How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

May I get some advice/opinions? Got some questions and google isn't being helpful...
1. Is it fine to eat food while laying on your side? Specifically, laying down but leaning up on your elbow.
2. How does one go to sleep while hungry? I've always struggled to fall asleep when I'm feeling hunger pangs, so I often eat right before bed, which I know is bad for your sleep and everything.

1. I'd say it is fine, but it is easier to choke this way.
2. I really don't know, when I am hungry I have a rush of energy. And it is bad if you eat too much, having a light snack is ok, but try to stick to something protein based like yogurt or cheese. If you have intolerance then some poultry with vegetables or light chicken sandwich is ok. Fuck, even protein shake is ok, especially casein based one, although I've never liked the taste of it.

 

[bliblblblbbllb]

If you eat on your side, spiders will confuse you for a banana tree, and everyone knows spiders love bananas.

I don't think eating on your side or eating before bed are bad unless you have symptoms from them. Also certainly depends what you eat. I'm always surprised by people who think they aren't caffiene addicts, but drink 5+ cans of Coke or Pepsi per day. Diet sodas tend to have slightly higher amounts of caffiene as well.

Being unable to sleep due to hunger is almost certainly worse for your health than having a snack at bedtime.

Unless you're actually talking about binging to placate/sedate yourself with, like, hundreds of calories of junk food- which I do see people do quite commonly. This is probably why you'll find negative results on Google. A lot of people strongly associate "eating at night" with binge-eating at night in an out of control, shameful fashion. Crawling into bed with a whole tub of ice cream or shoveling down a bag of shredded cheese or chocolates in front of the fridge at midnight.


I need to go on more hikes before the weather gets cold. Unfortunately I'm already pretty sure it's going to be a crappy, wet, bitter Fall. I go outside and I can just taste it.

 

[MinistryPhlox]

I've been feeling a lot better lately, but it's more a sense of disassociation rather than anything that's changed in my life. I've been feeling lonely, and sometimes I just sit in my room and stare at the wall for an hour or so before coming to. There hasn't really been any emotion, just a state of conciousness and knowing I exist. I'm lonely, but I feel terrified and fucking gross everytime I try and socialize. It feels like im incapable, or i'm just afraid. This guy I like just stopped talking to me as often and I feel like I did something wrong. Same with others I consider close aquaintences at best.

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's been hard. I get home from work and just fall asleep, then wake up, go to work, and do it again. I don't feel like really doing anything I love to do. I want to write but I just get exhausted when I sit down to do it. My medication isn't working as well as it used to I don't think.

 

[BallsGuevara]

Better than last time. I've been back at work. I still feel like ass, to be honest, but I'm not dying at least.

Immediately had a ton of extra work piled on me upon returning, I suspect it is retaliation for taking time off, but whatever. Rest of life is going okay.

 

[BABANGUIDE64]

I dunno, I'm either a lazy fuck or a fuck that wants to work hard but has to procrastinate on his new job being a novice. Doing almost nothing fatigates me more than doing an actual job I supposed I was assigned for.
Waiting for the training to end and for an actual work to begin makes me anxious but job is a job. Moreover, I might find another one, not a big deal really.
Being an army registrant and the evergrowing Internet censorship in my country are the things I'm more concerned of.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

Getting fucked up on authentic Strong Zero's (which cost an outrageous 3€ per 330ml can) at 4PM. Retardedly stressful week, dealing with some things i'd rather not but am forced to, high potential of fucking me, or rather my girlfriend, over in a big way either way. Did all i could do about it for this week, have slept like two hours from yesterday to today, trying to simmer down now. One of my best friends is helping me out big time with the whole thing and i am eternally thankful for that, i owe him a solid and will make good on it when i see him again next week. Has been a hot minute since i felt this desperate but i am in much better spirits regarding this whole situation today than i was at the beginning of the week. Sorry for vagueposting like a total faggot.

Edit:

Stagnation and hopeless get you exactly what you'd expect. You have to dig in and dig down deep. Avoidance isn't a goal. And it puts you into a weak, reactive position - strictly a passenger. But that's a choice. Life takes hustle

Harsh truths i whole-heartedly agree with. Took me way too long to figure this out for myself and i still have to deal with the consequences of the times when i did not know, or rather avoided the knowledge of these facts. Might as well be dogma for me at this point in life.

