How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Anyone feel just incredibly apathetic lately? Little joy, little anger, little sadness. Just kinda gray.

I noticed because I visited some family over the weekend and we took pictures. My smile doesn’t beam like it used to, looked forced and unnatural due to unuse.

I’m Okay, but I’m not good.
 
Sasmate said:
Anyone feel just incredibly apathetic lately? Little joy, little anger, little sadness. Just kinda gray.

I noticed because I visited some family over the weekend and we took pictures. My smile doesn’t beam like it used to, looked forced and unnatural due to unuse.

I’m Okay, but I’m not good.
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Are you apathetic cuz shitty life or is it just random? Could be a vitamin deficiency if it's random.
 
Got a date on Friday with a girl I've been talking to for about a week. She's not really my type but she's cute and we've got a lot in common. The thing is, she's asked me if I want to go to a concert on the Friday after our 1st meet up. Apparently her friend can't go so she's offered me the ticket for free. The concert is like 40 miles away and ends at 10pm. I'd probably meet her at the concert and then drive both of us home. I've got work the day after too but I might just call in sick lol. I've told her that she should wait to meet up 1st before she makes any plans. Should I go?
 
Nick Obre said:
Results are in, too risky to sedate, blood tests show several alterations, could all be due to the accident, or preexisting. They've got him on fluids now to try to revert anemia (this is most likely because of the bleeding over all these days), will try to do an ultrasound to see what's going on inside the wounds, but the plan right now is a slow path to recovery by home treatment, medicine, maybe special food.

I'm super worried again, but one thing the doctor said that makes me a little optimistic was that since this happened on Wednesday, it's been several days and if the injury was truly dangerous, he'd be in a much worse condition by now. Still, worried, scared.
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Not much to update about the lad, he's back at the vet again for more treatment with IV fluids and antibiotics. I can say I see him move a bit faster and eat a bit more enthusiastically each day that passes, which must be a good thing. He gets really depressed when we have to put the Cone Of Shame on him so he won't lick the wounds, so he mostly just lies down until he gets hungry or thirsty or wants to pee or poo, at which point he'll stand up and angrily fumble around with the cone, crashing into everything. To remind, he's blind, so it's not like it limits his visibility, but it must mess with his I guess Daredevil-like hearing powers.

Again, the forecast is he'll heal, just slowly. The alterations (anemia and kidney issues) are most likely caused by the accident itself, and if there's any after effects with the kidneys or something, well, we'll deal with that by then. There's special food and stuff that can help with that kind of thing.

It's all been, and continues to be, an emotional rollercoaster. Ups and downs, as you've seen. Don't wanna be too pessimistic nor optimistic, but today I feel better about things. Still worried, still guilty, but better.
 
I’ve been offline for a bit due to the fact that there is a strong chance that by mid next year, there’s a strong chance that I may be moving to Florida or Virginia. Living in New York has gotten so expensive and because of my father’s passing, I’ll have to go somewhere that’s more affordable.

Plus, I’m searching for a new job on top of that, so things are moving very quickly.
 
Every other week more people get let go at work - this week, it was a couple people I knew. New metrics edicts - retroactively applied - are issued. Every minute in the office is tracked and reported on, and daily minimums are set; the tracking/ reporting will increase. Opened up the 2026 benefits options info today: premiums, copays and deductibles up; coverage down. Usual info about certain programs and benefits in my group have disappeared from the company intranet. And immediate leadership is acting weird - not toward me, but in general. Exec leadership signals more to come.

Beatings continue; morale not improving.

In more exciting news, one of my kids is experiencing an unexpected embarrassment of riches (not literal, but life-direction-wise) for their next move - creating something of a dilemma and difficult choices, but I'm so proud and happy for them to be tapped and to have competing and interesting options.
 
Picc line was removed today. Moving to only checking in with the outpatient clinic once a week. Have to start redoing all my immunizations from childhood to recent ones in December since the high dose chemo completely wipes the immune system, but at least that means I'll be able to decline the clot shot this time. Thankfully the doc laughed when I asked if I'd have to redo the ones that hurt like a mofo like anthrax and yellow fever. His response was "I think your deployment days are long behind you" so at least I won't be going through those again.
 
Could be worse, but could better. Really should not be complaining, I should be thankful I have a job, have a roof over my head, and I am advancing in my career... the lord has been good to me. But ever since after breaking up with my Ex, its been hard. I really need to get this off my chest, I was going to marry a monster but got out before things got out of hand.

In retrospect, she was taking advantage of me and yes-ing me to death for about almost 2 years now... I believe now she never really loving me as a person, only my stuff / what I had to offer her and was rather good at hiding it... until she wasn't. I wish I got out sooner, I would have saved so much money in couples therapy, furniture, and dates.

