How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Had four people this past week think I was at least ten years younger than I actually am, which was a nice little confidence boost. Past couple of months have been pretty rough so it felt nice that many people thought I look young for my age. Surprising since I’m a heavy smoker and that shit will age you, but I’ll take it.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Terrible. And I’d love some advice. I’ve been dealing with this problem for a while, where I keep sorta blacking out and when I wake up and ask what happened, everyone’s saying I was going by a different name and acting weird and I didn’t recognize my face or name. It happened a lot during college, it’s not like I was drinking or anything, no I’d just randomly kinda not be present and when I came back to reality I was in a different place and everyone around me was saying I was acting weird. Like I couldn’t remember anything, didn’t recognize my face in the mirror, had a different personality, went by a different name. Fucking madness. College is starting again and I really hope it dosent keep happening, I must’ve looked so embarrassing wandering around like that. I have seen a psychiatrist about it but they just diagnosed me with some fake and gay shit
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Get a fucking brain scan?
 
My mom puts so much box wine in the fridge that its running out of space. At risk of causing another argument I'm thinking of just chucking it so I have room for actual food.

Also I'm starting to miss Japan so much right now. Not for the weeb stuff or even some of the cultural stuff (although that's a plus) but because there was almost no crime. I wouldn't care about getting worked to death if it meant I wouldn't possibly get stuck in a shooting on the way to work. Every con that I think Japan has already happens here except 1000x worse. Overworking, sexual harassment, suicide rates etc etc. Even the housing is cheaper over there.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Terrible. And I’d love some advice. I’ve been dealing with this problem for a while, where I keep sorta blacking out and when I wake up and ask what happened, everyone’s saying I was going by a different name and acting weird and I didn’t recognize my face or name. It happened a lot during college, it’s not like I was drinking or anything, no I’d just randomly kinda not be present and when I came back to reality I was in a different place and everyone around me was saying I was acting weird. Like I couldn’t remember anything, didn’t recognize my face in the mirror, had a different personality, went by a different name. Fucking madness. College is starting again and I really hope it dosent keep happening, I must’ve looked so embarrassing wandering around like that. I have seen a psychiatrist about it but they just diagnosed me with some fake and gay shit
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Sounds like this? I just wasn't aware that it can also be a recurring thing. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_fugue
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Terrible. And I’d love some advice. I’ve been dealing with this problem for a while, where I keep sorta blacking out and when I wake up and ask what happened, everyone’s saying I was going by a different name and acting weird and I didn’t recognize my face or name. It happened a lot during college, it’s not like I was drinking or anything, no I’d just randomly kinda not be present and when I came back to reality I was in a different place and everyone around me was saying I was acting weird. Like I couldn’t remember anything, didn’t recognize my face in the mirror, had a different personality, went by a different name. Fucking madness. College is starting again and I really hope it dosent keep happening, I must’ve looked so embarrassing wandering around like that. I have seen a psychiatrist about it but they just diagnosed me with some fake and gay shit
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I think you are fishing for someone to tell you you have a dissociative disorder.

You do not want to have a dissociative disorder and- MORE importantly- you do NOT want people on the internet to convince you you have a dissociative disorder. Which people DO do.

Dissociative disorders are unrecognized, especially in males, and most therapists are pretty trash at treating them. The realm is completely overwhelmed with crazy BPD bitches and tumblr-types. Which- to be frank- unfortunately with these types of symptoms, it's more likely that you have some sort of BPD personality disorder than having a dissociative disorder. If you're a woman. There's probably 100 woman with BPD or similar for every person with a dissociative disorder. So most therapists are going to deal with more BPD people who think they have a dissociative disorder, than they will ever see people with dissociative disorders.

Strong morals and a healthy lifestyle are the biggest factors imo. If it's really important to be timely and reliable, a lot of dissociative symptoms will fade away because you'll make sure you'll be there.

