How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Lingering butter taste said:
When you put it like that I guess yea maybe I am a bit messed up. Theres only so much my therapist can do though with my mom’s permission, since she pays for it. I’ve had therapists recommend programs but my mom shot them down cause she believed I didn’t need them. She usually says I’m just looking for attention.
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I have gone through some of that. The best thing is to try to have more independence from your mother. Talk with your therapist about that so you can work out through what's realistic for you. Sometimes our reality doesn't coincide with what we need, so we have to work with what we have.
A lot of people in our parent's generation grew up believing that therapy is for crazies or people wanting attention. That doesn't mean we aren't supposed to get help. In the end, it's your life and not theirs. Like I said before, you have to work with what's in your reach right now to pave the way for what's ideal for you.
 
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I revently recieved my security guard license (I'm trying to become a private investigator.) I was originally going to go into cyber security to get my foot in the door, but I'm afraid that AI will displace a lot of people that work in that field, and I don't want to be on the hook for paying money to learn cyber-security just to not get a job in it.
 
Foxymophandlemama said:
I have gone through some of that. The best thing is to try to have more independence from your mother. Talk with your therapist about that so you can work out through what's realistic for you.
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I will, I know an older therapist I had (She couldn’t fit me in anymore unfortunately) wanted to work out a plan with me to move out, I’ll see what this one thinks. Usually when I tell a therapist about my mom they immediately don’t like her, but I can’t tell if it’s because they wanna be on my side or if she’s genuinely that insufferable, kek.
 
Ruined by the Rain said:
Honestly save it. Most guys sucks in bed and it's less effort to just masturbate. You ain't going to be missing out on much
It's a psyops for men to get laid. I'm fr why do women even slut around when this is the quality they get
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I really don't think it's a psyop. My college experience was I went to class, I did my homework in the lab, I went home. I genuinely can't understand living on campus, paying rent, and tuition just to get out of the house, slut it up, and get drunk, yet somehow this is how everyone seems to refer to their time in college. This isn't just internet bragging but this is how people IRL talk without going into too great detail. I don't drink but the way people talk about drinking, not just as college students, is honestly insane. Literally every single event has to involve drinking and the idea of not drinking is like asking them to turn off gravity.

From speaking with people I have not met any woman who feels they were manipulated into sex in college and few regret it. They know the inherent value sex has and they don't really care about the act itself but rather what they gain from it. In general it's a tool to gain social standing. It's very transactional. I don't just mean monetarily but it could be a number of things. It could be they expect something else out of the relationship, maybe it is favors, maybe it's just to get back at some other woman they're feuding with. Either way unless they are talking about their current husband it's never about two people trying to enjoy each other and be connected, both parties are manipulating each other or expecting something out of it.

Obviously this whole facet of life is something that completely sped past me and I could be off the mark, but this is the world as it's presented to me and seems to be very consistent with the people I've met. I would of course agree, don't do this. Don't go to college just to whore yourself out. Even with hookup culture birth rates are down, loneliness is at an all time high. Don't perpetuate the cycle and be more selective. I promise you chad thundercock will never give you what you want because he is one of the few men who has the ability to drop you the moment something better comes along. Don't be wowed because he's great in bed. It takes practice to get good at anything, and do you really want to be just another tally?
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
From speaking with people I have not met any woman who feels they were manipulated into sex in college and few regret it. They know the inherent value sex has and they don't really care about the act itself but rather what they gain from it. In general it's a tool to gain social standing. It's very transactional. I don't just mean monetarily but it could be a number of things. It could be they expect something else out of the relationship, maybe it is favors, maybe it's just to get back at some other woman they're feuding with. Either way unless they are talking about their current husband it's never about two people trying to enjoy each other and be connected, both parties are manipulating each other or expecting something out of it.
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This is lunacy to me. I don't actually know shit about what people do in college. I have a job and when I'm not studying I'm working.
 
Spilled Spaghett said:
Been feeling like this for a while. My best friend that I knew since Kindergarten replaced me for cooler richer friends a few years ago. Basically just ghosted me because his new friends just decided they hate me even though I literally only spoke to them once. This was a guy who was bullied in school and struggled to make other friends but me. I did everything I could to support my friend because that's what friends do. Material things don't matter much to me because all I ask is to be there for me when I need it. I don't expect much but the lesson seems to be no matter what you do or what you offer, people are all just looking for the next best thing.

