Incel and Lonely Men Debate thread - Defend men giving up or tell them otherwise

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Overachiever said:
I can assure you that there are few things more rewarding or life-affirming than human companionship.
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I live alone and after spending more than a couple hours with other people, it's such a relief to be by myself again.

I've tried relationships and they drove me nuts. I'd go from being around people at work to being around somebody at home and there was never any reprieve. I just ended up resenting the other person for constantly standing between me and blissful solitude.

If there's something life-affirming about that, I sure can't figure it out. I don't understand how the rest of you tolerate it. Being married with kids sounds like literal, actual, biblical Hell.
 
Ibanez RG 350EX said:
I live alone and after spending more than a couple hours with other people, it's such a relief to be by myself again.

I've tried relationships and they drove me nuts. I'd go from being around people at work to being around somebody at home and there was never any reprieve. I just ended up resenting the other person for constantly standing between me and blissful solitude.

If there's something life-affirming about that, I sure can't figure it out. I don't understand how the rest of you tolerate it. Being married with kids sounds like literal, actual, biblical Hell.
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I would say that despite knowing I had never enjoyed the constant company of other people, I didn't realise how hard it was going to be. Before I had kids, I organised my life to spend a significant amount of my time blessedly alone, and it turns out that was absolutely crucial to maintaining my zen. I also did the majority of my work in solitude with the office door closed.

It's not being with the kids all day, it's the second shift of "the kids are down to bed and now oh my fucking god, my spouse wants attention". It just feels like the straw that breaks the camel's back. I'm literally never on my fucking own. I also am never with anyone who doesn't want something, if you know what I mean. These are all high-engagement interactions; there's no zoning out behind the screen and mumbling "mmm" occasionally. Your nuclear family demand your full engaged interaction every minute you are awake.

There is no tactful or socially acceptable way to say, 'look, what I really need is for you all to leave me the fuck alone for a few hours now and then to refill my social interaction reservoir'. So I can't and I don't, but jesus, I'm so burnt out on people-ing I've turned crispy.
 
Fareal said:
Absolutely not. I repeat: most people with marked schizoid traits aren't distressed by them.
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Not distressed by the traits themselves, but they very frequently describe their lives as a pointless chore to be endured. Even if you lack the capacity to feel lonely or pleasure from relationships, replacing human interaction with nothing ends up being a big psychological problem.
 
Ibanez RG 350EX said:
Even if you lack the capacity to feel lonely or pleasure from relationships, replacing human interaction with nothing ends up being a big psychological problem.
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Completely agree and to elaborate on my previous comment, this is part of the reason why I said that few things are more life-affirming than human companionship. A successful relationship can be a source of life satisfaction and on particularly bad days, it may also be what gets a person out of bed in the morning. For some people, this can be replaced by pets, jobs or hobbies but it is rarely a complete substitute in my experience. Other people have agency, and they can go above and beyond to help you. This cannot be reasonably expected from your cat, boss or houseplant collection.

It is why I recommend to keep that desire for companionship alive. Even if human interaction usually drains you, try identifying the person in your life who is least exhausting to be with and attempt to grow closer to them. While it may seem weird, a practical way of starting to build that desire to be with someone is to simply fantasize about doing things together. The point is to connect them with positive things in your mind. Also, once being around them starts to drain you, leave before you start associating strong negative feelings with that person. Most people should understand it if you excuse yourself as an introvert and explain that you need to recharge your batteries, but you still want to see them again.
 
davids877 said:
See, I've already done that. Sadly it's me, and the voices in my head, and sometimes the squirrels.
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This question might be too personal, but has it been usually you who was searching for contact while the other person was disinterested? Sadly, interest from both parties is needed to successfully bridge that gap which is why relationships between two staunch introverts are difficult. This is why it pays to keep extroverts in your company even if they are annoying at times. They tend to take the initiative to keep others engaged and in my experience, that attitude also rubs off on others if someone is particularly charismatic.
 
the romanticization of relationships plays a big part of this. been married over a decade, and i personally love it. but i tell people, marriage is a second full time job. that's the amount of effort and attention you need to apply to a long term relationship for it to work well. a lot of people want "it" without realizing what "it" takes.

if people were more honest with themselves about that aspect of relationships, i feel like it would take the onus off of a sense of urgency to get it (viewing this as the destination or prize) and put it on making sure you yourself are ready for that level of commitment and work.
 
Overachiever said:
Completely agree and to elaborate on my previous comment, this is part of the reason why I said that few things are more life-affirming than human companionship.
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If it feels like nothing to you, it's not life-affirming.

Overachiever said:
has it been usually you who was searching for contact while the other person was disinterested?
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Absolutely not. My romantic relationships have been incredibly one-sided, with the other person desperate for closeness and grudging tolerance from me.
 
