The biggest flaw of that book is that is it that the life of a man is hard or that the life of a woman (who wasn't socialized male) pretending to be a man is hard.
I read that book a few years ago, and to me it's the latter. I remember it being much less informative about the male experience, rather than the state of mind of pooners, and why it's impossible for them to find happiness no matter which gender they chose to pursue. Thus why I never understood why it was brought up as evidence men have it harder than women.
It's not a book about living as a man. Most of the guys the author was around figured out quickly she was a butch woman, even if they didn't exclude her. The author wasn't depressed about living as a man as it's often claimed, but because she was realizing she would never fit in with the boys, or even pass as a believable one for the straight women she was longing for.
Most of the complaints she had about the masculine way of life, like not showing vulnerability with the homies or the constant objectification, would be considered emasculating for men. That's just how it is. I've yet to find a (straight, well adjusted) man who doesn't thrive in masculinity, and would trade it away to become a woman. Because despite the issues that come with it, (straight, well adjusted) men still have a place of belonging, and peers they can relate to. Norah wasn't depressed because manhood is hard, she was depressed because she couldn't fit in it : she still felt the need to open up to her friends like she would a therapist, and was disgusted by men being constantly horny and irreverent during hangouts.
People like Ellen or Norah are usually women who never found this feeling of belonging, ever since they were young. Either because they were not gender conforming, attracted to women or autistic, and female socialization is
extremely unforgiving to anyone who doesn't fit the mold. They see masculinity as an escape from this, and that's why they turn to transition. Maybe they don't fit in because they're actually men deep down ! Except it's not the problem, and when they realize they don't fit in either with them, they spiral.