Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[OvercookedBacon]

That's the point. I said "soon-to-be pedophiles" in reference to the students.

Misunderstood you, my bad.

 

[Some Random Soul]

Misunderstood you, my bad.

You're good.

 

[judge claude frollo]

my spanish teacher in 12th grade said Mexico is vastly superior compared to America the fact that he preached it constantly to a bunch of retarded opinionated hicks in a backwater, overpopulated school made it even more spicy.

 

[Broseph]

There was a weird hasidic jew kid who kept jerking off in the bathroom when I was in middle school. Every period he would excuse himself to the bathroom and crank one out in 2-3 minutes. One day I walked in and I heard him moaning from the stalls in both English and Yiddish. I remember he said "That's hot Goy". I went back the other way and didn't say a word.

You should've told everyone that you overheard him masturbating to "hot guys" instead of hot goys.

 

[Broseph]

My day with the interview as Typhoon finally came, and it went pretty well. The problem came after class, when one of my classmates accused me of copying some guy from some PS1 fighting game that I'd never even heard of (and don't recall the name of). Guy didn't believe me and insisted I was lying about never having heard of this this game, or even that I didn't have a Playstation. He followed me all the way to my next class and only stopped when he was late for his own class.

I thought that it was over and done with, until the next day when he brought in the instruction booklet for the game. He shoved the character roster in my face, presumably thinking that I'd recognize the character and be caught lying. Typhoon, it turned out, turned out be some fucking tiger furry dude, so he thought I was breaking three out of four rules to boot. He wouldn't accept that I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about (though I did laugh when I found out Typhoon was a furry), and marched over to Mr. Fatty to get me in trouble. Mr. Fatty gave no fucks as he didn't see any coincidences between my Typhoon and Typhoon the furry.

Again, I thought it was over, except this guy refused to believe I was telling the truth and harassed me about it almost every fucking day until the quarter ended. And he still mentioned it every now and then until the end of the year.

He sounds like he was a massive faggot.

 

[CWCissey]

You should've told everyone that you overheard him masturbating to "hot guys" instead of hot goys.

Isn't that what he was doing? Aren't gentile women known as shiksas?

 

[Broseph]

Isn't that what he was doing? Aren't gentile women known as shiksas?

I don't know Jewish slang very well but I think "Goy" is just slang for a non-Jew, I think that could be refer to either gender but you're probably right.

Edit: I looked up some Jew slang and apparently "shiksas" are Jewish women who don't act Jewish and/or they are ignorant about Judaism.

 

[AnOminous]

We once had a DIY day where people would talk about their DIY projects and mine was about making bombs and I pointed out numerous flaws in the Anarchist Cookbook recipe that would literally get you killed if you tried to do it.

 

[I Love Beef]

Like millions of other American kids I watched Dragonball Z, so the idea of a realistic (and unrelated) strong/fighting character seemed interesting. I knew there was a zero percent chance I could emulate an accent so I made sure my character was American. Having my character also live in Arizona like we did was boring (to me) so I made her come from the state we were supposed to be transferred to instead: Hawaii. And finally I needed a tough-sounding name, which I struggled with until I came up with Typhoon, after a recent bad typhoon that had struck southeast Asia.

My day with the interview as Typhoon finally came, and it went pretty well. The problem came after class, when one of my classmates accused me of copying some guy from some PS1 fighting game that I'd never even heard of (and don't recall the name of). Guy didn't believe me and insisted I was lying about never having heard of this this game, or even that I didn't have a Playstation. He followed me all the way to my next class and only stopped when he was late for his own class.

I thought that it was over and done with, until the next day when he brought in the instruction booklet for the game. He shoved the character roster in my face, presumably thinking that I'd recognize the character and be caught lying. Typhoon, it turned out, turned out be some fucking tiger furry dude, so he thought I was breaking three out of four rules to boot. He wouldn't accept that I had no idea what the fuck I was talking about (though I did laugh when I found out Typhoon was a furry), and marched over to Mr. Fatty to get me in trouble. Mr. Fatty gave no fucks as he didn't see any coincidences between my Typhoon and Typhoon the furry.

Again, I thought it was over, except this guy refused to believe I was telling the truth and harassed me about it almost every fucking day until the quarter ended. And he still mentioned it every now and then until the end of the year.

