Incel and Lonely Men Debate thread - Defend men giving up or tell them otherwise

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You could go back and forth about the minutiae of inceldom, but the crux of the argument is over before it starts. There are plenty of people who don’t have sex for long periods and don’t identify as incel. (You will not always get the things that you want, welcome to the world. And if not having sex as often as you would like is the worst thing that you are going through, you should consider yourself lucky.) As soon as you pathologize the condition (“I haven’t”) and identify as incel (“I am”), the game is over.
 
r9k-speaks said:
I think a relationship is more complicated than driving. Sure, these guys might be able to keep a confident act for a few hours with some alcohol to get a girl back to his house. But eventually they'll reveal who they truly are, and then the girl will realize she was duped and leave.
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The greatest psychological hurdle for incels seems to be this kind of being hard stuck in some made up identity. Who they "truly" are. As if the made up identity of being a failed retard is something they have to protect. This is probably made worse by normie advice such as the old "just be yourself".

Who are you really? The most fundamental "you" is divine free will. Knowing this and letting go of clinging on to identity that you only love to hate perhaps won't get you laid if you look like a roadkill, but it will for sure make you happier.
 
For all intents and purposes to the outside world I am an average guy working a dead end job. I look perfectly average, I am not fat or balding or deformed, and I talk to people constantly be they young or old, men or women. To everyone around me I appear unremarkably normal, acceptable, one of the herd. Nobody suspects anything. Nobody has ever suspected anything. I am in fact regarded as a friendly outgoing person full of kindness. There were many times when men and women vouched for my character or defended me in the usual situations in life, and when I end up absent from my job or usual places people will keep in touch and express concern over my wellbeing. Like I said I am just your average guy, right? After all I have a history too in the usual "Yeah before this I used to work back at the ol' factory while Bush was still in charge yadda yadda..."

Nobody knows my secret. Nobody knows the real me. The real me is a 40 year old man who never had a girlfriend, never had sex, never kissed a girl and has never seen a vagina. It didn't happen in high school, it didn't happen in college, it didn't happen during my army days and it's not happening now. I achieved all this nothingness while being perfectly acceptable to essentially everyone. Even my cock is decently sized.

You will never understand me and I will never understand you. We are not the same. There is no sadness or despair. There is no loneliness. There is no desire for companionship either, that died a long time ago. There is not even the slightest hint of regret or much of anything. Whole mental and emotional constructs that exist within you organically, be it love or sadness when a loved one is missing or hurt and so on do not exist within me. I used to love people when I was a kid, a teen and in my twenties. I had notions about wives, girlfriends and wild sex I'll definitely have. But in due time even the memories of human warmth were gone since they primarily belonged to my childhood and teenage years and were non-sexual. Yes, I flirted with girls as a teen and they flirted back. Now the notion of physical closeness (nevermind emotional involvement) seems like an alien concept, utterly foreign and mindbogglingly incomprehensible. All those things you consider normal: sex, a wife, kids, family life, going out, everything - I do not understand them. I cannot even begin to understand them. I do not understand the need and drive to have them.

Incels in the usual sense are equally foreign to me. I am the only one of my kind, and I'm merely passing the time very patiently. There's about 40 more years to go and that's about it. I came, I saw, I'll exit the scene. And nobody cared or noticed, not even myself. #YOLO?
 
Trying to explain to desperate buddies that man's natural state is being alone, perhaps I'm "too far gone" but it really is how man has existed for the vast majority of history. There's worse shit to deal with than no pussi. I do get the feelings of loneliness however.
I wish everyone the best and maybe we can find the answer for our loneliness. (I am on 4 hours sleep, so forgive me if this is really rambley and incoherent lol)
 
Never Scored said:
You are not an average guy. You are autistic.
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If that's all that is wrong with him (in addition to no pussy), then that's pretty average. Most "neurotypical" people just hide their mental dysfunctions with mendications and a mask. So long as it isn't shit that prevents you from being an otherwise normal adult, there is such a thing as fortune dealing you a bad hand and you makong the best of it (which is something most people don't seem to understand for some reason).
 
Geddy Lee's Fee and See said:
If that's all that is wrong with him (in addition to no pussy), then that's pretty average. Most "neurotypical" people just hide their mental dysfunctions with mendications and a mask. So long as it isn't shit that prevents you from being an otherwise normal adult, there is such a thing as fortune dealing you a bad hand and you makong the best of it (which is something most people don't seem to understand for some reason).
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That's kinda the point I've been making. I'm not on any medication and I don't drink or do drugs. I did smoke weed when I was in my twenties and so and yeah, I used to go clubbing with my friends. Despite all of that average and "normal" behavior no vagina was to be had. It failed to happen. That's why I said my situation is so confusing to explain and that despite all of that at this point of my life I really feel no drive for companionship of that sort. The emotional structures that are necessary for those things to be... well, necessary just aren't there. As a consequence I do not feel a lack of any sort. It's true that I am detached from life but this took on a serene outlook on everything more than anything else since I'm fully involved with my surroundings and people.

If there really is some sort of deeper mystery here I've not uncovered it.
 
Geddy Lee's Fee and See said:
If that's all that is wrong with him (in addition to no pussy), then that's pretty average. Most "neurotypical" people just hide their mental dysfunctions with mendications and a mask. So long as it isn't shit that prevents you from being an otherwise normal adult, there is such a thing as fortune dealing you a bad hand and you makong the best of it (which is something most people don't seem to understand for some reason).
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If you want to get technical, he could just be a schizoid. They too, often have their social needs so suppressed that they're swept beyond their conscious experience. Also, like autistics, they can have a persona of sorts to handle social situations.
 
