random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[NickDigger]

Um I’m a woman who’s reasonably attractive and not fat. I lived through the early days of Tindr. You guys just send it. Some send it as a hello, just a big dick greeting me. I don’t know why guys think their dick is going to impress anyone, I promise most women just share it with their friends to giggle over it. Outside dating sites I rarely got them (except once in a while from a drunk coworker. I chose not to do anything about that).

 

[Florch]

CBT as in the therapy, not cock & ball torture.

 

[stares at error messages]

that Bob's child is a doctor and Barb's children are Chris and Cole is all the evidence anyone needs that tabula rasa is bullshit and personal capabilities are almost purely genetic.

 

[Sawamura Simp]

Hey bitch, are you a school? Cause I want to shoot kids inside you
But seriously I agree with you about Clancy

I unironically think Kanye West could've been the best black person to play Snape.

I keep forgetting that you're a woman because you're funny, but then I remember you're a Jew.

How can a guy named Medicare die? I thought we spend billions on him a year.

The AI will probably draw the fascist soldiers riding polar bears, since those are the most common birds in Texas.

Spoiler: Bonus

Where did you get your degree in Dickology?

 

[escampar]

People out here acting surprised there are black people on Kiwi Farms when we've had a Yugioh thread for years.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Your dick belongs in your wife, not in pictures on the Internet.

This is why when you send pictures of your dick you always draw a little yarmaluke on it, shylocks, a sinister grin, and a pile of pennies on your balls. That way you can say it's just a joke .

Cocaine. Cocaine tard wrangled his ass so hard on that one he admits he has no memory of ever making the movie.

Listen, I get having weird as fuck dreams about lolcows, God knows I have had a nightmare about Basic Becky, but for the love of God you don't have to share them with the forum.

I don't know if I should laugh or cry or both

You probably should have kept all of that to yourself champ.

I do also draw the line at eating alive stuff. That's cruel, immoral and extremely chinese

Shame used to be enough to keep them in the closet, but now we see stupid shit like this, just volunteered for no reason out of the blue.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I’m bored, I’m awake, and I’m petty. And I having a lot of fun!

 

[not william stenchever]

Hold your liquor fool

If you can't handle booze get the hell out of the penis thread

 

[SNEED.EXE]

my balls bounce merrily along

Theodore Roosevelt remarked that Taft should give up riding because it was doing him no good and because it was "cruelty to the horse"

The fattest, stinkiest most retarded guy you'd ever see who pre ordered the ultimate edition of GTA VI, who thinks Seth Rogan's Sausage Party is the pinnacle of comedy, who's favorite episode of South Park is "You're Getting Old", who's apartment is full of empty mcdonalds cups, who refuses to call an exterminator to kill the roaches infesting his bathroom because he's a "pacifist", who contemplates becoming a game developer because he thinks he has a lot of great ideas, who currently only has $80 in his bank account, who posted a meme recently to his Instagram account of Jesus holding a blunt with the caption "Don't be racist, lets all get high", who has a tattoo of Finn from Adventure Time on his thigh, who owns a Rick and Morty bong, who once thought he was gonna be the next eminem when he lived with his parents in a trailer park as a kid, who has a 20 year old Youtube account where his most popular video is titled "CHRISTIANS ARE HYPOCRITES" with 20k views, who once made a profuse apology on his Twitter for accidentally liking a George Floyd meme back in 2020, who edited his avatar to have a low opacity french flag layered over top of it back in 2015, who says he's going to quit social media as his new years resolution every year but never does, who's currently in the process of balding which is why he wears beanies, who spent his weekend whining about late-stage capitalism, who has a criminal record for domestic battery, assault and arson and who's pushing 40 while still using Gen Z lingo just unironically said this over discord while playing the Call of Duty Modern Warfare 4 Beta with his equally stinky retarded friend.

If you don't want to see the opinions of infuriating retards you might as well just quit the site

I killed 5000000 brown children when I was in Fallujah in 2004 with my M16A4 with a Sailor Moon skin on it (specifically Sailor Mercury) I'd like to see someone talk shit to my face faggot, my entire death squad has the other Sailor gals on their guns and we'll track you down and kill you

PPP is like a cartoon character escaped into reality

He wasn’t just a shitpost machine, he was the whole factory.

