📚 Megathread The Pooner Zoo - A thread for collecting wild Pooners and posting OC Pooners, and anything Pooner related

[Potatis Salad]

I bring you a case study of a heckin' valid dooderino named Davey Davis.

Pics courtesy of @OttoWest

I was introduced to this pooner via the cursed Substack of Mallory "Daniel Lavery" Ortberg. Mallory and Davey are both self-loathing pooners who are trying to convince themselves that they are really gay men. Both of them write on Substack about their "steamy" "gay" hookups.

Here, Mallory comments on Davey's Substack. You can practically feel the torrid gay lust throbbing out of them, n'est-ce pas?



Now, let's dive in to Davey herself. She looks like, and is, a woman, but is neurotic to the point of paranoia about using the bathroom: link | archive.

[In public bathrooms with three or four stalls], if I use the women’s I’ll get stared or screamed at, and if I use the men’s I’ll get clocked. By how I pee, you see, because it’s obvious when someone is using the stall to pee and easy to determine whether they’re using it while seated.

Now, this is all very reasonable. When entering a public bathroom, every man on Earth immediately endeavors to ascertain whether the person inside each stall is sitting or standing, peeing or shitting. Freaking out about this is a productive use of your energy, Davey. Great job.

She writes about her genderfeels: link | archive. Naturally, they are EXTREMELY COMPLICATED. Is she "Uncle"? Is she "Auntie"? What if she changes her mind?!?!?

Prior to this most recent visit, my godson was unable to call me much of anything at all, so the title of uncle had always been theoretical, aspirational. It had been a somewhat queasy concession on my part—I wasn’t so sure I didn’t feel like an Auntie David. And you also want to be mindful of your gender’s inconstancy (suppose I wake up some morning with a changed mind?).

Lego gun = man. Our poon wishes everyone would act like this preschooler, adjusting the pronouns they use for her according to the gender role she is occupying at that particular nanosecond:

As usual, my pronouns were even more problematic than my name...When I cuddled him, I was she. When I showed him how to load the tiny Lego gun with tinier Lego projectiles, I was he. ... I [began] to wistfully wonder what it would be like if other people—adult people—could gender me as he did.

The most important thing about this growing child is what he thinks about my gender:

I’m the first person he’s ever met—or has ever built Lego boats with, anyway—whose gender is a mystery.

Despite having a ~mysterious~ ~complicated~ ~mercurial~ gender herself, Davey does not tolerate this in others. A nonbinary dares to message her on Grindr and she takes to Twitter to complain that her profile CLEARLY states MEN ONLY!!!!!! Why can't they/them learn to fucking read?!?!?!?


She is using a suboptimal forum (Grindr) to do it, but Davey is still offering pussy on the internet. She finds takers. In one Substack entry (Archive), she recounts the tale of one anonymous hookup:

After a while, he picked me up and placed me on the bed. He sucked too hard on my clit, but when I told him so, he modulated his technique. This made me happy, which is not the same thing as aroused, but not so different, either; I don’t like receiving head, but I let guys do it because it’s easier than having a conversation about it. Having overcome something together, after a few minutes I felt sturdy enough to tell him I was done.

Dallas did what they all do and threw my legs over his ox-like shoulders to penetrate deeper, harder, faster. It hurt.

But after just a few strokes, he told me to lie on my belly and close my legs. I knew this was a signal that he wanted to finish, and I, too, was ready to go home, but this vaguely irritated me. In my experience, this is a favored position among chasers who prefer someone with a different anatomy from mine because it both tightens the hole, so it’s easier to cum (damn those condoms, the foe of middle-aged fuckers everywhere!), and obscures the fact that I have a vagina. Or so I think.

So hot, right!?!?!?!?!?! She clearly loves getting railed by strange men.