I really don't know what people want. People say don't be a doormat, but what am I supposed to do? I can't hold them at gun point to answer texts, and I can't give up and talk to other friends. I don't have anyone else to fall back on. I try to be useful and share what little I have, but I just get taken advantage of. I only know two people that I talk to maybe once a week because everyone around me got married and has kids. Even they would rather talk to someone who hates me, and when I made it clear I don't like this they show no concern for my feelings. I have nothing but time to sit around and stare at walls. I try to do different things, small goals like cleaning my room, try some new clothes, or swap out some art in my room for a change of scenery but nothing helps.

I'm exactly where I've always been my whole life. I feel like I died over a decade ago and this is purgatory living out some kind of divine punishment. I feel like even if I could fix all my issues, the road to get there is so long, and it's already so late what would be the point? To really be where I want to be would require a time machine. I don't want my coming of age to be in my 30s. I'll get my shit together just in time to have to give it all up and settle down.
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Are you really being honest with yourself when you say you "did everything" or "tried to be useful"? Chances are you did just enough to feel like you were being helpful but not enough to actually help. You can have good intentions and even act on them but if they're half-assed they amount to little more than self-indulgence. The whole martyr complex thing you've got going on is frankly insufferable too.

No one in life just "turns on you" that dramatically for no reason, there's definitely more to this than you're willing to admit, possibly even to yourself.
 
Might be wrong thread but I find it harder to remain on this site. QnA was always fag central but it has recently gone from shitposting to "we act retarded, and now retards think they're in good company". My favourite cow threads are all dead, my favourite posters don't post as much anymore. I tried to find more funny lolcows but seeing all the pedofaggot dograpists that's featured on here buried all the funny threads is exhausting.

I like some of the guys here but opening this site gets me more MATI than actually enjoying it. I don't think it's all in my head but I've consumed the good parts of the site and I don't think I like what's left. I came here to laugh and left more pissed than when I log on
 
Ruined by the Rain said:
Might be wrong thread but I find it harder to remain on this site. QnA was always fag central but it has recently gone from shitposting to "we act retarded, and now retards think they're in good company". My favourite cow threads are all dead, my favourite posters don't post as much anymore. I tried to find more funny lolcows but seeing all the pedofaggot dograpists that's featured on here buried all the funny threads is exhausting.

I like some of the guys here but opening this site gets me more MATI than actually enjoying it. I don't think it's all in my head but I've consumed the good parts of the site and I don't think I like what's left. I came here to laugh and left more pissed than when I log on
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A lot of users are only still here because every other place we could've been is still even gayer and more retarded by comparison somehow which probably leads to a vicious cycle of already miserable cunts coming here and making each other more miserable. It sounds like you're in the same boat.
 
Pomniman said:
A lot of users are only still here because every other place we could've been is still even gayer and more retarded by comparison somehow which probably leads to a vicious cycle of already miserable cunts coming here and making each other more miserable. It sounds like you're in the same boat.
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Word. I think this site also suffers from oldfags leaving and newfags shifting the site culture. BP almost never get newfags so they're mostly the same, but the rest of the site shifts with the influx of new users.
 
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
a bunch of Internet Nazis
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1756529170872.webp


Anyway, my boss told me on Tuesday that "we'll have a talk on Thursday" and refused to elaborate. Obviously, I felt like it was the end, so I went looking for jobs again and found some really interesting ones. Then this "talk" turned out to be usual bullshit about me not doing this and that tl;dr I wasn't fired like I expected to, however, it was too fucking late to put genie back in the bottle. On the one hand, those jobs look miles better than what I have now, on the other I will have to move far away and look for a flat that allows to have animals, since I am not leaving my little girl behind. Also, if they are so fucking good and require 0 special skills why do they need people in the first place? They are not seasonal jobs, I'd fight a bunch of people for something like this a year ago.

Also, my cat keeps bringing me dead mice. Is this a warning that I am next?
 