Scuffed Marisa said:
There is no desire for companionship either, that died a long time ago.
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You might be resigned to loneliness, but please try developing that desire again. You still have 40 years to go which is plenty of time to catch up and to meet people who can significantly improve your life. I can assure you that there are few things more rewarding or life-affirming than human companionship. There is no amount of luxury items or Ikea furniture that can replace it.

To put it more pragmatically, you are in a low-risk, high-reward scenario. Failing to build companionship will leave you in the same spot, but success could rapidly improve your life and make you happier than your are already.
 
KittyGremlin said:
If you want to get technical, he could just be a schizoid. They too, often have their social needs so suppressed that they're swept beyond their conscious experience. Also, like autistics, they can have a persona of sorts to handle social situations.
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I don't know. I'm not going to diagnose someone I don't know. All I'm saying is that a post on the Internet is not a reason to go diagnosing people with this or that disorder unless it is so unhinged and out there that you know something is wrong with that person by the way they process the world. All that guy's post is telling me is that he wants some female affection and due to the machinations of fate and himself, he never got that.

Scuffed Marisa said:
That's kinda the point I've been making. I'm not on any medication and I don't drink or do drugs. I did smoke weed when I was in my twenties and so and yeah, I used to go clubbing with my friends. Despite all of that average and "normal" behavior no vagina was to be had. It failed to happen. That's why I said my situation is so confusing to explain and that despite all of that at this point of my life I really feel no drive for companionship of that sort. The emotional structures that are necessary for those things to be... well, necessary just aren't there. As a consequence I do not feel a lack of any sort. It's true that I am detached from life but this took on a serene outlook on everything more than anything else since I'm fully involved with my surroundings and people.

If there really is some sort of deeper mystery here I've not uncovered it.
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Life is really fucking random. People like to pretend it isn't and to an extent, they are right. But sometimes, you don't get the result you want even if you do everything right. There are so many hidden variables behind everything we do, we can't even begin to comprehend them. I'd advise going to look for what you were missing all those years ago since it really just seems like you never found a woman that meant a lot to you and who's presence/absence had any meaning.

Admittedly, I am in a similar boat now where I just don't care about any woman I see, but I've been listening to a female musician that reminds me of a few young crushes I've had when I was young lad (it's not Taylor Swift. She's Shiina Ringo. Also, I'm fucking using young lad as if I'm anything but a young man in his late 20s, but I meant when I was a young boy) and I do find her quite fetching even though I know I'll never be with her at all. It does give me hope that there's a ghost of a chance that I can find a true connection to another person and start a life and family together and deepen our connection over the years. Again, our lack of knowledge works both ways and we can't remain hopeless in the face of life's adversities. There's no need to worry about the past. All that matters is that you make your future better. Sometimes, life gives us a bad hand, but I do think even if that is the case, you can still find true love and find true deep connections along the way. it might be a romantic way of thinking, but better to think that the world is imbued with this innate sense of possibility than drown in misery.
 
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Geddy Lee's Fee and See said:
I don't know. I'm not going to diagnose someone I don't know. All I'm saying is that a post on the Internet is not a reason to go diagnosing people with this or that disorder unless it is so unhinged and out there that you know something is wrong with that person by the way they process the world. All that guy's post is telling me is that he wants some female affection and due to the machinations of fate and himself, he never got that.
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Was just saying. Don't care much about shoving a DSM-5 up anyone's ass either.
 
Geddy Lee's Fee and See said:
I don't know. I'm not going to diagnose someone I don't know. All I'm saying is that a post on the Internet is not a reason to go diagnosing people with this or that disorder unless it is so unhinged and out there that you know something is wrong with that person by the way they process the world. All that guy's post is telling me is that he wants some female affection and due to the machinations of fate and himself, he never got that.
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I'm going to go ahead an assume here that nobody is taking someone calling you autistic on Kiwi Farms as a serious diagnosis. I do think he's mildly autistic, though. I've been on the Internet too long and have dealt with too many autists from being into nerdy hobbies and shit not to see it.

Going clubbing doesn't mean you were fitting in at the club. Most people who are mildly autistic do not know they miss social cues.

Plus stuff like this:
Scuffed Marisa said:
The emotional structures that are necessary for those things to be... well, necessary just aren't there.
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Really does scream "I'm autistic."

There's nothing inherently wrong with being autistic. Wouldn't hurt to get checked out. Could make your life easier.
 
The overwhelming majority of people with schizoid personality disorder, or strong schizoid traits, are entirely content to be left the fuck alone. They don't have a problem with how they are and they don't cause problems for other people.

"Loneliness" is not a problem if you want to be alone. The "silent schizoid" type functions very well in society.
 
Never Scored said:
I'm going to go ahead an assume here that nobody is taking someone calling you autistic on Kiwi Farms as a serious diagnosis. I do think he's mildly autistic, though. I've been on the Internet too long and have dealt with too many autists from being into nerdy hobbies and shit not to see it.

Going clubbing doesn't mean you were fitting in at the club. Most people who are mildly autistic do not know they miss social cues.

Plus stuff like this:

Really does scream "I'm autistic."

There's nothing inherently wrong with being autistic. Wouldn't hurt to get checked out. Could make your life easier.
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Reading his posts again, they do sound kinda suspect. Granted, this is the Internet and nothing on it is real. I just hate the principle of everyone calling everything autistic if it doesn't conform to a narrow worldview (within reason of course). Not because it means it is bad, but because a lot of people use it as a massive crutch when a lot of the times it barely is one if at all. There's a lot of people out there that turned their autism into a massive boon.
 
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