Sadly he flew too close to the sun. I don’t have the proof thankfully but it involved him spamming Null’s profile with poorly-edited gay porn

I knew John Pork was a real one

He didn't even slip, he knew it was loaded and shot himself in the balls??

nothing excites me anymore

>Russia posturing itself to attack Poland for some made up reason again
>Germany suddenly has mysterious parties win again

They waste no second

I only drink grain alcohol and rainwater

All the "wow this looks so beautiful its just like I imagined it looked like as a kid" comments I'm seeing for this utter dogshit has me thinking maybe my fellow goyim really don't have souls

it would be acceptable if handing in your voting card was a prerequisite to buying this game

It's probably different for girls, but if somebody dressed as a Dr. Seuss character to that level of detail was trying to chase me down I'd at least want to hear them out.

قطعا بله، داداش، هیچ وقت این را نمی خواند.
لعنتی، آره، بیایید مثل اینکه داریم کی اف سی می خوریم، تجاوز کنیم، برادر!
*RAPE!*

He gut somehow migrated to his goiter.

You're stupid. It isn't just the way in which you're stupid, but also the magnitude. Your IQ is so low they had to switch to degrees Kelvin to measure it. The chemicals in a pineapple conduct more electricity than the signals in your brain. There is more seminal fluid in a brickfaced chinese eunuch than there is cerebral fluid in your skull.

I thought that maybe your stupidity was caused by some parasitic infection eating your brain, but I realized that any brain worms would just die of starvation. You think Boku no Pico is the pinnacle of anime. If I asked you to make a photocopy of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet, a million monkeys and a million typewriters would have it to me sooner.

My dog puts more thought into shitting on the floor than you will ever have thoughts in your life. More jews died in the Holocaust than you have brain synapses. There is a better chance that given a rifle Helen Keller would hit a target at 500 yards than you will ever have a single productive thought. We haven't yet made contact with aliens for the sole reason of the null zone emitted by your stupidity camoflouges the Earth. I would compare you favorably to Joe Biden, but that would be an insult to the gravity of dementia.

If they took your brain scan and uploaded it into Minecraft the file size would actually go down. The average flat asian woman has bigger tits than your cranium. They had to invent new fields of physiognomy to measure just how stupid you are. Your brain is so much smaller than peanut sized when you go to the zoo all the elephants try to eat you.

And worst of all you're a snow nigger.

I'd like to try faggots

Do you think Null stays in ooperating because he too lives in fear of what he’s created?

 

[drDOE]

God-DAMN, imagine recording a video of you wanking your dreidel and the girl says she'd rather read smut

Fuck thats gotta sting

 

[Da Capo]

THE DOWNSIDE IS YOU'RE FUCKING A MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MEN?!?!?!?! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!! GAY NIGGAAAAAA

I wanna taste a trannies axe wound.

Byuu never killed himself. He's actually living in Serbia alongside Tupac

Shut the fuck up, you tasteless chinko-pinko bastard.

 

[Veliky]

I don't know how common ERP DM's are but these leaks that happen every few months make me feel like a pariah because no one reaches out to me for something so intimate.

 

[JustSomeDong]

Imagine using "a-log" as an insult on KF.

 

[Catgirl Tyranid]

The kosher kock fiasco continues to be fodder for random.txt submissions.

 

[JustSomeDong]

I think we've all learned a valuable lesson

 

[Autistic Joe]

All i wanted to do at the farms was bring joy and talk about food but jews and pervert women kept talking about cumming on the dishes

Guys... with tears in my eyes i think i can say the white race is gonna be saved!

why are you all so fucking fat

IS ANYONE ON THIS SHITHOLE SITE NOT A FAT NIGGER?

 

[LimeRikki]

Mother nature is real and she's J. K. Rowling.

 

[Pedophobe]

Semper kiwilis on this glorious day

When ERP, DMs and discord come into play, any assumption of good faith should be withheld.

HOW BIG IS WHALE SPERM? IS IT CAT SIZED?

" welcome to kiwifarms son where you get nuked over the most retarded political disagreement "

 

[Gentlebastard]

As everyone knows, if you see something posted on the Internet, it must be the truth. Under no circumstances would someone lie about something just to make themselves look good, get a rise out of others, or for any other reason.

Source: It came to me in a dream.

He is actually starting to look like the edits. Horrifying.

For $0 dollars you can enslave Rick and have him scream deranged responses to you doing something as simple as just pointing out his obesity.

Have fun!

“If I kill myself they’ll declare it a suicide.” Yes?

Now trannies are too afraid to commit suicide because we'll mock them. Kiwifarms is actually saving lives!

Man when I was 16 I was finding creative ways to play hooky, not inject myself with bathtub hormones

 

[redbeardeded]

I love how doomers always cope "I'm speaking the truth".