 

[RandyMiskatonic]

Lol, this thread just seems like datamining for people to use against you when they want to stab you in the back. Let us not pretend that anyone here has ever given a shit about anyone else here. But if you wanted to know; Things only get worse. I'm still stuck without any kind of employment or employability since I've been blackballed by stolen identity shenanigans or other nefarious governmental skullduggery. Grandparents are dead, thus the entire family is scrabbling for scraps from the table as the entire support structure crumbles and people only get more bitter. Heh, maybe I'll string myself up or something like all the other Beloved Cows Of History; it seems like people only give a shit about you after you're dead and awaiting the next reincarnation into a worse life than ever before.

Everyone Hates Everyone. Nobody Loves Anyone. There is only Eternal Misery.

 

[umseriously]

I've finally made an actual attempt at getting my shit together as lately my NEET idleness feels more like torment lately than actually doing things, but I have hit a stalemate. The driving test.
Not the test itself which is supposed to be the hard part for 99% OF PEOPLE ON THE PLANET but finding anyone willing to lend me their car and their time for one day, even in exchange for money or work. Am I that unlikable. This is driving me insane. My entire family resents me, I have no friends, even the god damn driving instructor says his "insurance doesn't allow them to use the cars for the test". Maybe get different fucking insurance then genius?? You are a driving school.
This is all while the last person I spoke to Judas'd the fuck out on me and now I'm completely alone. Not a great feeling.

Your family members are really that unwilling to teach you? You don't have a uncle or dad willing to teach you in exchange for money or future services (driving him around when he becomes crippled)? You should still be able to rent a car online for a driving test, but it'll be costly. There's got to be people you can hire to act as your instructor and helper for the driving test.

 

[c.a9]

Your family members are really that unwilling to teach you? You don't have a uncle or dad willing to teach you in exchange for money or future services (driving him around when he becomes crippled)? You should still be able to rent a car online for a driving test, but it'll be costly. There's got to be people you can hire to act as your instructor and helper for the driving test.

Hard to understate how few people I know, never lived anywhere for longer than five years, usually much less. What's this about renting a car online for a driving test though?

 

[umseriously]

Hard to understate how few people I know, never lived anywhere for longer than five years, usually much less. What's this about renting a car online for a driving test though?

You can actually rent a car for a driving test. But it needs to have insurance that specifically states that it's usable for driving tests. Then on the test itself you'll want to drive at maximum safety even if the instructor deducts points from you because otherwise they'll fail you because they got too scared at some car being marginally closer to you then otherwise. Especially if they're old. Basically the tortoise and the hare.

 

[Spilled Spaghett]

I've been feeling a lot better lately, but it's more a sense of disassociation rather than anything that's changed in my life. I've been feeling lonely, and sometimes I just sit in my room and stare at the wall for an hour or so before coming to. There hasn't really been any emotion, just a state of conciousness and knowing I exist. I'm lonely, but I feel terrified and fucking gross everytime I try and socialize. It feels like im incapable, or i'm just afraid. This guy I like just stopped talking to me as often and I feel like I did something wrong. Same with others I consider close aquaintences at best.

I'm trying to stay positive, but it's been hard. I get home from work and just fall asleep, then wake up, go to work, and do it again. I don't feel like really doing anything I love to do. I want to write but I just get exhausted when I sit down to do it. My medication isn't working as well as it used to I don't think.

Been feeling like this for a while. My best friend that I knew since Kindergarten replaced me for cooler richer friends a few years ago. Basically just ghosted me because his new friends just decided they hate me even though I literally only spoke to them once. This was a guy who was bullied in school and struggled to make other friends but me. I did everything I could to support my friend because that's what friends do. Material things don't matter much to me because all I ask is to be there for me when I need it. I don't expect much but the lesson seems to be no matter what you do or what you offer, people are all just looking for the next best thing.

I really don't know what people want. People say don't be a doormat, but what am I supposed to do? I can't hold them at gun point to answer texts, and I can't give up and talk to other friends. I don't have anyone else to fall back on. I try to be useful and share what little I have, but I just get taken advantage of. I only know two people that I talk to maybe once a week because everyone around me got married and has kids. Even they would rather talk to someone who hates me, and when I made it clear I don't like this they show no concern for my feelings. I have nothing but time to sit around and stare at walls. I try to do different things, small goals like cleaning my room, try some new clothes, or swap out some art in my room for a change of scenery but nothing helps.

