Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
So someone in the Momo thread asked "Who wants to see a fat girl piss herself?" Then I remembered that I've actually done that already at uni. A chunky chick with bad acne got shitfaced drunk, left a large puddle on a camping chair and crashed into slumber.
 
In 6th grade I was taken out of a class (due to an incident that was pretty awful and would take too long to explain) and became a teacher's aide for about an hour a day at the end of the school year. It was pretty cool and one of my best friends was an aide for another teacher so we got to hang out while we graded papers and whatnot. So one day one of the teachers asked me and my friend to read stories written by students in another class and pick the best one. No idea if it was for a prize but hoped the stories would be interesting and a few of them even had illustrations. We got through the shortest stories first and they all sucked.

We got down to two and had to decide which one was best. One of them was called "The Planet RRRRRRRRR" and the amount of R's was different each time it was mentioned. It had something to do with people traveling from there to the planet SSSSSSSS and the S's were always different, too. It was abysmal; the kids who wrote the stories were barely literate. So the story that ended up winning was called "*somebody's* House Party" and it was this idea of people having a party but people they didn't like showed up and one of the characters said "Oh look, there's trash on the porch" and that made me and my friend laugh so we said it was the winner.
 
I had a pretty good autistic sperg out moment.

I was in 3rd grade and i used to ride on the r-tard bus since i have "ADHD". I always hated riding it and always told my parents about it, they eventually had enough and just put me on a regular bus as long as my brother picks me up from the bus stop. So once i got used to the normal school bus "culture" i realized that the back of the bus was the best part of the bus since the driver couldn't see you (or so i though) but i could never get a seat on the back of the bus.

So one day when class rang out i went to the bus and to my luck the back of the bus had one vacant seat left and not only that i saw my friend there. So i rushed to the seat and my friend notices me and i sit and then the bus door closes and we take off. Along the way we get stuck in traffic and i had a brilliant idea. To keep a long story short i flipped off the car behind us. The bus driver quickly noticed and said "Is your finger broken?" and me being an autistic sperg say, while moving my middle finger and flipping her off "Works just fine". So at that point we just were going back and forth I just go into chimp out mode and started cursing at her which eventually led to me cursing the entire bus.

To my surprise the bus driver forgave me after i apologized but one of the students on my bus that got off the same bus stop as me snitched me out to my brother, who was waiting for me.

I also got put on the special ed bus again and didn't ride a normal school bus until 9th grade.
 
During Finals, we had to do the Murph for weight training class (conjoined with afternoon class since mine was small; also separate from PE class). During our break before I didn't eat a snack, but my friend literally ate a tendie right before we did it. Needless to say, he felt like he had to shit during the whole workout.
 
Wow, I feel bad for the...third "Jesus Take the" wheel girl. I will choose to blame the people presiding over the show for not encouraging variety.

Kindergarten year my teacher was absent for most of the year since her son was battling an illness. The substitute decided she hated me and would single me out for stuff. Someone drew on the floor in crayon and she decided it was me that did it or something. So she calls the principal down there and takes me out in the hall. They were probably going to paddle me.

Well guess what! I was saved my some unknown high schoolers who decided to egg her car in broad daylight during school hours. Someone caught them, ran to get the substitute, and met us in the hallway. Principal and substitute ran out to the parking lot and they forgot about me entirely. Never got paddled. The substitute must've been mighty bitchy to any and all people if the high schoolers were egging her car while she was teaching kindergarten.
 
Wow, I feel bad for the...third "Jesus Take the" wheel girl. I will choose to blame the people presiding over the show for not encouraging variety.

Kindergarten year my teacher was absent for most of the year since her son was battling an illness. The substitute decided she hated me and would single me out for stuff. Someone drew on the floor in crayon and she decided it was me that did it or something. So she calls the principal down there and takes me out in the hall. They were probably going to paddle me.

Well guess what! I was saved my some unknown high schoolers who decided to egg her car in broad daylight during school hours. Someone caught them, ran to get the substitute, and met us in the hallway. Principal and substitute ran out to the parking lot and they forgot about me entirely. Never got paddled. The substitute must've been mighty bitchy to any and all people if the high schoolers were egging her car while she was teaching kindergarten.
Based highschoolers. I hope they punched the shit out of your bitch of a substitute teacher
 
My third grade teacher would always play depressing "peaceful" music during tests for some reason. One time I had enough and went to the front of the room, turned off the boombox, and was literally applauded by the whole class. (No seriously, I'm not memeing.) Teacher yelled at me and made me turn it back on, though.
 