Another one. Link | Archive. I challenge you to finish reading this excerpt without having at least eight spontaneous orgasms from the raw animalistic sexuality of our cock-hungry Grindrista:

He talked to me, stroking my hair, and I began to relax. But when he reached down into my pants, his fingers went immediately to my asshole. Well, shit, I thought. Flattered as I was, gender-wise, by his homosexual instincts, I knew their next stop would be my pussy, even my clit, and the specter of a UTI ruined the mood I was in the process of summoning. The effort of stopping, negotiating, sending him to wash his hands, starting it up all over again—it just wasn’t worth it. I sucked his cock for a few minutes longer, trying to ascertain, by his sounds and shifting tumescences, what gave him true pleasure and what was merely encouragement or good manners, and then I stood up, apologized, put my shirt back on, and left.

Davey's Substack goes back to 2020 and I'm sure there's more insanity therein, but I'll leave it there for now, I'm sure you're all spent.

 

[DYLAN ‘DIELAWN’ VOLK]

"this is a favored position among chasers who prefer someone with a different anatomy from mine"

Ok so not really chasers then. Just a straight or bi guy using her as a fleshlight. If he was gay he would have bummed her, and if he was a "chaser" he would be into her having both a vag and a tit chop and want to look at it. Why tell your sex stories to strangers if they're this depressing?!

 

[Syikeblade]

An pooner's friend visits her with a buddy of his own. Who doesn't take to kindly on seeing an abomination talk.

Spoiler: Friend came over with a friend

Friend brought his college friend over? (self.FTMMen)
submitted 11 hours ago * by Revolutionary-Tie908
Been on t for 7 years Look I’m not a very big guy, but I have a lot of facial hair. I am short. My voice is a bass baritone so I know it’s not my voice. But his friend gave me a weird look. After I said hi?
And he didn’t reply back. Could it because he clocked me? I’m actually concern. My friend who’s a cis guy respects me and treats me as any other guy. He knows I’m trans because I told him. That’s before I know he was a conservative guy. But his college friend just left without responding.
I never told him I was trans. I’m stealth only my friends know. Surprising my friend is conservative but has nothing against me being a trans man. His friend is conservative as well. Is my friend ship over? My friend still checks up on me and says. “Hey bro you ok?” “I always tell him yea man.”
Idk what to do. Should I end his friendship. I don’t know if its right to end over beliefs.

She debates if she should drop her friend, because the new guy clocked her.

Spoiler: Even they're calling her out

avalanchefan95 [score hidden] 4 hours ago
Wait, you want to end a friendship with someone... Because their friend didn't talk to you? That's bizarre.

[–]Revolutionary-Tie908 [score hidden] 39 minutes ago
No I don’t want to but I’m asking if that’s a bad idea.

[–]Ohio_Man419 [score hidden] 4 hours ago
You're being waaaaay too sensitive. This is why people don't like us. Because people like this have a crisis every time someone makes a face. Some people just aren't rays of sunshine in every moment. Loosen your binder and take a breath.
L
[–]Revolutionary-Tie908 [score hidden] 36 minutes ago
I do sound paranoid I guess. I’ll tone it down.

Archive Link

 

[Potato Burrito]

An pooner's friend visits her with a buddy of his own. Who doesn't take to kindly on seeing an abomination talk.

Spoiler: Friend came over with a friend

Friend brought his college friend over? (self.FTMMen)
submitted 11 hours ago * by Revolutionary-Tie908
Been on t for 7 years Look I’m not a very big guy, but I have a lot of facial hair. I am short. My voice is a bass baritone so I know it’s not my voice. But his friend gave me a weird look. After I said hi?
And he didn’t reply back. Could it because he clocked me? I’m actually concern. My friend who’s a cis guy respects me and treats me as any other guy. He knows I’m trans because I told him. That’s before I know he was a conservative guy. But his college friend just left without responding.
I never told him I was trans. I’m stealth only my friends know. Surprising my friend is conservative but has nothing against me being a trans man. His friend is conservative as well. Is my friend ship over? My friend still checks up on me and says. “Hey bro you ok?” “I always tell him yea man.”
Idk what to do. Should I end his friendship. I don’t know if its right to end over beliefs.

