Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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For a change, here's a story of someone actually doing something but getting away with it.

I was in 6th Form Chemistry and some mouthy little shit from Year 8 was sent in to our classroom because he was being a knob in his classroom. First thing he does is exclaim 'I'm not going in there, they stink!'

I'm not having this tard interfering with my education, so I flicked the V's at him and he starts going off on one. The teacher didn't believe that I'd do that and ended up putting him in internal expulsion.

The teacher even asked when she came back if I did it and I admitted it, saying it was for the good of the classroom. All the teacher could do was look sheepish and say 'But you didn't do it, right Moz?'
 
Kiwi Lime Pie said:
Part of our tuition included an academic year's subscription to something called either Weekly Reader
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Holy shit I remember those. It was like a crappy news paper for kids right? I always thought it was dumb as hell to call it the Weekly Reader when it was only distributed once a month.
 
Molester Stallone said:
Holy shit I remember those. It was like a crappy news paper for kids right? I always thought it was dumb as hell to call it the Weekly Reader when it was only distributed once a month.
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I don't recall the monthly distribution, but I'll believe you because I believe these periodicals (whether labeled newspapers or magazines) contained enough content for teachers to use 1-2 articles a week over the course of the month after it was received. Crappy is probably a good assessment because I now remember how unimpressed I was with an article that featured random trivia about then-popular professional athletes. In retrospect, that article reminds me of those articles found on shit-tier sites such as Buzzfeed that present bullet-pointed lists of uninteresting details they think people want to know or should know.

I also remember an article where a kid in our age group (11-12 years old) needed a bone marrow transplant and having the transplant process described in full (if not graphic) detail. I felt for anyone who found that article too squeamish for their liking.

To be fair, though, the subscription did have one nice benefit: the class, with parental approval, could order storybooks from a list of books and titles popular for time and pay what seemed to be greatly discounted prices. The offerings usually varied each month, and there was no obligation to buy anything month to month. When a rather popular film came out during the school year, nearly the entire class bought the storybook version when it was offered. Once the order arrived for the month, we spent our free time reading and discussing the differences between the book and film versions along with the fact that the hardcover book version had different illustrations for some scenes than the softcover version did.
 
OvercookedBacon said:
Infuriating childhood memory time!

Fifth grade, 1995-1996 or so, mandated PE class.
The boys' group is walking from the main building to the football field when I feel someone stroking my back. I say stop. Few seconds later, this continues. And again. Finally I have enough of this, turn around and punch the kid. The PE coach was watching this the entire time. He takes me to the principal's office, tells him I "punched a boy for no reason" and paddles me himself. He'd also taken to forcing me to sit in the purposefully poorly maintained visitors' bleachers and watching everyone else, since I was the awkward, unathletic kid.
There's a chance that coach may be dead now. If so, one of these days I plan on literally pissing on his grave.

Same year, English class.
Periodical trips to the school library were one of my few escapes in elementary school, but since this is being posted here, you know the story's going to go sideways. The touchy-feely kid from earlier thought it would be fun to follow me around the room and rub his body against mine, no matter how many times I moved. Finally I had enough and told the teachers, even though they could clearly see what was going on. "Uh, we can't stop him from following you." Uh, yeah you can, you're teachers, you can do that?
Borderline sexual assault enabling fucks. If I could get away with it, I'd somehow level the building.

No, I'm not bitter at all, what makes you say that? /sneed
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Something like that (but worse) happened to my sister in her freshman year of high school. A [negro] boy who sat behind her in class literally ran his bare dick across her back. My mom was furious when she found out, and raised hell with the teacher. They told her they basically couldn't do anything to punish the behavior because the boy was technically below the IQ threshold for mental retardation (he wasn't anywhere near profoundly retarded, though; he knew what he was doing).
He was one of like maybe 2 or 3 blacks in our whole school system, and if you know anything about demographics and IQ, technically like almost half of all American blacks fall below the IQ threshold for mental retardation since it's 80 and their average is just 85.

