Let’s Spork: Mushoku Tensei - “iT’s PeAk FiCtIoN”

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My apologies for a lack of update. I thought I posted it, but for some reason it stayed in drafts. *sigh*

Chapter 5

Getting back into this first volume, we are finally close to the halfway point of the book. So far it’s been exposition dump after exposition dump, with very little conflict to speak of. In my humble opinion, there's a bit of fat that could have been cut out in the second and third chapters. I've been told that much of the exposition doesn't become relevant until a few more volumes down the line.

Without further ado, let’s pick up where we left off.

I was now five.
About fucking time.

We had a small party to celebrate my birthday. Birthdays weren’t a yearly celebration in these lands. At ages five, ten, and fifteen, it was customary for one’s family to give gifts. You wereconsidered an adult at fifteen, so that made a lot of sense.
What about 20, 25, 30, 35 and so on? Do birthdays stop being a thing once you hit adulthood?

I'm not touching the “fifteen being an adult makes a lot of sense” line knowing who is saying that.

Paul gifted me with a pair of swords for my birthday. One was a real sword, too long and heavy for a five-year-old to wield; the other was a short practice sword. The real sword had been properly tempered and bore a fine edge. It definitely wasn’t something suitable for a little kid.
Picturing a kindergartener running around with a long sword sounds like a recipie for disaster. Good thing Rudeus isn't as retarded as your average five year old, or disaster would strike.

“Son, a man must always carry a sword within his heart. In order to protect what’s important to you, you…” My father started a long, rambling stream of advice, and I just smiled and nodded. His spiel had a friendly and energetic air to it, but in the end, even Zenith chided him for going on too long. Admonished, he smiled and wrapped up with, “Just remember to keep it put away when you don’t need it.”
It sounds like a truly riveting speech from Paul but if it’s anything like the previous chapters, I feel like had Zenith not stopped him we would get a several page exposition dump.

We, the dear reader, are gifted with this image.

IMG_9161.jpeg

Anyways, the day after his 5th birthday we are treated with a page of Rudeus explaining why sword fighting is important in this world.

Given that background, the art of the blade was far more advanced in this world than it was in my old one. A master swordsman could cleave a boulder in a single stroke, or unleash a flash of the blade to strike a distant foe.

Maybe its more “advanced” because guns apparently haven't been invented yet? I don't know if guns will show up in this series, haven't read that far ahead. I guess there was a missed opportunity for Rudeus to become a magic wielding gunslinger of sorts.

This was just conjecture on my part, but it seemed to me that, in this world, magic was woven into the art of swordplay. It was visibly different from the flashy magical effects created by spellcraft, and instead worked by improving one’s physical prowess and strengthening the metal of the sword itself. How else would it be possible to move at such blinding speeds or slice a huge rock in two?
You're gonna show us, and not tell us.

Right?

Paul wasn’t using magic consciously. That was why he couldn’t explain how he did what he did. It meant that once I was able to reproduce what he did, I’d be able to use magic to give myself a physical boost. I had to stick with it.

Like I said earlier, a magic gun sounds like it would be way more effective.

But what do I know? I don't write light novels.

In this world, there were three primary schools of swordplay. First was the Sword God Style. This style maintained that the best defense was a good offense and focused on high-speed moves with the goal of striking one’s opponent first—ideally finishing the fight with a single blow. If the opponent was still standing, the practitioner would continue to strike and feint back until they were victorious. If I had to compare it to something from my old world, the closest thing would be Satsuma Jigen-ryu.

You know what would have been a better way to lore dump on the reader?

FUCKING HAVE PAUL EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO RUDY AND THE READERS WHILE TRAINING! A simple “This method is called” *Swings sword* “And this method is called the swinging monkey” *Fwoosh* “And this is the Peter Griffin style”.

It'd be an opportunity to also let Paul tell Rudeus about his adventures. It would feel more organic than giving us another five pages of exposition.

In reality, while Paul chiefly practiced Sword God Style, there was a smattering of Water God and North God elements included in there. It seemed that most people didn’t head out into the world deciding to exclusively adhere to one style or another.

Once again, it would have been better to just have Paul explain why he practices one style over the other. You don't have to go into excruciating detail about all the styles, you could just have Paul say “once you learn Sword God style, the other two will come naturally” or something like that.

I can't believe the publishers thought this standard was acceptable. Do they not have editors in Japan or something to inform the author?

Paul decided that I would learn both the Sword God Style and Water God Style: the former to get a good handle on offense and thelatter for defense.

Why didn't you say that four pages ago?!


“But Father,” I asked, “based on what you’ve told me, it sounds like North God Style is the most balanced of the three.”


“Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not even a style—it’s just using a sword to fight with, really.”


“Oh, I see.” North God Style was clearly the odd one out of the Three Great Styles. Either that, or Paul just wasn’t fond of it personally. Though he was rather good at the style for someone who didn’t like it.


“You’ve got a knack for magic, Rudy, but it doesn’t hurt to learn the sword as well. You want to be a magician who can fend off an attack from someone who can use Sword God Style.”


“So, you’re saying I’d be, like, a mage knight?”


“Hm? No, a mage knight is a swordsman who can also use magic. You’re the opposite of that.”

As much as I appreciate seeing dialogue, after five pages of nothing between these two, I have to say that it suffers from the same thing most anime does.

It feels stiff and unnatural. If I were to remove the character names, I wouldn’t be able to pick out their voice. Paul comes off as someone who would use a lot more slang compared to Zenith, albeit a bit crude. Dialogue helps with that.

Then again, what do I know? I'm not a writer of peak fiction.

The issue was that Paul couldn’t teach me how to magically boost my physical prowess because he wasn’t consciously aware of how he did it. I either needed to acquire the ability myself or attain it via the right physical training. I needed to figure out the principle at work.

Maybe because you're a beginner and need to get the basics down first.


For a moment, Paul was lost in thought, an uneasy expression on his face. “You don’t like swordplay, do you?” he finally asked.

I mean, training a five year old seems a bit too early for that.

Was he saying that just because I had an aptitude for magic? He must have been worried that I didn’t want to train in the sword. Don’t get me wrong: I had no problem practicing how to use a sword.

Then whats the fucking problem?!

I just preferred time alone with Roxy studying magic over getting dirty and sweaty with another guy in the yard.
IMG_9377.webp

I was an indoors sort of guy.

Who could have guessed? I'm shocked I say, shocked!


But hey, personal preferences couldn’t get in the way of things. I’d decided to put my best effort into my second shot at life, and that meant trying my best at magic and the sword alike.
“No,” I said, “I want to be as good at swordplay as I am at
magic.”

Uh huh…

Paul flushed with pride and nodded happily as he brought his wooden practice sword to bear. “All right, then. Let’s get to it. Come at me!”

I'm still bothered by the stiff dialogue. I'll chalk it up to poor translation.

Swords and sorcery. I wasn’t sure which I’d ultimately come to rely on. Honestly, I’d be cool with it either way. But it was also my duty to establish a good bond with my parents while I was young.
“All right, Father!” I called out.
In my past life, I’d been a burden to my parents till the day they died. If I’d been nicer to them, maybe my siblings wouldn’t have kicked me out of the house. I needed to be better to my parents this time around.

I could have sworn we already covered this territory at least several times by this point. We get it: you were a freeloading incel in your previous life and want to take advantage of getting a second chance.

CAN WE GET SOME FUCKING CONFLICT ALREADY?
While I was taking my first steps in sword training, my magical studies were taking on a more technical and practical bent.
“What would happen if you cast Waterfall, Heat Island, and Icicle Field in that order?” Roxy asked.
“You’d create mist.”
“Correct. And how would you go about clearing up that mist?”
“Umm…cast Heat Island again and heat up the ground?”
“Exactly. Now, please demonstrate, if you would.”