My third grade teacher would always play depressing "peaceful" music during tests for some reason. One time I had enough and went to the front of the room, turned off the boombox, and was literally applauded by the whole class. (No seriously, I'm not memeing.) Teacher yelled at me and made me turn it back on, though.
Should've smashed the boombox across that bitch's head. That's what I would've done
 
After the talentless show you'd think that new "I'm going to turn this school into a success story, dammit!" principal would've given up on his ambition, but months later it was announced that the whole school would be dedicating an entire day to learning about jobs. Now, I've been doing this since 2nd grade, where we do reports on randomly assigned jobs, then pick which job we want to do. Which meant picking the correct option(s) available (jobs that make a lot of money and are guaranteed positions after x years of school) or get yelled at by the teacher for picking the "wrong" option (talent fields were money isn't guaranteed). The difference was that on this day there'd be people actually coming in to talk to us about their fields of work.

For the most part, the day was very unremarkable. Adults standing the the front of the class fumbling through why they love their job without actually telling us much about it before leaving, presumably to fuck off elsewhere to kill time before going back to work. The part that stood out was when I got to science class and we were told that our next guest speaker would be speaking in the cafeteria. We get to the cafeteria, I look up at the stage, and see an art easel set up with some markers and got excited. I was going to be seeing the professional version of what I considered doing for .00001 seconds for the talentless show.

This came to an equally immediate end when my teacher started yelling at some of my classmates for going to sit down. That wasn't our presentation, we were going to go to a better one in the far corner of the cafeteria, behind one of those temporary walls. The only times I'd ever seen that wall set up were on election days because our school was a polling location so I was honestly expecting to see election stuff set up and a person telling us all about being a poll worker. Instead was some stuff I could barely see on top of a table I couldn't see since nothing was raised up, before sitting in the very back.

Some guy came out that I could barely see with all the heads in front of me and started to speak. He worked in the science field, but what he did exactly I couldn't tell you because I couldn't fucking hear him since he had no microphone, or even a megaphone. Even worse was that the art guy started his much larger presentation shortly after, and he did have access to the sound system, and between that and the frequent cheers from his audience, drowned him out completely.

I quickly stopped paying attention and instead was thinking about how I really wanted to see the art guy and if I could peek around the wall without my teacher noticing (and freaking the fuck out). When I heard cheers coming from the people in our audience I snapped back to attention and got a glimpse of some colored flames coming from the table out front. It was actually pretty cool (and really pretty), and I wanted a better look at it, but he quickly put out his fires and started talking some more. Even though I couldn't hear him, I suspected it was a trap to get us to pay attention and that he didn't work in any sort of chemistry field involving (I'm guessing) firework production.

The art presentation ended, but this guy droned on a while longer (and still wasn't any better understood), but finally he said something and stopped talking. Silence echoed throughout our corner, and our teacher told us he asked if we had any questions. I gave no fuck about the rest of a presentation that was impossible to hear, but I really wanted to get a better look at those colored flames so I put my hand in the air, and was the only one to do so. The guy pointed to me, which under normal circumstances never fucking happens because there's something about me that just makes me invisible to others.

I stood up and called out that I wanted him to show the flames back here so we could see them. And just like me, he couldn't understand a word I said. I called again that I wanted to see the flames, and he still didn't know. I shouted, again, I want to see the flames, and he figured out I was saying something about the flames, but either he deliberately ignored what I was really asking about, or only understood the word "flames" because what happened was he started rattling off something I realized was the chemical combinations for each color. I forced myself to keep smiling and nodded like I understood what he was saying (I didn't) before sitting back down. Nobody else had anything to say so the presentation ended and we went back to our classroom.

There was actually still time left in the period so our teacher asked us what we thought of the presentation. I straight up said it was boring, I couldn't hear anything he said, and would've much preferred to have seen the art presentation. Many of my classmates agreed. My teacher said art was a stupid waste of time and that we should choose a real career, like science. Somebody pointed out that a science teacher isn't a real science career, she ordered his ass to the office, and nothing else remarkable happened for the rest of the day.

