God, I hate to make it sound like I'm defending the virgins with rage of the world because no one laughs harder at them than I do but....I'd say that it's kind of easy for girls (especially ones who have had the opportunities) to say that these unfortunate dudes need to "stop making a big deal about it".
And to clarify, I wasn't even referring to normal, everyday guys or even ones who are well-adjusted enough to take certain things in stride or people who are at peace with themselves and the knowledge that sex is no big D. I was speaking for the ones, like my crazy friend, who get this fixation on losing their virginity in their heads that, over time, blossoms into this full-blown inferiority complex (which may or may not be perpetuated by societal norms, real or perceived) and no amount of telling them that it doesn't matter or isn't a big deal will penetrate their autistic forcefields. Having sex won't suddenly make them a success in life, but at least it's one less autistic fixation that'll consume their time and energy. So all I was really suggesting is that for the less socially fluent males among us, there's a pretty narrow window to lose their virginity and if it's that important to them, they should take advantage of it.
I'm not exactly in the same boat as straight male normies who struggled to lose their virginity, but I remember this being something that dragged on me dearly as well. I don't remember
ever making it the central focus of my life, though. What kind of happened to me was, any mention of sex or relationships would immediately send me into a tailspin emotionally. Life became not specifically about losing my virginity, but struggling to ignore all the reminders that I hadn't, and a significant portion of my mental energy was dedicated toward ignoring that sex was even a normal part of life for most people. It got so bad that I would literally up and leave the room without warning, to everyone's bewilderment, when the conversation turned to sex. At one point, one friend from college caught onto why I would leave, and point-blank asked me if I was molested, which was particularly embarrassing. I couldn't bear to acknowledge that I had been so excluded from something so amazing, that everyone could do regularly with mysterious and cryptic ease. Simultaneously, I had also given up any realistic prospect of fixing it, and it was easier to continually run away from it, like a tormenting demon that comes and goes.
Everything was fine as long as I lived under the staggering delusion that sex was not a regular, normal part of most healthy people's lives. This enabled me to largely function under the facade of normalcy, but ultimately I had some very deep issues, and my usual strategy with issues tends to be simply ignoring them and continuing to function as best as I can until they finally explode in my face. At one point, the situation was so volatile that the "explosion" would happen if I had even saw a dopey little sex scene in a movie. Don't say the S-word.
A lot of that went away though, but I wouldn't say it was because I had sex. For the record, virtually nothing about my situation has changed after having sex, except having had sex. This issue isn't about virginity in the end. The real issue is the very troublesome realisation that everyone else can go to this
amazing party any time they want, and
you are perpetually not invited. Losing one's virginity one little time does not reduce the mind-crushing effect this exclusion has on one's self. You're effectively trapped in your room studying, while everyone outside the open window laughs and plays carefree.
) but I don't know how he would have taken that.