How many more training scenes are we going to get in this book?

By using spells from different schools in succession, it was possible to create other phenomena. This was known as Combined Magic. A Textbook of Magic included a spell for making rain, but had nothing about creating mist. Therefore, magicians had to use spells from multiple schools in sequence. This allowed for the reproduction of various natural phenomena.

This feels like information you'd put in the companion guidebook, or at least in the back of the novel.

This was a world without microscopes. They probably hadn’t discovered all of the principles that governed the natural world. Combined Magic contained all the creative genius of the great wizards of old.

Honestly, all I see is another missed opportunity. Wouldn't diseases be a lot deadlier in a world of magic because of the potential for wizards to manipulate cells?

Oh wait, Disney did that decades ago when Merlin turned himself into a germ!


I get the feeling that science isn't going to play a role in Rudy’s magic during future battles, as interesting as that would be.

Well, I didn’t need to bother with that kind of nonsense. If I wanted to create a cloud, I’d just use a spell that made rain fall and cast it as close to the ground as possible.

As implied earlier, a wizard that understands science sounds like a far more formidable foe than one that chooses to disregard it.

“Do magicians get hit with a lot of problems in their line ofwork?” I asked.
“Oh, yes. There aren’t that many users of Advanced magic around, after all.”
They said that maybe only one in twenty people could learn to fight. And to find a magician among them had the same twenty-to- one odds. So, four-hundred-to-one odds of finding a capable magician, then.

Is this from a lack of education, that is hidden behind a paywall? Is it because the knowledge of magic is only accessible to the wealthiest of society?

Or is it because our protagonist is super special awesome?

I'll let you guess.

That meant that Advanced-tier magicians were a one-in-forty-thousand deal. If we included Beginner and Intermediate spells in the mix, the number of things Combined Magic could do increased dramatically—which in turn made it so popular. To be a magic tutor around these parts, one needed to be at the Advanced tier or higher.Steep requirements, but they yielded powerful results.

Once again, why?

“So, there are magic schools?” I asked.

I've heard that this series at one point devolves into degenerate Harry Potter. I'm dreading it already.

“Yes. There are magic schools all over the place in the major kingdoms.”
I’d assumed as much, but still—magic school? Huh. Should I give that a try? Move on to my schoolboy arc?
“Though the largest,” Roxy continued, “is the Ranoa University of Magic.”
Whoa, they even had universities for that sort of thing?
“Is this university different from the other magic schools?” I asked.
“They have excellent facilities and a faculty to match. You’d have access to more modern and advanced courses there than at other schools, I’d imagine.”
“Did you go to the University of Magic, too, Miss Roxy?”
“I did. Magic schools have very strict rules and regulations, so the University of Magic was the only school I could get into.”

Isn't it interesting that Roxy is given space to tell us a little but about herself, while Rudy’s parents aren’t?

So they spend the next several paragraphs giving us a lore dump about magic education. The schools discriminate against demons because the people of this world treat the war from 400 years ago like its the holocaust to this day.

“I think it’s a little early to make that sort of decision,” I murmured.
“Indeed. You could also fulfil Sir Paul’s hopes of you becoming a swordsman or a knight. And there are people who’ve attained the title of knight who have also attended the University of Magic. Don’t think your choice is an exclusive one between swords or sorcery. You could always become a mage knight or something, after all.”

So we’re back here.

Wouldn't it be more impactful if Rudy became dead set on becoming a knight mage, regardless of Roxy and Paul’s opinions? For example, he reads about the occupation and becomes obsessed with a particular hero; then tells Paul he wants to follow in those footsteps? And said hero is a righteous mage knight who is legendary for protecting the vulnerable, ala like Robin Hood or King Arthur?

Not only would it be a more natural way to expand on world building, but it would make Rudy wanting to better himself feel more genuine.

“We’re talking about stuff well into the future, right?” I said.
“For you, Rudy, yes.” Roxy flashed a forlorn smile. “Pretty soon, however, I’ll run out of things I can teach you. Your graduation is coming up very soon, so this sort of conversation isn’t too premature.”
Wait—graduation?

Finally, something resembling conflict. About time, too.

That's all for this chapter.
 
I can't believe the publishers thought this standard was acceptable. Do they not have editors in Japan or something to inform the author?
They do; anime just uses exposition so otaku will base their lives around it and pretend to be anime characters. They also write these things very quickly and poorly because they don't have to invest in editing; below is a good example of that:
As much as I appreciate seeing dialogue, after five pages of nothing between these two, I have to say that it suffers from the same thing most anime does.

It feels stiff and unnatural. If I were to remove the character names, I wouldn’t be able to pick out their voice. Paul comes off as someone who would use a lot more slang compared to Zenith, albeit a bit crude. Dialogue helps with that.
Maybe its more “advanced” because guns apparently haven't been invented yet? I don't know if guns will show up in this series, haven't read that far ahead. I guess there was a missed opportunity for Rudeus to become a magic wielding gunslinger of sorts.
It would be funny if they ripped off Garzey's Wing and had Rudeus remember the formula for gunpowder from his past life. Sadly, if they were ripping off Garzey's Wing, the dialogue would be much more lifelike and passionate.
So they spend the next several paragraphs giving us a lore dump about magic education. The schools discriminate against demons because the people of this world treat the war from 400 years ago like its the holocaust to this day.
The backstory to this is that there was a massive war against demons in the past? Frierensissies . . .
Wouldn't it be more impactful if Rudy became dead set on becoming a knight mage, regardless of Roxy and Paul’s opinions? For example, he reads about the occupation and becomes obsessed with a particular hero; then tells Paul he wants to follow in those footsteps? And said hero is a righteous mage knight who is legendary for protecting the vulnerable, ala like Robin Hood or King Arthur?

Not only would it be a more natural way to expand on world building, but it would make Rudy wanting to better himself feel more genuine.
The only motivation that wouldn't be smarmy self-insert garbage would be if he and his family got captured by an enemy and he had to fight for his freedom. That would be pulpy and fun, which is what this should be. Even Jesus Yamato had better motivations for everything.
 
I think my biggest issue with this chapter is that Rudy doesn't talk like a five-year-old, but nobody seems to notice, and I don't know if this was a problem in the original Japanese or due to literal translation. Reminds me of Calvin & Hobbes where six-year-old Calvin says big words and waxes philosophical often even around his parents suggesting he's bright for his age, but it's kinda tongue-in-cheek since he still acts and has the active imagination and attention span of a six-year-old.

I'm not touching the “fifteen being an adult makes a lot of sense” line knowing who is saying that.
The author probably believes the common misconception that being 15 during the middle ages meant you were an adult due to rampant illness, childbirth complications, and wars that lowered the life expectancy for centuries. It's at least better than the Pokémon world where you're considered an adult (or at least given more autonomy) at ten-years-old and legally allowed to go on a journey and take on other adult responsibilities. Yes, Takeshi Shudo envisioned the world like this.
 
shit like this is why i have very little hope about anime and manga culture in general, each time something is kind of good (world building and intresting characters) the author just inject vaush's lewdest dreams just to feel close to the audience of ""people"" that consume this religiously
 
I remember scambolli reviews praising MT to high heavens. Talking about how Rudeus is actually a well developed and compelling character. That's horseshit, he feels sad sometimes and just because of we have to assume he is a 3 dimensional character. This is the same as Bella Swan being clumsy somehow stops her from being a Mary Sue.
Scambolli then recomended No Game No Life so I wrote him off as a midwit forever.
MT speaks to a very particular set of people, the kind that never really grow past 15.
 