>fucking tiger furry dude

King? From Tekken? Is that you?

Also, what a crazy sperg. Before the internet, we had tweeners who were crazy about their video games, dunut steel boy here out sperging me. Even I had the restraint to calm it down a bit, shit the fuck. Sorry you had to deal with this backass dweeb. I guess I realize now how important it is to keep someone like him online all the time. Even the late 1990s/2000s had their share of lolcows.

He sounds like he was a massive faggot.

Took the words exactly out of my mouth.

We once had a DIY day where people would talk about their DIY projects and mine was about making bombs and I pointed out numerous flaws in the Anarchist Cookbook recipe that would literally get you killed if you tried to do it.

As Sarah Connor would say, "you must have had a fun childhood."

 

[Sage In All Fields]

My secondary school's computers were very locked down, me and a friend did the sethc.exe trick via recovery mode (we couldn't boot off USBs because the BIOS was locked and none of the factory codes worked), this allowed us to - via the login screen - run Tor to get around the LGFL firewall, various games, mess with the login text and background and set a photoshopped image of the headteacher to launch whenever anyone logged in. This method gave us the widest range of things we could do but we could only use it for a set amount of time before the login screen reset and killed all our open applications.

We also discovered that you could execute any Java application while logged in which we used to install JDosBox and play Doom and System Shock, we also discovered that you can execute any .exe as long as it was in the temporary directory so we'd zip things up and execute them via the zip because they would get extracted to the temporary directory (we couldn't directly navigate to the temporary directory).

We had this tool that the teachers used to monitor us called Impero, and it automatically killed any window that contained the word "Minecraft" in the window handle however using the exploit I mentioned prior we discovered that launching a system debugger (OllyDbg.exe was my debugger of choice) would cause the monitoring software to kill itself, allowing you to freely open any window with the word "Minecraft" in it. We later used this combination of exploits to set up a cracked slightly older Minecraft .jar on all the computers at the back of the class during science and have a LAN party with like 6 people playing at once. It was awesome and we didn't get caught, I think this was the absolute pinnacle of my secondary school experience.

We also had TVs in the lunch hall that were Samsung brand and I realised that all Samsung remotes work on all Samsung TVs, so I stuck my home remote in my bag, went to school, found a good angle where it'd reach the TV but that wasn't in view of the teachers and switched it to the pre-school channel (Cbeebies) then later the pop-punk/rock radio channel (Kerrang) and turned the volume waaaay up. The teachers were scrambling trying to figure out who was messing with the TVs.

 

[MysticMisty]

He sounds like he was a massive faggot.

Took the words exactly out of my mouth.

You got that right. Thankfully I never saw him in 7th or 8th grade, but god knows how long it really took for him to get over it. If he remembers this at all he probably still thinks I was lying about everything.

King? From Tekken? Is that you?

I don't really recall since I only saw the picture for a few seconds. But I think it was more like Tony the Tiger as a fighting game character.

Also, what a crazy sperg. Before the internet, we had tweeners who were crazy about their video games, dunut steel boy here out sperging me. Even I had the restraint to calm it down a bit, shit the fuck. Sorry you had to deal with this backass dweeb. I guess I realize now how important it is to keep someone like him online all the time. Even the late 1990s/2000s had their share of lolcows.

I can only wonder if he ever encountered actual tiger furry characters and accused them of copying this game too. If he had an online presence on fighting game forums I have a feeling he obsessed about this mess on the internet, which is absolutely pathetic. But I'd expect nothing less from this guy since he wouldn't leave me alone about it.

 

[Chan Fan]

When I was in college I found out about an art festival that was at another college nearby and I really wanted to go. I found out that not only did one of the people I shared a class with want to go but he lived super close to me and offered to drive so I was stoked. He said I could meet him at his place and he'd drive us from there. So I get to his place and he says he isn't ready and that I can wait inside. His house looked beautiful from the outside so I was excited to see how nice the inside was. Literally, there was dog crap everywhere. The house smelled absolutely horrible. He got dressed and said his clothes felt weird, then he figured out he was wearing a pair of his mom's pants and was like "well, they are pretty comfortable" and I was like 'no, you shouldn't wear you mom's clothes, that's kind of weird.' So he reluctantly changed.

