The gaming confessional box - all your sins and lies will find you out

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

I own every Civ game in big box versions or at least physical discs for the later ones, but I'm too stupid to understand how to play any of them. I also own them all on Steam, and don't think I've played a single one. Same goes for the Sim City games. All I ever do is install, just open a pre-made map and destroy it, then uninstall 10 minutes later when I realise I don't know what I'm doing.

I also own the full game with all the DLC for CKII and never got past the tutorial before noping out.

I once played the tutorial for Civ 4, and after like 20 minutes I realized I didn't know what was going on.

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

When I was like 12 I had cybersex with a girl on runescape.

I didn't know at the time that 80% of girls in online games are dudes just saying they're chicks.

I wish I had a chat log though. I can just imagine the sexy lines 12 year old me was busting out: "I rub your boobies and my PP gets bigger."

The video starts a bit dumb and takes a while to build up but it pays off.

 

[whitepumpkin]

The only good part about The Witcher 3 are the sidequests, the DLC, and Iorveth being fucking nuked from the game. The moment Ciri and Yennefer show up, the game goes to shit and becomes exhausting to even play.

Horizon: Zero Dawn felt overly preachy for what is essentially 'kill mecha dinosaurs'. I didn't relate to Aloy at all. She's probably the blandest character I've ever played in a video game. Even in the DLC, she remains static and boring.

On the flip side, Red Dead Redemption 2 suckerpunched me with how fucking good Arthur is as a character. I don't even care the game is slow as molasses, it was nice just hanging out on your horse to ride to town so you can get drunk as fuck at the bar. Or go play dominoes.

I still think Far Cry 4 is the best in the series. I'm a faggot for the himalayas.

 

[Nut-Roaster the 2nd]

I like watching people play Doom and other shooters, but I can't play them. Still, I want to try my hand at the Prime series.

Also, I want more games like Zelda 2. It's hard as balls, but it's a fun kind of hard.

 

[AbyssStarer]

I love JRPGs but I have never played more than a handful of hours in any Square Enix game. I have seen plenty of how they play and I don't get why they're so popular except they are more palatable to normies than other JRPGs and readily available.

I have played very few western developed games and I genuinely tend to not understand how they work or why they get popular.

I played through Persona 3 and 4 a few times before I started to see through their shallowness, and it's why I hate them so much now.

I was a big Shin Megami Tensei fan and don't get why so many people got assmad over SMTxFire Emblem. After a rushed-together powerpoint-tier trailer and TWO YEARS OF NOTHING you should not expect a game to be representative of said trailer. Tokyo Mirage Sessions is a decent game with bretty good music, play it on hard mode and it's even better. We're talking about Atlus, they crave Persona money so bad they threw all their other series' under the bus and/or Persona-fied them. TMS was a one-off game, the devs admitted they couldn't come up with an interesting/unique enough idea to do a more proper SMTxFE and we got a good game out of it. What's there to bitch about?

I pre-order most games I want because I know if I don't their prices usually skyrocket. (I own a few rather rare games I got for regular price because of this). Mid-low market JRPGs only have active fanbases for a 1-2 months at most anyway. It's most fun to be at the beginning. I've heard the arguments about pre-ordering, and I don't really give a shit.

 

[Donovan the Man]

When I was like 12 I had cybersex with a girl on runescape.

I didn't know at the time that 80% of girls in online games are dudes just saying they're chicks.

I wish I had a chat log though. I can just imagine the sexy lines 12 year old me was busting out: "I rub your boobies and my PP gets bigger."

When I was like 15-16 playing WoW, I had a male Draenei on moonguard and a pink haired female gnome came up to me to roleplay as a human toddler and I was their dad. I kept trying to find its parents with a bad Russian accent as I knew that was weird after being tricked into giantess roleplay by a male gnome on my female night elf. I not a pussy so I don’t block people, so I did this to myself.

People who play gnomes are fucking weird.

 

[Lucifuga]

Once I learn the RPG I've been enjoying has random stat increases on unit level up I can't continue playing.
While the majority of them don't require you to maximize I can't stand the fact that my units are inferior to another's playthrough of the game for no reason. Being able to farm stat increasing items doesn't negate this.

I miss playing through games from start to finish being blissfully ignorant of the unit stats.