I remember scambolli reviews praising MT to high heavens. Talking about how Rudeus is actually a well developed and compelling character. That's horseshit
Not arguing, but your average anime reviewer is putting these characters on the isekai grading curve, and in that instance Rudeus will look more developed because he reguarly fucks up and gets his ass kicked and even bodied a few times. The problem is these dudes have very little exposure to story telling outside of grorious nippon and most haven't even watched classic cinema/high rated television, let alone actual fucking literature. The raccoon is always going to praise the three day old maggoty pizza as the height of haute cuisine, and there's no fixing that.
 
Chapter 6
‘Sup Kiwis? It’s been an eventful month, so much so that I almost forgot about this shitty Twilight-For-Pedos light novel.

Fear not, we are so back.

I had not left home since I’d come to this world.
After a point, that became intentional on my part. I was afraid. When I stepped into the yard and looked at the world beyond, memories came flooding back to me: memories of that day. The ache in my side. The chill of the rain. Regret. Despair. The pain of being hit by that truck.

You're telling me that his parents never brought him anywhere once in five years? Do family gatherings and holidays just not exist in this world? Are there no theme parks for kids in this fantasy world? No play dates? His mother never once brought him to the market to show him off to her friends, given how much he's apparently her pride and joy?

Do his parents even have a life outside of the home? It doesn't sound like it.

Of all the things I have a hard time believing, this is the one thing that breaks my immersion. Unless his parents also have no life outside of the house and their jobs, this is just sad.

This world sounds like it would be boring and miserable for children.

This serene pastoral landscape that stretched out before me could turn into hell in an instant. As peaceful as the scenery looked, it would never accept me.

I'm sure most adults would understand a child being socially retarded, because all kids are social retards.

With you being 5 again (theoretically), you could become the most charismatic chad in the neighborhood as long as you make an effort to fit in.

I'm putting too much thought into this.


In my past life, while sitting around the house, frustrated and horny, I’d fantasize about Japan suddenly getting caught up in a war. And then a hot girl showing up one day, needing a place to stay. I knew that if that happened, I’d rise to the challenge.

You wouldn't do shit; you'd realistically be drafted and murdered by CCP troops or held prisoner by communist delinquents.

That fantasy was my escape from reality. I’d dreamt it so many times. In those dreams, I wasn’t larger than life or anything—just a normal guy. Just a normal guy, doing normal things, living a normal life for himself.

I can see why the average Xitter poster likes this series.


But then, I’d wake up from that dream. I feared that if I took one step away from my home now, I’d wake up from this dream, too. I’d wake up, and find myself right back in that moment of crushing despair, battered by the waves of my many regrets.

Sounds like that would be an opportunity to learn how to cope with regret and disappointment instead of escaping into games and anime.

No. This was no dream. It felt far too real. Maybe if you’d told me it was a VRMMORPG, but—no. This is reality, I told myself. I knew it was. Reality, and not a dream. And yet, I still couldn’t bring myself to take that one step away from home. No matter how I tried to reassure myself, no matter how much I promised myself aloud, my body would not obey. I wanted to cry.
WE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THIS AT LEAST SEVERAL TIMES OVER YOU FUCKING LARDASS PEDOPHILIC JAPANESD CHRIS CHAN!
/Alogging over

The graduation ceremony was to take place outside the village, Roxy informed me.
I protested meekly. “Outside?”
“Yes, just outside the village. I’ve already got the horse prepared.”

But weren't you training with her in the garden, where you guys fucked up your Mom’s tree?!

No, I don't care about the semantics of what “outside” means in this context. I will not allow the author to gaslight me into thinking that breaking trees with magic isn't the fantasy version of touching grass.

It still remembered too much from before. It remembered my old life. Getting beaten up by punks. Being laughed at uproariously. Experiencing tremendous heartbreak. Having no choice but to become a shut-in.

It always comes back to those DANG, DIRTY DELINQUENTS.

“Why, what’s the matter?” Roxy asked.
“Um, well, it’s just… there might be monsters or something out there.”

For all we know, there could be monsters with pompadours out there waiting to shove Rudy into a locker (or whatever they do in Not-Japan).

“Oh, we certainly won’t run into any of them around these parts, long as we don’t get too close to the forests. Even if we do,they’ll be weak enough that I can take care of them. Heck, you couldprobably handle them yourself.” Roxy frowned dubiously at all my
hemming and hawing about not wanting to leave. “Ah, that’s right, I remember hearing that you’ve never left home, have you, Rudy?”
Not even to go outside and play with other kids.


“Er… no.”
“Is it because you’re afraid of the horse?”
“N-no, I’m…not that scared of horses.” I actually liked horses, really. I’d played Derby Stallion and everything.
“Hehe. Ah, so that’s all it is,” Roxy said. “I guess you do act your age sometimes.”

Oh, so Rudy has interests outside of porn, anime and video games and replaces all of that with horses? Well, that sounds like an interesting dev—


She totally had the wrong idea, but I couldn’t tell her I was afraid of leaving the house. That’d be even more humiliating than saying I was afraid of horses. And I still had my sense of pride—my minuscule, out-of-touch-with-reality sense of pride.

NEVER MIND!

Anyways, they go into town for the first time in 6 chapters because Rudy’s parents have no lives outside of the house (allegedly).
Those looks were scary as ever— especially that glint of sneering superiority I knew too well. Surely,
they wouldn’t come up and address me with a snide, condescending tone…right? They didn’t even know me. How could they? The only people who knew me in this entire world were the ones in that tiny little house.
Dunno if it’s ever been told to an Isekai protagonist before, but the world doesn't revolve around you Fagatron!

So why were they looking at me? Quit staring at me, I grumbled inwardly. Get back to work.

What work? Apparently people in this world don't need jobs to own houses if his parents are anything to go by.

But—no. It wasn’t me they were staring at. It was Roxy.
The character flaw of “jumping to conclusions” sounds great on paper if it had any consequences. Somehow, I doubt it'll amount to anything.

And some of the townsfolk, I noticed, were bowing to her. And then it hit me: Roxy had made a name for herself in the village, even with the sizeable prejudice against demons in this kingdom. And we
were out in the countryside, so those attitudes were even more pronounced. In the span of two years, Roxy had become someone that people here were willing to bow to.

All that build up to anti-demon racism didn't pay off here. If you were to have this scene happen two chapters ago, followed by Roxy giving context for anti-demon racism it would have made the world building organic.

Also, how would any of those townfolks even know of Roxy if Rudy’s parents don't leave the house often? Unless I missed the part where they'd leave to go hang out with friends while leaving Lilia to babysit Rudy, I'm going to assume they have no lives.

I am overthinking this, I know.

Man, how did the girl who spied on my parents’ bedroom antics manage to become someone of such high esteem? The tension ebbed from my body at that thought.
IMG_9722.webp
“Caravaggio’s in a good mood,” Roxy said. “He seems happy to have you riding him, Rudy.” Caravaggio was the horse’s name. I had no idea how to read a horse’s mood, though. “Oh, okay,” I said vaguely, resting against Roxy, her modest chest pressing against the back of my head. It felt nice.

We get it, Rudy’s a pervert. There was literally no reason to describe Roxy’s chest outside of pandering to the type of people who read this slop.

Spoiler’d for sperging:
What I'm seeing here is a missed opportunity for the horseback riding to be used as a proxy to describe the fantasy world. To describe what the trees, landscape, animals and architecture of this world is like. Most fantasy authors take the time to describe the horse’s overall mood via their body language. Among many, many, many other things horse riding scenes can be used for.

Moving on…
Now that I’d found some composure, I could fully take in of my surroundings. Fields spread out as far as I could see, with houses dotted here and there. It definitely had the feel of a farming village. Much farther in the distance were quite a few more houses. If they’d been more closely packed together, I’d think it was a town. All it needed was a windmill for it to look like Switzerland or something.

Oh so now we’re getting vague descriptions of your average village in Switzerland.