Kiwi Lime Pie said:
I don't recall the monthly distribution, but I'll believe you because I believe these periodicals (whether labeled newspapers or magazines) contained enough content for teachers to use 1-2 articles a week over the course of the month after it was received. Crappy is probably a good assessment because I now remember how unimpressed I was with an article that featured random trivia about then-popular professional athletes. In retrospect, that article reminds me of those articles found on shit-tier sites such as Buzzfeed that present bullet-pointed lists of uninteresting details they think people want to know or should know.

I also remember an article where a kid in our age group (11-12 years old) needed a bone marrow transplant and having the transplant process described in full (if not graphic) detail. I felt for anyone who found that article too squeamish for their liking.

To be fair, though, the subscription did have one nice benefit: the class, with parental approval, could order storybooks from a list of books and titles popular for time and pay what seemed to be greatly discounted prices. The offerings usually varied each month, and there was no obligation to buy anything month to month. When a rather popular film came out during the school year, nearly the entire class bought the storybook version when it was offered. Once the order arrived for the month, we spent our free time reading and discussing the differences between the book and film versions along with the fact that the hardcover book version had different illustrations for some scenes than the softcover version did.
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We used to have that at my elementary school too. I remember we got it every Friday but there were definitely periods where it just didn't show up for a long time. I remember one specific issue that had a lesson about E. coli and the cover had a photo of a girl holding one end of a peanut in her mouth with a camel holding the other end in its mouth.
 
Elementary school: As I posted on another thread a while back, jumping off the swing was considered 'dangerous' and caused me to be taken to the principal's office. Wheeee!

6th grade: I almost got detention because I basically failed a project on this book that everyone in the class had to read. The teacher was angry as all hell and even threw my pencil towards the door (granted, some of it was justified, but I wouldn't know how to explain throwing my own student's pencil if I was her). After her little rant, I got up, picked up my pencil, and trudged back to my desk. She was a mean teacher and had gotten mad at me over things I considered highly trivial (at least at the time) before including the organization of my binder (it was a mess, I'll give her that) and a glass jar of jaw-breakers that I wanted to give to a teacher-assistant of mine because she wanted them (because apparently we weren't allowed to have glass in the building but no one had mentioned that to me).

Freshman year: There were a few weeks when bomb threat after bomb threat after bomb threat would be called in. We all had to evacuate every time (to the point where some teachers, including mine, were calling it ridiculous), and we were even taken to a church and sheltered there until we could get on a bus and go home, all while the bomb squad investigated the threat. I don't believe anything ever happened to whoever was doing it.

(Junior and senior year take place in a vocational school)

Junior year: Among many others, this is the most interesting:

We had a pond behind the building that students were allowed to fish in as long as they got permission from the superintendent. Enough people kept doing it without permission that the superintendent cut off the fishing completely. However, our carpentry lab instructor was defiant and, on our last day of school, had us all bring fishing equipment and we all went fishing behind the superintendent's back. Unfortunately I was unable to catch anything but my classmates would get nibbles every once in a while and may have even caught one. To this day I don't know if he's gotten in trouble for it or if he even would since they've moved into a completely new building.

Senior year: Occasionally I would be a sneaky dude and would be looking for a place within the lab to hide in without being seen (when we weren't working on projects of course). This would sometimes include squeezing within the interior of roofing projects (all it was was a small framing with rafters on it and that was it) or chests as I had/have reflexes and was not afraid of living dangerously in that regard. I would leave the stuff as it was, however, and not damage it for obvious reasons.
 
When I was in high school we had an unused dark room nestled away in the back of our wood shop. It was a leftover from when our school taught photography. There was a second door that allowed access to an abandoned classroom that was mostly used for storage. We used to sneak in there while in shop class and smoke. It worked out great because the fans still functioned and would remove the smoke allowing us to not worry about getting caught. One day I left the cafeteria early to enjoy a smoke before the second half of my day. I opened the door to the darkroom and there was the assistant principal and two of her favorite teachers smoking. They of course had the deer in the headlights look about them, and it got even better when I asked to see their pass. After that I never saw them in the room again. I put a piece of tape on the second door to see if it was opened from the other side and it remained untouched for the rest of the school year.
 
