random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

What?! Women don’t talk about each others breasts all the time?? Like in my pornos???

"I agree m'lady, I only respectfully ogle you in public. You wouldn't even know it was happening and I don't even think about sexually assaulting you, wink wink."

I've come to think that all of the NewAge woo-people who thought the world was coming to an end along with the Mayan calendar on 12/21/12 were actually right, but instead of going with a bang on one day, it's doing so gradually, and in all the most retarded ways possible.

I have to remind myself that my eating habits (limiting processed junk and sugar) are not actually that weird, I just live in the middle of Deatfat Valley, USA.

I don't even have the words to describe how angry this new Bitmoji makes me. I had a great productive day and just like that i'm in a sour fucking mood.

Tumblr hurt young women like crack and aids did to black people in the 80s. We will probably never recover the damage of 2010-2015.

I love how both of them are incorrect

Sure he is 1000% gettin what he fuckin deserves here, but that this is something he has tricked himself into doing by choice just noggles my boglin

He’s the energizer bunny of retardedness.

It’s the fear of getting assraped by the IRS that keeps me honest.

Ordinarily I would agree, if we were talking about normal humans. But this is a Reddit pooner, so probably her two favorite games are Sparkle Dolly Dress-Up Express and Softboi Yaoi Simulator (Self-Lubricating Lavender-Flavored Anus Edition).

 

[Tablet County]

Imagine looking for genetic perfection from a group that is best known for doing scat porn

those dykes sure do have interesting character development

The "Deceased" tag is the most coveted item in KF. So much so that many have died for it

Paying for an adobe product is morally wrong.

 

[Thé au lait]

I learned a new fact in every single sentence of this post and I hated each one

Searchable:
"I learned a new fact in every single sentence of this post and I hated each one" - Local Farmer

 

[Instant_Pot_User]

I think Mountain Dew drinking BITCH is a pretty cool guy. Eh eats popcorn with a spoon and doesn't afraid of anything.

 

[Syzyg]

Would you marry a 13 years old girl?

has science ever questioned the standards of timekeeping to suggest that years are not really what they seem to be on the surface

Real question and response in tradecode's thread.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

google, show me this niggas balls

 

[WonderWino]

As opposed to the man who eats vegan, who supports violently assaulting the earth, brutalizing it with steel to furrow it, carving the natural world to his whim, whether it is a plain or moutain, taming and forcing it to submit. Cruelly plunging seed of his choice into it's non consenting soil.

So horrific.

 

[Mary the Goldsmith]

This is no longer a lolcow. It's Assassin's Creed.

 

[Cemetery Support]

From the SRS and GRS surgeons and associated horrors thread:

When do I stop worrying that it’s going to fall off!!?

 

[Law]

To live in such opulent times but to see the coming of the night! I curse being born in this hideous age.

 

[Slideshow Bill]

Nigger, there is as much evidence for me being a Slytherin as there is for you being a woman.

Kiwi Farms Remembers (TM)

It's my game, I'm the main character, I'm the chosen one, I should be allowed to look cool or wacky or outrageous or whatever.

Why would I trust a crippled healer, nigger heal yourself first….

Many straight women go their entire life without orgasming or mass debating once.

We cumming for Christ with this one boys.

Trannies are starting to use the “N” word

Pictured fully inflated.

i can just SENSE an indian man wrote this

BROOOOOO!!!!!! YOU WON'T EVEN BELIEVE WHAT JUST HAPPENED!!!!!!!

I decided to give my PENIS the ULTIMATE DRAG QUEEN GLOW UP!!! I'm talkin' a FULL BEAT, honey!!! Foundation, concealer, bronzer, HIGHLIGHT THAT CAN BE SEEN FROM SPACE!!!!!!

Now it's out here with WINGED EYELINER SO SHARP, IT COULD SLICE A DIMENSION!!! BROWS ON FLEEK SO HARD THEY'RE RAISING THE DEAD!!! It’s contouring its abs... LIKE, HOW DOES IT EVEN HAVE ABS?!?!?!

AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE LIPS!!!! GLOSSY, PLUMP, LOOKING LIKE IT COULD SMOOCH MOUNTAINS INTO OBLIVION!!!!

It's walking around like the KING OF BEAUTY AND THE UNIVERSE!!!!! FABULOUSNESS IS DRIPPING FROM IT!!! LITERALLY, THERE'S GLITTER EVERYWHERE!!!!!!

Honestly, it's SO MASCULINE NOW, MACHO MAN HIMSELF CALLED AND SAID, "Bro, too much!!!" LET'S JUST SAY, I MIGHT HAVE CREATED A LEGEND!!!

You're two steps away from getting deported, cabron.

if that’s a problem, then I suggest not raping people.

Her anus DID WHAT?!

The real mental health crisis is the misgenderings you encounter along the way.

The cure is apparently as simple, as not acting like a retard!

>Scotland's hottest

Damn how bad is it there

Dick is not in the Aldi specialbuys this week. I will not be getting a Tesco clubcard offer on dick.

Lmao, the tranny with a nazi fetish suffers.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

I fully expect his eyes to be in a single eye socket in the middle of his nose bridge within a decade.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Don't know about you but I plan on having my coworkers and boss surrounding me on my deathbed when my ticket of life is up.