Mon games are an exception. They tend to have NPC text acknowledging identical units can develop differently. Makes it alright in my book.

 

[Ass eating cunt]

Whenever I play any game I always role-play in my mind. Not as the characters I'm playing, but different people playing the games

 

[Peru oso donas]

I have never beaten a mainline pokemon game, in fact, the only time i have played a mainline pokemon game has been the first 5 minutes of platinum.

 

[bothiggedyhog]

i'm a fake gamer. i played a lot when i was younger and shooters weren't yet in style, but my aim is shit, my response time is awful, and i just can't be bothered with most of the games trending these days.(plus im broke). i'm pretty much a game boomer trying to be cool with the kids.
sometimes i watch other people play games or keep up to date on certain games, research them excessively, watch the speedruns, and then pretend i played the game myself for cool gamer points.
EDIT: does not apply to most retro games I enjoyed growing up, nostalgia gaming is always worth it and I'll always go back for them

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

In all my Pokemon playthroughs (Only first 3? gens, never played any newer ones) I only ever fought with my starter Pokeman, and only kept others for essential HMs. Doing this makes the games utterly trivial, one-shotting your way through the last part of the game, only issue with Elite Four could be you running out of your favorite attack.
I guess I never was into catching them all.

 

[JamusActimus]

I played msg 3 a second time in a harder difficulty with no letal weapons.

At the end of the game you get a rank linked to an animal to judge your performance.

I got the pigeon rank not even dove but pigeon

 

[Cheese-Loving Citizen]

After finding out the Black Ops assassins had jiggle physics, I sometimes try to get a closer look at the assassins in the section before Gordon gets knocked out. For research purposes, of course.

In New Vegas, I like to hack my enemies into bits and pieces and put them in a nice gore pile, especially near places where it's likely people would come across it like in front of a building or a road.

In Terraria, I always put the Angler in a small, wooden box with only the essentials, no decorations whatsoever. Fuck that kid. I'd likely wouldn't give two shits if he got fucked by a solar eclipse if I didn't need to have him the next morning for a fishing quest. Just give me the accessory that I need, damn it!

 

[Smaug's Smokey Hole]

EDIT: does not apply to most retro games I enjoyed growing up, nostalgia gaming is always worth it and I'll always go back for them

About ten years ago I went back and played through a lot of SNES games because I had no internet yet, spent an hour or two at night playing on a laptop instead of reading or watching TV. It was very enjoyable and emulator functionality like fast forward and rewind made even tedious games and the ones filled with bullshit playable.
I played and scrubbed my way through Super Mario RPG and Earthbound for the first time that way, using save states, FFWD/rewind and manipulating the RNG in my favor from time to time to keep things trucking and because I was permanently under leveled.

After finding out the Black Ops assassins had jiggle physics, I sometimes try to get a closer look at the assassins in the section before Gordon gets knocked out. For research purposes, of course.

I don't know if they patched it out but the assassins only move when you move if they haven't seen you. Standing in a favorable spot and jumping counts as moving so when they turn the corner: point-black shotgun to the face, rinse and repeat.

 

[ZehnBoat]

sometimes when i'm bored, i'll solo stealth any of the harvest and trustee maps in payday 2
and when i'm done, i move all the bodybags and hostages into the vault, and line the vault door with trip mines

 

[Bread Fetishist]

When it comes to Ace Attorney, save scumming is always the way to go.

 

[Ex Cummunicated Sasser HD]

I got a PS2 at launch, played Tekken Tag, PES and GTA 3 then got rid of it. Got an Xbox at launch too, owned 5 games then got rid of it. I didn't even know what XBox live or Halo was. Did the same with Gamecube... Got Super Monkey Ball, Wave Race and Luigi's mansion then gave up on it. Very similar thing with dreamcast too, but I don't even remember what games I got for that... Never owned a console since.

 

[Duncan Hills Coffee]

Those eels from Super Mario Galaxy are fucking creepy, and I tend to avoid stars where they're common.

 

[Stoneheart]

I cheesed EU4 to get some of the harder achievements. only blue blob was done in the right manner...

 

[A Welsh Cake]

I frequently play girl characters in games with character creation.
I can’t help it, girls are cute and I like cute things.