Psychosis is also on the table. Depending on your age and other factors, schizophrenia might be on the table. Derealization/Depersonalization disorder is kinda bunk IMO but if you've struggled with anxiety/depression and ESPECIALLY if you smoke weed you should look into it (and stop smoking weed IMMEDIATELY.)

There are a lot of bad actors in the world, especially online, who will basically take advantage of people by encouraging them to believe in tumblr-level ideologies involving characters and "soulbonding" and the most insane batshit BPD shit involving putting on voices and encouraging characters.

Pro tip. Document exactly your symptoms. If people ever start to convince you that you have these identities with names and personalities etc, what proof do they have? If you really look at it- these tumblr people only ever have the symptoms after they are exposed to it- it's a social contagion. Don't let people give you mental symptoms by telling you you have them. I have seen this far too often. Even if you have real, concrete life traumas- don't let people convince you that that trauma will now cause a symptom in your life. It's the same with the nonbinary shit. It's basically universal for tweens and teens to have "gender thoughts." Not wanting to grow up into strict gender roles. Not sure about what it all means. It's NOT universal or normal to decide that "not wanting to be a useless housewife baby machine" means that you're really not a woman at all, and so you should chop off all your hair, tell everyone to call you Ink and they/them, and shoot yourself in the foot socially and start hanging out with a bunch of degenerates. They learn this from people who tell them "your gender thoughts mean you're nonbinary!" They don't come up with it themselves. Avoid Discord and Reddit like the plague for mental problems. I'm begging on my knees dude. Lives are ruined that way. Get yourself a physical hobby like woodworking or lifting weights or join a nice hobby club at college. In a few years you will laugh at how cringe you acted at 18 and what a phase you had.

Many people experience episodes of dissociation during life transitions. Before going off to college is a big event. Just try and take good care of your holistic health and go from there. You asked for advice so that's my advice.

If you feel the need to seek treatment through the medical system, basically all dissociative symptoms will be approached as part of anxiety/depression. Just call it an anxiety problem, if you feel the need to have "a mental problem."

Also do not take any advice from people who don't know the difference between the words dissociation and disassociation.


I packed some treats in my work bag and totally forgot about them until I got home from work. I was a little disappointed in myself.
 
Terrible! I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WAS KICKED OUT OF THE TRANS POLYCULE!!!!!!!!!!!1
They told me my dick was too small and that i looked like a fag (in a bad way), and now I'm homeless and kicked out of the polycule. ALSO, MY WIFES BOYFRIEND STOLE ALL MY SWTICH 2 GAMES!!!!!!!!!
 
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bliblblblbbllb said:
I think you are fishing for someone to tell you you have a dissociative disorder.
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Nigga, what?
bliblblblbbllb said:
You do not want to have a dissociative disorder and- MORE importantly- you do NOT want people on the internet to convince you you have a dissociative disorder
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Nigga I know.

I think rather you’re fishing for me to be fishing for people to tell me I have a DID so you can have a massive spergout, which you had anyway.

bliblblblbbllb said:
Words words words words words words BPD and weed
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Kek

Anyways, I’m not doing good. I know everyone said I may have some pedo OCD thing but this time it feels like I really might be onto something. Like I remember this interaction I had with a 14 year old at 17 and I can’t remember if I blocked her or not. I mean, I do remember blocking her, but it’s like. I don’t know, remembering isn’t enough. What if I’m remembering wrong?
 
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Lingering butter taste said:
Nigga, what?

Nigga I know.

I think rather you’re fishing for me to be fishing for people to tell me I have a DID so you can have a massive spergout, which you had anyway.


Kek

Anyways, I’m not doing good. I know everyone said I may have some pedo OCD thing but this time it feels like I really might be onto something. Like I remember this interaction I had with a 14 year old at 17 and I can’t remember if I blocked her or not. I mean, I do remember blocking her, but it’s like. I don’t know, remembering isn’t enough. What if I’m remembering wrong?
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Why would you react like this to such a patient and kindly-worded comment?
 
