How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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As if the week weren't cruel enough, I got hit with two more bombshells today, both of them involving a couple of my aunts. The one passed away (she was old and very frail but still) and the other has to put her dog down because he bit her hard enough to require stitches - and this wasn't the first time he did so. Not a very happy Thanksgiving.
 
I'm frustrated because I started this year completely healthy and am ending it with chronic migraine and some kind of mystery yet undiagnosed seziure disorder. A switch just flipped one day.

I'm very lucky the symptoms aren't worse, just haven't been able to achieve meaningful control with medication, or been able to drive again. Or drink beer or coffee :(

I have a good month or two and then it's suddenly worse than ever for a few weeks. It's made me religious. Anyone familiar with temporal lobe seziures wull understand what I mean so I'll try not to sperg too hard.
 
She'd seen some shit and her face and frame showed it, and her voice made Janis Joplin sound angelic.
I love Janis Joplin's voice. When I say she sang like a man, I mean that as a compliment. She would just howl out raw emotion with no reservation.
 
Every day is another step closer to me being able to GTFO of this shit spot I'm in, so I hope anyway. And god do I need it, it's a sinking ship. The only thing I'm scared of at this point is just being a stranger, since I really ain't gonna know nobody obviously when I do move and unfortunately all of these doompost articles about how "if someone's alone, they're a creep" do get to normalfags, but I might be fine in the end. I've pretty much got a plan for going full fastman/nomadfag which I hope to at least test out soon before taking a full plunge.
I just wish the people around me could actually act like fucking adults, man. Responsibility washes off them like a river current and then they got all pissy about it when they're called out on all sides. I just know that when I'm outta here shit's gonna collapse, but they had their chances to let me help them fix it.
 
Doctors will NOT tell me, after over six years what is causing the problem
That's insane to me. I've never heard of doctors withholding information. I had an incompetent doc earlier this year who would forget to tell me important shit, but a few complaints and I was thankfully able to get a doctor worth a shit over my case. I'll keep praying for you that you get some news, or at least some relief from this and I wish you the best.
What caused you to black out?
Infected power port that caused me to get a particularly nasty skin infection. Woke up, couldn't stand without my eyes starting to get the black fuzzies, puking. Called 911 since I knew I couldn't drive myself in, got up to unlock my front door for the paramedics, never made it back to my couch to wait for them. It wasn't a good day.
It's made me religious. Anyone familiar with temporal lobe seziures wull understand
Yeah. Definitely have become closer to God this year. Mostly begging Him to heal me and not to do this to my family, but it appears He has other plans in store. My seizures were because of lesions growing on my cerebral cortex, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'll keep you in my prayers as well.

Thread tax: Well, I made it through Thanksgiving without too many issues. Loser cousin I specifically named in my will to not get anything showed up. He's always been a fuckup who can't keep a job due to constantly getting DUIs and drug abuse. He was bitching about getting yet another DUI and having a breathalyzer installed on his car that he had to pay for. "It's all about more money to the state!" No, it's because you could have killed someone you worthless jackass. Sat outside most of the day with my Dad and one of my uncles who doesn't suck and just BS'd most of the day. Thankfully my turkey and ham came out great, my Mom's side dishes were all delicious, and my uncle managed to secure tamales that didn't suck, unlike the ones a different family member brought last year. Pulled the "going to go home and lay down due to pain" card, and I'm just chilling with my brother to watch some football now. Hope the rest of you had a great day! :)
 
Just popped two benadryls and am considering taking a third in half an hour or so. I really, really, really just want to be unconscious as soon and as hard as possible this night.
 
Sucks being the only one in the whole family with work today but it gave me the drive to not drink on Thanksgiving. They brought so many mixed drinks that I would of been hammered and hung over all day otherwise. Small wins I guess.
 
Got a molar pulled yesterday, had a persistent infection the root canal and laser treatment didn't fix but was otherwise healthy, meaning fully anchored in my jaw. Doctor had to wrestle and i was afraid he might break my jaw. Just woke up and i feel and look like i went a round with Tyson, whole cheek swollen and blue/black. So, doing less than stellar right now but at least i am done with this shit now. Won't even look at the cost of an implant right now, already feeling suicidal enough for one day.
Was able to afford Christmas presents thank god. I don't have to have another year of pretending to forget because I was too embarrassed to say I was broke.
Been there, multiple times, shit sucks. Happy to hear you made it work this year. I still need to do any Christmas shopping but i at least already got a general idea of what to get everyone. Except grandma, i'm kinda lost there, last couple of presents i gave her were hits, a ridiculously expensive teacup and a even more expensive bonbonierre with a Gustav Klimt print, i learned this series is now OOP so i can't get anything else from it most likely.
 
Probably not a smart idea to drink hard liquor with a gaping, bloody hole in my maw but then i am the first to admit that i have never been very smart all my life.
My tally for "No drinks in November" is now two beers and one bottle of gin (if i indeed finish this bottle today, which is more than likely), not even half bad compared to my usual drinking. Haven't really been out much this month so that certainly plays a role. Girlfriend suggested going out to the Christmas markets end of next week and getting hammered (unusual for her, she drinks maybe twice or thrice a year) and i am also seeing my cousin next weekend to eat and getting drunk and i am looking forward to both occassions. Gonna see how i can arrange all that with this coaching thing Jobcentre is sending me to on Monday (at 2PM, what luxury :story:).
 
