The Cole Smithey Thread

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thegooddoctor said:
Downvote me all you want but Ive never really understood why Cole seems to garner so much hatred here, yeah he is an absolute pretentious douche on every level, but he's never been an active threat towards anyone and mainly just keeps to himself even on his film platforms. He may a snarmy and self righteous prick who writes terrible and mediocre reviews with a zip code level ego but there are far worse things a person can be. People saying they’re rather hang out with a mentally ill, hideous Tranny mother fucker than Cole are lying to themselves. I’td be infinitely more tolerable to be with at least a somewhat normal if pretentious film critic than with Chris of all of people. I don’t care if he thinks he’s better than me I feel sorry for him being born into such white trash shitty parents and being hounded with weens forever, no one deserves that.
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People hate on anyone and everyone associated with Chris. I've even seen complete victims like Megan and Snyder get hateful comments written about them on here.
 
silentium said:
People hate on anyone and everyone associated with Chris. I've even seen complete victims like Megan and Snyder get hateful comments written about them on here.
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I consider Megan to be an enabler of sorts. If she had just told him to fuck off like most other women did after Chris left high school, Christory might've gone different.
 
Tom Myers said:
Cole is about to become the primary care-giver of Barb.
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If children were legally obligated to provide for adults in old age, there'd be no escaping abusive parents. Snorlax isn't entitled to shit from Cole Smithey.
Cardenio said:
No one cares about Chris's half siblings via Bob. I'm a retard who read way too much of the Cwciki during the Golden Years and when I think of Bob Chandler's extended family I think of John Kerry because someone photoshopped him with Chris. it was something about Chris attending a wedding? I dunno even know anymore.
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Bob's first kids were well into adulthood when Chris was born. The reason Cole Smithey became a little sideshow in the great circus of Christory is because he:
1. had a relatively significant online presence.
2. has a little bit of Chris in him.
3. the emails, which gave insight into Barb, Bob, and the conditions that Chris came from.
When GenoSamuel asks "what made him this way? what is the attraction? what keeps us fascinated?", Cole Smithey's information about Barb provides some answers. He's one of the few primary sources on pre-2007 Christory and even Pre-Chris Christory. Of course he must be taken with a grain of salt, but many of his claims make sense, and his biased claims are easy to unwrap.

Although we don't know as much about the half-siblings on Bob's side, the lack of information on them is itself notable, especially when contrasted with Cole Smithey. Bob's children were an ophthalmologist and a mathematician. Their relationship became strained, perhaps due to Bob getting involved with Barb. The daughter did not attend his funeral. Cole, meanwhile, is a movie reviewer with a youtube channel that only got around 10k views per video, and would've averaged 1k views if not for the Chris connection. From this, it is implied that Barb was the worse parent. It's also interesting because Cole believes Barb drank while pregnant with him. That means she very well may have drank while pregnant with Chris. I wish we had confirmation of that, because it'd explain a lot about Chris's behavior, but I don't want to jump to conclusions. It's always seemed like Chris had some worse problems on top of autism and FAS could be one of the big ones. It can affect a person's sense of right and wrong and puts them at risk for autism, adhd, and general dullness.
 
Shiversblood said:
Maybe Cole would have a story about specifically why all of Barbs living relatives hate her besides Chris Chan. There’s probably some good and interesting stories about incidents where Barb maybe just goes insane on her relatives until eventually she alienates every relative besides Bob and Chris Chan. Bob eventually died, and Chris Chan was placed into custody recently. Also maybe he would know where Barb is. A nursing home? I want to meet Cole face to face to discuss these matters. And record it on videotape.
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I think the only way this would happen is after Chris is behind bars/dies and if Cole is really desperate for money. He obviously knows of the internet popularity of Chirs. However as it's been documented before his wife comes from a very well-off family so I would imagine he's dependent on her unless he's finally given up the film critic career and gotten a real job (I haven't paid attention to Cole in a few years so I don't really know). But if worst case scenario in his life happens he could release a "tell-all" book and live comfortably off it for a year or two. "My life with Chris-Chan" or some shit.
 
thegooddoctor said:
Downvote me all you want but Ive never really understood why Cole seems to garner so much hatred here, yeah he is an absolute pretentious douche on every level, but he's never been an active threat towards anyone and mainly just keeps to himself even on his film platforms. He may a snarmy and self righteous prick who writes terrible and mediocre reviews with a zip code level ego but there are far worse things a person can be. People saying they’re rather hang out with a mentally ill, hideous Tranny mother fucker than Cole are lying to themselves. I’td be infinitely more tolerable to be with at least a somewhat normal if pretentious film critic than with Chris of all of people. I don’t care if he thinks he’s better than me I feel sorry for him being born into such white trash shitty parents and being hounded with weens forever, no one deserves that.
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Honestly, Cole doesn’t get that much heat from Kiwis. We laugh at him because he’s a silly douche but also it’s clear that he had a really shitty abusive childhood so it all kind of balances out.
 
Barry Scott said:
I think the only way this would happen is after Chris is behind bars/dies and if Cole is really desperate for money. He obviously knows of the internet popularity of Chirs. However as it's been documented before his wife comes from a very well-off family so I would imagine he's dependent on her unless he's finally given up the film critic career and gotten a real job (I haven't paid attention to Cole in a few years so I don't really know). But if worst case scenario in his life happens he could release a "tell-all" book and live comfortably off it for a year or two. "My life with Chris-Chan" or some shit.
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He was born in 1963, so he's nearing retirement age. I'm pretty sure that he is able to pull off the film critic "job" because he married into money somehow. The CWCki says he almost died of flesh eating bacteria in 2016 after an ER nurse misdiagnosed him. Perhaps he was able to get a nice malpractice settlment out of it.

