🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Bungleboy]

The Bad Boy of College Journalism has nonchalantly skipped out on meeting yet another deadline.

Maybe he's waiting for his loyal, adoring fans to shower him with calendars?

Nobody told him about time as a concept!

 

[AJMLurker]

The new Belch Blog is up.

http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/journal/Oct-16-2015-566678898
https://archive.is/g5voF

This week, he talks about how The Belch Dimension was so ahead of the curve when he first came up with the concept, how technology has changed and how he needs ASU to get up to speed, and why he's so out of touch with pop culture. Those last two problems could be solved if Sweet Bro chose to interact with other people without the conversation always being on his terms and not making fucking excuses when people give him advice.

Sweet Bro you talk way too fucking much and listen very little. That is why your life is a wreck.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

The new Belch Blog is up.

Sweet (kind of) delivered after all!

 

[Shadow Fox]

I like how he had to lie about the date and pretend he posted it on time when it's time-stamped as having been put up today.

Typical Sweetpost. "Bluhbluhbluh, I need everyone else to fix my problems for me because I'm too helpless and inept to do it myself. I'm a failure at life because other people made me that way. That's how I was taught, and I love it too much to change nobody told me a better way of living and I'm too lazy, stubborn and dumb to figure it out on my own."

And clean your fucking room, Johnny, there's no excuse for a grown man to have two to three inches of dead batteries cluttering up his desk.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

It's almost like his jealousy of Chris-Chan's extensive coverage (which is the best thing for everyone's eyeballs, because the uncoverage is dire) has kept him from reading Chris's subforum and knowing that all Chris would have to do to get that coveted "female" status on his driver's license, thereby making it "official" as Sweet seems to think you need top and bottom surgery to do, would be to get a letter from a doctor and hie hence to the DMV. But nobody... all together now! ("Complete," what Sweet seems to be driving at w/r/t Jenner, and "official" are not even remotely synonyms. Otherwise, we could call Sweet "an official bunghole.")

We did have this diamond doorknob of self-awareness:

In fact, the more I try to be young and hip the more painfully obvious it is that I'n not.

So not buying that toupée after all, Sweets?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

bacon chdr chkn Hot Pocket, chili pqn smp Ramen

I'm guessing that means "bacon cheddar chicken Hot Pocket, chili [something something] Ramen." I'm assuming that this shorthand for a stereotypical college meal makes sense to Sweet, and he thinks we should be able to clearly understand it too (something about impaired theory of mind).

It also looks like Sweet thinks that none of us remember non-optical wired mice.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

Or that spitting on the ball made the problem worse. But anything with bodily fluids as a solution is just fiiiiiiiiiiine with Sweets.

 

[AJMLurker]

God damn Sweet is such a broken record. Sweet failed to live up to his promises from last blog so he could go off on the same old rants again.

what if I hadn't gone to college? My life would indeed be very different, wouldn't it...?

Nope, you didn't give us any predictions of what your life would be like. Going off on your classic "Yep, I grew up with typewriters and no interwebz, but then I got to ASU and HOLYFLIPPINFUCKSHIT I was introduced to the glory of comppputahs" spiel doesn't count. Give us some actual predictions instead of just resorting to your usual "I needz ASU FOR TEH TECH" whining. Just another piss-poor attempt by you to convince people to be on your side and support your crusade against ASU. You have no audience but the Kiwis and nobody here is buying your shit. Stop with the persuasion tactics.

And what if The Belch Dimension were made into a TV show? Station, time slot, dream cast?

Oh hey, didn't see this in the blog. Don't recall you saying what station you think your comic would be on. Or time slot. Or sharing your dream cast. Instead you just went off about how you think your comic is sooooo ahead of the curve and that it "clearly deserves a TV show since Kim Possible and Teen Titans and all these other shows are on TV!". We've seen you do this a millions time before. Be interesting. It would of been somewhat interesting to see you speculate about what it would be like if your comic aired on TV, even if it is a completely unrealistic idea. You didn't do this.

So what's your excuse Jon? Your brother bully you off the laptop?

 

[ToroidalBoat]

The main point Sweet was making in the latest Belchblog about life without ASU is that had Sweet not gone to college, no one would've told him about the internet otherwise, and thus Belch Dimension wouldn't have been distributed. Seeing as how Belch Dimension isn't selling well (read: at all, as far as I know), it wouldn't be too different from reality after all.

Also, I highly doubt Sweet would've not known about the internet for 2 decades, even in a rural town in Arkansas. Even if he were to stay cooped up indoors for 20 years, he still would've learned about the internet (like from TV). Not only that, but the Sweet household would probably still get a computer and internet access even if Sweet hadn't gone to college, I think. Mama Sweet isn't (or at least wasn't) a shut-in like Sweet apparently is.