I still wish I could've seen the art presentation, though.
 
In 6th grade I was taken out of a class (due to an incident that was pretty awful and would take too long to explain) and became a teacher's aide for about an hour a day at the end of the school year. It was pretty cool and one of my best friends was an aide for another teacher so we got to hang out while we graded papers and whatnot. So one day one of the teachers asked me and my friend to read stories written by students in another class and pick the best one. No idea if it was for a prize but hoped the stories would be interesting and a few of them even had illustrations. We got through the shortest stories first and they all sucked.

We got down to two and had to decide which one was best. One of them was called "The Planet RRRRRRRRR" and the amount of R's was different each time it was mentioned. It had something to do with people traveling from there to the planet SSSSSSSS and the S's were always different, too.
There must be something about cheesy stories and 5th/6th grade. Although it wasn't for any sort of contest, a few classmates would write their own short stories outside of normal classwork and read them. They were as cheesy as @Chan Fan's example. The one I still remember was one where a classmate was somehow abducted into a video game world and he had to literally fight his way out of danger from various video game villains. I'm not sure if it was him trying to be edgy or simply finding a way to write about punching and kicking without getting in trouble, or some combination of both.

I'm not sure if I shared it before, but the same guy featured in a story from 8th grade. For English class one day, we learned the differences between words such as who and whom and had to use them properly in sentences. His example that he read for the entire class to hear was, "Who farted?" All of us gasped, expecting the teacher to give him a detention for using the word "fart" in class. Thankfully, our teacher was enough of a good sport that day to let it pass without consequence.
 
In middle school, my math teacher gave another student a detention for not doing an extra credit assignment. Kid then decided that he and the teacher were mortal enemies or something. For the next month or so, every class they would get into an argument for a few minutes or so. This culminated in our teacher picking up a chair and throwing it over the kid's head and at the wall. Surprisingly, nothing came of this little outburst and the feud seemed to die there.

A few weeks later, the same teacher got fired for arriving to school drunk for like the third or fourth time. Can't really blame him for that, though. Sometime later I heard that he was arrested for a sixth dui.
 
In middle school, my math teacher gave another student a detention for not doing an extra credit assignment. Kid then decided that he and the teacher were mortal enemies or something. For the next month or so, every class they would get into an argument for a few minutes or so.

I had a teacher like this too, fuck that cunt. Bitch decided she hated me like first day of class. And I just decided I hated her, too, and would do anything to get revenge. She would sometimes just throw me out of class the moment she came in, and I would yell "I didn't even do anything yet!" Even though I did have something planned.
 
In either first or second grade one recess, I climbed up to the very top of one of those dome climbers monkey bars and then started crying and wouldn't budge. I was an itty-bitty thing and everything looked so high up that I couldn't get down 'cause of vertigo or I thought I'd break a leg trying to get down. My teacher had to practically come get me. I had fallen off of the monkey bars first time trying them in first grade (didn't break any bones despite the weird angle, just a scrape), so that might've had to do with why I froze up like that. It would take me a few years before I could push myself to go across them (either for better arm strength or just to get a little taller).

This is a really weird thing for me 'cause at that age, I had climbed to the very top of the rock climbing at the science center just fine, but maybe that was okay because of the harness and knew I could be caught should I have fallen.
 
Infuriating childhood memory time!

Fifth grade, 1995-1996 or so, mandated PE class.
The boys' group is walking from the main building to the football field when I feel someone stroking my back. I say stop. Few seconds later, this continues. And again. Finally I have enough of this, turn around and punch the kid. The PE coach was watching this the entire time. He takes me to the principal's office, tells him I "punched a boy for no reason" and paddles me himself. He'd also taken to forcing me to sit in the purposefully poorly maintained visitors' bleachers and watching everyone else, since I was the awkward, unathletic kid.
There's a chance that coach may be dead now. If so, one of these days I plan on literally pissing on his grave.