Now that I’d relaxed, I noticed how quiet things were. Things were never this quiet when Roxy and I were together. But then, we’d never really been alone like this together, either. The silence wasn’t bad, really; it was just a tad awkward.

This guy is incapable of being alone with his own thoughts.

Roxy then informs Rudy that Bueno village is located in Fittoa, a northern region of the “Asura Kingdom” best known for growing multi-purpose wheat

Skipping ahead a little bit we finally get to know what Paul’s job is:

According to Roxy, we lived in Buena Village, which was located in the Fittoa Region, in the northeastern part of the Asura Kingdom. At present, there were over thirty households here, working the
farmland. My father, Paul, was a knight who had been deployed to the village. His job was to watch over the townsfolk to ensure they were carrying out their work properly, adjudicate any disputes, and protect the village from monster attacks. In short, he was basically a publicly sanctioned bodyguard.
That being said, the young men in the village also took turns guarding it, so Paul spent most of his afternoons at home after he made his morning rounds. Ours was a pretty peaceful village, leaving him with little work to do.

Just one knight?!

Out of how many men in this village?

He doesn't even have his own squire on top of that, or isn't commanding a militia at minimum? WHAT IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO IF THEY GET RAIDED BY GROUPS OF BANDITS OR COMMUNISTS?

I don't care how good Paul is with a sword in hand, unless he's set up a bunch of booby traps around the outskirts I'm going to assume this kingdom is a poorly run one.

The people in this village would be fucked if they were invaded by surprise by an enemy nation.

We continued our way across the plains, bound for the flat horizon. No—I could faintly see mountains in the distance. If nothing else, this was something you couldn’t see in Japan. It reminded me of a picture of the Mongolian steppes in a geography textbook or something.
“Right here should do nicely,” Roxy said, bringing the horse to a stop next to a solitary tree. She dismounted and tied the reins to the tree.
At least there's a little bit of description here instead of sexualizing Roxy.

Then, she picked me up and helped me down, putting us face to face. “I’m going to cast the Water Saint-tier attack spell Cumulonimbus,” she said. “It creates thunder, and causes torrential rain to come down in a large area.”

“Please follow what I do and attempt to cast the spell yourself.”
I was going to be using Water Saint-tier magic. Now I got it: This was my final examination. Roxy was going to use the most powerful spell she had in her repertoire, and if I was able to use it as well, that would mean she’d taught me all she could. “For demonstration purposes, I’m going to dismiss the spell after a minute. If you can keep the rain falling for…at least one hour, let’s say, I’ll consider that a pass.”
“Did we come out here where there aren’t any people because this involves secret teachings?” I asked.
“No, we came here because the spell might hurt people or cause damage to the crops.”
At least Roxy is considerate enough to bystanders to worry about the inconveniences she has potential to cause.

Can't say the same about Rudy.
She chanted steadily, slowly, and purposefully. It took her just over a minute to complete her incantation. A moment later, our surroundings grew dark. For several seconds, there was nothing—then, a pelting rain began to fall. A terrific wind roared, accompanied by black clouds that flickered with lightning. Amidst the pouring sheets of rain, the sky began to rumble, and purple light shot through the clouds. With each new flash, the lightning increased in power. It was almost as if the light itself was taking on a palpable weight, growing with a swell and ready to come right——down.
Imagine choosing to camp out by the mountains on this particular day and your day is ruined by a surprise storm.

The lightning struck the tree next to us. My eardrums rang, and my vision went painfully white.
Roxy let out a yelp of alarm at the near miss.

No, why Author-San? Why did you kill off my favourite character (the horse?).

“Oh, no,” Roxy muttered as she rushed over to the tree, her face pale. When my vision returned, I saw that the horse had collapsed, smoke rising from its body. Roxy set her hands on the horse’s body and quickly began to chant. “Oh, goddess of motherly affection, close up this one’s wounds and restore the vigor to his body—X-Healing!” Roxy’s chant had been flustered, but before long, the horse came to. It couldn’t have been that close to death, then: An Intermediate-tier Healing spell like that couldn’t restore the dead to life.

Oh thank god the horse is okay, he's the only good character in this book.

The horse looked alarmed, and sweat had beaded on Roxy’s forehead. “Whew! That was a close one!”
Yeah, I’d say it was a close one, all right. That was my family’s only horse! Paul dutifully tended to it every day and would occasionally take it out on long rides, a bright smile on his face. It didn’t have a particularly impressive pedigree or anything, but Paul and that horse had been through a lot over the years. It wasn’t a stretch to say that, after Zenith, Paul loved that horse more than anything. That’s how important it was.

I'm calling it: Paul was a horse girl in his previous life.

Of course, having spent the last two years living with us, Roxy was well aware of that, too. I’d seen her more than once, looking entranced as she spied on Paul and the horse, only to then shrink away.

Why was she “entranced”?!

Considering what book this is, maybe its best for that question not to be answered.

“Could we, ah, could we please keep this a secret?” Roxy said, tears in her eyes. She was a klutz. Near misses and scrapes like this were a common occurrence with her. Still, she gave things her all. I knew she stayed up late every night to plan lessons for me, and I knew that she tried her hardest to put on an air of dignity so people wouldn’t write her off for her age.

I uh, ah, uh hate it when anime character tropes get shoved into novels. It has ruined many reading experiences (it has shown up in western fantasy books as well).

Some of the clouds Roxy had created earlier still lingered. If I remembered right, I could conjure a horizontal whirlwind of air and warm the air beneath it to create an updraft. And then, if I cooled the air above the updraft, it would pick up speed and… In doing all that, I wound up burning through half my magical reserves. I’d done what I could, though. Now I just had to see if it would last an hour. Satisfied, I headed back to the dome Roxy had created, rain pouring down on me as thunder rumbled in the skies above. Roxy sat against one side of the dome, the horse’s reins clutched in her hands. Upon seeing me, she gave a little nod. “This dome will disappear in about an hour,” she said, “so we’ll be fine, assuming it doesn’t go away before then.”

That poor horse doesn't get paid enough to put up with this nonsense.

Rudy then performs the spell and…

“Rudy,” Roxy said, “you pass.”
“Huh? But it hasn’t been an hour yet.”
“There’s no need. If you can do that, you’re more than competent enough,” she replied. “Now then, can you make it go away?”
“Er, sure. It’ll take a little while, though.” I cooled the ground over a wide area, then warmed the air above in order to create a downward current, ultimately using some wind magic to scatter the clouds. Once I was done, Roxy and I stood there, the two of us drenched to the bone.
“Congratulations,” Roxy said. “You are now a Water Saint.” She looked stunning, her hand brushing aside her wet bangs, an all-too-rare grin on her face.

Of course he passes with flying colors. Would you expect less from an Isekai protagonist?

And so we get this illustration:
IMG_9727.webp
I hadn’t achieved anything in my past life. But I’d done something now. As soon as I realized that, a curious sensation welled up from within me. And I knew what it was. A sense of accomplishment. For the first time since coming to this world, I felt like I’d truly
taken my first step.

That's just depressing.

The following day, Roxy stood in the entryway to our house in her traveling gear, the spitting image of the person who had arrived two years prior. My mother and father didn’t look much different, either. About the only thing that had changed was that I was taller.
“Roxy,” Zenith said, “you’re more than welcome to stay. I still have plenty of recipes that I could teach you.”

Guess they'll have to hire an actual babysitter from now on.

Paul followed up. “Right. Your role as a home tutor may have come to an end, but we’re in your debt for your help with the drought last year. I’m sure the villagers would be happy to have you stick around.”
And you're telling me that Zenith can't summon water?! I thought she was also a magic user.

Here were my parents, trying to keep Roxy from leaving. Unbeknownst to me, they’d apparently become good friends.