And by deathbed I mean office and by ticket of life I mean gun I'm bringing to the office.

 

[Tablet County]

I find most young men nowadays are simply too meek to let girls know how antisemitic they are. You'll never impress a girl otherwise.

Does anyone in this thread actually know what a wignat is

It's someone a bald manlet or gay spic calls you when you don't do what they want.

"Internet moderator acted like a retard"

In other shattering revelations, atmospheric water turns to rain. More as this news develops.

AUTISM

I prefer the term retardation.

I haven't been banned, but got a warning for using Helvetica.

he's a fucking caricature. I refuse to believe this creature is real. it's an ai hologram engineered by the Daily Wire.

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

She's pissing out of the surgical site? Barely newsworthy. It's like a mass shooting with less than five deaths at this point. I've seen a man cut his own penis off. I've seen a pooner pissing out of five holes like a sprinkler. I've seen cheesy amholes. I've seen stinkditches with multiple faces. Now, if you told me that the urine leaked into the rotdog and it was swelling like a water balloon and rotting off because it got infected and is about to splatter the floor in piss, then I'd be interested.
I can't believe I wrote that sentence. I used to be normal.

 

[PhoBingas]

Sorry that they can't all be like the anorexic bears you see in your Care Bears cartoons, you fucking ableists.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

It's pretty amusing that the only halfway decent new game Sony has made is Astro Bot which is basically a trip through the graveyard of forgotten Sony franchises with the Redditbot looting their graves and wearing their skin as he does it.

 

[Cnidarian]

Anyway I went to one I found in an area I don't usually go to, and one of the first things I see is this little buddy here.
View attachment 5427851View attachment 5427852

Of course I bought him immediately.
I love him.

 

[AIDShaver69]

"I STOLE HER FRIENDS GUYZ LULZ!!!!"

I thought there were 68 other AIDS havers before you?

Do you just wake up in the morning and ask yourself how are you going to top up your last retarded post?

Can't you just ERP with Glowie in a DM or something since you're so obsessed with them?

Is "Everyone I hate is a sock puppet" the new "Everyone I hate is Hitler"?

The Luigi Player
To be fair I still laugh at all of you equally

lol ok

i see ur post, i think it is dumb, and i rate it aproprately. this isnt spam, just dont make dumb posts if u get ina tizy from it

You're behavior is proving my case ban evader.

yeah man im totaly wirlaburla. oh no, im therianisming bark bark awwooooo

The Easy to Track Username Hall of Shame has to be a goldmine for these stupid ass quotes. There's so much cows who don't know how to ignore ragebait and being called out make great lol-worthy responses.

​

 

[frozen_runner]

The Jew cries out in pain as he molests you.

I will continue to only drink out of plastic bottles, only eat out of tupperware, and eat only with plastic cutlery - all of which I microwave - because plasticmaxxing until my balls turn into a beanbag chair is the true path to immortality.

Yeah yeah yeah, more bad news for my generation, what the fuck else is new you nigger.

The troon cries out in pain as he shoots up your school

Futanaris are real goddammit Japan.

Indians are truly disgusting creatures.

"This rare phenomena in fish causes them to grow both sets of genitalia; go mad, cut out its own organs and die"

"OMGGGGG THEY EXIST!!! NATURE SAYS TRANS RIGHTS!!"

Anyone who signs up to a website using their real date of birth deserves to be fat.

Every time someone posts in the thread, a nigger farts in Nikki's vagina.

I'm very angry that I wasted my time reading this nonsense.

Unfortunately neither of these men are right for office. I will instead be writing in Blanka from Street Fighter.

Jeffrey Epstein didn't page himself

cocaine made my english worse

Any religion that hates dogs is shit and its prophet is a joke.

Bailiff, explode his penis immediately.

I achieved my dogshit taste in women on my own.
Truly I am free.

you people keep saying "Jews" and "autists" like it's two different and distiguishably separate things

I propose we just call them all "Jautists"

Aliens better not hurt my cat

I keep trying to tell my wife that it's the year of our Lord 2024 and she should be working a high powered career job and coming home to cook me tendies and wipe the dorito crumbs off my face while I cry and rage out about the 12 year old who just 360 no-scoped me. But for some reason she gets really upset when I bring it up.

This is outrageous and seriously pisses me off.

I liked Hitler before TikTok made it cool to like Hitler. Fucking posers.

The real question is does Tim Walz carry assblaster 9,000 hotsauce in his Murse?

I've always liked monkeys, now I like them even more. I've also always hated Indians, now I hate them even more.

This is an extraordinarily Jewish situation. Ten matzo balls out of ten!

Im never voting again and im white. Unless harris strips down naked and gets mercilessly beaten publicly, then i wont be voting for her. No pain no gain indian shit nigger

In a few years that article will be written by a diaperfur tranny.

I HATE TAYLOR SWIFT!!!!!!

this is what he gets for refusing to try the fediverse

rappers don't season they ass eggs

I pronounce Redguard with a hard R.

I'm drunk, but at the moment, I'm about 70-30 that Trump wins.