Then he told his mom that he had a headache and she asked "would you like a muscle relaxer?" and I thought 'geez, that's weird and won't work at all' but didn't say anything. Then he tells his mom he'll take one of the pills and to give him some apple sauce. She said they didn't have any and they got into a huge argument and I was just standing there, horrified. So he drives aggressively to the nearest store, goes in, buys apple sauce and comes back out. I ask what all of that was about and he said "my mom knows I can't take pills without apple sauce but she didn't buy any!!!" and he was nearly in tears he was so upset. It remains one of the weirdest things I've ever seen an adult do

 

[I Love Beef]

So this dude just whips his dick out in front of the whole class and everyone started laughing like it was a normal thing that happens all the time?

Dead serious, yeah.

I guess OJ Simpson was his role model growing up.

I don't really recall since I only saw the picture for a few seconds. But I think it was more like Tony the Tiger as a fighting game character.

Ah, there we go, that subconscious recalling of memories deep in my mind. I think you're talking about the main character of Tai-Fu, where the main character literally was a Chinese Tony The Tiger. I think that's what that sperg was raving on about.

 

[MysticMisty]

Tai Fu sounds extremely similar to typhoon so I think you may be onto something. This school wasn't known for it's geniuses so it's not a huge leap to say that this idiot had never heard of typhoons and simply thought I added an "n" to the end of "Tai Fu" in a lame attempt to cover my tracks.

Speaking of spergs, I had one in my math class my first semester of college. You know how you can look at someone and instantly tell they're "different"? That was this guy. My suspicions were immediately confirmed when he sat down where I could see him; the very first thing he did was make a big production putting a toy in the top-right corner of his desk. Setting it down very dramatically before making sure it was facing the "right" direction before actually getting out his math supplies. Something he would go on to do every class until the end of the semester.

The best way I can describe this toy is that it looked like one of the rolling droids from the Star Wars prequel trilogy, only more polygonal and abstract. It also looked very, very cheap. We're talking Happy Meal toy cheap. You know the type of cheap toy where they couldn't afford a full double-sided cast of everything, so one side of the arms/legs/whatever is sculpted out, but the other side is only open internal supports? This toy had that going on.

After a few weeks, a girl who sat near him decided to be nice to the obvious retard (and presumably satisfy her own curiosity) and asked about the toy one day before class. While I did not hear him say what it was or where it was from, he did say something or other about how it originally belonged to a different family member (presumably a kid). Who then gave it to him "for safe keeping" (I don't know if they died or not), which translated into bringing it to every single class.

This however got him talking, and he'd started talking to her on his own. Poor girl. Among various other subjects, he talked about how Sonic the Hedgehog is a million times better than Super Mario and Sonic Unleashed (then new) is the absolute best game ever, and how he totally "gets" the Michael Bay Transformers movies (lol) and was, in fact, preparing to send a letter to his idol about how he "gets" his movies and his own ideas for Transformers. I have no idea if he ever sent his letter or not, but I think he worked on it before class a few times off and on. If he ever finished and sent it off, I never heard him talk about having done so, only that he was still working on it. It's entirely possible he didn't finish before the end of the semester.

There weren't any major incidents with this guy like the mainstream speds I shared classes with in elementary school. There was, unfortunately, one day when he came in when he very obviously had a cold. Aside from the fact that he couldn't blow his nose like a normal person, fucker was piling used tissues on his desk. It was so bad that the girl that sat by him actually got up and changed seats as far as possible from him to get away from that nastiness. The teacher couldn't even look in that general direction either, poor guy. At the end of class I held my breath and practically ran out of the room. And then washed my hands a few times before going home. Where I washed them a few more times and still felt dirty.

Also I have to say, I feel bad that somebody was wasting money for this guy to attempt college, because he didn't have nearly enough mental ability to pull it off. This was the lowest college-level math course my school offered, and he struggled to keep up with the class work. It was obvious he didn't understand what our teacher was teaching us. Even if someone was doing his homework for him (like Billybob's dad did), he still would've been failing the tests, which counted a lot more. And I can't imagine he was doing much better in any other class considering how long it was taking him to write a single letter to Michael Bay.

