random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Sexy Potoo]

Trump: "You know what it is? I wanna be a whale psychiatrist."

This is some random.txt shit

TrumpWhales.mp4

 

[Oliver Onions]

And there it is. A "man" in a plastic wig, who introduces himself (while sweating profusely and not making eye contact) as a Phoenix Wright character.

 

[30+GameOvers]

https://embed.kiwifarms.st/threads/donald-j-trump.79004/post-19641900

If it walks like Hitler, Talks like Hitler, acts like Hitler, then he's probably Hitler.

 

[Big Nasty]

in the beginning there was nothing (but gay shit)
then, in 1776
AMERICA WAS CREATED AND EVERYTHING BECAME GREAT

Mostly Smoking Meth and Fucking Children in the shower.

Don't get complacent, homo. Psychotic hyper-vigilance is legitimately necessary here.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

jews are faggots

 

[Don Yagon]

When the end of history types were fantasizing about the information superhighway bringing about a golden age of openness and freedom of information the monkey's paw curled and gave us the Kiwi Farms.

 

[Harm]

David Wald is gay btw.

Not just gay, but a faggot.

 

[Gentlebastard]

Get the fuck out crumpet niggers.

Read a book? What, like a faggot? No thanks

You evidence is from a bloke called Steve Mould?

Obvious disinformation from our fungal overlords. Don't fall for it.

Public school was very easy for me to pass despite being a retard.

Trust the Experts, Not Your Lying Eyes: The Article

Anyway, I asked AI to create me an image of Homer Simpson preparing Aunt Myrna's Party Cheese Salad and gave it the recipe. This is what I got.

Hardcore gay fisting porn is less faggot-tier than the average Ska-enjoyer.

Damn, this guy is like the god of useless NEET slobs everywhere. All this and he has two girlfriends?

I'd forgotten that he pressure cooked beer along with the chocolate.

I think think we should crowdfund a golden shovel for him. Not only can he fling shit more often, but dig neater holes.

(Who the fuck jerks off to jeet a mature porn? I’ve had some pretty shameful faps, but middle aged, doughy Bengali women in third world hovels? Yuck)

Everytime I go on reddit i am reaffirmed in my belief that 95% of humanity are utterly worthless people

As a wise man once said to me; God makes a new retard every five seconds, you can't kill 'em all, so you just gotta use 'em.

 

[Aunt Carol]

According to Zillow, the home has a floor size of 1,520 square feet. Assuming "chock full of piss" means an amount of piss at least two feet deep, this equates to 3,040 cubic feet of piss. Given they consume two liters of water a day, the average adult will excrete between 800 and 2,000 milliliters of piss per day. We'll go halfway and say they're excreting 1,400 milliliters of piss per day. 1,400 milliliters is 85.43324 cubic inches. 85.43324 cubic inches is 0.0282517361 cubic feet.

It will take approximately 107,604 days for a man to fill a 1,520 square foot house with piss to a depth of two feet. 107,604 days equals approximately 295 years.

 

[Tablet County]

>Be European
>seethe

wow and here I've just been buying a steak and cooking it, and completely missing the essential part of knowing who these guys are and what the fuck this is about

There's even some of them here on KF that I prefer not to name, their retardation must be enjoyed naturally and untainted.

Enjoy leasing a stove, cuck.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

I have yet to see a woman make music that sounds like an EST Genesis fire alarm interspersed with household smoke alarms, like Ventolin by the Aphex Twin.

 

[The Skeksis Emperor]

Isekai this, isekai that,
Isen't it kaind of time you sad weebs moved out of your parents' basement?

 

[DickMain]

TOTAL RAT DEATH

FREE BOSSMANJACK

DAMN THAT PUSSY NICE

 

[OvercookedBacon]

Sorry I forgot to take my meds.

 

[Tablet County]

I filled up your mom's valence orbitals

How dare you repair our ice cream machines without our consent. You think just because you bought them that means you can do whatever you want with them? Fools. Now suffer our legalistic wrath.

To be fair, most songs are about being strung out on heroin.

I prefer touching grass with my feet. Yes, I have over 9000 hookworms eating my brain cells.

Just going off the headline I'm going to assume this is a blog post from 6000 years ago.

 

[Haloperidol]

just because I call someone a retard and a faggot doesn't mean I dislike them

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

You know who it be, it’s that crazyass mage. Walkin out the boglim fortress with his loaded 12 gauge.

 

[PhoBingas]

If anyone's an expert on oven law, it's gonna be a Jew.

 

[2SLGBQTIA+ 2 Furious]

"Once upon a midnight gooning,
I cracked my egg and started trooning,
Donning black ripped fishnets and dressing up just like a whore..."

quoth the female, "nevermore."

 

[Thé au lait]

"If The Navy seals don't turn Little Debbie into little deadbie soon, she will commit the Holocaust 2.0"
@Napoleon Bonerfart

The role of Janny should be thrust randomly on an unsuspecting victim like an act of God.

just picked the ask for money ending and got my foreskin forcefully removed the second I finished the application.

I know Null said not to quote him but this is fucking hilarious to me

the #1 date supplied for "when you started lurking the forum" is September, 2001.