The Cole Smithey Thread

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The real question is: When somebody inevitably makes the Chris Chan Story into a movie, what rating will Cole give it?
 
drmccoy said:
When I was far more interested in this trainwreck I looked up Tom. I am pretty sure he's dead. Harriet, as far as I could tell, was not. If it was her.... welp, would you want an mother fucker in your nice retirement home?
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If her husband has passed away, she was probably afraid of the possibility of her own potential rape, and didn't want to be alone with him.
 
UnKillShredDur said:
The real question is: When somebody inevitably makes the Chris Chan Story into a movie, what rating will Cole give it?
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I hope the movie is a pretentious, quirky, art house film so Cole will be tortured by all his hipster friends gushing about it.
 
Ophelia said:
There are some amazing black comedies out there.
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You’d have to go the Gummo route now that you got involuntary incest as part of the plot. Aside from that you can try for an early John Waters “celebration of filth and depravity” direction.
 
Ser Ciappelletto said:
You mean you wouldn't love to hear teenage weens screaming at you constantly about your developmentally disabled brother raping your abusive mother you cut contact with forty years ago constantly?
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I just love the idea that if this dude ever gets any more "success" than videos that rarely crack two digit views about his opinion on some Truffaut fag film, his actual family background becomes fair game. He has to cringe for the rest of his life, because either he continues to live his life of relentless obscurity, or he risks actually having to answer questions about Chris.

The only reason he doesn't have to now is nobody gives a flying fuck about this completely obscure hipster douche.
 
Ophelia said:
There are some amazing black comedies out there.
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Chris' life is best portrayed as a tragedy/horror , where the creepy factor is how Sonichu slowly becomes more and more real as time goes by and at the end of the story does a recap of Chris' life from the perspective of people other than Chris in previous scenes and how he was a creepy selfish bastard before the prison doors close on him.

You could probably art it up a bit, interweaving the Sonichu characters in with the real world could make it very surreal and artistic.
 
you're all wrong. it would be a netflix original that had chris played by chris pratt and he would be a high functioning god who was cruelly treated by evil trolls (played by melissa mccarthy) and barb (played by zendaya) was secretly not his mother and it was a forbidden love and then james corden shows up and says slayyyyyy queen as chris is unjustly taken to jail and then it fades to black
 
VoDKa0073 said:
you're all wrong. it would be a netflix original that had chris played by chris pratt and he would be a high functioning god who was cruelly treated by evil trolls (played by melissa mccarthy) and barb (played by zendaya) was secretly not his mother and it was a forbidden love and then james corden shows up and says slayyyyyy queen as chris is unjustly taken to jail and then it fades to black
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I'm thinking Tiger King style documentary. Imagine Null, Marvin, Liquid Chris, etc being interviewed over Chris's YouTube videos, which act as a visual aide.
 
VoDKa0073 said:
View attachment 2509403
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you can taste the fact cole is trying to replicate his toy story 3 controversy
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Look through his catalog, I, and I'm sure many people, have come to this conclusion pretty quickly: Cole Smithey has DOGSHIT taste in movies.
Joker definitely wasn't worth an 'F'. The production quality was quite good, and the script was very well-written and thought provoking.
Even if you absolutely hated the movie, it was still worth a C, at the very worst.
 
horrorfan89 said:
He never will get it. The whole of Virginia hates him for making so much trouble for so many years and yet he'll never except that as his fault. Always default to "everyone hates me because of the trolls." It's always trolls always. Even for things they couldn't possibly have done.
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It's always been and always will be this way my friend.
Jack Awful said:
I'm thinking Tiger King style documentary. Imagine Null, Marvin, Liquid Chris, etc being interviewed over Chris's YouTube videos, which act as a visual aide.
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I can picture that and it is excellent.
 
El Rodrigo said:
Look through his catalog, I, and I'm sure many people, have come to this conclusion pretty quickly: Cole Smithey has DOGSHIT taste in movies.
Joker definitely wasn't worth an 'F'. The production quality was quite good, and the script was very well-written and thought provoking.
Even if you absolutely hated the movie, it was still worth a C, at the very worst.
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He has shit for brains and a knee-jerk response to anything acclaimed. He'd say Casablanca sucked just because everyone else loved it. He can eat a bowl of dicks and I'm glad he's going to spend the rest of his life known mainly as a side character in the life of his mental retard motherfucker brother. Suck on that Cole.
 
AnOminous said:
He has shit for brains and a knee-jerk response to anything acclaimed. He'd say Casablanca sucked just because everyone else loved it. He can eat a bowl of dicks and I'm glad he's going to spend the rest of his life known mainly as a side character in the life of his mental retard motherfucker brother. Suck on that Cole.
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Just goes to show you that Cole inherited just as much Weston blood as Chris did; he's just lucky that he wasn't born with high-functioning autism. Though with that in mind, his attempts at chasing clout are pathetic at best and downright laughable at worst.
 
I never got why you guys refer to Bob as a white trash redneck. Part of what made him so interesting was his contrast to Chris- Bob was an Auburn educated engineer with a vested interest in other cultures.
He obviously would have been a good parent to anyone BUT Chris, and its clear his greatest failure was not grasping his autism fully.
 
Cabelaz said:
I never got why you guys refer to Bob as a white trash redneck. Part of what made him so interesting was his contrast to Chris- Bob was an Auburn educated engineer with a vested interest in other cultures.
He obviously would have been a good parent to anyone BUT Chris, and its clear his greatest failure was not grasping his autism fully.
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Bob being characterized as a dumb hick is a relic of the pre-Tomgirl era, when Chris's "following" was a bit more left-leaning than it is today.
 
UnKillShredDur said:
The real question is: When somebody inevitably makes the Chris Chan Story into a movie, what rating will Cole give it?
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1/5 taints. Needed more inscest.


Cabelaz said:
I never got why you guys refer to Bob as a white trash redneck. Part of what made him so interesting was his contrast to Chris- Bob was an Auburn educated engineer with a vested interest in other cultures.
He obviously would have been a good parent to anyone BUT Chris, and its clear his greatest failure was not grasping his autism fully.
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He became white trash after pounding Barb's gash and ensured the white trash legacy would never end when Chris was born.
 
AnOminous said:
He has shit for brains and a knee-jerk response to anything acclaimed. He'd say Casablanca sucked just because everyone else loved it. He can eat a bowl of dicks and I'm glad he's going to spend the rest of his life known mainly as a side character in the life of his mental retard motherfucker brother. Suck on that Cole.
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Casablanca sucks because it's fucking boring. That 70's Long Goodbye still is the best Marlowe movie to date.
 
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