💥 Trainwreck Gloria Tesch / Sofia Nova - Author of the Maradonia series turned Republithot

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F. Hausdorff said:
He probably orchestrated the "prophecy".
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Maybe he should add
"also a minor character in the Maradonia saga"
to his wikipedia entry.

Gloria loves dropping real world people into her books in random places, I guess she thinks shes being clever.
 
MMX said:
Maybe he should add
"also a minor character in the Maradonia saga"
to his wikipedia entry.

Gloria loves dropping real world people into her books in random places, I guess she thinks shes being clever.
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Epstein's probably going to Hell for not accepting Jesus as his Lord and Savior, but he still gets to shine in Gloria's approval.

Which is probably a worse hell.
 
Wait...her brother tries to murder her? The hell?

IJustWantToSeeAttachments said:
"Yeah, you are right Maya. I really feel it in my spirit and I can also see it with my inner eye that I have changed during this journey. I don't know Maya, how you feel, but I don't have the right words to explain all of the changes which took place within me, but when I look back and I see where we came from and how we were fighting at home in the normal world for all these dumb little things, like T-shirts, colored pencils, paper pads, books and... and... and... I realize that I grew inside of myself and that I am at least ten years wiser.

We see things mostly not as they really are, we see the things as we are or as we want to see them,"Joey said.


I copied exactly from the book (grammatical errors included). I did not put that last sentence in italics. Gloria did.
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Jesus. And I thought Twilight was bad.
 
Listened through the Forward and the Prologue. I wanna just say, for the record, that I salute @IJustWantToSeeAttachments for embarking upon this endeavor. ... I do hope that you remain sane toward the end.

So, one thing I noticed was said in the prologue was that apparently our lovely little Gloria Tesch puts herself among people like Stephen King, J.K. Rowling, and Stephanie Meyer.

For starters, lol at Meyer being on that list, and double lol for that statement in general.

As for the prologue... I think the one thing that bugs me the most about Tesch's writing is her... dialogue. Dialogue has, imo, always been one of the biggest elements of a story for me. Good dialogue can immerse you into a story and help flesh out characters and the world that they're in. Bad dialogue... is just bad. Like, it's painfully obvious that no one would ever speak like this in real life. Maradonia's writing is squarely in the latter. I mean, seriously:

"The failure to prepare is the preparation to fail."

"Two children will arrive in your country and will show you your limitations and they will harm your empire."

The latter fails to be imposing as a prophecy in any way. It's literally the shit I would expect to see scribbled in a teenage girl's notebook, underneath some doodles of MCP and some black roses or some shit. The former is... the worst attempt at sounding "wise" I've ever heard. It's not even pedantic. It just... it's like some snotty brat who picked up a dictionary and was trying to use it to sound smart.

The dialogue issues in Maradonia spread into the diction of this story in general. Sentences just sound... weird. Like, it just feels awkward to listen to it. I really don't know how to describe it beyond "No one else I have ever met writes like this."

And there's several books of this. And a movie. This is glorious.
 
I'm considering purchasing the kindle version and reviewing it but I don't know if I have the willpower. It's just really too fucking long. I know it's only about 50,000 words (and I regularly read 1000+ page novels) but those are 50,000 Gloria Tesch words, not George RR Martin or Stephen King words.
 
Personally I found the line
"Today a reader, Tomorrow a leader"
to be inspiring.

Wait no, that's not the word
"to be insipid"
 
Upthread somewhere someone mentioned Joey nearly getting raped by mermaids.

Is that in MatSB or one of the other "novels"? I wound up cracking and buying the first book for 99 cents so I've been sifting through and I haven't encountered mermaid almost rape yet. Needless to say, I am disappoint.
 
For The Internet said:
Upthread somewhere someone mentioned Joey nearly getting raped by mermaids.

Is that in MatSB or one of the other "novels"? I wound up cracking and buying the first book for 99 cents so I've been sifting through and I haven't encountered mermaid almost rape yet. Needless to say, I am disappoint.
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“The ‘Odin October Fest’ is a wild festivity because the ‘Odin Fruits’ in the underwater fruit gardens are ripe. And… when the mermen and the mermaids eat too many of them it gets real wild around here.”

I think the bit i was talking about is in the 3rd book. I was exaggerating for effect but basically some merslut takes a liking to joey and Maya has to save Joey from her rapacious intentions.
 
MMX said:
“The ‘Odin October Fest’ is a wild festivity because the ‘Odin Fruits’ in the underwater fruit gardens are ripe. And… when the mermen and the mermaids eat too many of them it gets real wild around here.”

I think the bit i was talking about is in the 3rd book. I was exaggerating for effect but basically some merslut takes a liking to joey and Maya has to save Joey from her rapacious intentions.
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So it's in Gold of Ophir? It's hard to know how to number the books since there were originally three and then to get to her quota of 9 books she split those three books in half and started saying there were 6 books. Goddamnit Gloria.
 
For The Internet said:
So it's in Gold of Ophir? It's hard to know how to number the books since there were originally three and then to get to her quota of 9 books she split those three books in half and started saying there were 6 books. Goddamnit Gloria.
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Its made somewhat more complicated by the fact that Gloria has made an ass load of revisions to the books over time.
There was a bunch of shit added that had the grasshopper thing turning into a dwarf and back for various reasons, the awesome "kitty and the mousechens" line and the Prof talking about 9/11 and "Anchuent" prophecy in the first book were all recent changes.
Gloria does in a very limited way respond to criticism and make minor changes to her books, making her character dialogue seem less like things a sociopath would say and i think she pulled the whole "the most beautiful black woman" line at one point because it seemed a bit racist....but then she put it back because she decided it wasn't.

I miss the days when Apollyon was head of the club of evil rather than society.


"King Apollyon stood up from his seat and said, “We want to finish this great meeting with our ‘Mother Earth Song’.” (page 437)."

"Mother earth.., mother earth.., we bless you….we adore you…we give you thanks….you are our mother….you nurture us and you provide for us…. Mother earth.., mother earth.., we bless you…, we adore you…, and we give you thanks… (page 438)."
 
I don't think that's how you fly a plane, Ms. Tesch.

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drtoboggan said:
Not sure if Gilbert Gottfried or Norm MacDonald should read the audiobook.
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Clearly, this is a job for Fran Drescher.

I tried to read the first book. I really did. But my brain rebelled and wouldn't let me get past the first page. @IJustWantToSeeAttachments you are doing the Lord's work. Godspeed brave soldier. Don't hit the emergency liquor too hard, you don't want to get alcohol poisoning.
 
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