Same year, English class.
Periodical trips to the school library were one of my few escapes in elementary school, but since this is being posted here, you know the story's going to go sideways. The touchy-feely kid from earlier thought it would be fun to follow me around the room and rub his body against mine, no matter how many times I moved. Finally I had enough and told the teachers, even though they could clearly see what was going on. "Uh, we can't stop him from following you." Uh, yeah you can, you're teachers, you can do that?
Borderline sexual assault enabling fucks. If I could get away with it, I'd somehow level the building.

No, I'm not bitter at all, what makes you say that? /sneed
 
When I was in 8th grade we had an in class assignment that consisted of us giving a speech in front of the class while the teacher recorded it. The idea was he would then play it back in front of everyone and point out everything you did wrong. It was awkward as hell to say the least. About halfway through this girls speech the kid in front of me starts choking on a piece of candy. The teacher didn't miss a beat and immediately cleared the obstruction using the Heimlich maneuver. Obviously the whole thing was caught on camera, and from what I understand it was later used in an instructional video as an example of how to apply the Heimlich maneuver.
 
In middle school, my math teacher gave another student a detention for not doing an extra credit assignment.
From this thread, my related contribution would be the 8th grade substitute that yelled at me for sitting quietly with my head down on my desk after I finished all my in-class and homework assignments up to that point of the day. I didn't get a detention, but I probably would have had she heard me make a reference under my breath to her being overweight as she walked away from me.

I had a teacher like this too, fuck that cunt. Bitch decided she hated me like first day of class. And I just decided I hated her, too, and would do anything to get revenge.
I ended up hating my 5th grade teacher. I believe I have a post earlier in this thread where I describe the two incidents that led me to lose all respect for her. One was in 5th grade where I was falsely accused of calling a female classmate a bitch and being dismissed as a liar when I denied it. The other was two years later when she removed me from our equivalent of the gifted student group she ran because I allegedly had too many missing assignments even though my regular teachers said I was current with my work. I lost most of my respect for her after that.

When I ran into this teacher again as a young adult, I said as little as possible to her beyond hello and polite yet minimal small talk. When my parents later asked why I was unusually impersonal, I finally told them what had happened years ago between her and I.

When I was in 8th grade we had an in class assignment that consisted of us giving a speech in front of the class while the teacher recorded it. The idea was he would then play it back in front of everyone and point out everything you did wrong. It was awkward as hell to say the least.
In 6th grade, the reading teacher we had was awful. Part of our tuition included an academic year's subscription to something called either Weekly Reader or Scholastic Reader (or something along those lines). On and off during the week's reading lessons, we'd read selected items from this reader and have to answer obscure/pointless questions about what we read as part of our class grade.

One particular week, our teacher decided to do an audio recording of us reading a script version of some sort of Star Wars parody. Most of the class was assigned roles to read and we proceeded to read the play while being taped. Being the age we were, there plenty of mistakes, giggles, and other imperfections. When we finished and the teacher replayed the tape for us, many people were shocked to hear what their voices sounded like and others poked fun at the voices or other mistakes being made in the reading of the various lines. There was nothing educational or constructive about taping this particular day's reading, so it seemed like a stupid waste of time.
 
I had a teacher like this too, fuck that cunt. Bitch decided she hated me like first day of class. And I just decided I hated her, too, and would do anything to get revenge. She would sometimes just throw me out of class the moment she came in, and I would yell "I didn't even do anything yet!" Even though I did have something planned.
This was my 6th grade science teacher. I don't know why, I guess we just had incompatible personalities, but while I tried to act as neutral as possible she came down hard on me every chance she got. One day she was chewing me out for no reason, and as I was walking back to my desk I slipped on someone's notebook and accidentally tore the cover. I tried to apologize, but the guy ignored me, went up to Mrs. Science Bitch, and said I tore his notebook on purpose.

This other kid who hated my ass overheard this and decided to get me in trouble too. He ran to the front of the class and told Mrs. Science Bitch I flipped him off as I walked by, which I definitely didn't do, I didn't even make eye contact with him because I hated him for hating me. Even though Mrs. Science Bitch saw everything she couldn't resist such a opportunity to bitch me out in front of everyone, and then sent me to the office with a demand to give me detention or lunch detention.