I don't know why I just remembered this university story because I pretty much never went to lectures, never socialized with anyone and only ever showed up at the place for either lab work because it was mandatory and for exams. I did socialize with 2 new people but they were from different faculties because we used the same gym that we were allowed to use for free because we were students. One of them kept talking about how her department, nay, the entire faculty is a mess and always talked about the professors she had. Because of that, I ironically knew much more hot gossip and happenings in her faculty and department than mine.

The drama at her department was spearheaded by two professors, somehow one was the head of the department and the other the vice head and they hated each other because the latter fucked the former's wife. That's why nothing could ever be done since one would veto the other out of spite if they both didn't agree on something, and apparently they rarely ever agreed on something. This has allegedly been going on for more than 2 decades. How one of those two fucks didn't get replaced as one of the heads of the department is beyond me... or anyone else for that matter.
During my 3rd year I heard about some shit happening at my faculty, even more specifically at MY DEPARTMENT, because apparently someone cleaned out an entire office of its furniture and computer all of which was around $2500 worth and nobody knew who the fuck did it. What's more it was a vacant office which surprised me because it was on the ground floor surrounded with offices that were occupied. Now what the fuck does the first part of the story have to do with the second? Now prepare yourself for the craziest shit ever.
A month later at the gym she started talking about how it has been discovered that the vice head of her department was the culprit all along. Right after retiring he somehow emptied an entire vacant office in a faculty building that was one hour walking distance from his own faculty building and nobody knew who the fuck did it for a month.
BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! You see, that place wasn't vacant, for around a decade that same guy somehow managed to use that "vacant" office as his rent free apartment for the days he didn't feel like going back home for sleeping, relaxing, inviting the head of the department's wife for fucking etc.
But wait... there's more. Despite being discovered, in the end nobody pressed charges. Not my department, not my faculty, not my university, not my government, nobody.

The motherfucker somehow had carte blanche to turn an office at a different faculty into his man-cave for a decade, then when he retired he just took everything that was inside and skedaddled. He wasn't found out for a month after his master thief-level furniture heist. Nobody went after him for stealing university property. I wonder just what kind of pull that guy had. Did he have blackmail tapes of every rector of the university throatfucking prostitutes to death? How the hell can one man get away with so much?
 
When I was in middle school I was in a special ed class. During my third year I watched a retarded kid try and kill himself with an unsharpened pencil. The retard was having a tough time with his math, and instead of asking the teacher for help he instead whipped out a pencil from his dinky pencil pouch and started stabbing himself in the chest over and over.
 
There was a kid at my elementary school a few grades above me named Mack who holds the distinction of being the first retarded kid I ever witnessed. Nice enough kid I suppose, just very very obviously a tard. My kindergarden teacher had a tradition where we'd read a book to a class on our birthday, and when we were in the 4th grade she'd get a hold of us to come back and read the same book to the current kindergarden class. Mack was in the 4th grade when I was a kindergardener, and I remember him coming in and doing his very best to read a book to us. We were told carefully by our teacher that he had a "heart problem" which even at 5 I knew clearly wasn't the problem, as he was literally drooling and spoke like he had a sock in his mouth. Sometime in high school I was talking with a guy around the same age as Mack who told me a interesting story about poor Mack, apparently some joker and future Kiwi Farms user informed Mack he was in fact, a girl. This lead Mack to try to cut his penis off with safety scissors in the girl's bathroom.
Frosty Fetus said:
When I was in middle school I was in a special ed class. During my third year I watched a retarded kid try and kill himself with an unsharpened pencil. The retard was having a tough time with his math, and instead of asking the teacher for help he instead whipped out a pencil from his dinky pencil pouch and started stabbing himself in the chest over and over.
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I saw your post come up right as I was typing this, its Tard Pencil Seppuku VS. Tard Scissor Transition!
 