She debates if she should drop her friend, because the new guy clocked her.

Revolutionary-Tie908 is one of the most blubberingly retarded pooners documented on these pages and regular readers of the thread know that's saying a lot.

Profile: https://www.reddit.com/user/Revolutionary-Tie908/

She's the one who asked her fellow doods if a cartoon dog would be a good male role model:


Archive


Transformers are also masculine role models lol


Oh and she's autistic but we knew that. And barely fucking literate, Jesus Christ.


Whoever gave this girl T is a straight up eugenicist. Cheers to them!

 

[BohemianBorzoi]

Maybe, we'll see how long it takes for them to peak and for them to realize that transgenderism itself is entirely evil and that not even adults should be permitted to destroy themselves in such a way.

Honestly it seems like time and exposure are all it takes. The more gender special people my friends get to know about the more it makes them question how legit the rest of it is. I also try to focus on the medical butchery. It's easy to get people to agree that the mentally ill shouldn't hack off healthy tissue. A lot easier than getting into elaborate discussion about how transgenderism and autogynephilia are the same thing. If people can see the medicine is bullshit then it can help plant seeds that the condition itself might be worth being more skeptical about.

 

[Toxic BRAAAAP Mask]

Davey are both self-loathing pooners who are trying to convince themselves that they are really gay men.

I could read a whole thread of this!


So she hates fucking men, but won't quit, and also won't tell them what she wants out of sex? Shit or get off the pot.


How very dysphoric for Davey, being outed as a damaged woman.


She had a panic attack over her nervous bladder lmaoooo


Excruciating detail about her fear of UTIs from having sex with random men


How could you not mention her being a sludgepit of STDs and constantly imagining having her fuckbuddy's baby?


Oh sweaty, they're not being an ally


How exhausting it must be to have someone ask kindly for your nudes.


You can never win, at least she's honest.


A whole series on this. Definitely her good judgement till now means we should trust her expertise.

 

[Baumstriezel]

What a spectacular find, @Potatis Salad.
She is more poetic and descriptive when she writes about almost pissing herself than when she’s describing her sexcapades, which are just… weirdly dry and clinical? Fucking strangers, even though you clearly don’t enjoy it, just so you can feel validated as a “gay man” sounds like an exhausting and pointless chore.
The whole substack is an interesting look in the mind of a compulsive overthinker. A hypnotic level of navel gazing.

 

[Heinrich Maneuver]

Davey's Substack goes back to 2020 and I'm sure there's more insanity therein, but I'll leave it there for now, I'm sure you're all spent.

he modulated his technique

Dallas did what they all do... It hurt.

I, too, was ready to go home,

tumescences,

This is the most sexless description of sex ever, it's like a biologist describing the mating habits of rare shrews. Does this count as a form of self harm if she's clearly not enjoying it?

How exhausting it must be to have someone ask kindly for your nudes.

The subtle distinction between gay men and "queer" men. Haha. True and honest gays, homosexuals, the ORIGINAL, are the ultimate prize, they are 'hot' and 'rare'. Not ""queers"". The acknowledgement that 'bisexual' and ''queer'' men use 'HR/therapy/uwu' speak language... she's knows they know they are talking to a woman, and a very liberal, modern one at that.


Tyler Catastrophe is probably going to peak a lot of people, or she is a symptom that a lot of people are 'over' the gender shit now. She's breached containment and multiple female 'social commentary youtubers' are talking about her. I've never seen so many people openly mocking a person of gender, even if everyone is 'he'-and-'him'-ing. The amount of 'omg come to the UK come to [muslim shithole area]' comments are doubling as well.

 

[Taxes]

Even if they don't have it, they're gonna use it as excuse for dicking you over.