I'm exactly where I've always been my whole life. I feel like I died over a decade ago and this is purgatory living out some kind of divine punishment. I feel like even if I could fix all my issues, the road to get there is so long, and it's already so late what would be the point? To really be where I want to be would require a time machine. I don't want my coming of age to be in my 30s. I'll get my shit together just in time to have to give it all up and settle down.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Stressed.

I’m getting ready to tell my therapist about the possible OCD, I don’t know how to cause when I say it out loud it sounds stupid but in my head it makes complete sense. But out loud it’s just “I’m scared I’m a bad person without knowing it or will become one so I go on a gossip forum to spend hours studying what random people on the internet consider being a bad person so I can make sure I never do that.”. I sound insane when I say it out loud, and if anyone else told me they did this I’d tell them to stop. Yet I can’t tell myself that cause in my head it sounds completely reasonable..

It’s certainly become an addiction at this point. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wanting to check the farms, and if I decide I’m too lazy to and try to go back to bed I just can’t until I check the farms. And when I do I get this sort of rush that feels so euphoric, I feel safe now and like I’m sure I’m equipped to know what’s socially acceptable. It genuinely feels like I can’t live without it, the idea of never using this site again, or even just going a week without it genuinely terrifies me. I couldn’t live like that. I know I have to, schools starting soon and I can’t be checking the farms in class, but I’m dreading it cause it feels like I need it.

I’ll just see what my therapist has to say, I hope she dosent make me stop using this site or anything. I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I’m also scared of being diagnosed, mainly cause I told a psychiatrist some symptoms I experience before and she tried to say I had a rare disorder. Agreeing with that diagnosis would make me a bad person (Cause I’d look like a faker and fakers are bad people) so I wouldn’t know what to do then. I guess just get a new one?

 

[JanuaryViolet]

My job involves working in a courtroom all day. It's a procedural court, just short hearings to get a case started/continuing. On most days we see about 80 cases, split in two sessions. This afternoon was light, we only had about 25. So help me, every single defendant was either belligerent, drunk, high, or just plain out of their minds and it was all directed at court staff. Luckily I can be really entertained by this and keep a straight face, but after three hours nonstop of crazy, I was done.
I can only begin to imagine what the lives of those people are like, and in almost every instance, they are the designers of their own fucked existence. On the other hand, I went home to a nice house and cats, because I'm not like that. I suspect most KFs are also not like that. I hope I'm right.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

I’m officially quitting the news. Including A&H. I am completely done with being in the know.

I am choosing to be completely ignorant to current events.

I know it’s faggy but I cannot stand seeing stories of dead kids, sandwiched in between “TAYLUR SWOFT ENGAGEDDDD”. It’s grotesque and I’ll take no part in it.

I am quitting engagement in politics, engagement in social climate. Just fucking done. I’ve already stopped engaging with friends (both left and right) who are completely politibrained to the point where the conversation is ONLY news and politics… so why the fuck am I still clicking on that shit even after I stopped engaging with those people.

It’s all a muscle memory tick to look at those things so I’ll be straight up blocking it from my modem. (Or however my partner does it when I ask him)

Hopefully it sticks. I think it will because I physically cannot stand seeing vain-ass celebrity faces plastered in between kid memorials.

Thanks but no fucking thanks

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

Trying to communicate with normal people is infuriating. Despite phone and computer use being at all time high, it seems the average Joe still doesn't fucking check his messages, calls or emails. I have an easier time communicating with goddamned international organisations, governments and even just plain working people on the other side of the planet than the local unemployed. The inability to check your comms once a day creates so many unnecessary problems for some people that could be avoided by less than a minute of work. A waste of time for everyone involved.

 

[ita]

I’m so anxious lmao someone please tell me it’ll be okay

 

[Ruined by the Rain]

I’ll just see what my therapist has to say, I hope she dosent make me stop using this site or anything. I don’t know what I’d do with myself. I’m also scared of being diagnosed, mainly cause I told a psychiatrist some symptoms I experience before and she tried to say I had a rare disorder. Agreeing with that diagnosis would make me a bad person (Cause I’d look like a faker and fakers are bad people) so I wouldn’t know what to do then. I guess just get a new one?

They're pill pushers. You really should try and live with yourself. You don't need an authority to stamp approval on what you should and shouldn't do. In your heart you already know the answer to it.