Story/venting time, kids! :biggrin:

Freshman year, 1999-2000.
Spanish I, a few of my "peers" were having some kind of rap battle.
In class. After the bell rang. During role call.
One of them just blurts out "SHINE LIKE A MUFFUCKA" at the top of his lungs and the entire class stops. Dead silence. The teacher immediately kicks the aspiring rapper out and sends him to the principal.

Junior year, 2001-2002.
9/11.
English III. I say mostly to myself that we're going to war with someone very soon as we're watching this all unfold on TV. Stating the obvious, but whatever. A skinny black "peer" looks at me and blurts out "hey, he say we finna go war!" and starts laughing loudly.

Sometime later in the school year:
At the time, I had hair long enough to pull back into a ponytail. While walking to Spanish II, an obese black "peer" got my attention in the hallway.
"Hey! I'm-a cut yo hair off." I ignore her and walk away. "I'm-a kill you."
I stop, literally turn my cheek to her, tap it with a finger. "I'm right here if you wanna do it."
That was the end of it, or so I thought. Not five minutes into class, I am summoned to the principal's office. There sits the aforementioned obese black girl, who had reported that I just walked up to her in the hallway, threatened to kill her and started slapping myself in the face repeatedly. I tell my side of the story, she suddenly blurts out "I AIN' GOT TIME FO DIS BULLSHIT!". Of course, she was never reprimanded for screaming or swearing right in front of the principal. By some streak of good luck I wasn't punished either, but I was informed that I would be watched.

Senior year, 2002-2003.
Algebra class. The teacher is called out of the room for some private matter. Not a minute later one of the varsity football players (black of course) gets up, unzips his uniform khakis and just whips his dick out in the middle of class. Just stands there with it hanging out. Of course my "peers" (90-odd % black school) thought this was the funniest thing they'd seen all day.

I'm so glad my sentence ended when it did. It's probably gotten worse.
 
Someone went on a tangent in the tard baby thread about how those baby think it over dolls were an attempted by the school system to discourage teenage pregnancies. Well as I've mentioned my friends and I were regular misfits. You know what we did the second we got those damn things after being told much like the real thing they could go off crying in the middle of the night and keep us up?


We basically took them to this spot called the palisades a famous natural landmark of some cliffs that runs thru jersey city, hoboken into weehawken and we had like a clubhouse set up in one area where the cliffs level off and you can walk along them a bit we set the baby dolls on barrels in front of the trees growing in the area then used them for target practice. Of course being in NJ and close to Cities and minors we didn't have and couldn't use real guns so we used compound bows, cross bows hell someone even had a Daisy hunting slingshot designed for killing rats, raccoons, vermin and small game. Spent the weekend we were supposed to be "proud parents" making pin cushions out of our little "bundles of joy." Now of course we weren't sadists who wanted to do that to actual babies (planned parenthood wasn't in the schools at the Time) it was more our way of saying "this assignment sucks ass and besides...not like any of us are ever gonna be getting any. The black kids were the ones who were baby momma's/daddies not us."

Ohh man I wish I had a camera to record the looks on our teacher's faces. I think they wanted us to get psychologically evaluated...and yes..we had to pay for the dolls. Eh so worth it.
 
OvercookedBacon said:
Senior year, 2002-2003.
Algebra class. The teacher is called out of the room for some private matter. Not a minute later one of the varsity football players (black of course) gets up, unzips his uniform khakis and just whips his dick out in the middle of class. Just stands there with it hanging out. Of course my "peers" (90-odd % black school) thought this was the funniest thing they'd seen all day.
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So this dude just whips his dick out in front of the whole class and everyone started laughing like it was a normal thing that happens all the time?
 
This was college but I was in English, standing in front of the class with three other people about to give a presentation.

Just as I started talking, a rather shy girl in the back gave the loudest fucking BELCH I had ever heard in my life. Everyone was laughing...for like ten seconds.