Pomniman said:
Are you really being honest with yourself when you say you "did everything" or "tried to be useful"? Chances are you did just enough to feel like you were being helpful but not enough to actually help. You can have good intentions and even act on them but if they're half-assed they amount to little more than self-indulgence. The whole martyr complex thing you've got going on is frankly insufferable too.

No one in life just "turns on you" that dramatically for no reason, there's definitely more to this than you're willing to admit, possibly even to yourself.
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If I'm not giving it my all then I don't know what else I could be doing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I do everything to the best of my ability. I don't have much but I try to give where I can. Maybe that falls short for most people. I know I'm not the most fun to be around. But everyone has their flaws and they manage to get by just fine.

I'm not trying to come across as a martyr but you don't know me. You don't know what I've been through or what I've done. I'm glad that you're very privileged and you've never had to experience abandonment. It must be nice.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
she’s genuinely that insufferable,
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From your description, I'm willing to go with genuinely that insufferable. I also endured a lot of controlling crap from my mother. It took a while for me to get the resources together on my own, but the best and smartest thing I ever did was leave her, move 1600 miles away, and never looked back. I encourage you to do the same.
 
Honestly, yeah, I think I’m genuinely going to try to curb by addiction to this site. I’m kinda slowly realizing that I’m just using it to confirm something I already know, that I’m not a predatory person. I’m torturing myself and wasting my 20s for what? To just repeatedly remind myself of the truth? Anyone can really say anything on this site, and if one person says “Doing this makes you a bad person/predatory” that dosent make it true. They’re just a random person online. I always told myself “I need to use this site because if I ask anyone in real life what makes a bad person and if this makes me a bad person, they’d say something completely different” yet I never realized that maybe that’s a sign that some of the stuff people say here is a bit ridiculous and shouldn’t be taken to heart, let alone applied to my real life without taking it with an extremely small grain of salt. I know right and wrong and I know to stop when I’m doing wrong. Like @Friend of Dorothy Parker said, I need to learn to trust myself and my own morality and the only way I can do that is if I build a strong sense of self. Of course I need a forum to tell me what to do, how could I trust myself when “me” dosent exist? I need to make “me” so I can trust her. I need to stop basing my interests around what people tell me to like and rather base it on what I like, base my morals and boundaries and values on what I believe is right. I think. I got the right idea, right?

Either way, I think I’m going to just go and do some soul searching or something, I dunno. Find an identity. Most people get one at like 13, I’m nearly 20 and I still don’t have one.
 
Ruined by the Rain said:
Word. I think this site also suffers from oldfags leaving and newfags shifting the site culture. BP almost never get newfags so they're mostly the same, but the rest of the site shifts with the influx of new users.
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I've probably been on almost every subforum at one point or another including BP and it hasn't gotten better either, to put it mildly. Though whether it's eternal newfags or oldfags turning their GRIDS into a superstrain is somewhat debatable.

Spilled Spaghett said:
If I'm not giving it my all then I don't know what else I could be doing. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I do everything to the best of my ability. I don't have much but I try to give where I can. Maybe that falls short for most people. I know I'm not the most fun to be around. But everyone has their flaws and they manage to get by just fine.

I'm not trying to come across as a martyr but you don't know me. You don't know what I've been through or what I've done. I'm glad that you're very privileged and you've never had to experience abandonment. It must be nice.
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See, you're being very bratty and childish about this by assuming there's anything unique about your experience and jumping to some nebulous notion of "privilege" as the explanation for this imagined disparity. Partings, disappointment, and failure are a normal part of life. I've been "abandoned" and I've also been the one to walk away from others at different times. In both cases there were clear and obvious reasons, not necessarily pleasant ones, mind you, but being realistic and honest about such circumstances will always leave you with a cut and dried explanation for "why" and "how" because there are very few true mysteries in life.

You can't force people to be what you need them to just by trying to be nice to them or "sharing" or doing them favors or whatever the fuck. They either will be or they won't be no matter what you do and you have to live with that even if it hurts your feelings. The world will NEVER cater to your feelings or anyone else's. The more you dwell on how sad you are about these things, the more you'll externalize that misery with or without realizing it and in turn be such a sadsack piece of shit that even less people will want to be around you no matter how hard you "try".
 
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