
I remember looking through their accounts and finding a surprising coincidence!
It turns out that the'sleep apnea' which caused the ptosis, caused it at almost the exact same time as their eyebrow sprouted more metal.
It's not like there's room to put that much crap into your face and also avoid damaging nerves.
Poor eyebrow piercing technique and positioning is known to cause ptosis....
View attachment 8343342

"My left eye"

ROFL This brainless pooner does not know the difference between left and right. The drooping eyelid is on your RIGHT eye, ma'am. Our left, yes, but your right.

 

[Hepativore]

We've seen this metal face before.
I remember looking through their accounts and finding a surprising coincidence!
It turns out that the'sleep apnea' which caused the ptosis, caused it at almost the exact same time as their eyebrow sprouted more metal.
It's not like there's room to put that much crap into your face and also avoid damaging nerves.
Poor eyebrow piercing technique and positioning is known to cause ptosis....
View attachment 8343342


This is one of the main things that infuriates me when it comes to Pooners.
Everyone sees them as much much more harmless than trannys.
Which they usually are, unless you're a fetus that didn't consent to being steeped in cross sex hormones, causing irreversible damage (actual DSD's, Trannys be jealous) just so their gross hyenas Mother can get her rocks off by pretending to be something she's not. At the same time denying them the vital connection between both Mother and Child and Father and Child.

I know it's evil of me, but I would like to see what would happen if she walked too close to the electromagnet at a junkyard...

 

[PigFarm]

I know it's evil of me, but I would like to see what would happen if she walked too close to the electromagnet at a junkyard...

Nothing if they're actually quality titanium like she says they are. This is like when people ask how people wear piercings through metal detectors. Piercing grade jewlrey doesn't affect magnets, homie. That's why you don't see people removing their earrings and clit rings when going through the TSA

 

[Julie Newmar]

ROFL This brainless pooner does not know the difference between left and right. The drooping eyelid is on your RIGHT eye, ma'am. Our left, yes, but your right.

Selfies are usually flipped fyi

 

[Hepativore]

Nothing if they're actually quality titanium like she says they are. This is like when people ask how people wear piercings through metal detectors. Piercing grade jewlrey doesn't affect magnets, homie. That's why you don't see people removing their earrings and clit rings when going through the TSA

Clit rings and Prince Alberts are another matter. It would seem they would run a high risk of getting snagged on clothing or being torn out by an angry partner during an argument.

She is lucky she does not live where I do with how cold it gets during the winter, though.

 

[PigFarm]

Clit rings and Prince Alberts are another matter. It would seem they would run a high risk of getting snagged on clothing or being torn out by an angry partner during an argument.

She is lucky she does not live where I do with how cold it gets during the winter, though.

You were talking about magnets in junkyards, not a hyena clit ring getting yanked out by their BPD lay

 

[Toxic BRAAAAP Mask]

That's why you don't see people removing their earrings and clit rings when going through the TSA

I don't know about y'all, but I always fumble around in my pants at th TSA line to pull out my clit ring. Funny they never want to shake my hand when I thank them for keeping our airspace safe...

 

[Drive-by Farts]

The “Or are old scottish women just built with x-ray vision or something??” one got me MATI. Retard - how do you know that that was an old Scottish WOMAN? Because you looked at her with your eyeballs. That’s how she knew you were a woman too.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Some days I just want to completely give up but realised that if I do I’ll be buried under my deadname, a she, a her, their daughter, their niece, sister, granddaughter. Imagine that. It would be like you never fucking existed.

Like just prearrange your funeral, little dood! The funeral home can put it on a payment plan, and you can pay a little extra for insurance on that, so if you die before it's paid off, your policy pays the rest of your funeral. Obviously that doesn't take effect immediately--they don't want suicides learning this One Weird Trick--but if not being buried under her "deadname" is keeping her alive now, "funeral insurance won't kick in until 2027" should work fine too.

Honestly, do these people want solutions, or just to complain? The funeral home had a whole menu when I went in to get my stuff set up; you can even write your own obit and they'll update dates and pay the newspaper to publish it, or you can prepay for the obit to be published and written and they'll contact your family for info when it's time. That's how you get final say on what's on your tombstone: you take care of it yourself.

This seems like such a straightforward problem.

 

[General Zoider]

Like just prearrange your funeral, little dood! The funeral home can put it on a payment plan, and you can pay a little extra for insurance on that, so if you die before it's paid off, your policy pays the rest of your funeral. Obviously that doesn't take effect immediately--they don't want suicides learning this One Weird Trick--but if not being buried under her "deadname" is keeping her alive now, "funeral insurance won't kick in until 2027" should work fine too.

Honestly, do these people want solutions, or just to complain? The funeral home had a whole menu when I went in to get my stuff set up; you can even write your own obit and they'll update dates and pay the newspaper to publish it, or you can prepay for the obit to be published and written and they'll contact your family for info when it's time. That's how you get final say on what's on your tombstone: you take care of it yourself.

This seems like such a straightforward problem.

heck if you pay them enough they will put anything on the tombstone including

this is a joke of course but if you pay enough and they dont care they will print you died by sneezing.

 

[Big Shot]

Poon on poon tiktok catfight. This post is so embarrassing I don't even need to add a joke caption for it