Harsh truths i whole-heartedly agree with. Took me way too long to figure this out for myself and i still have to deal with the consequences of the times when i did not know, or rather avoided the knowledge of these facts. Might as well be dogma for me at this point in life.

First major lesson I learn in my late teens was this. Angels will not descend from the heavens to help you. You need to use your brain and think for yourself. You have it in you to resolve your problem with no outside help. I have exhausted every outside avenue to solve my problem and it was either learn to think for myself or stay down forever.

I’m so anxious lmao someone please tell me it’ll be okay

It'll be okay. Tomorrow will come and as long as you're not dead you can try again. Nothing is the end of the world.

 

[Core Theorist]

I'm going fucking crazy!

There was this one anti-LGBTQ+ song I downloaded from here and now I can't find it anymore! "Kill all the gays (and the faggots)" I think it was. It was hilarious and now I can't find it anymore! I got a new computer and it's the one song file from KF that I can't recover from KF! I don't wanna dig out my old computer just for this one little shit!

 

[Lingering butter taste]

They're pill pushers. You really should try and live with yourself. You don't need an authority to stamp approval on what you should and shouldn't do. In your heart you already know the answer to it.

I’m assuming you haven’t read my other posts in this thread. Let me just summarize,
>Lived most of life without therapy, very unhappy with failing grades, staying in my room all day to doomscroll, and dangerous breakdowns
>Multiple breakdowns in class where I’d run to the bathroom to panic and self harm
>Sometimes said breakdowns would be dangerous to other people as I’d get violent
>Eventually was forced into therapy, given pills due to being violent
>First time I took Prozac was the first time I felt just genuinely happy
>Grades went up, went outside more, passed high school when I was set to fail it
>Stopped getting urges to self harm, doomscroll, really do anything bad for me. Just wanted to do hobbies and hang out with friends
>Went a bit without them cause I forgot to refill and started doomscrolling anti-psychiatry pages
>Started feeling insecure about the fact that pills turned my life around
>Stopped taking them so I didn’t look “lame”
>Everything went back to “normal” (Read: Shit grades, staying inside away from friends, doomscrolling, shit hygiene, considering suicide, chaotic breakdowns, etc.)
>Just genuinely can’t take living like this anymore
Tl;Dr “They’re pill pushers ”. The time I was on Prozac was the only time I didn’t want to kill myself or kick everyone around me’s shit in
“You should really try and live with yourself”. I have. Sick of it.
“You don’t need an authority stamp on what you should and shouldn’t do” I’m aware, but as you can see with my last posts, I cannot be in charge of what I should and shouldn’t do. If it was up to me on what I should do I’d just keep doomscrolling and flunking tests so I can get back to doomscrolling.
“In your heart you already know the answer to it” therapy is.

 

[missnaptime]

I’m so anxious lmao someone please tell me it’ll be okay

hello, not reassurance directly per se, but some coping techniques that i find really helpful:

- clench the muscles one body part at a time, and go around your body in a clockwise route, and then anticlockwise, starting and ending at the same point. i typically start with one of my hands, or my neck/back muscles, and go around that way.

- breathing patterns that slow down the brain, it forces it to: you want to breathe in through the nose for 3 mississippis; hold it for four, and release for five out the mouth. keep repeating this pattern for at least 3 mins. i tend to find it works best doing for 5 or longer.

- if you're actively in a panic attack, and can get yourself somewhere safe and quiet, you can do this highly riddled autism endeavour that somehow my doctor when i was in the psych ward [long story, doing a lot better now, yay!] ENTHUSIASTICALLY agreed with.

its essentially listen/watch something that forces your brain to go 'what the fuck is this?' in a safe way [THIS DOES NOT MEAN CONSUME TRIGGERING CONTENT.], that gets you to not focus on your current worry that your brain is fixated on. essentially the stupidest thing you can think of. witch doctor. the vengaboys. something utterly dumb and silly.

i don't know why it works or even how i found it years back, but it works.

- if you have the ability to, go for a short walk, listen to some classical music, or jazz. i like fats waller's chill/less intense stuff; like 'two sleepy people'; and 'when somebody thinks you're wonderful'. that, or classical pieces by chopin and debussy work well for this.

- eat something small and take careful bites, and drink something. it helps, as well.

anxiety is fleeting, and you persist despite it. i believe in you! you've got this, and every obstacle always has a way of being moved. sometimes things take more time than we'd like, but you've got this. be persistent! <3