How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Humble Architect]

Not Great

That episode of Seinfeld where George realizes his instincts about everything are wrong comes to mind.

Spoiler

I don't like anything about myself and I will continue to make myself miserable forever. I don’t like how I look, how I dress, how I talk, my hobbies, my interests, my attitude, my ambition, my wants, my worries, my indecision, all of it. I hate having to constantly put up a front for people. For so long I just coped and convinced myself I was actually just misunderstood, but no I just suck and most people are way better and happier than I am. I have screwed up, I will just work my shity desk job forever; go home to my shity apartment and play with useless junk until I'm dead. I pool all the money I don't spend for a future that doesn't exist. I put myself into this position, how on earth am I (the retard who fucked it all up in the first place) supposed to correct any of this? Or do I just have to accept that me and my life will suck and it's my fault. Fear of going to hell and making my mom sad are keeping me around but I just don't want to feel like complete shit all the time.

I was where you were at, I hated my job, there was nothing in my life I was happy about, my best friend meanwhile has a loyal wife, a kid on the way and a house. I found myself going green with envy way too much, so much so that I was angry all the time because I didn’t have what he had.

So I quit, sold everything, got what consoomer shit I didn’t sell down to one bookshelf (not even) in storage, packed and adventured for a year then got a job across the country.

You built this life, it’s yours to dismantle and rebuild better, it just takes the will to do what must be done. You don’t need to constantly reinvent over a flawed system, just tear it all down and remake it.

 

[MC2]

It's only been three and a half weeks since I succumbed to being a NEET and I already feel like Ben from Dr. Katz. I have exhausted all of my hobbies and have no idea how to fill any of this newfound spare time.

 

[Otterly]

I can think of many stories, but one that comes off the top of my head is when I asked my friend if I could punch her for fun, and she sarcastically said "Sure" and I actually punched her in the stomach so hard she doubled over. My friend always retells it when I say I'm probably not autistic. I was so sure she was being legit.

I presume you’re a bloke, so yes, you should know that punching a woman in the gut is going to hurt. You need to have a checkpoint where you realise that sarcasm exists, for example, and double check, for anything you’re not 100% sure of.

and worst of all my birthday is tomorrow and nobody is even going to give a shit, i'm going to be all alone on it

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

 

[Harry Dresden]

I'm not doing great, to be honest. My mother is extremely overprotective, and I have honestly reached my breaking point. It's like I have no point of living anymore. I live in a rural area, so I don't have any friends in real life to talk to, but yet I'm not allowed to make a YouTube channel or any social media to talk to people online because of pedophiles. I'm not allowed to go off to college because I might get murdered. I'm not allowed to get a job because my mom doesn't want mean people yelling at me and doesn't want me away from her. I mean, what's the point of doing anything anymore? I don't even want to wake up anymore. I'm almost 21, but yet I'm treated like a little kid, and I have no way of leaving home. Please feel free to suggest ways I can improve my life; I want life to get better.

If anyone else had overprotective parents, I would appreciate advice for dealing with them. Some people are going to suggest getting a job, and I know getting a job is a huge step in the right direction, but I'm afraid to ask my mom about it.

 

[SOLDIER OF WALES]

I'm not doing great, to be honest. My mother is extremely overprotective, and I have honestly reached my breaking point. It's like I have no point of living anymore. I live in a rural area, so I don't have any friends in real life to talk to, but yet I'm not allowed to make a YouTube channel or any social media to talk to people online because of pedophiles. I'm not allowed to go off to college because I might get murdered. I'm not allowed to get a job because my mom doesn't want mean people yelling at me and doesn't want me away from her. I mean, what's the point of doing anything anymore? I don't even want to wake up anymore. I'm almost 21, but yet I'm treated like a little kid, and I have no way of leaving home. Please feel free to suggest ways I can improve my life; I want life to get better.

If anyone else had overprotective parents, I would appreciate advice for dealing with them. Some people are going to suggest getting a job, and I know getting a job is a huge step in the right direction, but I'm afraid to ask my mom about it.

You could join the military. You can talk to the recruiter, have your bags packed day of and just leave at 6 am and ghost lol. Air Force is pretty easy. Military isn’t as bad as people say especially if you get a bitch job in an office like I did.

 

[anigganamedCLETUS]

Got drunk and high twice and ate 2 burritos and some bacon cheese fries and napped and fapped several times.

 

[Nick Wilde]

Google Calendar reminding me of the existence of the last heartless vampire bitch who hurt my feelings, because her birthday is soon. I don't even know how or why that in formation is in there.

Rent free. Still. Hate that shit.