YOU GUYS LIVE IN THE SAME FUCKING HOUSE.

Which made sense; her afternoons had been a huge swath of free time, and I guess she’d spent it broadening her social circle. She wasn’t just a love interest in a video game, whose circumstances only changed when the main character did something.
I see the attempt at deconstruction and can kind of appreciate. Yet, if spoilers are anything to go by, this bit of self awareness from the author doesn't amount to much.

She had to be a little shocked that I’d reached the same rank as her. And she’d said previously that having a pupil who exceeded her skills made her uncomfortable.
“I see,” said Paul. “I suppose it is what it is. I’m sorry that our son caused you to lose confidence in yourself.”
“I’m sorry that my son is a Gary Stu.”

“Oh, no,” Roxy said. “I’m grateful to be shown how conceited I’ve been.”
“I’d hardly call you conceited when you’re able to use Water Saint-tier magic,” Paul countered.
“Even if I couldn’t, your son’s ingenuity has shown me that I can be capable of even stronger magic.” With a small grimace, Roxy put her hand on my head. “Rudy, I wanted to do my best for you, but I didn’t have what it takes to teach you.”
“That isn’t true. You taught me all sorts of things, Miss Roxy.”

How many more pages is this dick-sucking session going to last?

So then, Roxy leaves and Rudy cries about it.
She took me outside. That was it. Such a simple thing. It was Roxy who’d done that for me. And that meant something. Roxy, who’d come to this village not even two years ago. Roxy, who looked like someone who’d never get along well with strangers. Roxy, a
demon whom the villagers should have considered beneath their notice.
It would've been nice if we were shown these things instead of being told via exposition dump.

Not Paul. Not Zenith. Roxy was the one who took me to the outside world, and that meant something.

Once again, his parents suck for never making him go play with the other kids. By five he should have some friends his age!

Then I realized: Up in my room I still had a pair of her used panties that I’d stolen a few months ago. Sorry about that, Roxy.

I want to hurl after reading that. What a nice way to end the chapter.

I have some good news: we are finally halfway through this Isekai slop.
 
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You wouldn't do shit; you'd realistically be drafted and murdered by CCP troops or held prisoner by communist delinquents.
You truly know this is crap, even by anime standards, when the protagonist's fantasy about Japan being at war doesn't involve BTFOing Muttmericans and reestablishing the grorious Empire.
This world sounds like it would be boring and miserable for children.
Fitting that the pedophile doesn't care to make a world that's nice for children.
Dunno if it’s ever been told to an Isekai protagonist before, but the world doesn't revolve around you Fagatron!
It would be a shame if they weren't his bullies who Garzey Wing'd into this craphole of a world.
It has ruined many reading experiences (it has shown up in western fantasy books as well).
Which ones? Surely it's mostly litRPG slop?
I want to hurl after reading that. What a nice way to end the chapter.
Now that the disgusting sex has begun, we are now in the Worse than Mission Earth category. Congratulations weebs, you've made yourselves look worse than Scientologists!
 
Oh, so Rudy has interests outside of porn, anime and video games and replaces all of that with horses?
Derby Stallion is a famous franchise in Japan.
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Essentially you're raising horses for the horse track that the player owns (so there is farming simulation on top of that), and with horse tracks comes gambling and business. That's the only thing Rudy likes about horses, he's never touched a real horse before (probably hasn't gone to the track in person, either). He probably developed hives trying to pet one before he reincarnated.
 
Derby Stallion is a famous franchise in Japan.
What do ya know, you learn something new everyday; I thought it was a game made up specifically for this story.

I should've known better than to get excited at the prospect of Rudy developing any interest outside of gaming, porn and anime. He is the trifecta of your average Twitter user.

Chapter 7
It’s official: we are halfway through this slog of a book. 7/11 chapters to be exact. Once I hit chapter 11, I will dump in all the bonus materials so that it’s all in one place. As one can glean from previous chapters, I haven't been impressed with the series often labeled “peak fiction” by the fandom.

I decided to try going outside. After all, Roxy had shown me I could do that, and I wasn’t going to let that go to waste. “Father,” I said, my botanical encyclopedia in one hand, “can I go and play outside?”
I'm still not over the fact that his parents never even took Rudy anywhere outside of the house, not even for festivals or family gatherings. Or ever brought him to their fantasy version of Disney world (you can't convince me there wouldn’t be a wizard who wouldn't just use his magic for making a theme park of some kind. 100% there'd be wizards utilizing automatons and golems for this type of entertainment).

Maybe if Zenith was established to be an overbearing and overprotective mother due to being a first time one, I'd buy it. Unfortunately, we've been given zero indication of this.
Children my age were prone to wandering as soon as you took your eyes off of them. Even if I stayed in the general neighborhood, I didn’t want to worry my parents by slipping away without saying anything.
Uh yeah, that's universal knowledge.

“Hmm? Play outside? Not just out in the yard, I take it?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Well, sure. Of course you can.” Paul gave his permission readily enough.

One thing I've come to hate in anime dialogue: Characters repeating phrases the person before them said. It’s stiff and unnatural.

“Come to think of it, we haven’t given you much free time. Here we are, taking up all your time teaching you swordplay and spellcraft, but it’s important for children to play, too.”

YA THINK?! I don't expect author-san to be an expert in child psychology to know how borderline abusive this sounds. Thank God Rudy is just a 40 year old trapped in a 5-year-old body, cause otherwise holy shit.

I thought of Paul as a strict father who was worried too much about his kid’s education, but his line of thinking was actually pretty flexible. I’d half-expected him to demand I spend all day working on
my swordsmanship. It was almost a letdown.
I wonder how long this respect for Paul is gonna last. He's a bit too nice to Rudy. His mom is just a typical anime mom, so I'm not expecting much from her.

Paul was a man of intuition. “But, hmm… you really want to go out? I used to think you were such a frail boy, but I guess time does fly, huh?”
“You thought I was frail?” This was news to me. I hadn’t ever been sick or anything.
“Because of how you never used to cry.”
“Oh. All right. But if I’m all right now, then it’s no problem, yeah? I’ve grown up to be a healthy and charming boy! Seeeeee?” Ipulled my cheeks and made a funny face.
Maybe if Rudy wasn't a 40 year old in a child’s body I'd find this endearing.
Paul frowned. “It’s the ways in which you aren’t childish that worry me more.”
I half expected him to bring up Rudy hoarding dirty briefs, alas I am disappointed.

”Given the look of disappointment on your face, would it be better to say that you’re hoping I become a more fitting heir to the Greyrat family?” I posited.

Please tell Rudy he's a degenerate who will go live in a monastary for the rest of his life.

“I’m not proud of it, but when I was your age, your old man was a total brat who was always going around chasing skirts.”
“You were a skirt-chaser?” So, they had those in this world, too, huh?
And wait—did he just call himself a brat?
“If you really want to be worthy of the Greyrat family, go out there and bring home a girlfriend,” he said
Whatever respect I had for Paul just went out the window. Why couldn't Rudy have parents that would beat him for hoarding dirty laundry?

Wait—was that the kind of family we were? Wasn’t my dad a knight charged with protecting a frontier town in addition to being a low-ranking noble? Did we have no social standing at all? No, I guess we were just really low-ranking.
I wonder if him being a total pervert has anything to do with the lack of militia in the village.

“Understood,” I said. “Then I’ll be heading off into the village to look for a skirt or two to chase after.”
“Hey now. You need to be nice to girls. And don’t go around bragging just because you can use powerful magic. Real men don’t get strong just to brag about it.”
Paul sounds like a predator now. Like one of those progressive men who turn out to be sex pest types.

That was actually good advice. Man, I wish my brothers from my past life could have heard that.
But Paul was right; power wielded for its own sake was meaningless. And even I was able to understand that, given the terms he’d put it in. “I understand, Father; power should be reserved for when you can make girls see how cool you look.”

