Let’s call this “AL admits to the obvious.”
0:00 ‘Hey guise!’ Hey, AL. Not downtrodden, I see, but not as enthusiastic as you’ve been in the past. Guess cancer ate your glee.
0:04 Holy shit, it only took four seconds to get to the first annoying lip smack. This is going to suuuuck.
0:05 ‘So I just wanted to do aaaaaa (lip smack) update… type… (flicks hand at camera) deal.’ Just because you lip smack in the middle of a sentence doesn’t excuse your grammar, AuthorLynn. And stop with the fucking ‘type deal’ shit. It’s almost as annoying as situation. Almost. Not quite there yet, though.
0:10 Today is July 1st.
0:21 ‘I’m in a lot of pain today. Like my pelvic area hurts when I go to the bathroom, hurts when I stretch certain ways, hurts when I sit down, you know. It scares me because it’s like (lip smack) I’m afraid my cancer has spread.’ Nah, that’s probably just the fat pressing down on your abdomen, which was recently invaded for your scraping. And you’ve been up and moving more for all of your appointments, right?
Get ready, bitch. It’s gonna get worse.
0:44 ‘I don’t know everything about uterine cancer.’ Pardon me, someone please get a defibrillator. I think I have just died of shock.
0:50 ‘I’ve done my fair share of research’ aka: I’ve read shit on Google.
0:55 ‘And obviously I’ve talked to my auncologist (I know it’s oncologist, that’s how she pronounces it) quite a few times.’ But have you listened, AL?
1:01 ‘But I’m never going to know absolutely everything down to the detail.’ Once again, shocked she’d admitting that. And eye-twitching at her sentence structure.
1:12 What the fuck was the sharp edit for? Yikes. Talking about her pain and how she’s getting it about twice a week.
1:15 (lip smack) ‘Today is by far the worst’ Oh, go cry to someone else lol
1:28 LMAO She’s in the worst pain now? Oh, just wait AL! Just wait. Post hysterectomy recovery is going to kick her fucking ass.
1:31 ‘I’m just afraid (lip smack) and I’ve tried to put myself in this denial bubble’ And it’s filled with rice.
2:02 She’d rather live in denial than process everything that’s going on. Just like she has for her entire life.
2:25 She admits that they’ve stressed there’re going to be complications. She has bought a recliner from the furniture store to help mitigate some of the issues. Says it should help because she won’t have to get up off the floor post surgery. So she’s going to be sleeping in a recliner. Wonder if she got the idea from Amy Ramadan?
3:22 Now talking about her mother’s bad habits. How she only drinks coffee, energy drinks and cokes. Blathers about how she is giving her mother health advice and how water would cure her headaches. Hey, AL. Here’s a bit of information for you. If Mamameth gets those headaches first thing in the morning, it’s due to caffeine withdrawal. And it’s cured by caffeine. And it /suuuuucks/ coming off of it, because a solid week of migraines isn’t fun.
3:48 And her mother picked up on her bad habits. Like her entire fucking life. Oh, no, she talks about her rice habits.
3:55 ‘But rice isn’t bad for you’ AL says. I would agree. But then again, I use simple carbohydrates to fuel for massive cardiovascular efforts - a plate of rice with some eggs on top and a side of bacon is enough to pull someone through a couple solid hours of hard work before further fueling is required. It’s a staple breakfast of cyclists in the pro peloton for a reason. However, AL? Nah, she’s not doing anything that requires carb loading. Obviously. Feed the cancer, AL. You’re doing great at that.
4:20 Ah, so Mamameth presented a challenge. On July 1st, AL stops eating rice, and Mamameth has to start drinking water.
4:43 Oh for fuck’s sake. She’s blathering about how they made some cute little thing about their challenge and other members of her family are doing it and it’s super kyoooout and kind of fun. Shaddup. No one’s doing shit.
4:45 ‘I wanted to make mine a little more (lip smack) I don’t know the word for it.’ Goes on about how she wanted to make it more weight loss or some shit. Because that has worked so many times in the past.