I like to believe NPD/BPD is what the Bible & other holy texts were referring to when talking about demons taking on human-forms. Imagine being the poor soul chained to that thing, pre-current technology & knowledge. Or even today in some shithole with no one rocking an IQ over 70. Yeah, I'd think those mood swings & vile tantrums had to be possession, too.

I could read a whole thread of this!

View attachment 8905042
So she hates fucking men, but won't quit, and also won't tell them what she wants out of sex? Shit or get off the pot.

View attachment 8905047
How very dysphoric for Davey, being outed as a damaged woman.

View attachment 8905053
She had a panic attack over her nervous bladder lmaoooo

View attachment 8905062
Excruciating detail about her fear of UTIs from having sex with random men

View attachment 8905067
How could you not mention her being a sludgepit of STDs and constantly imagining having her fuckbuddy's baby?

View attachment 8905076
Oh sweaty, they're not being an ally

View attachment 8905087
How exhausting it must be to have someone ask kindly for your nudes.

View attachment 8905089
You can never win, at least she's honest.

View attachment 8905092
A whole series on this. Definitely her good judgement till now means we should trust her expertise.

What a dry, sad existence. What pointless usage of the English language. I've heard more passionate descriptions of sex from medical journals. What a loon. I cannot wait to see the horrific results of this basket case's escapades. May whatever Super Aids Syphilis Gonorrhea combo take out these wretched souls first.

Tax:
The first two are regarding sexuality & the strange ways pooners go about it.

Stupid Is As Stupid Says: bitchy straight chick chastises her fellow poons on their partner choices. She starts off her delusional spiel by calling her boyfriend 'stupid' & asserting he often "forgets" she doesn't have a dick. Who would have guessed the long con is still a strategy so many men employ? Or is OPoon dating a borderline retard? Considering her grammar and punctuation on display (which is even worse than mine), it could be a case of bumping uglies between those of the less mentally gifted.


An L For Alcoholics: a self-hating, butch lesbian in a conservative society who can't put 2 and 2 together to get anything but 5. Dyke dumbass here presents a great argument for sobriety. Imagine needing to get wasted to "feel like yourself" & fantasizing about lopping off your tits at almost thirty? No fucking shit you see yourself as the husband growing up in a "hetero-only" society. But what you see ain't always what it is, YWNBAM.


The third and fourth highlight their decietful natures (as if we really need anymore examples).

Lying Tongues Fool No One But the Blind: PSA from a pooner yapping about hiding the truth, even from their own kind. No "cis" person is being asked this. If you are, then consider yourself #clocked. Pack it up & drop the act, Pinnochio. We all know you're not a real boy.


Lying About Being Born Luke Transitioning to Leia: we get stupider each year, istg. Grown adult lied about being mtf to some bloke, but doesn't like being a woman but doesn't want to go on T or stop being feminine but feels "euphoric" (read: aroused) by her deception but also the guilt is getting to her. My batteries at 7% and I'm wasting it documenting this. It's been a year so who knows if she ever came clean. Nothing on her profile says so. I hope whatever diety out there made us is hacing a real laugh.


Apologies if this has all been shared before. I'm so tired of these chicks, man. Trannyism: not even once.

 

[Male Idiot]

Genderblob, the hairy and fat modern day new gender. Perhaps it could have been a man or a woman, but noe it is too fat, too hormoned and you can't tell what it is without an expedition to excavate the genitals.

 

[Det. Frank Washington Esq]

So perhaps we should just start saying to them in earnest: "You're not trans, you're just autistic."

After 12 years of thinking I was born with a male brain in a female body, I now understand that I was born with an AUTISTIC brain in a female body.

I then began to understand that I could cure my own crippling gender dysphoria by better understanding my autism.

Instead of binding my breasts & pretending to be a man, I now meet my sensory needs with mild compression undershirts that don’t actively destroy my lungs, back, ribs, spine, nerves and breasts.