The problem was I couldn’t fucking stop laughing. I had to hold myself up on the ledge of the whiteboard I was laughing so hard, tears and all. I couldn’t help it, she was a friend of mine and she’s such a petite and quiet person that it really just came out of nowhere. Now I feel more embarrassed than her because I couldn’t stop laughing at her in front of everybody and I still feel like a dick for it. I couldn’t help it man I had the giggles.

it’s cool though she forgave me
 
I had a classmate who made a bearded paper mask and paper gun and claimed to be osama and climbed on the school roof.
It was after 911, maybe late september, early october.

I provided the paper and glue of course, never got into trouble for it, unlike the kid who got some nasty stuff for it. He was a bit hyper, but I had my fun.
 
So in 6th grade in addition to English, math, social studies, and science, we also had two "electives" every day that changed quarterly. They were called electives, but the reality is that in middle school we had no true electives. Except for in 8th grade, when they became semester classes and we could ask for particular classes (aside from English, math, social studies/history, and science). Whether we got the classes we asked for or not was a different story.

They also varied from year to year: 6th graders took generic music while 7th and 8th graders took choir, for example. But only in 6th grade the 5th period electives were also provided by our 1st-4th period teachers. I forget what two of them were, but one was fitness, provided by Science Teacher Cunt who was just as cunty in that class.

The other was drama provided by none other than Mr. Fatty. We were expecting it to be just as disastrous as math, so imagine our surprise when it turned out he could actually hold the drama class competently. Only the absolute worst shitheads occasionally ignored or mocked him, and he was far more laid back. He was far better suited as a drama teacher, yet was stuck teaching math most of the day, and I almost feel sorry for him because of it.

For me, the most notable assignment was the one where we had to create a character that we would then have an in-character interview with Mr. Fatty for the next several classes. The only rules were that it had to be realistic: no superhero or furry shit, and if our character came from a foreign country, then we'd better either speak that native language fluently or accurately emulate their accent. Oh, and we couldn't be a character of the opposite sex either, nor could we base our character off of an existing character/franchise.

Like millions of other American kids I watched Dragonball Z, so the idea of a realistic (and unrelated) strong/fighting character seemed interesting. I knew there was a zero percent chance I could emulate an accent so I made sure my character was American. Having my character also live in Arizona like we did was boring (to me) so I made her come from the state we were supposed to be transferred to instead: Hawaii. And finally I needed a tough-sounding name, which I struggled with until I came up with Typhoon, after a recent bad typhoon that had struck southeast Asia.

My day with the interview as Typhoon finally came, and it went pretty well. The problem came after class, when one of my classmates accused me of copying some guy from some PS1 fighting game that I'd never even heard of (and don't recall the name of). Guy didn't believe me and insisted I was lying about never having heard of this this game, or even that I didn't have a Playstation. He followed me all the way to my next class and only stopped when he was late for his own class.

I thought that it was over and done with, until the next day when he brought in the instruction booklet for the game. He shoved the character roster in my face, presumably thinking that I'd recognize the character and be caught lying. Typhoon, it turned out, turned out be some fucking tiger furry dude, so he thought I was breaking three out of four rules to boot. He wouldn't accept that I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about (though I did laugh when I found out Typhoon was a furry), and marched over to Mr. Fatty to get me in trouble. Mr. Fatty gave no fucks as he didn't see any coincidences between my Typhoon and Typhoon the furry.

Again, I thought it was over, except this guy refused to believe I was telling the truth and harassed me about it almost every fucking day until the quarter ended. And he still mentioned it every now and then until the end of the year.
 
OvercookedBacon said:
Senior year, 2002-2003.
Algebra class. The teacher is called out of the room for some private matter. Not a minute later one of the varsity football players (black of course) gets up, unzips his uniform khakis and just whips his dick out in the middle of class. Just stands there with it hanging out. Of course my "peers" (90-odd % black school) thought this was the funniest thing they'd seen all day.
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That to me sounds like the school was and is still full of soon-to-be pedophiles.
 
There was a weird hasidic jew kid who kept jerking off in the bathroom when I was in middle school. Every period he would excuse himself to the bathroom and crank one out in 2-3 minutes. One day I walked in and I heard him moaning from the stalls in both English and Yiddish. I remember he said "That's hot Goy". I went back the other way and didn't say a word.
 
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