So Sweet thinks no one would tell him about the internet for 20 years had he not gone to ASU, but he still would've found out about it sooner or later anyway. And he'd probably still be a lolcow on it, given his personality. It also seems to me that Sweet is trying to push the "he needs ASU to use technology everyone else doesn't need college for" view again.

Also, he still calls the DTV converter box "Obama Cable" and laments how much batteries it uses. Apparently, Sweet is still using an old analog TV with a converter box to watch broadcasts, instead of those newfangled "TVs that look like computers."

Sweet also refers to a post by @NobleGreyHorse, claiming it's evidence that liberals profile people or something. The screencap he uses is pretty old too.

Also, Sweet? Having "© [year] HaggisMcCrablice/DrBelch/Fekul The Baby/[etc]" with screencaps of text and avatars by us on those Stash pages does NOT make them copyrighted to you. But I'm sure no one told you that.

Although in all fairness, it may just be an innocent mistake on Sweet's part - Sweet may not have fraudulent intent there.

 

[AJMLurker]

Thanks. I skim through his shit at this point. So without college, Sweet predicts his life would be exactly the same minus the internet and The Belch Dimension. Way to aim high.

The Other Forum has been covering Chris-Chan for so long they can't tell the difference between a learning disability and not giving a shit.

Considering how much you don't give a shit about anything (except going back to ASU), you definitely have a learning disability Sweet. No human being is meant to function like you do. You literally are the most pathetic human being possible and unable to do a single damn thing for yourself. That's not a quality that ensures the survival of a species.

 

[Bound2]

Quick question I had: do we know much about Sweet's high school life, the so-called "horror show"?

 

[John Titor]

Of course, these days we have the cordless mouse, which second only to the ObamaCable remote is one of the biggest damn eaters of batteries in my house. My desk looks like an electronic charnel-yard because of all the dead batteries lying around on it. You can't throw them away because they pollute the environment, blah-blah-blah, and battery chargers don't work worth two frigs because they can just give so much new life to a spent cell

lolwut? Wire mouses still exist. I'm using one right now. It has a laser so you don't have to spit on it.

Also, the Yugoslav War happened around his time at college and he doesn't know of it. Some newspaperman he is.

 

[Ruin]

Is Sweets a pedophile? He seems to talk about shit like "the innocence of young boys" a lot.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Wire mouses still exist.

But no one told-

 

[DrJonesHat]

That is...surprisingly honest. Sweet, I'm going to say it again. You don't need ASU to be tech savvy. There are tons of sites on the internet that will get you up to speed. All you have to do is google them and TRY. That's it. It's not hard.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Is Sweets a pedofork? He seems to talk about shit like "the innocence of young boys" a lot.

Probably, he's also talked about about pubescent girls with peach tits locked in cellers and car trunks.

 

[Ruin]

Probably, he's also talked about about pubescent girls with peach tits locked in cellers and car trunks.

Wow. That is incredibly gross and creepy.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Wow.

I forget the exact words, but Sweet said something about the Southern sun causing girls to develop boobs early, and then he made some analogy about cellars and car trunks.

EDIT: Found it back on page 162. Dr. Merkwurdichliebe posted the quote by Sweet:

[The Southern sun makes] the girls’ breasts ripen faster, I think, like peaches somebody kept in the trunk of their car too long in the summer, or in a basement where ventilation is poor. Don’t know if it ripens the boys’ parts up early too--I don’t look, God, no--but I can safely say the sight of all that ripe and abundant lil’girl-flesh makes a lot of the older goats plain crazy with lust.

 

[AJMLurker]

I can safely say the sight of all that ripe and abundant lil’girl-flesh makes a lot of the older goats plain crazy with lust.

JMS: I'M NOT A PEDOPHILE! I'M NOT INTO UNDERAGE GIRLS!
Sweet would be a perfect candidate for America's Dumbest Criminals, too bad he's too incompetent to commit a crime. (No, it's actually a real good thing he's too incompetent to commit a crime. For society's sake, Sweet is better off stuck in a decaying hovel)

 

[WWWWolf]

This week, he talks about how The Belch Dimension was so ahead of the curve when he first came up with the concept, how technology has changed

(remember that wheel of clear CorrexTape that would suck the inked letters right off the page with that loud thrrpprrpprrpprrpprrpprrpprrpprrpptt sound when you hit the DELETE button? To this day I can still hear that sound in my dreams)

Oh yeah, Belchie, I can remember how I hit INST/DEL on my Commodore 64 keyboard and I could hear absolutely fucking nothing as characters just magically disappeared. And I've not heard anything since in any word processor since. And I'm old.Way old as far as information technology relevant to the field of hard-hitting journalism is concerned. Older than half past 1997. GIT GUD, SCRUB. /gamerslangincomprehensibletoshaner /drunky

I wanted to do something that stood apart from the usual superhero fare out there

[Sudden change of tone of the blog intensifies]