I've offered to fly my friends down and cover their whole trip (food, plenty of room for them to stay here, plane tickets, etc.), hit them up just to see if they would just at least hop on VC to play some games with me. Fucking nothing for three days now. I get that they don't know how to deal with me at the moment as that was a pretty harsh news bomb I gave them, but I don't even want to talk about me dying with them. I just want to hang out and pretend everything is okay like the old days for a while. I'm pretty hurt that they won't even respond to me, "no thanks" would at least be an answer. We've all been close for 10+ years and now I get ghosted during my biggest time of need. Guess I'll be finding something else to do with my limited time left.
 
Yup.
Source: Trust me.
Eh. It doesn’t get better. Your options narrow and it gets worse
have had a succession of windfalls. Every one, frankly, has made me unhappier and less stable.
That does suck but you HAVE made a breakthrough - you say you’ve realised that you were using can’t afford it as an excuse. Sit on the money. Think hard.
I daydream about having money but actually, only one or two things would be solve-able. I cannot go back in time. I cannot change certain things and I cannot make someone love me. No money on earth can give me the life I wanted.
So what’s left? I guess that’s what you have to think about, and it’s hard to do that. One constraint (cash) is removed. Others remain. What can you do to make yourself happier? The answer will be more painful than simple ‘if I had money’ things, it may be something deeper.
They do say to not make any big choices soon after a windfall. Sit on it, think, and perhaps the world will show you a new path.
Thankfully my turkey and ham came out great
That’s great.
As for the family … You can’t choose family, and I think it’s a rare family who have nobody insane or difficult (mine is certainly not immune!) You’re allowed to put yourself first at the moment.
Just saw your post - that’s a disappointing thing to hear. You sure they aren’t out of radio contact for the holidays?
Probably not a smart idea to drink hard liquor with a gaping, bloody hole in my maw
Well, it’s disinfectant, so it’s medicinal. Give yourself a break .
I hope the universe lands you a new, better job, and from what I’ve read a nasty root canal infection is better cleaned out and pulled in many cases. Swill a bit of ethanol round it, at least it’ll nuke any infection.
 
Eh. It doesn’t get better. Your options narrow and it gets worse
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Agree to disagree.
 
You sure they aren’t out of radio contact for the holidays?
Yeah, one of them left a reaction to both of my messages, another one of them ignored both messages and just gave everyone an update on his PC build, and the third friend read them, changed his status to away, and started playing civ 5 instead. It's fine, I know they don't know how to deal with me at the moment, but I literally and figuratively don't have time for this. I just thought 10+ years would have bought enough respect for at least a "no thanks" or "I'm busy" response. Going to invite some local friends from work over and my brother can invite some of his old buddies and I'll just pick up some wings and pizza for the day.
 
Yeah, one of them left a reaction to both of my messages, another one of them ignored both messages and just gave everyone an update on his PC build, and the third friend read them, changed his status to away, and started playing civ 5 instead. It's fine, I know they don't know how to deal with me at the moment, but I literally and figuratively don't have time for this. I just thought 10+ years would have bought enough respect for at least a "no thanks" or "I'm busy" response. Going to invite some local friends from work over and my brother can invite some of his old buddies and I'll just pick up some wings and pizza for the day.
That’s very disappointing.
Charitably, maybe they have never dealt with death before and are freaking out? I’d send one message back saying yeah, I get this is hard, just want to hang out, no deep stuff. Then if they aren’t able to cope with that then leave it.
I hope your local friends do better for you. Happy thanksgiving anyway. I think I’m a bit late for that. We’ve randomly adopted Black Friday sales over here but not thanksgiving.
 
I unironically am giving myself this very same excuse right now :story: Just told the missus "I am having this one neat, it disinfects."
Dental work is miserable. You deserve a drink or three after dealing with that. I'll raise one in your honor to hope your swelling goes down soon lol.
I hope your local friends do better for you. Happy thanksgiving anyway. I think I’m a bit late for that. We’ve randomly adopted Black Friday sales over here but not thanksgiving.
Yeah it's probably better for me anyways. Met him earlier this year in the hospital. He's got the same cancer I do, is also a former Air Force guy and he also separated to get into cyber so we hit it off really well and he gets how much this shit sucks. Really good dude and I pray his prognosis is a hell of a lot better than mine. Thanks! I wish you luck if you decide to go battle it out for Black Friday sales, I can't deal with the crowds anymore lol.
 
My Friday started rocky. Miserable mood waking up, miserable while walking my dog, miserable when we returned. I chalked it up to today being a "stay in bed" kind of day.
Put on some podcast stuff and fell asleep.
When I woke up after my nap, I got ready and my girlie and I walked to visit my parents. My youngest niece is having a birthday party tomorrow, so I get the pleasure of pet-sitting for my parents.
Friday dinner was fantastic. Steak with sauce bernaise and all the trimmings, with the sauce made from scratch by my father. I try to say thank you and show him I appreciate him, even if it's difficult and my family being incredibly emotionally handicapped (which explains why I'm as batshit as I am).
My dad drove me and the dogs home, I put away my bag and I took the animals for an evening walk.
Now I have the peaceful snores of two tired dogs in the background.
Maybe Friday wasn't that awful after all.
 
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