How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Many are saying this. said:
I guess the meds you mentioned not even one page ago stopped working.
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On the contrary, the way they work is they make me more cognizant, and I'm cognizant enough to realize now that the whole I got myself into off my meds, responding to every anxious impulse of loneliness until I became a shell of myself, is not a hole I want to stay in. They're actually working as intended, giving me a desire to fix my shitty life. And you gotta realize it's shitty before you fix it.
PetiteFeet said:
Unless you'd be admitting to something illegal and immoral like touching kids inappropriately, and the friendship is over just because you aren't agreeing 1:1 on everything ("ew, you like MLP? We can't be friends") then there wasn't a whole lot of friendship to start with.
Enjoy whatever gives your life some whimsy. Be as true to yourself as you dare. Be free from other people's judgement. Believe me when I say that it's better to live in solitude, enjoying harmless things that hurts literally no one in the comfort of your own home than to be "popular" and hiding your true self.
If you wanna be a furry with a fursuit, go for it. If you want to hold hands with another woman, go for it. If you want to enjoy Bluey, go for it.

I get it, I really do. I would have a hard time putting a lid on the things that bring me joy in exchange for someone elses company. I don't tell the whole world about my anime plastic crap because the world doesn't need to know (ironic statement, I know) but it's not because I'm ashamed, it's because it's none of their business. But if I go join the other nerds in the local game store or comic book store, they would understand and we could share pictures of how we display our collections etc.
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I think I get what you mean, I gotta live my truth, and I can't wait for the permission/validation of people who see my truth as a curse. This reply was very uplifting :)
 
stick said:
Got a referral for TMS, called the place on Friday to make an appointment. Was unsuccessful. Seems like they have outsourced their appointment-making-people. I won't say to who, but you can probably guess. I was supposed to get a call back with more information but heard nothing, and they’re closed on weekends. I wanted to see if today I can call the facility directly but I've really lost the will to do so. I'm just so exhausted all the damn time. The treatment itself is also a huge commitment (5 days a week for at least 6 weeks) on top of being full time. I'm really at the end of my rope. I've considered going down to part time but then I lose health insurance, which I need in order to treat my stupid brain problems. But working full time means I have little energy or drive to fix said brain problems. You really can't win.
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Consider if you're eligible for FMLA. You can take it in pieces, i.e. you could have one day per week off for the next few weeks, you don't need to take medical leave all in one chunk. It is unpaid but the benefit of taking FMLA instead of going to part-time is 1) keeping your benefits etc and 2) your employer should, at least in theory, not retaliate for you doing this in comparison to what you might give up from going part-time.


I randomly found somebody who specializes in giving lessons in the exact skill I want to learn. I hope they aren't trash.
 
I think the worst part of being an adult with a job is having to be financially responsible with what I earn. I have to save my money. I want to buy big eevee evolution plush from the pokemon center. I cannot. I must be responsible.
 
Pondering if I should have a 4th coffee late at night and fuck my sleep up, or be responsible and have some tea instead... E: fuck it, doing both.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
I think the worst part of being an adult with a job is having to be financially responsible with what I earn. I have to save my money. I want to buy big eevee evolution plush from the pokemon center. I cannot. I must be responsible.
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It's only $3200 USD + tip for all 8 of them and they will keep you warm once you are out on the street because you couldn't make rent this month.

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Spent my birthday weekend taking shots of PeptoBismol instead of the shots of Alcoholic Beverages that I'd planned for.
Have had to cancel the celebrations until I feel better.
Stomach Bugs are the worst.
 
Ygolonac said:
It's only $3200 USD + tip for all 8 of them and they will keep you warm once you are out on the street because you couldn't make rent this month.

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I only want one though. The issue is I'm indecisive. Still not buying one but its a hypothetical tie between flareon, vaporeon, and Sylveon.
 
Shitted Scaredless said:
I think the worst part of being an adult with a job is having to be financially responsible with what I earn. I have to save my money. I want to buy big eevee evolution plush from the pokemon center. I cannot. I must be responsible.
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If there's an item that you want, that you can afford, and it is not going to set back working towards a life changing purchase I'd say go for it. Don't set yourself back from working on say a house or a car, that is fiscally stupid. Yet denying yourself everything is just going to leave you feeling frustrated and annoyed. The money can't go with you but the joy of that something can go a long way.

I'm not a collector myself but I understand the feeling. Constantly denying yourself is just going to leave you resentful towards yourself and eventually to others. Shit sucks.
 
I have to be appreciative of how much better my health has become.. but right now it's hard because the anxiety crept up on me as it usually does JUST before my period.
Being a woman and dealing with a constant change of hormones is really, really stupid.
However, I am working on my low ferritin, hopefully in a couple of months it balances out my hormone problem even moreso.

EVERYthing is well except for these last couple of PMS days. I HAVE to remember I used to feel like this 2+ weeks out of the month now it's only a couple of days at the most.