 

[long waters]

Spoiler

and worst of all my birthday is tomorrow and nobody is even going to give a shit, i'm going to be all alone on it

Happy birthday!

I'm not doing great, to be honest. My mother is extremely overprotective, and I have honestly reached my breaking point. It's like I have no point of living anymore. I live in a rural area, so I don't have any friends in real life to talk to, but yet I'm not allowed to make a YouTube channel or any social media to talk to people online because of pedophiles. I'm not allowed to go off to college because I might get murdered. I'm not allowed to get a job because my mom doesn't want mean people yelling at me and doesn't want me away from her. I mean, what's the point of doing anything anymore? I don't even want to wake up anymore. I'm almost 21, but yet I'm treated like a little kid, and I have no way of leaving home. Please feel free to suggest ways I can improve my life; I want life to get better.

If anyone else had overprotective parents, I would appreciate advice for dealing with them. Some people are going to suggest getting a job, and I know getting a job is a huge step in the right direction, but I'm afraid to ask my mom about it.

Well, your mother isn't exactly wrong about weird online pedophiles but if you're turning 21, you're a full bloody adult. It's time to go out into the world and find your own path. No other way around that.
I think overprotective parents can be just as damaging as negligent ones. I've been in such a situation and 1-2 decades later I'm still dealing with the consequences. My mind is fucked in many ways, I have no ambition in life and despite being possibly more successful than average, I'm miserable and feeling empty almost all the time.
So all I can say is you need to go out and experience life or life will get harder and more miserable the older you get. Not harder in a chronic illness loss of loved ones sense, but harder in an feeling empty meaningless and existential dread kind of sense.

You could join the military. You can talk to the recruiter, have your bags packed day of and just leave at 6 am and ghost lol. Air Force is pretty easy. Military isn’t as bad as people say especially if you get a bitch job in an office like I did.

Normally I myself would be against such advice, but I don't know if this can possibly be worse than rotting in isolation at home. If you don't have any better plan, it might not be the worst thing you can do. Sure there might be the risk of dying in some war or something, but life is full of risk. You either take a risk and see where it takes you, or you mindrot and slowly decay in "safety".
Not saying join the army tomorrow, but if you don't figure out some other plan to take hold of your own life and fate, it is a path to consider.

 

[Fat Camp Intern]

Happy Page #1234

You're special.

Anyway, it's been rough. For many reasons. I committed to completely quitting reddit because I found the people there to be insufferable, mentally ill freaks. Of course I've known that for a decade but have always had some little niche subreddits I enjoyed. Can't do it anymore.

I've struggled with allocating my free time to self improvement and business goals. I end up watching YouTube videos or checking telegram channels instead. I need to get off this phone.

Also someone very special to me is no longer in communication and I'm sad.

I'm not particularly emotional today. Just... completely and totally isolated on every level. I feel like I have so much to offer humanity but the quality of people on this planet is total shit. My soul is weary.

 

[Getmeout]

I presume you’re a bloke, so yes, you should know that punching a woman in the gut is going to hurt. You need to have a checkpoint where you realise that sarcasm exists, for example, and double check, for anything you’re not 100% sure of.

Nah, I'm a girl, good advice either way. It's just that most of the time I'm like 100% sure they mean this, or that. And then it turns out I'm wrong. But I guess double checking can help, I do that more often, but I'm also scared it makes me lame to be around. Cause it's like a good chunk of people's jokes I go "Wait, I don't get it, why are you acting like this. Are you joking?"

 

[Otterly]

But I guess double checking can help,

I think you need coping strategies. I’d sit down and think of all the examples you can, and then ask yourself ‘what should I have asked here?’ What should you have done with the benefit of hindsight?

 

[regginknurd]

A little rattled. There was a possible meteorite that just blew up NE-Ohio and already people are acting like it could have been a bomb or something.

 

[Motherf*cker]

I'm not going back to home, nature, silence nobody but squirrels and deer and chipmunks. There have been a few

chipmunks or squirrels which I've hand feed and that's a cool experience. Not safe for the squirrels because then other squirrels start targeting them and the hole where the cache of nuts are then becomes a battlefield.

I miss going outside and the smell of spruce trees and the hint of pine and when the wind blows fresh decay but it's like a beautiful bouquet and friendly Little chickadees.

I really did not want to come back here, it's all gas fumed drug zombies, dealers, smelly poo people getting rapey, and everyone seemingly having slight PTSD from the daily lunacy pantomime opera performance which is so avant garde nobody but the Liberals seem to enjoy it.



C'untry rooooooads taaakke me hooome

To the plaaaaaace I beeeelioo g

W'rest V'wrginiiaaaa

Tale me home

C'untry hohhhhme


I got high and wrote this post.

