🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%
  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%
  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%
  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%

  • Total voters
    961
The weirdest part for me is that he seems to come here over and over again expecting us to praise him and suck his dick.

He does understand what kind of forum this is right? Why the hell doesn't he do what Dobson does and make a blog with strictly moderated comments? Then he could sperg all day long and delete comments that hurt his widdle feelings.
He dos that because people do praise him and pat his ass for even the littlest shit like passing a basic math course or starting a new novel. Sure, not everybody in this thread does it, but he's got enough enablers popping up every time he shows up all motivated that he wouldn't dream of not coming back.
 
I don't think he's a performance artist, I just think he's a exceptional individual who knows he's a exceptional individual and says dumb things on a site about retards because he knows people will give him attention.
Oh, that I definitely agree with. He wants attention & asspats because he can't get them anywhere else.
I always loved hate-following this thread, but for me the most cringeworthy parts have always been the moments where Connor treats this thread as his personal blog and brags about all the things he's (thinking about potentially) accomplishing. You can feel the giddiness and the longing for asspats in every word. It's a phenomenon that seems to be completely unique to this thread. It's like he forgets the reason this thread was started (making fun of his unique brand of sperginess).
My sentiments exactly. Although, I'm happy just to humor these endeavors, because they're entertaining in their own right, & there's always an impending chimpout on the horizon.
WARNING
The following, rambling post is related to Juno. Viewer discretion is advised.

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about Juno and its ending, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been inserting my own cynicism and fears of abandonment into a movie I don't know much of. Maybe my cynicism is what's preventing me from watching the movie and seeing the brighter side of it. I was in a BI-LO today, and noticed the movie was in a bargain bin, and I was half-tempted to buy it. I actually kind of regret not doing so. I've done some more reading into the film's story and its themes, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Wang Chung's "A Fool and his Money".
https://youtube.com/watch?v=mP6wYuoqSdQ
cera460a.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter fifteen-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His adoptive mom's got a bitchin' job that rakes in the green. He's got video game consoles, HDTVs, a 7.1 stereo system, an outdoor pool, and a driver's permit for a Ferrari. He frequents a gym, keeping himself in shape and keeping a close eye on what he eats. He wears designer clothes, always keeps himself clean-shaven and wears the best cologne he can get his hands. At school, he's sought after by girls and envied by the boys who are lower on the social ladder. At nights, he goes to the parties.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He probably inherited his birth mother's cynicism. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. Vanessa loves him, but is plagued by the fear she's failed him as a mother because of his attitude and her frequent absences in his childhood. His friends are beginning to think he's a dick. The girl's see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Soon, the kid realizes that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that made him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people for who and what they are rather than looking down on them.
Oh, @Connor, you were so, so close to self-awareness. Lemme fix this for you.
what Connor should've said:
WARNING
The following, rambling post will hurt Connor's fragile feelings. Viewer discretion is advised.

So, we all know the nasty things I've said about you guys, but today, something hit me. Maybe I've been projecting my own cynicism and negativity on people who simply want to help. Maybe my stubbornness is what's preventing me from taking advice and realizing my flaws. I was on Kiwi Farms today, and noticed people were quick to congratulate me on passing math, but also critiqued my inability to focus on one task at a time, and I reacted defensively. I actually kind of regret doing so. I've done some more reading into the thread's arguments, and perhaps I was wrong this whole time.

Allow me to formulate a best case scenario, with some slight exaggeration and Bibleisms. Turn down the lights, cue Neil Cicierega's "BrodyQuest".

https://youtube.com/watch?v=ygI-2F8ApUM
klauskrieger.jpg

Let's hit the fast forward button on the VHS player of time and hit "play" at about, let's say, chapter twenty-ish of the kid's life. To the observer, he's got it made. His parents simply want the best for him. He's got video game consoles, a computer, no responsibilities, and few obligations. He takes one class at a time, and is free to sleep until noon. He eats when he wants, sleeps when he wants, jacks off when he wants, all without consequence. At school, he spends a grand total of two hours a week in class. Online, he has a thread dedicated to him, and it is full of observers that give him the attention he desires.

Despite all of this, he feels empty. He comes off as grumpy, self-centered, and a bit of a slacker. His parents love him, but are plagued by the fear they've failed him because of his attitude, laziness, and suicide attempts. His friends are few and far between. The girls on the forum see him as a spoiled, sexist pig. Eventually, the forumers hope, the kid will realize that it's not the circumstances of his upbringing and surroundings that make him so pessimistic and Scrooge-like.

It was him all along.

From that point on, he breaks free. He comes out of his shell, and actually starts accepting people's advice---which he realizes is rather useful---rather than insulting them, demeaning them, and thinking they are out to torment him.
 
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Plot twist: Connor finally watches Juno. It becomes his favorite movie ever. He starts cosplaying pregnant!Ellen Page at anime conventions, and then sometimes just randomly around town. Eventually he changes his name to Juno and transitions, tired of being the only lolcow who hasn't done that yet. But he's lonely. Now... if there were only some way for a trans woman to have a child...

See Connor, writing a story is easy.
 
Welcome back, Miss Ringwald! I'm so looking forward to seeing you in Jem and the Holograms. My nostalgia goggles are firmly in place. :heart-full:

Jem and the Holograms (the shitty soon to be released 2015 live action film which had NO creative input from the creator of the beloved 80's cartoon Christy Marx) isn't worth a cent of your money!
 
Jem and the Holograms (the shitty soon to be released 2015 live action film which had NO creative input from the creator of the beloved 80's cartoon Christy Marx) isn't worth a cent of your money!
You know what other cool quality it has? Totally isn't worth sperging over. How about that? Isn't that neat? :)
 
Congrats on like the 7th chimpout I've observed so far, Conner. If this is really how you handle being under pressure, it's no wonder your parents barely trust you with any responsibilities.
 
You're scum. All of you. You lure people to this site, get them to open up, and then turn on them. You're predators.

I and others have tried to help you. You reject advice and then sperg out. This is a bad cycle.

No one is luring you here, you chose to come. That was your choice, you're an adult and need to accept responsibility for your actions.
 
You're scum. All of you. You lure people to this site, get them to open up, and then turn on them. You're predators.

As the old axiom goes- If you can't stand the bullshit, get out of the pasture.

This group of folks is actually one of the most pleasant, easy-going & creatively driven I've ever encountered on the internet.

Predators? Ha. /b would have already reamed you bloody by now.
 
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@Connor who would win in a fight, Sonic the Hedgehog or Thomas the Tank Engine.
you have so much experience on wrong planet you must know
 
@Connor Oh, boy, I missed your last chimpout, but thank fuck you're back to repeat the cycle all over again!

So how about Redesigning Eva? Alphaboy? Have you made any progress on either of these?

Actually, fuck it. Why ask these questions when the answer will always be "no", because writing is so hard and it's far easier to expect asspats for accomplishing the simplest of tasks.
 
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