I now intentionally choose to wear bras with a maximum of two textures, and thick straps that don’t twist as I move, in addition to the mild (full upper body) compression shirts because I know this is what I can tolerate.

By managing the sensory needs of my whole body in all sorts of new ways, I no longer focus on the discomfort my breasts and 99.99% of bras cause me.

As a result, my body is now a much more tolerable place for my brain to live.

The only qualms I have now have with that part of my body I used to hate so much, was the destruction I’ve caused myself in the misguided attempt to fix an unacknowledged severe sensory issue (that as a kid caused me to toe walk and to compulsively pull out my eyelashes before it became fixated on gender) with an attempted gender transition.

Happy autism awareness month!

 

[Aunt Carol]

So she hates fucking men, but won't quit, and also won't tell them what she wants out of sex?

This woman sounds exhausting.

If you don't enjoy sex with randos, you can stop having sex with randos.

Like and subscribe for more LifeProTips; damn.

 

[Colress]

So perhaps we should just start saying to them in earnest: "You're not trans, you're just autistic."

View attachment 8906503

You know what? I'll call this a win. She realized what was wrong, and made the conclusion that it wasn't any kind of imagined dysphoria- it was just autism. A poon de-pooning is ideal.

 

[thejackal2]

You'd think this pooner would be euphoric after this, not upset.



Her post history indicates she's had top surgery and is on T and has a pooner beard. I mean, isn't this what she wanted???????

 

[Uzumaki]

I like to believe NPD/BPD is what the Bible & other holy texts were referring to when talking about demons taking on human-forms

I see you attended my TED Talk.

 

[Izdaja Slika]

"I'm trying to be stealth and yet other gay and trans people (including trans men) keep immediately trying to clock me upon meeting me..."

Babygirl, there is no imperfective verbal aspect to getting clocked. You've been clocked; the action is completed. They're not trying to clock you, they're trying to out you.

Thank you for attending my TED grammar talk.

 

[Eva Braun]

A rapist in the making is frustrated that even others in her community of degenerates often find the notion of disclosure to be of utmost importance.

I don’t understand why they‘d want to have sex with someone who would potentially harm them. Sex without emotional connection is already so dull but this seems even worse.

What a dry, sad existence. What pointless usage of the English language. I've heard more passionate descriptions of sex from medical journals. What a loon. I cannot wait to see the horrific results of this basket case's escapades. May whatever Super Aids Syphilis Gonorrhea combo take out these wretched souls first.

I wonder if she’s actually attracted to her hook ups or if she’s just using them to feel desired for a moment. Her Substack is so dry that it could be used as treatment for sex addiction.

So perhaps we should just start saying to them in earnest: "You're not trans, you're just autistic."

View attachment 8906503

Congratulations to this woman. May she find good doctors in the future who will give her the care she actually needs.

 

[Iron Jaguar]

Why tell your sex stories to strangers if they're this depressing?!

They have no choice: Pooners have no genuinely positive and successful stories about their sex lives. - The only two topics are either "Here's my rotdog, wrapped in Coban tape with Popsicle sticks and three condoms" or "Every guy I hookup with through Tinder keeps calling me 'she' and talking about my 'clit'. I'm starting to think they don't see me as the powerful 4'11" stallion that I Truly Am."

 

[Hongourable Madisha]

Plus a lot of their sexuality is based in rambling stories, either fanfic or self-insert fanfic like these Reddit posts.

 

[shatterspinel]

This woman sounds exhausting.

If you don't enjoy sex with randos, you can stop having sex with randos.

Like and subscribe for more LifeProTips; damn.

I honestly didn’t believe any of what my parents told me about television until I saw normal, healthy, wait until you know the person until you boink behavior was labeled as “demisexual” by whole swaths of the youth who believe that hook ups are what non repressed “allosexual” people do. And even then, they were wrong and got their information from other propaganda sources. Who would have seen this as an effect of oversexualized media? But I am pretty sure whatever actually did happen during MKUltra and it’s consequences are worse…