5:22 And now she’s bashing on keto. I don’t care that she is as I’m a person who doesn’t buy in to any particular diet save the see-food diet, but the fact that she’s belittling something her mother (who’s a third of her fucking size) uses is just so telling. She’s already entering that ‘you were a suckass mother’ mentality that she’s had every other time she’s communicated with her. The attitude that Tammy tried to intervene against.
5:37 Fuck you, Mamameth. She’s going to go to pasta to get her carbs if she can’t have rice! Oh wait, she’s going to give that up too.
5:55 Decided she wanted to do no more fried foods, pasta or rice. Still going to have beans, potatoes, etc. She looks so fucking star-struck when she’s talking about food.
6:19 Talks about how the last week has been really hard for her. Especially when she learned she was getting a hysterectomy. She used food to numb the pain, sadness and all of that. Because she had no other options for treatment.
7:15 ‘Something shifted inside of me and I just… I was eating ice cream and tons of rice, fried foods, fast foods, restaurant take-out - it was unstoppable. I threw my weight loss out the window.’ Dude, you gave up and started eating yourself stupid before the diagnosis, if your claims about your mookbongs being pReReCoRdEd are to be believed.
7:53 Whining about how her weight loss was not due to cancer, you fucking haydurs, it was due to her hard work! Except not LOL
7:59 Now says that when she’s on track she loses weight, when she’s not she gains weight. No shit.
8:18 Weighs in at 494.6 Quite a jump from that 477 bullshit that was claimed a bit ago.
8:24 ‘So that means up I’m about… 7 pounds. Wait, what?!? Am I misremembering the 477 claim? Didn’t that come, like, a week or so after Mamameth arrived? Or am I drunk? I think I’m drunk. But anyway, it’s funny she says ‘about 7 pounds’ instead of her typical ‘number decimal point number’ shit because ‘the ounces matter to me.’
8:30 Says her lowest was 487.8. Huh. So why didn’t you say 6.8 pounds instead of ‘about 7 pounds’ since the ounces matter? That’d make it look like you’re still something of a skinny legend.
8:33 ‘I’m pretty sure that was my lowest’ PRETTY SURE?!!? Pardon me, my brain just exploded. This gorl’s fucking LIFE REVOLVES AROUND HER LOWEST WEIGHT. She’s a gawdamned braggart whenever she hits a new ‘lowest’ weight!! And now she’s not 100% certain what her lowest weight was?!!? GIMME ALL THE TOP HATS, I AM OFFICIALLY MOTI.
8:38 She is disheartened because she wanted to be the best her she could be before her surgery. Which she says is in a couple of weeks.
9:01 Says that if ‘we’re being super extra’ she could lose 20 pounds, but that’d require starving herself. No, dummy, it wouldn’t. You’d have to eat a standard 1200 calorie diet for a woman your height. That’d give you a 2300 calorie deficit PER DAY. Which would be approximately a 5 pound loss OF FAT per week. If you stopped carb loading, you’d shed ‘water weight’ as well, which could match if not exceed the fat loss. Then take a shit, and boom. There’s your weight loss. Not impossible. Plus you can’t starve yourself, dingus. You have enough caloric content in your fupa to feed your body and your cancer for nearly 2 years. I’ve done that math before and ain’t doin’ it again.
9:30 ‘If I was losing weight because of cancer I wouldn’t have gained this weight.’ Yes, you would have. Because you ramped up your eating from 4,000 calories per day to 7-8,000 calories per day. Even cancer can’t consume as much as you, Amber.
9:40 Claims she was losing weight because she wasn’t binge eating. Sure Jan.
10:00 Also says that obviously she’s not going to have any sweets along with the no rice, no pasta and no fried foods. This challenge will be abandoned in 2 hours.
10:26 ‘It’s almost as if with every aspect of my life, something bad is happening.’ Says every aspect of her life is fucked. Her hair. Her Dad. Which she’s making all about her because she’s a dumb narc liar who lies.
10:56 Says she wants to be as peaceful as possible for the next couple of weeks so she goes into her surgery with the ‘littlest’ (YOU MEAN LEAST YOU DUMB CUNT) amount of stress.
11:20 Realizes she’s rambling. You’ve been rambling this entire video, dingus.
11:30 Well, she still has the energy to do her retarded kiss outtro.
