💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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[Part 1]
[Part2]

The writing is slowly degrading, and we're not even a quarter of the way through the book. I've tried my best to enunciate properly, but it's just so goddamn hard sometimes.

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Chapter Six - Friday Morning
Thoughts: Gloria, honey, that's not how light works.

Coping Mechanism: mix yourself a mudslide and pray that the siblings are caught in one.

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Chapter Seven - The Stalagmite Statue
Thoughts: I have no idea what the point of this chapter is. Disturbing the statue doesn't change anything. It doesn't open a portal because the Hoodmen were already in the human world, implying that the portal has been there the whole fucking time. The only thing this chapter manages to accomplish is adding a couple hundred words to the novel length and allowing Gloria to show off what she learned at home-school this week.

Coping Mechanism: drink a few more mudslides and pray even harder goddamn you.

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Chapter Eight - Eyes, Ears And Voices
Thoughts: I made an attempt at the Mr. B Natural voice. I felt it was appropriate given the situation. Are the direct lifts from Narnia hitting you over the head yet or does Gloria need to change the grasshopper's name to "Mr. Tumnas" and be done with it?

Coping Mechanism: I don't know, jello shots? The Narnia vibes are making me think of Turkish Delight, but that's non-alcoholic.

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Chapter Nine - The Grasshopper
Thoughts: this did not need to be its own chapter. It could easily have been added to the end of the previous chapter with no changes to the flow of the story. I also noticed that Gloria has gotten really heavy on the repetition. Entire paragraphs are now copy/pasted in an attempt to lengthen the book. Again, we're not even a quarter of the way through and the Teschs are already cutting corners for that sweet wunderkind praise.

Coping Mechanism: treat yourself to a Grasshopper cocktail (what? I can't be original all the goddamn time).

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Chapter Ten - The Spy
Thoughts: the snake character actually shows up in the trailer, though they changed her to a normal human woman because CGI and crap editing and such. She does this really odd pseudo-accent so I decided to pay the poor actress a homage by re-creating it here.

Joey is also a giant dumbass.

Coping Mechanism: keep chugging beers until you can replicate the snake woman's speech impediment without conscious effort.

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Chapter Eleven - Libertine
Thoughts: Gloria gives us no explanation as to why these two imbeciles have to go to the lagoon. There's no declaration of danger or outlining of a great quest. A bunch of talking animals tell the dumbasses to go to the lagoon and they think it's the best idea ever, no questions asked. I'm rooting for Apollyon at this point.

Coping Mechanism: take a break from this bullshit and go watch the classic film "The Blue Lagoon". Then hit yourself over the head with your empty bottles of alcohol until you forget that you just watched "The Blue Lagoon" because that movie is fucking terrible.
 
My internet cut out while I was typing out an indepth look at the Prologue. It was like, 1000 words...I need to have a drink before I start again.
 
I'm starting to have doubts of our original assessment that our lovely little Tesch wouldn't get into porn.

Also, is it me, or does her expression look... vapid? Like, it seems like no one's home.
 
ThunderCavalier said:
I'm starting to have doubts of our original assessment that our lovely little Tesch wouldn't get into porn.

Also, is it me, or does her expression look... vapid? Like, it seems like no one's home.
Click to expand...
She might do nudes, but that's it. And she's going for the "sultry stare" look, but she can't pull it off. Does she actually have any marketable skills?
 
'Looks up from quote finding at 2 in the morning'

It's good to see Gloria showing off her best assets, because the book sure ain't one.

On a personal note, I'd definitely like to have the air sparkle around me and her (Maradonia joke for those suicidal enough to have reached the Law of Blood.)
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
I'm not going to say HOW I have access to her personal FB page, but I do. and believe me, it's a cesspit of sycophancy. There is a never-ending parade of people kissing her ass, telling her how marvelous and sweet and talented and beautiful she is. Earlier assessments of her having no friends... I don't know how genuine these people are, but they are more than willing to feed her ego.
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They're not genuine. Feeding someone's ego via a quick FB asspat is easy, just look at the hordes of SJWs who boost ADF's ego on FB but won't lift a finger to help him in a time of need. It's the same thing with Gloria. She has things that people want, and it's easy to kiss up to her in private where the world at large doesn't bear witness to your shame.

Yet, despite all this ass-kissing, no one in this purported endless parade has actually supported her. They don't read Maradonia. They don't post on any of her public sites. They don't do anything that requires more effort than hitting the "like" button or copy/pasting "u r beautiful & intelligent u go gurl!"

If they truly meant anything they said, then these "friends" would put at least the slightest effort into supporting Gloria, but they don't. It's actually kind of sad to know she has that many empty relationships.
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
So, I tried to post a picture but the link broke so I'm just going to send directions.

Go on facebook.
Look up Marina's Art, Photography & Video
Go to photos.
Go to albums.
Look up albums: ITS SO WONDERFUL WONDERFUL LIFE!
and PHOTOGRAPHY
Gawk in horror.
Remember that these photos were taken by Gloria's MOTHER about fifteen seconds after she turned eighteen.
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Reported :ween:

Also

>ITS SO WONDERFUL WONDERFUL LIFE!

:story:
 
Is it me or has Gloria had a boob job? Her tits look a bit too solid these days...
 
Vicious.ink3 said:
I dunno if this video will link, but there is truly no end to how "basic" Glo Tesch is. She's such a hypocrite.

11649551_10203824754493457_874951589_n (1).mp4
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Out of curiosity: do you have a personal connection to Gloria? You just joined yesterday and so far you've only visited this thread (and quite frequently, too).
 
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