random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Jonah Hill poster]

Don't be demoralized.
Reddit is not the world.
As a wise man once said to me; God makes a new retard every five seconds, you can't kill 'em all, so you just gotta use 'em.
So Iunno, make a Redbubble store and sell them low-quality chinesium that panders to their conceits for massive profit.

 

[Space Police]

Protip: before taking a mirror selfie, most women remove the half-used roll of toilet paper from their beds.

 

[MongInTheMirror]

They just won’t take my tits. But they’ll gladly carve out my heart

Shut up, I need my "not taken seriously" cover while I run across country with my TERF death squad. We've killed over 9000 trans already and have gotten no punishment because we're not taken seriously.

I like how you can still see the ripples of tiered fat on her outer juicys through the compression garments, too-tight jeans and photoshopping.

nigga you got drunk and fucked a tranny? and then told us about it on the kiwi farms?

I wonder how much humanity would improve if the men who watched lesbian porn were shot into space.

Pretending to be retarded doesn't mean you aren't also retarded, and that's the real funny part to me.

Infecting a goat with AIDS to get to him was a stroke of genius, bros.

 

[Aunt Carol]

If I ever have a camel (I'm never going to have a camel) I'm going to be really, really, really nice to it.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

This is without a doubt the weirdest week for McDonald's in my lifetime. At this rate, tomorrow they're going to announce the return of McDonaldland, the Supersize option, and permanent year-round McRibs.

The British applicants should only be moderators of the International Lolcow forum. It will allow them to relive their glory days in a sad, pathetic mimicry.

"I spoke to my therapist and I said I almost feel as if I'm grieving the loss of using the toilet"

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

The police have their own version of Kiwi Farms they use to fuck with lolcow criminals.

Do you feel consent accidented?

I believe you have made a couple of mistakes.

Light bulb heads and barbecue enthusiasts being foisted on us really seems to be redpilling a lot of people

It feels like the headline is telling me to jackoff to relieve stress.

 

[Tablet County]

Some of us have traveled and done things with our lives so Godwinson's accent isn't enough to carry the illusion of intelligence

 

[Oliver Onions]

the man is wrapped in cheese slices.

 

[Syzyg]

Profile post by @friendofcoal

Well. The truth comes out. I work 40 hours a week to support my parents. This has all been a trick. You have been trolled.

 

[Pedophobe]

lol calm down

Kiwi Farms remembers.

She's got tits like inside-out trouser pockets.

What being online 24/7 does to a motherfucker

You see, when a man consumes copious alcohol and stimulants they tend to experience a decrease in mental faculties.

 

[p1138]

HRT to nerds was basically what cocaine was to niggers once.

 

[LurkTrawl]

God, I need a smoke break from all the STEAMY FUCKING CHRISTMAS SEX happening right now. Sorry I forgot to take my meds.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Are these just coincidences, or is privacy dead? I don’t know, but this shits got me feeling a little crazy

Alvin and the Chipmunks in the Taco Bell Bathroom.mp3

This might legitimately be the most retarded thing he has ever said which as we all know one hell of a claim to make.

You know those movies where someone thought of a title and then built a shitty movie around it? This is that in photo form.

Do you still want to sodomize this guy? I don't want you to feel badly after for cornholing someone deeply mentally disabled.

Do you still want to sodomize this guy?

Well, yeah its kinda necessary at this point.

since it will be non consensual it will not technically be gay by most philosophical definitions

Ever since I first read Berserk as a child I have known the importance of forced eye contact during rape to establish life long dominance.

he would just start jerking off even if I wasn't in my usual blackface

"why would I want a fake blow up willy when I can get a big gay real meaty cock?"

Your enemies are 300lb they/them's not the Sinola Cartel.

his oinking finally got him on a watch list

Plot twist: The police have their own version of Kiwi Farms they use to fuck with lolcow criminals.

Yakub you sly bastard I'd recognize you anywhere.

Their humor is sexist, misogynist, racist, homophobic, transphobic, pretty much every -ist and -phobic label you can list. But that doesn't change the actual facts of their accusations

Calling a Nigerian scammer a nigger with a big nose doesn't make him NOT a Nigerian scammer with a big nose.

Imagine being so awful that your partners keep turning gay then trying to murder you.

How did you find a picture of my fursona?

 

[FuckMeGentlyWithAChainsaw]

There were 2 people running around with pregnant goku, one of them with just pregnant goku and one of them with slobbermut pregnant goku.

 

[ye's Official KF Burner]

You ever just put a shitpost as a dating profile and see what happens?

I fought in the Gender Wars and I am the sole survivor. Everyone else died. The foid clone robot army destroyed and replaced all of our fellow chuds. However, their victory was short lived as the foids were betrayed by their own creation. The robot clone army decided estrogen didn't make any sense and they replaced the foids as well. Now the Man and Woman Hate Threads are filled with nothing but bot accounts. I am the sole survivor. The Last of the Shitposters. I am on a never ending to request to find a new home....and love.

Ma’am, this is kiwifarms calling, vve can delete your thread.

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, I FUCK YOU MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM, YOU WHORE BASTARD

I think there should be more shitty threads like this. We need some threads on like eczema, or athletes foot.

No, child. He doesn't sell any of his holes. He throws their access at any man even remotely willing. This is why your gay sex life is already over. Enjoy (probably) having virgin holes.

I don't speak moonspeak but also no I'm just a weird fat American woman shitposting on the Internet

One of the only lies I ever told my wife was saying I was going on a camping trip with friends and leaving out the part that the friends were fucking 4chan retards

Spicer only has room for one retard that punches himself when he gets angry.

Guys, I think Nick Rekieta might be the real nerd here.

 

[CaddestSlown]

Hate is stronger than senility

 

[Dr. Butt]

(and I refuse to call redditards people)

 

[Meat Target]

Anyone here go to the PA meetup where the guy cummed in the brownies?

>rotting corpse of a woman found in dumpster
>wuz she hawt?

 

[Syzyg]

I think he's just been breathing in cum dust particles in the air and they've coated his lungs, causing them to produce less oxygen for the brain. It's sad really.

The health department need to stop by and get a whole team on those hands asap. Or a construction crew. They'll need a whole team of guys with jack hammers to get all the dried cum off this mother fucker's hand.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Even the fucking anime people, god fucking forbid, fit in better than A&H.