I wish I got out and dated someone who cared about me and my interests, but I thought we could make it work, things would be different... when it got to the point of me coming home from a full day shift and her just having a screaming episode regarding her worries about too much laundry lint in the dryer vent going outside for almost an hour, late at night, and blaming her episode on the medical issues she was having and had the audacity to asking me to be cool with her actions yet again so she doesn't feel like something is wrong before going to sleep that night sleep, that was the last straw. Why she choose to not go to the landlord to resolve her worries is beyond me...
I am a patient forgiving man of god, perhaps to a fault, but even I have limits. I went to sleep, hurriedly packed my things while she was away in a storage locker I was renting, and told her when she got home that I cannot do this anymore, and despite months of trying to work on a failing relationship and me caring about her health more than she cared about herself, while my health rapidly declined. I really tried... but I couldn't do that anymore. I made sure she had enough rent for 2 months. She did not take it well, like I predicted.

It doesn't help that I had to call the police to get out of there after explaining why I did not want to be in a relationship anymore, she really didn't want me to leave. After that, She kept sending me texts, letters, and emails, begging me to come back. She eventually stopped. I am never going back there. I would rather hang myself then live that life again.

Starting over in another state was a good idea Its a nice, fresh start after that nightmare. I can now apricate the little things in life more, now that I went through that fresh hell. Could have been worse, I could have married her and had to deal with divorce.

Its been a few months, I just started dating again. I want to move on, and have a fresh start, since I refuse to let her continue to ruin my life even more than she has. I have relearned how awful online dating is, and finding women that are not single mothers or that will not ghost you is its own brand of depressing.
I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be used again. But at least I am trying to make my life better, and I am thankful things are not worse then they are right now.
 
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I accomplished a lot of work goals recently using my best skills.

It's great because it's in my desired field. Getting praise for it.

However, it's not my personal project so I'm not feeling proud.

I really want to achieve my personal project goal at least before I'm 40. I know life isn't a race but I just don't want to spend any more time yearning.

I want to bask in my accomplishment. I'm tired of disappointing myself at the end of every year... wishing I did more.

Granted I've done A LOT of work on it this year but it's still not done. I've just been chiseling at it for years... everyone knows I'm working on it and everyone knows that's my "thing". I'm tired of going "well maybe 202x will be the year I finish it!".

Gonna try to power it out these last couple of months.

I'm so fucking close.
 
Robotic Kiwi said:
In retrospect, she was taking advantage of me and yes-ing me to death for about almost 2 years now... I believe now she never really loving me as a person, only my stuff / what I had to offer her and was rather good at hiding it... until she wasn't. I wish I got out sooner, I would have saved so much money in couples therapy, furniture, and dates.
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This sounds horrifying and hearing stuff like this makes me want to stay single for life.
 
I don't know. My life is objectively not good, but I am surprisingly out of fucks to give during this time of year. And thinking about buying stuff I don't need for some reason.
 
Can someone bully me into getting back into therapy and back on my meds, cause I got all chuddy again and threw them away and now I’m back to hallucinating TV shows talking to me and lashing out at my loved ones cause I think they’re secretly talking behind my back and that’s why they took 10 minutes to respond to my text.
gnostic dogma said:
my good friend indicated that God was pruning me from her life
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Oh that’s really devastating and I’m sorry. I’d suggest talking to her to see if you’ve genuinely slighted her in a way that upset her, or if she just wants to ghost you and is using “God” as an excuse. If it’s the latter then I don’t believe you have to take that shit.
Imam Shamil said:
Are you apathetic cuz shitty life or is it just random? Could be a vitamin deficiency if it's random.
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I second this. Maybe your life is getting boring. If you live in a city type area, go sightseeing.
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
I don't know. My life is objectively not good, but I am surprisingly out of fucks to give during this time of year. And thinking about buying stuff I don't need for some reason.
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Also, you sound bored. I don’t think splurging is bad if you have the money, just buy fun stuff. Don’t buy a vase or some shit. Or do, again, if you have the money.
 
Sasmate said:
shitty life. But it’s my life, only I can get out of it. Things been a lot better than they used to be, really wised up. Like I said, just kind of a boring sort of circumstance. Monotony.
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Are you doing much exercise or sports at the moment? When I've felt like that, getting back into fitness has ramped up the more emotional aspects of myself and dragged me away from intellectualising everything. Might be worth considering if you're in the doldrums.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Can someone bully me into getting back into therapy and back on my meds, cause I got all chuddy again and threw them away and now I’m back to hallucinating TV shows talking to me and lashing out at my loved ones cause I think they’re secretly talking behind my back and that’s why they took 10 minutes to respond to my text.
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Get the fuck off this website. If you have the means to get therapy and meds, fucking do it.
 
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