He couldn't actually say much about Chris, because he wasn't around for most of Chris's upbringing.

I'd still love to ask him questions about Borb. Especially if Barb drank while pregnant with Chris. He may know more about the baby sitter incident and the elementary school principal incident as well.
 
thegooddoctor said:
Downvote me all you want but Ive never really understood why Cole seems to garner so much hatred here, yeah he is an absolute pretentious douche on every level, but he's never been an active threat towards anyone and mainly just keeps to himself even on his film platforms. He may a snarmy and self righteous prick who writes terrible and mediocre reviews with a zip code level ego but there are far worse things a person can be. People saying they’re rather hang out with a mentally ill, hideous Tranny mother fucker than Cole are lying to themselves. I’td be infinitely more tolerable to be with at least a somewhat normal if pretentious film critic than with Chris of all of people. I don’t care if he thinks he’s better than me I feel sorry for him being born into such white trash shitty parents and being hounded with weens forever, no one deserves that.
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I never really got the hate for Cole either. He got as far away from the horde as he could, married up, living a good life drinking craft while doing shitty reviews of movies and playing in a bossy nova band. i don’t see what the big deal about him is since he never reacts to any trolling attempts and doesn’t acknowledge Chris or Barb.
 
sparklemilhouse said:
I think a lot of it stems from the eBay auctions he used to do where highest bidder could buy him drinks at a brooklyn bar, and talk to him ( or something, this was ten years ago )
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This is the first time I’ve heard of that. I always thought it was because he was the only reviewer to give Toy Story 3 a bad review and that his movie reviews are mind numbingly boring.
 
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I mean, Cole seems like a dick and the sort of person I would roll my eyes at in real life and purposefully avoid at cocktail parties, but as pretentious wannabes go, he is fairly harmless.

I am hardly a Christorian, but based on the stuff that I’ve read from Cole about his past, it seems like Barb was a drunk and kind of a whore, in a way a lot of redneck women in the South of a certain age were. Like, Bob was divorced, he might have also been a drunk, I don’t know, and he met some low-rent lady in a bar, got smashed and fucked her and wound up married. They went on to live a pretty routine redneck existence, except for the late in life autistic child.

It is interesting, and sort of notable, that all of Barb and Bob's other kids turned out pretty well (Bob's especially). Like, Cole is a Z-List film reviewer who married into money, but at least he married into money and managed to get a syndicated column (as bad as it may have been), despite what sounds like a fucked up childhood. A lot of people who grow up in that Hilbilly Elegy bubble never get more than 50 miles from their hometowns.

And I don’t fault him if he doesn’t want anything to do with his mother and a half-brother he’s probably met four or five times in his life. These people aren’t his problem or responsibility.
 
thegooddoctor said:
Downvote me all you want but Ive never really understood why Cole seems to garner so much hatred here, yeah he is an absolute pretentious douche on every level, but he's never been an active threat towards anyone and mainly just keeps to himself even on his film platforms. He may a snarmy and self righteous prick who writes terrible and mediocre reviews with a zip code level ego but there are far worse things a person can be. People saying they’re rather hang out with a mentally ill, hideous Tranny mother fucker than Cole are lying to themselves. I’td be infinitely more tolerable to be with at least a somewhat normal if pretentious film critic than with Chris of all of people. I don’t care if he thinks he’s better than me I feel sorry for him being born into such white trash shitty parents and being hounded with weens forever, no one deserves that.
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You've never understood it? Really? You must be pretty dense. Jealousy is a pretty basic concept even kids understand. He's the World's Smartest Film Critic. Put it together bucko
 
Skeletor said:
Honestly, Cole doesn’t get that much heat from Kiwis. We laugh at him because he’s a silly douche but also it’s clear that he had a really shitty abusive childhood so it all kind of balances out.
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Cole's reputation on the Farms has been up and down over the years. In the early days of the forum, he was actually pretty well-respected. Then it was discovered that he wasn't quite the hot-shot film critic that everyone thought him to be, and opinions on him did a 180, to the point where he was mostly just seen as Chris with better dress sense. Nowadays things have evened out a bit; yeah, he's a pretentious hipster liberal, but to marry into money and stay there, you've gotta be doing something right.

Bitch Cakes said:
And I don’t fault him if he doesn’t want anything to do with his mother and a half-brother he’s probably met four or five times in his life. These people aren’t his problem or responsibility.
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The sad part is that up to about 2007 or so, Cole did seem to feel some sense of responsibility toward Chris - reading between the lines in the e-mails the two exchanged, it looks like Cole was gently trying to get Chris to see for himself what a terrible person their mother was. And Chris's response was basically "Yeah, cool story bro. But moving onto what's REALLY important, I need you to help me win a vidya contest and score some China!"
 
Rupin said:
This is the first time I’ve heard of that. I always thought it was because he was the only reviewer to give Toy Story 3 a bad review and that his movie reviews are mind numbingly boring.
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"Buy Cole Smithey a beer" was a bi-monthly thing. He was actually taken up on it once or twice ("worth every penny" according to one "lucky" winner.)
He also arranged the donation drop down on his old site so that the $1,000 option was on top rather than the $5/$10 option.
The old /cow/ always saw him as a money grubber, maybe even a micro-cow , but never really outright hated him.
 
The best plottwist would be Cole snapping and dropping some Tzar bomb sized Christory facts he had kept shut.
 
im surprised cole smithy never ended up on that guy with the glasses, or became a nostalgia critic ripoff.
he seems like the type. maybe a super pretentious version of the nostalgia critic, reviewing sort of obscure movies and bashing new ones.
edit: i wonder if people send striped rugby shirts, fantas and sonichu medalions to his house?
 
Cole is a pretty run-of-the-mill douchey urban hipster. The only interesting thing about him is being related to CWC.
 
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