 

[Squanto Airi]

Tired. Got two hours of sleep last night. One of the bigwigs is coming down for a visit this week so everyone is stressing more than usual.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I'm beginning to sense a pattern. If I drink an energy drink, or a cup of coffee for that matter, my anxiety spikes and I find myself ruminating more easily.
Fuck me and my enjoying the taste of highly caffeinated drinks. I suppose it's just another fact about me that I cannot change and I just have to accept that I should stay away from them, except as an incredibly rare treat.
Sayonara, vietnamese iced coffee, dalgona coffee and literally any Monster flavour that are available to me.

Luckily I enjoy tea and I have a cabinet full of all kinds of teas, from rooibos to sencha. Yes, regular tea leaves are full of caffeine too but they don't seem to have quite the same effect on me even if I drink a whole pot of green or black tea.

Other than that I really need to find some new music to relax/fall asleep to. Youtube's algorithm thinks I want to listen to snowfall and only that in playlists that may or may not be curated by people using AI. As good as Snowfall is, even on multiple listens throughout an average day, it's not my favourite type of music. I can't keep listening to Animal Crossing New Leaf 1AM and 4AM either. Maybe it's time to return to Skyrim night ambience.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

We're still in Winter apparently, but this week the temperatures are super high, and I'm in such a bad mood because of it. I hate the heat. I hate having migraines and being sweaty and feeling my clothes sticking on me. I hate that no matter how high my SPF is, at the end of the day my skin still feels like it's burning. It's not easy being a vampire in the Mediterranean...

Other than that, I have an overwhelming amount of stuff to do this week and I'm feeling stuck. I'm getting a snack now and locking myself in the library until I do something productive.

I'm beginning to sense a pattern. If I drink an energy drink, or a cup of coffee for that matter, my anxiety spikes and I find myself ruminating more easily.

Same, but unfortunately I need caffeine in order to be able to study. I'm always shaking like a chihuahua lol.

 

[Gap Hag]

Happy birthday for tomorrow.

Happy birthday!

Thank you both, i appreciate it, helps tolerate the chronic illness a little bit better.

 

[long waters]

I'm beginning to sense a pattern. If I drink an energy drink, or a cup of coffee for that matter, my anxiety spikes and I find myself ruminating more easily.
Fuck me and my enjoying the taste of highly caffeinated drinks. I suppose it's just another fact about me that I cannot change and I just have to accept that I should stay away from them, except as an incredibly rare treat.
Sayonara, vietnamese iced coffee, dalgona coffee and literally any Monster flavour that are available to me.

Same, but unfortunately I need caffeine in order to be able to study. I'm always shaking like a chihuahua lol.

This year I started making coffee at home a lot and one thing I noticed is that it seems certain kinds of coffee spike my anxiety more, and I even had one that I could swear gave me headaches. I'm not 100% sure on the latter, it might have been a bad combination of me being dehydrated and having too much coffee. I'll have to do some more tests with that batch... In fact, water might also be a factor as far as any anxiety effects go.
I'm pretty sure the amount of sun and physical activity also can diminish any anxiety spikes from caffeine.
Again, I'm not completely sure on any of this, but I do think it's worth investigating other kinds of coffee or types of caffeine.
Personally, I think caffeine from green tea gives me the least amount of anxiety while also keeping me more awake/alert than actual coffee. Although that might be because with tea I tend to drink way more of it. So far I've been avoiding mixing green tea with coffee on the same days so as not to overdo it.

I hate that no matter how high my SPF is, at the end of the day my skin still feels like it's burning. It's not easy being a vampire in the Mediterranean...

That's why I wear hoodies all the time. I like sunlight, but I hate getting sun directly on my skin or getting tanned.

 

[Gap Hag]

This year I started making coffee at home a lot and one thing I noticed is that it seems certain kinds of coffee spike my anxiety more, and I even had one that I could swear gave me headaches. I'm not 100% sure on the latter, it might have been a bad combination of me being dehydrated and having too much coffee. I'll have to do some more tests with that batch... In fact, water might also be a factor as far as any anxiety effects go.

Too much coffee when you've already got bad blood pressure/other circulatory issues can drive you up the wall, the same kind of shit as being up for 3 days and not being able to sleep, insane paranoia/jumpyness.

 

[AnOminous]

Luckily I enjoy tea and I have a cabinet full of all kinds of teas, from rooibos to sencha. Yes, regular tea leaves are full of caffeine too but they don't seem to have quite the same effect on me even if I drink a whole pot of green or black tea.

Switching to matcha is a mellow choice.