Not Rudy being enabled by his predator father.

With that conversation concluded, I tucked my botanical encyclopedia back under one arm, slung the wand I’d received from Roxy at my hip, and headed out. Before I got far, though, I stopped and turned, remembering one last thing. “Oh, by the way, Father, I
think I’ll probably go out like this on occasion, but I promise I’ll always tell someone at home first, and I won’t neglect my daily magic and sword studies either. And I promise to be home before the sun goes down and it gets dark, and I won’t go anywhere dangerous.” I wanted to leave him with some reassurance, after all.
“Ah, yeah. Sure.” For some reason, Paul sounded a little out of it. Look, if you’re giving me permission, just say so.
“Okay then,” I said. “I’m off.”
“Come back safe.”
And then, I left home.

I am convinced that everyone in this world is retarded for not questioning why Rudy, an alleged five year old, talks like he's a middle aged man. That paragraph right there.

I wonder if all the supposed inbreeding that happens in this fantasy world has anything to do with that retardation. We’ll see.

Several days went by. I wasn’t afraid of the outside world anymore. Things were going pretty well. I was even able to exchange greetings with passersby without mumbling my way through.

I've been warned that it gets a lot worse from here. I've got my guard up.

Paul and Roxy’s combined relative fame was more than half of what helped me feel so comfortable. The rest was all thanks to what Roxy had done for me. Which meant, I guess, that Roxy was to thank for the bulk of it.

I’d have to take very good care of those treasured panties.
Disgusting. Imagine the Smell of his room given how long its been sitting in a box for (allegedly).

My main goal in going outside was to go exploring on my own two feet and get the lay of the land. If I knew my way around, then I wouldn’t get lost if I ever got kicked out of my house.

Dunno, with how much of an enabler Paul is so far, I doubt that'll happen anytime soon. Even then, you're a still a kid and I doubt his parents are that retarded.

I had my encyclopedia, after all, so I wanted to make sure I could tell which plants were edible and which weren’t, which could be used as medicine and which were poisonous. That way, if I ever got kicked out of my house, I wouldn’t need to worry about where I’d get food from.

This sporking is sponsored by the Redundancy Department of Redundancy.
Roxy had only taught me the basics, but by my understanding, our village grew wheat, vegetables, and the fragrant ingredients of perfumes. The Vatirus flower, used in those perf———

NOBODY GIVES A SHIT, ON WITH THE STORY!

“If I remember right, magic builds up more readily in forests, which makes them more dangerous.” More dangerous because higher concentrations of magic meant a higher likelihood of monsters coming into being, the energies causing sudden mutations in otherwise benign creatures.

Who is supposed to be speaking here? Adding dialogue in the middle of exposition doesn't make it any less exposition. At least give him a friend to sperg out to. GOD!

There's at least three more paragraphs of pointless exposition, so we’ll skip straight to the fantasy racism.

“We don’t need no demons in our village!”

Finally, some conflict in this world showing itself. It only took 7 out 11 chapters to happen.

At the sound of that voice, painful memories came flooding back. I remembered my time in high school, and what had led to my becoming a shut-in. I remembered the nightmares about being called “Pencil Dick.”

“How can I make this about myself?”

These voices reminded me so very much of the voices that had called me by that terrible nickname. These were the voices of someone who used the numbers on their side to torment somebody beneath them.
“Get the hell out of here!”
“Take this!”
“Ha, nice! Direct hit, man!”
I saw a field, muddy from the other day’s rain. Three boys with their bodies all caked in mud were hurling mud at another boy who was walking along.
“Ten points if you can nail him in the head!”
“Hngh!”
“I got him! Didja see that?! Right in the head!”

All of this fantasy racism and not a single slur uttered. I give this world building a 0/10 for a lack of realism. You'd think the vaguely European people of this world would have a word that carries the same power that the N-word does. See? It’s so powerful that I'm selective of when I’ll say it.

“Is that his demon treasure?!”
“I bet it’s something he stole!”
“If you can bullseye that, it’s worth a hundred points!”
“Let’s get that treasure!”

Give me some racial slurs so I can insult the non human characters correctly!

I broke into a run, heading for the boy. Along the way, I used my magic to form a ball of mud, and the instant I was in firing range, I hurled it with all my might.
Whap!
“What the hell?!” I hit the kid who looked like their leader, a conspicuously large fellow, right in the face. “Gah, it got in my eyes!”
His buddies all turned their attention to me at once.
“Who the heck’re you?”
“This ain’t got nothing to do with you! Stay out of it!”
“What are you, an ally of the demons or something?” Guess people like this were the same in every world.
“I’m no ally to the demons,” I said. “I’m an ally to the weak.” I gave them a haughty sneer.

And then all the bystanders stopped what they were doing and clapped.

The other boys steeled themselves, drawing themselves up as if they were in the right. “Don’t you try to act tough!” one of them snapped.
“Hey, he’s that one knight’s kid!”
“Hah! He’s just a baby!”
Uh-oh. They’d figured out who I was.
“You sure the son of a knight should be doing this sort of thing, huh?”
“See, I told ya that knight was on the demons’ side!”
“C’mon, let’s get the others!”

They talk like as if Paul lynches demons while wearing a white hooded cloak.

Of course, Rudy wins the fight by throwing mudcakes and waterballs at the bullies.

“And we’re gonna let everyone know the knight’s kid is a demon-lover!”

We are this close to having racial slurs, Author-San.

They tried to make it sound like they hadn’t lost—that they’d just decided to stop. With that, the little punks headed off for the other end of the field. I’d done it! For the very first time in my life, I’d beaten the bullies!

Its because you're a wizard in this world.

For now, I needed to check on the kid they’d been throwing mud at. I turned to him and asked,
“Hey, are you all right? Are your things okay?”
Whoa…
The boy was so pretty it was hard to think we were around the same age. He had rather long eyelashes for someone so young, with a dainty little nose, thin lips, and a somewhat pointed jawline. His skin was porcelain white, and his features combined to give him the look of a startled rabbit, in addition to a sense of unspeakable beauty.

The poor kid has already been bullied, now you need to subject him to your pedophilia on top of that?

Man, if only Paul had been the prettier sort. Maybe I’d have a face like that.

Paul confirmed to be a Balldo.

No, Paul wasn’t bad-looking. And Zenith looked really good.
What you're telling me is that Zenith has really low standards.

The boy turned his timid gaze back to me. “Y-yeah, I’m…I’m okay.”
He made me want to protect and care for him, as if he were some small animal. If you were a lady who was into shota stuff, he’d have your panties soaked on the spot—er, well, if you could get past the way he was all caked in mud.
Author-San did not need to make me lose my lunch, yet he actively chose to write that down.

There was only one thing for me to do. “Here, why don’t you set that down over there and kneel by the irrigation ditch,” I said.
“Huh? Whuh?” The boy blinked in confusion even as he began to do as I said. Guess he was the sort of kid who did what he was told. If he were the defiant sort, he would have fought back against those bullies earlier.

RUN, RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN FROM THE PEDO WHILST THERE’S TIME!

He crawled over to the irrigation ditch, hunched on all fours ashe peered into the water. If you were a guy who was into shota stuff, you’d currently have a definite th——

And THIS is the localized version that the fandom bitched about being too censoring for their tastes?! I'm not posting the rest of that sentence because I'm at my fucking limit for how much I can take.
IMG_9864.webp
The weird emphasis on the shoulders creeps me out knowing that's a fetish in Japan.

In doing so, I could finally see his pointed, elf-like ears, as well as the emerald green hair he sported. I immediately remembered something Roxy had told me.
“If you ever see someone with emerald-green hair, make sure you don’t go anywhere near them.”
Hm? Wait, hold on. That wasn’t quite right. I think it was…
“If you ever see someone with emerald-green hair and what looks like a red jewel set in their forehead, make sure you don’t go anywhere near them.”