YHWH's Strongest Soldier said:
Why would you react like this to such a patient and kindly-worded comment?
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I wasn’t really asking for a complete reading of me based off of nothing but a comment I made in a forum, even the POCD recommendations kinda weirded me out, but I just let it slide. I can’t really let trying to read me so hard to the point where you assume I’m looking to be diagnosed with a rare disease slide, it’s weird and cringe. Especially if the sperg afterwards is about not letting people tell you what’s going on in your head, now it’s weird, cringe, and hypocritical.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Terrible. And I’d love some advice. I’ve been dealing with this problem for a while, where I keep sorta blacking out and when I wake up and ask what happened, everyone’s saying I was going by a different name and acting weird and I didn’t recognize my face or name. It happened a lot during college, it’s not like I was drinking or anything, no I’d just randomly kinda not be present and when I came back to reality I was in a different place and everyone around me was saying I was acting weird. Like I couldn’t remember anything, didn’t recognize my face in the mirror, had a different personality, went by a different name. Fucking madness. College is starting again and I really hope it dosent keep happening, I must’ve looked so embarrassing wandering around like that. I have seen a psychiatrist about it but they just diagnosed me with some fake and gay shit
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Bullshit. You fucking don't. You're lying.

And if you're not, get the fuck out of here and get actual help. But you won't, because you're a lying fuckfaced liar.
 
AnOminous said:
Bullshit. You fucking don't. You're lying.

And if you're not, get the fuck out of here and get actual help. But you won't, because you're a lying fuckfaced liar.
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I’m not sure what I’d gain from posting a lie in here. But maybe I am over exaggerating it, I dunno, I’m not dead yet or anything so I’m probably ultimately fine

Edit: I reread your comment, it took me a bit but I get what you’re trying to say and you’re right. I’ll take you up on that “get help” thing.
 
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I found out who replaced me at my old job. H1B visas holder from India.

Not really sure what my old boss is thinking because they guy won't be able to get a TWIC, a security clearance, or pretty much be allowed to step on almost any industrial sites.

And even if they manage to find a site that lets this clown touch anything, I give him about a week before he electrocutes himself to death.
 
This fucking hoe, dude. Going on 3-4 weeks learning a new job; I do the majority of the daily work, I start up new projects and do the boring labor. Every success of mine is met with "Ok :) ", every slight thing she would've done different, not to a better result, is met with "Why'd you do that?". Cause we're all different people tf? I have to risk failure to do things independently, only to face zero or negative reception. My last job wasn't exactly paradise nor will any job be, but I forgot what it's like to fear not the tasks but the lashing out of hormonal, old women.

I joined during huge changes for the first time in 5-6 years, so once all this is over with, it's like.. glorified customer support. In/out. It'll be good (mostly cause she'll still be gone).
AnOminous said:
There's a subplebbit that gets talked about here sometimes called /r/raisedbynarcissists or something similar and hilariously, every poster to it I've ever seen is blatantly a narcissist themselves.
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Generally, any and all urge to whine reeks of immaturity. I usually cull more than half of what I write in this thread because you realize how useless it is, or how little details matter. It's the venting and going "Fuck!" that matters.
 
⋖ cørdion ⋗ said:
This fucking hoe, dude. Going on 3-4 weeks learning a new job; I do the majority of the daily work, I start up new projects and do the boring labor. Every success of mine is met with "Ok :) ", every slight thing she would've done different, not to a better result, is met with "Why'd you do that?". Cause we're all different people tf? I have to risk failure to do things independently, only to face zero or negative reception. My last job wasn't exactly paradise nor will any job be, but I forgot what it's like to fear not the tasks but the lashing out of hormonal, old women.
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I feel that so much. There's no end to it aside from just quitting, and then they're just shocked as if they aren't the one pushing.
 
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