A lot of incels are delusional in the sense that they don’t just want a Woman, they want someone who it is for the most part unrealistic that they could get to date them in their situation. A lot of stuff about how many people they slept with or whatever. That and based on the fact that they don’t seem to treat Women as just a person and more like a reward or something.
 
Fareal said:
Absolutely not. I repeat: most people with marked schizoid traits aren't distressed by them.


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I am not saddened either
Merely joking

I think people labeling themselves and being forced to fit into retarded social molds is whats making them go cuckoo all the time.
I just live my life at my own pace.
 
Inceldom is a big ego issue as well, lots of spergs lack the ability to self-reflect. Hell, probably most incels are on the spectrum.

Anyone here "make it" as an autist? It gets tiring LARPing socially, especially around women.
 
Ibanez RG 350EX said:
I'd go from being around people at work to being around somebody at home and there was never any reprieve.
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I feel the same, I just need 1/2 an hour to decompress at the end of the day after the commute. The girlfriend got home way earlier than I did so they had the time to relax and then act like a needy dog the second I walk through the door.

The other common scenario when I'd be the one home first and if she knew it then I'd get texts of chores to do so that the home would be nice when she got in.
 
Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Anyone here "make it" as an autist? It gets tiring LARPing socially, especially around women.
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I'm not clinically an autist, but it's very tiresome and it feels bad having to effectively lie all the time.

So several years ago I resolved to quit doing it. Everybody think I'm a pitiable aloof weirdo now, but that's better than being loved and respected for a character I'm playing.
 
Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Anyone here "make it" as an autist? It gets tiring LARPing socially, especially around women.
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One of my best friends from high school is a mild autist. He has been married and had kids and has a decent career in web development. However, he's really bad at picking up on crazy cues and his first wife cleaned him out and took his kid. You also cannot tell him a woman he's dating is crazy, because he will not pick up on hints you drop, and if you tell him overtly he gets mad because he unconditionally trusts whoever is sucking his dick. Then after the relationship crashes and burns he's like, "Why didn't anyone tell me she was crazy?"

The crazy thing is the women I've seen him with are all over the map from 10/10 hotties I wouldn't be able to land in my wildest dreams, to absolutely batshit insane cave trolls who believe in wiccan shit. It seems like he can't tell the difference? It's really strange. I guess it's because he's over 6' tall, has a decent career and takes care of himself, but due to his autism he is not able to discriminate well.

I think if someone is autistic, but not so autistic that they drive women away, they should listen to the advice of their close friends and family and don't get mad if they say that bitch is crazy. You don't have to listen to them, that's up to you, just take it to heart.
 
Never Scored said:
One of my best friends from high school is a mild autist. He has been married and had kids and has a decent career in web development. However, he's really bad at picking up on crazy cues and his first wife cleaned him out and took his kid. You also cannot tell him a woman he's dating is crazy, because he will not pick up on hints you drop, and if you tell him overtly he gets mad because he unconditionally trusts whoever is sucking his dick. Then after the relationship crashes and burns he's like, "Why didn't anyone tell me she was crazy?"

The crazy thing is the women I've seen him with are all over the map from 10/10 hotties I wouldn't be able to land in my wildest dreams, to absolutely batshit insane cave trolls who believe in wiccan shit. It seems like he can't tell the difference? It's really strange. I guess it's because he's over 6' tall, has a decent career and takes care of himself, but due to his autism he is not able to discriminate well.

I think if someone is autistic, but not so autistic that they drive women away, they should listen to the advice of their close friends and family and don't get mad if they say that bitch is crazy. You don't have to listen to them, that's up to you, just take it to heart.
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I'm a KHHV trucel (I'm halfway joking) and I've grown to see irl buddies end up with absolute nutcases, I have some ability to detect that shit thankfully. I won't even get started on family...

Maybe I'll get better with age, maybe I won't. I just want hope.
 
Ibanez RG 350EX said:
Not distressed by the traits themselves, but they very frequently describe their lives as a pointless chore to be endured. Even if you lack the capacity to feel lonely or pleasure from relationships, replacing human interaction with nothing ends up being a big psychological problem.
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Relationships are also chore like and participating in ones when you are not particularly suited or fond of them in general can also become big psychological problems.


Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Anyone here "make it" as an autist? It gets tiring LARPing socially, especially around women.
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Even women that say they hate fake people will hate you if you do not fake it and play a part. That should be a clue as to just how full of shit women are. It's offensive on a gut level when you do not pretend for them since they are pretending for you. If you can't con women into desiring you or sleeping with you how are you going to acquire resources for her to take from you?
 
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