“I trusted one and they stole my TV in the dead of the night.”-Roxy

To make a long story short, the kid is being bullied for being a green haired elf that gets mistaken for TV-Thiefs of this world.

Rudy resolves to exploit the elf’s insecurities. No, seriously.

Besides, I prefer a girl who’s a little unsure of herself as opposed to one who’s brimming with confidence. This could work. It was like how pretty girls kept ugly ones nearby so everyone would notice how pretty they were, but in reverse.

There is no context I could present any of this in that puts Rudy in a good light. At a minimum, exploitive.

Since we all know of his preferences for little girls, it makes it worse.

“Oh, that’s right. I haven’t gotten your name yet. I’m Rudeus.”
“I…I’m Sylph—” His voice was so quiet that it was hard to make out the second part. Sylph, huh?
“That’s a nice name. Just like a spirit of the wind.”
At that, Sylph’s face turned red, and he nodded. “Yeah.”
I forgot to mention it earlier, but what is it with anime and excessive blushing?

Sylph’s father was a very attractive man. He had pointed ears and blond hair that almost glittered, and he was slender without lacking muscle definition. Certainly, he lived up to the name of half- elf, having inherited the best parts of both elf and human.
He stood guard at a watchtower on the edge of the forest, a bow in one hand. “Father,” Sylph called. “I’ve brought your lunch.”
“Ah, thank you, Phi, as always. Did you get bullied again today?”
“I’m okay. Someone helped me out.”
Sylph turned to look my way, and I bowed slightly.
“Nice to meet you,” I said. “I’m Rudeus Greyrat.”
“Greyrat? As in Paul Greyrat?”
“Yes, sir. He’s my father.”

If only Slyph’s father knew what malevolence lurks within Rudy…

“Ah, yes, I’ve heard of you! My, what a polite boy you are. Oh, you’ll have to forgive me. I’m Laws. I typically hunt in these forests.”

What the fuck kind of name is Laws? That's like naming a Japanese coded character Kawaii or some shit like that.

Sorry, moving on.

“I know how my kid must look, but it’s just something from further back in our ancestry,” Laws said. “I do hope you’ll be friends with each other.”
“Of course, sir. And even if Sylph was a Superd, it wouldn’t change my attitude one bit. I stake my father’s honor on it.”
Laws let out a sound of astonishment. “Those are impressive words for a boy your age,” he said. “I’m kind of jealous that Paul has such a bright kid.”
“Being good at things as a child doesn’t mean that person will keep being good at things as an adult,” I said. “You don’t need to be jealous now when there’s still time for Sylph to grow up.” I figured I should put in a nice word.
“Heh. Now I see what Paul was talking about.”
“What did my father say?”
“That talking to you makes one feel like an underqualified parent.”

You know when grifters make a point to criticize woke media for having characters exist just to praise the protagonist?

This is exactly how it feels reading this entire exchange.

While we were talking, I felt a tug at the hem of my shirt. I looked, and Sylph was clutching it, his head cast down. I guessed a grown-up conversation like this was boring for children.
“Mr. Laws,” I asked, “can the two of us go play for a bit?”
“Oh, yes, of course. Just don’t get too close to the forest.”
Well, that went without saying. I felt like there should have been more ground rules than that.
I guess it’s “good” that Rudy randomly remembered that he's supposed to be a kid.

“Yeah,” I said, “Until recently I never really left the house myself. But anyway, what did you want to play?”
Sylph wrung his hands together and gazed up at me. We were roughly the same height, but because he kept himself hunched over, he had to look up at me. “So, um, how come you keep changing the way you talk?”
“Hm? Oh! Depending on who you’re talking to, it’s rude not to speak properly. You need to show deference to your elders.”
“Def-er-ence?”
“Like the way I was speaking to your father before.”
Sylph out here asking the important questions that no adult in this world is. Slyph is officially a few IQ points higher than all of the adults in this world combined.

“More importantly,” Sylph said, “could you teach me that thing you did earlier?”
“What thing?”
Sylph’s eyes glimmered to life. He postured and waved his hands as he explained: “Like when you made warm water go all sploosh from your hands, and when you made that nice warm wind like whoosh.”
“Ah, yes. That.” The magic I’d used to clear away the mud.
“Is it difficult?”
“It’s difficult, but with training, anyone can do it. Probably.”

So we’re going to be treated to multiple pages of them talking and going through more tutorial modes. Fantastic! Looking forward to it. R/sarcasm

So Rudy plays with Slyph and then heads home.

When I got back home, Paul was furious. He stood imposingly in the entryway, hands set on his hips in an expression of his anger. I immediately tried to think of what I’d done wrong.
Please tell me he's caught on to the whole reincarnation nonsense and wants his real child back.

The first thing that came to mind was that he’d discovered the precious panties that I’d secreted away.
That’s… a good reason to beat your child, actually.

“Father, I’m home,” I said.
“Do you know why I’m upset?”

No. Spell it out so a kid can understand. Oh wait.

“I don’t.” First, I had to play dumb. I didn’t want to bring unnecessary trouble upon myself in the event my prized possession hadn’t been discovered.
“Mr. Eto’s wife came by earlier and told me that you punched their boy, Somal.”

The naming conventions of this world are throwing me off.

Who the heck were Mr. Eto and Somal? The names didn’t ring a bell, so I had to think. I hadn’t had much interaction with the townsfolk beyond basic introductions. I’d given them my name and gotten theirs in return, but I couldn’t recall whether or not there had been an “Eto” among them.
Wait. Hold on. “Was this today?” I asked.
“Yes.”
The only people I’d run into today were Sylph, Laws, and those three punks. Was Somal one of those three boys, then? “I didn’t punch him. All I did was throw some mud at him.”
“Do you remember what it was I told you earlier?”
“That men don’t get strong just to brag about it?”
“That’s right.”
Aha. Now I got it. Come to think of it, that kid had said
something about how he was gonna let everyone know I was a demon-lover. I don’t know how that turned into him lying about me punching him, but either way, he was determined to badmouth me.
“I’m not sure what you heard, Father, but—”
“Oh, no you don’t!” Paul snapped. “When you’ve done
something wrong, the first thing you do is apologize!” Whatever lie this kid had told, my dad had clearly bought it. Crap. At this point, even if I told the truth about me saving Sylph from those bullies, it’d just sound like an outright lie.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Why aren’t you saying anything?” Paul demanded.
“Because if I do, you’re just going to yell at me not to make excuses.”
Paul’s eyes narrowed. “What?”
“Before a kid can even say anything, you yell at them and make them apologize. Everything is so quick and easy with you adults. Must be nice.”
“Rudy!”
Whap! A hot jolt of pain shot through my cheek.
He hit me.
If this were any other kid, I'd be horrified. Considering this is Rudy, I'm fine with pedos getting smacked around for all the degenerate shit from earlier.

“Father, I have always put in the utmost effort to be a good son. Not once have I ever talked back to you or Mother, and I’ve always done my very best to do whatever you both tell me.”
“That…that has nothing to do with this!” It didn’t look as though Paul had intended to strike me. There was a distinct look of consternation in his eyes.
YOU STORE DIRTY UNDERWEAR IN YOUR ROOM!

Whatever. That was good for me. “Yes, it does. I’ve always done my best to keep your mind at ease and to get you to trust me, Father. You didn’t listen to a word I said, and not only did you take the word of someone I don’t know and yell at me, you even raised your hand to me.”

Let’s face it, Paul was looking for any excuse to beat his kid at this point.