Notebook kid escorted me to the office, and on our way there I said it really was an accident that I stepped on his notebook. He smirked and said he knew, that he put the notebook down there in the hopes I'd step on it because he hated my ass, too. Unfortunately the office didn't believe all three conspired against me (separately) and gave me lunch detention anyways, just like whenever Mr. Fatty demanded punishment too. I did not go to lunch detention. They didn't notice due to poor recordkeeping (which I knew about from prior lunch detentions).

Recently my mom accidentally found a 6th grade report card she'd kept and we looked over it together. Every one of my teachers had nice things to say about me, except for Mrs. Science Bitch. It made her grudge stand out like a sore thumb and we laughed about it.

The weird thing is that almost all the science teachers I've had hated me and were also Science Bitches (or Bastards). Especially since I don't even hate science, I love geology, and I'm interested in meteorology as well. All the science teachers who hated me also thought geology and meteorology were the worst and most pointless of the science fields as well.
 
I've always been a pretty soft-spoken person and doesn't start shit, especially with an authority figure, so I never talked back to teachers or gave them attitude (though I've been accused of doing so!), it just felt like more trouble than it was worth. I don't want to get sent to the office and get yelled at for 40 minutes, I've got shit to do! But 5th/6th grade me did get pretty snarky with my P.E teacher once, it would have been pretty based had I not chickened out and tried to retract the joke.

He was taking attendance for something specific, maybe the presidential fitness test? When he called our names he demanded (becasue everything was a demand with this man) that we answer by stating our favorite physical activity. Now young Reldnahc was at her heaviest in life, hated sports, and hated this man. I also had been reading a lot of Calvin and Hobbes and admired Calvin's chutzpah. So when he called my name, I answered "Getting up to turn on the TV" hoping to get at least a chuckle out of my classmates. What I got was stony silence and the immediate feeling that I'd done something Terribly Wrong. My coach almost sadly asked if that really was what I liked and since my nerve had vanished I quickly changed my answer to running. I hated running but it's all I could think of. (Which is funny becasue I love it now!) Sometime later I was hanging out with my friends and he came over to once again, in his pitying tone of voice, ask if that was what I reeeeeally liked??? . And once again I simply said "RUNNING". becasue I was done with this guy acting sorry for me after being such a dick all year.

But I kinda wish I never changed my answer and stuck with the TV business. I'm sure that would have resulted in him taking me aside later for some weird lecture where he'd try to make me feel as bad as possible about not enjoying how people scream at you for not balling the sportsball correctly according to the 700 sportsball rules.
 
There is one story that sticks out to me mainly because it's too fucking stupid to make up.

Around the time I was taking college preparatory courses to get into post-secondary I was going to class with a girl who I'll call Anna.

We were in the same course, and that day was Chemistry 101. The teacher asked a group of twenty and thirty year olds to write down examples of solids, liquids, and gasses. Kindergarten level, right? So I proceed to write just about anything I can think of into it's co-responding category and I glance over at Anna's sheet. I notice that she writes "hair" into the liquid category.

Perplexed, I asked her why she wrote it there. "Well, you know Mojyo. Hair flows."

"... Flows?"

"Yeah, you see it described like that all the time."

I had to explain to her that her hair wasn't actually meeting the scientific definition of flowing, that it was just an adjective to describe long locks.

This story still makes me laugh to this day. She went on to become a nurse after taking that course.
 
There is one story that sticks out to me mainly because it's too fucking stupid to make up.

Around the time I was taking college preparatory courses to get into post-secondary I was going to class with a girl who I'll call Anna.

We were in the same course, and that day was Chemistry 101. The teacher asked a group of twenty and thirty year olds to write down examples of solids, liquids, and gasses. Kindergarten level, right? So I proceed to write just about anything I can think of into it's co-responding category and I glance over at Anna's sheet. I notice that she writes "hair" into the liquid category.

Perplexed, I asked her why she wrote it there. "Well, you know Mojyo. Hair flows."

"... Flows?"

"Yeah, you see it described like that all the time."

I had to explain to her that her hair wasn't actually meeting the scientific definition of flowing, that it was just an adjective to describe long locks.

This story still makes me laugh to this day. She went on to become a nurse after taking that course.
Did she have a brother named Kevin?
 
Back
Top Bottom