Must... stay... positive...
 
My back was fucked up and my USING, ENABLING RELATIVES were like "Have a Norco."

Then once I had a Norco, I decided that if I was going to be high as shit, I may as well be high as shit so I threw a few gummies in there.

Then I decided that if I was high as shit, I should add some booze to that party.

After three days of this, I decided to be a non-fuckup and stop doing ALL THE DRUGS so my hungover, constipated ass had a bad day today. Didn't help that I had to run errands and it was the second hot day of the year and the AC in my chariot is all fucky. The constipation was making me nauseated so all I ate today was a burrito and I usually LOVE burritos but this one was mid.

I ate it in a parking lot while watching pigeons fuck. A metaphor, if you will.

I wish I could say that being totally fucked up for three days was a good time, but it wasn't.

Sobriety isn't always the greatest but being too high to drive to the damn quickie mart to get a damn coconut Red Bull is just sad.

And my back still hurt.
 
My thread tax is wanting as I only skim but mostly skip through highlights.

Well, a demon from th past has come back and killed my recent job acquisition. it was an amicable separation where my new employer was like "son, if it were up to me..."

I was making stupid good money for 3 whole weeks. I've had orgasms lasted longer. I'm right back where I started, hat in my hand, bent knee, pounding on people's doors asking to be let in from the cold holding my cock. Caring for a borderline special needs family member, playing Zelda endlessly on my switch when I'm not filing applications and setting up interviews.

I'm optimistic, I feel like Chucky at th end of BoC. "I'll be back. I'll always be back!!!.....

".....but dying is such a bitch."

 
long waters said:
Pondering if I should have a 4th coffee late at night and fuck my sleep up, or be responsible and have some tea instead... E: fuck it, doing both.
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Yeah nah, coffee didn't work. Had my late night coffee and not even an hour later I was in bed sleeping. Was too physically exhausted for caffeine. Slept like 9-10 hours I think.
 
Unnecessary Surgery Land said:
am working on my low ferritin
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May I ask how you are doing this? I am aware of the usual ‘every other day, with vitamin c, away from dairy’ but were you given any other advice? Other than ‘have you tried being less stressed and yoga’ or other such ineffective bullshit they throw at wimmen.
Hormones and iron metabolism suck, and you have my sympathy
long waters said:
coffee didn't work. Had my late night coffee and not even an hour later I was in bed sleeping.
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Theres a thing called sleep pressure. Adenosine builds up during the day and eventually triggers you being sleepy. Caffeine binds to those receptors and knocks the adenosine off so you stay awake but there’s a point you can’t hold it back any longer.
 
I got a bad feeling, checked in on the missus who was starting to spiral, saw she was spiraling by tracking her driving via her phone (thanks Apple - btw "find my device" means friends can e-stalk you trivially!!), and rescued her from ending up on a stretcher or a mugshot due to driving extremely drunk before passing out.

That ain't good for me. Better than court hanging over her head (and thus my head), sure, and "the come to Jesus" conversation happened, so either this is a wake up call for her, or just me, and I bachelor this shit up over 40. So at least it's going to resolve.

Started smoking again. My heart rate has gone down while running. This means I'm under extreme chronic stress and the nicotine did what it does for people in chronic stress like docs, nurses, cops, and military: it somehow brings shit back into focus and tunes you back up, instead of just hazing you up like SSRIs, benzos, etc. I know better than to divulge too much about my life here. I get shit done, guess what it is. You're probably right.

Tolerating fuckups is a choice. I know this. I tell people this. I tell people not to do this. Who you ever bump into and click with is who you meet and stick it out with may well not be a choice. If it is a choice, I don't know how to make a different one. I'm too intense for most people. Problems find solvers and start out pretty well buttoned up then fall apart at the seams when they too comfortable and then too big for their britches. Go figure.

Not really sure what to do here, except make the most of it by doing what KF is good at: being a fucking warning to people who come here.

Do not let drunks or addicts into your life and if someone turns into one, don't give more than one chance. Shit ain't worth it.
Same with general hot mess fuckups. Shockingly, my back doesn't hurt. I guess I deadlift other people just enough.

Niggerfaggot.
 
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Shitted Scaredless said:
I only want one though. The issue is I'm indecisive. Still not buying one but its a hypothetical tie between flareon, vaporeon, and Sylveon.
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Vaporeon, it looks aesthetically pleasing in most rooms. Then again someone may assume you're a pervert.

Thread Tax: I wanna sperg about dogs with someone, my friend's dogs are just so silly. They're kind of fascinating to watch.
 
I'm so tired. I get a decent amount of sleep, but I never feel rested. Unsure if the depression is just that bad or if I'm vitamin deficient or something. My limbs are heavy. Sometimes I can't even emote or add to conversations because moving my face is too much effort.
 
I am so tired. Bone -deep exhaustion that I cannot fix. I want to sleep for a thousand years. I want to step outside the world and sleep.
 
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