“But this Somal kid got hurt…”
Hurt? That was news to me. Had I done that to him? If I had, maybe he was using it to sell his story. Well, too bad. I was justified in what I’d done. Assuming this whole thing about his being hurt wasn’t just some dumb lie anyway.
“Even if it does wind up that it’s my fault he got hurt, I’m not going to apologize for it,” I said. “I didn’t go against anything you taught me, and I’m proud of what I did.”
“Wait, hold on. What happened?”
Oh, now he was suddenly curious? Hey, it was his own fault for deciding he wouldn’t listen to me. “What happened about not wanting to hear excuses?”
Paul’s face twisted into a frown. It seemed I was close now.
“Please don’t worry, Father. The next time I see three people going after someone who won’t fight back, I’ll ignore it. In fact, I’ll jump in so that it’s four on one. I’ll make sure that everyone around knows that the Greyrats take pride in bullying and ganging up on the
weak. But once I grow up and leave home, I’ll never use the Greyrat name again. I’ll be too ashamed to let anyone know I belonged to a family so horrid they ignored actual violence and accepted verbal abuse.”

And then everybody clapped, again.

Relieved, I explained the details of the situation as objectively as I could. I was making my way up the hill when I heard voices. There were three boys in an empty field pelting mud at another boy walking along the road. I hit them with mud once or twice until they backed down, and then they left while badmouthing me. Then, I used magic to clean the mud off the one boy, and we played together.
“So, yeah,” I said, “if I’m going to apologize, this Somal kid needs to apologize to Sylph first. When you’re hurt physically, you’ll heal soon enough, but emotional hurt doesn’t go away so quickly.”
I’ll give credit where it is due, so far this is the only scene in this entire book that has any sort of maturity to it, with a message that readers can walk away with if nothing else.

It is also nice to see some actual flaws from Paul being treated like, ya know, flaws. Which are not enables by Author-San.

Too bad it’s hidden under layers of degeneracy and pages of exposition to get there.

Paul’s shoulders drooped despondently. “You’re right. I had this all wrong. I’m sorry.”
When I saw that, I recalled what Laws had told me earlier:
“Talking to you makes one feel like an underqualified parent.” Had Paul’s attempt at scolding me been him trying to show more of his paternal side?

If all convos that Rudy had would become relevant again within the same chapter, we’d have a better story. This is the second instance of this happening (with Roxy’s conversation about demons earlier).

“Yeah. I’ll do that,” Paul said self-deprecatingly. The man was clearly in poor spirits.
Had I gone too far? I mean, losing an argument to your five-year-old son? That’d take the wind out of my sails for sure. I supposed he was a bit young to be a father.
“By the way, Father, how old are you?”
“Hm? I’m twenty-four.”
“Isee.” So, he would have been nineteen when he got married and had me? I didn’t know the average age for marriage in this world, but with things like monsters and war and such being an everyday occurrence, that sounded pretty appropriate.
Uh huh..

A man more than a decade my junior had gotten married, had a kid, and was now struggling with how to raise him. Given my thirty- four-year-history of indolent joblessness, you wouldn’t think I’d be able to outdo him at much of anything.
34 years with nothing to show for it. Sit your ass down.

“Father, could I bring Sylph over to play sometime?”
“Hm? Oh, of course.”
Satisfied with that response, I headed into the house with my father. I was glad he didn’t hold any prejudice against demons.

If all dialogue was like this (showing character traits), this would be a better read… and we wouldn't be here.

The POV switches over to Paul because Author-San needed to give us both sides of the conflict, I guess.

My son was angry. The boy had never been one to display much overt emotion, but here he was, silently fuming. How did it come to this?

It started that afternoon, when Mrs. Eto came by our house, furious. She brought along her son Somal, considered one of the neighborhood brats. There was a blue bruise around one of his eyes. As a swordsman who’d seen my fair share of battle, I knew right away that he’d taken a punch. His mother’s story was long and rambling, but the gist was that my boy had punched hers. When I heard that, I was inwardly relieved. Ordinarily, I might have assumed my son had been playing outside, caught sight of Somal and his buddies playing, and tried to join them. But my boy wasn’t like other kids; he was already a Water Saint magician at his age. He’d probably said something high-and- mighty, the other kids had fired back, and then they’d all gotten into a fight. My boy was pretty clever and mature for his age, but he was still a kid, after all.
Mrs. Eto continued to get red in the face and then went pale as she tried to make this out to be a major bust-up, when it was just a quarrel among children in the end. And just by looking, you could tell that her son’s injury wasn’t even going to leave a mark. I’d scold my boy, and that would be the end of it. Children were bound to get into scuffles that turned to blows at some point, but Rudeus was far more powerful than other children. Not only had he been the disciple of the young Water Saint, Roxy, I’d been training him since he was three. Any fight he got into was sure to be one-sided. Things had gone okay this time, but if he ever got too hot- headed, he might wind up overdoing it. A smart kid like Rudeus ought to be able to deal with someone like Somal without throwing a punch. I needed to teach him that punching someone was a rash thing to do, and he needed to give it more thought before resorting to it.

This reads like an R/AITA ragebait post.

When I was young, my father did the same thing to me so many times, never listening to my side of things and always blaming me for not being a perfect son. Each time it happened, I felt so miserable and helpless. Well, whatever lesson I’d been trying to teach here, I’d failed. Ugh. But Rudeus didn’t blame me for it. He even consoled me in the end. He was a good kid. Almost too good. Was I even really his father? No—Zenith wasn’t the type to have an affair, and besides,
there was no father good enough to produce a child like him. Man, I never expected my seed would bear such strong fruit.

Ever consider that it may have come from Zenith? Then again, we don't know much about her from either Rudy or Paul at this point so of course it's not considered.

More than pride, though, what I felt was an ache in my gut.
“Father, could I bring Sylph over to play sometime?”
“Hm? Oh, of course.”
For now, I could at least be happy that my son had made his first friend.
He really has no clue regarding the truth about Rudy’s past and shows no suspicions. Shame.

That's the end of that chapter.

On one hand, there's finally some actual, meaningful conflict in this story despite already being halfway into it. On the other hand, I feel like we’re all going to be put on a watchlist for this.

Until next time, take care of yourselves.
 
I remembered my time in high school, and what had led to my becoming a shut-in. I remembered the nightmares about being called “Pencil Dick.”
This is a real Japanese sex toy.
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Yes, that hole is small. The Japanese men who buy these have pencil dicks so they're designed as such. Rudy is such a pansy that he literally has dick envy even though he can stick it in a sex toy just fine.

Also why the fuck would a father tell his five-year-old he was a "skirt chaser"? Boys at that age don't care for girls, let alone know what that means. Just what the hell is up with this particular world that five-year-olds can just get pussy?
 
One thing I've come to hate in anime dialogue: Characters repeating phrases the person before them said. It’s stiff and unnatural.
This is bad localization, because this is actually a thing in Japanese etiquette. You repeat a portion of what was said to you to show you're listening. It's the lingual equivalent of "go on" "uh huh" "and then" etc.
 
This is bad localization, because this is actually a thing in Japanese etiquette. You repeat a portion of what was said to you to show you're listening. It's the lingual equivalent of "go on" "uh huh" "and then" etc.
Oh so that's why snake repeats everything in the MGS games. Good to know.

But yeah this kind of thing happens often in LN translations where they basically translate word by word instead of localising stuff like this.
 
Mushoku Tensei is legit one of the most uncomfortable things I've seen and harbinger of the end of anime that is Isekai. The idea of unironically being reincarnated as a gigachad who gets all the staceys is absolutely depressing with how popular it became. And having the protagonist have his memories since birth only makes this so much worse.
made_in_abyss_manga.webp
I dunno Made In Abyss is still more gross. Don't get me wrong, this is bad but Made In Aybss made me physically retch.
 
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