I just hope that not too much money was wasted pretending that this guy was "just like everyone else" and that he could definitely get even an Associate's Degree.

 

[BlazikenLover]

There was this slav guy at my college who always managed to annoy EVERYONE.

-My first encounter with him was on my second year, I was sitting at the cafeteria with some classmates when we suddenly hear someone raise his voice, it was the slav arguing with the cafeteria lady since he couldn't sit there (some tables were reserved when the college had certain courses or events). That woman was really sweet and all she did was tap him on his shoulder and kindly ask him to move, dude started to freak out and blurted out stuff like "YOU TOUCHED ME, I WILL REPORT YOU". Now everyone likes her so a few of my classmates were about to get up and drag the tard off but thankfully he left on his own.

-One of our classmates was a polyglot, I formed a math study group with him. One day the slav enters the library and starts talking to him on russian while me and another classmate look really confused. Polyglot comes back and tells us he wanted him as a tutor and that he should "help a brother out", he was told he didn't have time for that so he couldn't so it for free.

-Once turned around and shouted "SHUT MOUTH" to some students who were talking during class.

-He usually took classes during the morning, yet would show up during the evening ones to ask really basic stuff to the teachers.
One day I arrive to the classroom and take a seat when this girl starts insisting an awful lot to sit next to her and her friend, then I found out why: so the slav wouldn't sit next to them. Dude would interrupt you all the time to ask for help and our teacher kept a fast pace so sparing time to help him was a really bad idea.

Eventually I stopped seeing him since I passed my classes while he lagged behind, but kept hearing about his antics:
-He annoyed one of the math teachers so much to the point he passed him so he would be someone's else problem. Said teacher was not known for being kind when it came to grades.

-he made a website to share materials, notes, etc and passed the URL along one of his classes. The site gave you all sorts of malware warnings, I don't know what anyone ezpected from someone who couldn't do the most basic of php exercises.

-heard his mother came to the campus one day and made a scene, don't know if that actually happened.

Now my personal interactions with the guy weren't bad, he was kind and respectful to me; one time I had failed a test and he offered me his notes which I declined. I wonder if his constant failure were due to poor grasp of the language or if the guy is genuinely retarded

 

[Hollywood Hitler]

Not much of a story, but I did wrestling in middle school, and our coach looked exactly like Tommy Dreamer.

 

[N. Gin]

60 year-old Janitor got caught banging a 16 year-old student and was fired, cut to 2 years later and he proposed to her on a date to McDonalds which she accepted. I wish I was joking. I think they're still together, they were first caught around 6 years ago and got engaged in 2016. She was a couple years above me in school, but even then she was widely known to be a complete weirdo. Better yet, the Jannie himself looked like a real-life incarnation of the Norf FC caricature.

 

[Frofo Baggis]

There was a kid at school who we'll call David for this story (not his real name) who has bowel incontinence. Basically he would on occasional piss and shit himself. One day he shit himself and changed in the bathroom. One kid then picked up his underpants, swung them around and said "hey David you forgot your shitty underpants". Honestly that kid was a bigger autist than poor David.

 

[FuckedUp]

For those who haven't seen or don't remember this bit from AVGN, here it is.

One time my 9th grade English teacher brought up General Custer for a reason I can't remember, so some kid (one of my friends) raised his hand and actually told the class about the game. Almost everyone thought he made it up, but me and a couple others laughed our asses off and shouted "I SAW THAT VIDEO".

 

[Krystal]

Speaking of spergs, I had one in my math class my first semester of college. You know how you can look at someone and instantly tell they're "different"? That was this guy. My suspicions were immediately confirmed when he sat down where I could see him; the very first thing he did was make a big production putting a toy in the top-right corner of his desk. Setting it down very dramatically before making sure it was facing the "right" direction before actually getting out his math supplies. Something he would go on to do every class until the end of the semester.

The best way I can describe this toy is that it looked like one of the rolling droids from the Star Wars prequel trilogy, only more polygonal and abstract. It also looked very, very cheap. We're talking Happy Meal toy cheap. You know the type of cheap toy where they couldn't afford a full double-sided cast of everything, so one side of the arms/legs/whatever is sculpted out, but the other side is only open internal supports? This toy had that going on.

Was it a Bakugan toy? Sounds like one.