🍽️ حلال Connor Bible - Everyone's Favorite Molly Ringwald loving, adoption hating, aspiring writer and bellybutton fucker

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Which Connor is the most amusing?

  • Semi-Motivated Connor, aka "I've written 200 words on my new story and took a walk with my grandma."

    Votes: 127 13.2%

  • Depressed Connor, or "Give me one reason why I shouldn't blow my brains out."

    Votes: 73 7.6%

  • Edgy Rebel Without a Cause Connor, or "Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfuckering faggots!"

    Votes: 529 55.0%

  • Smug Pseudo-Intellectual Connor or "I've read Bret Easton Ellis, you guys!"

    Votes: 232 24.1%
  • Total voters
    961
While we wait on more stories and drawings and all around awesomeness, let's crack open the vault to look at Connor Bible on Writing

These were all picked up during the Absolute reWrite. The only way this could have been a better fit as if it was posted on the Stephen King forum.

Always plot out stories in advance.
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Also, for anyone who might be wondering, Connor has literally said the same thing less than a week ago though he tries to make it sound as this is the first story he's ever written where he's just going to "wing it" instead of putting a rough outline down on paper. Also also, didn't Connor say in this exact thread he was in the middle of outlining a story?

When you write never use detail porn only hacks do it.
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When you write never use a nom de plume. Always use your real name everywhere.
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Never write just to hear yourself type
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Bonus: draw cool shit, preferably comic book covers, for works of fiction that you really wanted to actually be a movie
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Ziltoid said:
He'd get sorted into Hufflepuff.
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But Hufflepuffs are supposed to be loyal! Connor keeps throwing everyone who remotely cares about him under the bus. They're also supposed to value hard work. Lol. I think he'd just end up as a highly incompetent Slytherin.
 
Golly said:
But Hufflepuffs are supposed to be loyal! Connor keeps throwing everyone who remotely cares about him under the bus. I think he'd just end up as a highly incompetent Slytherin.
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I think he'd end up the janitor's aid.
 
Connor Goes to Hogwarts: Part One.
"Connor, git yer Uncle anoutha beer, will ya?" grunted Connor's Uncle, who was camped out on the sofa watching a football game.
"Fuck you! You only came here because you're a fat old drunk looking for a place to die!" Connor yelled.
Connor's dad groaned. "Connor, stop being a dick and get your uncle his beer."
Connor moaned about how his feet hurt from this inhumane forced labor, and shuffled to the kitchen. Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he paused to look out the window. He could see his pedo neighbor mowing the lawn, his mom's shitty car rusting on the curb, and...
An owl swooping toward the window with a letter in it's beak.
Connor staired in shock as the owl perched in a nearby bush and looked at him.
He opened the window, and the owl hopped in, dropped the letter at his feet, and then coughed up a mass of fur and bones on the kitchen floor.
Connor picked up the letter, tore it open, and began to read.
Connor Bibble...
 
Chipmunk's Bounty said:
Nah, Hufflepuffs are loyal and stick to their word. They won't want him.
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Golly said:
But Hufflepuffs are supposed to be loyal! Connor keeps throwing everyone who remotely cares about him under the bus. They're also supposed to value hard work. Lol. I think he'd just end up as a highly incompetent Slytherin.
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This. For all the flack Hufflepuff gets early in the first book, they turned out to be Harry's largest supporters after Gryffindor. Connor's ambition would get him sorted into Slytherin, where he'd be a third rate Crabbe or Goyle, if not even lower. Even Snape wouldn't be able to favor Connor.
 
What about Connor Goes to Westeros? He could be a lazy Citadel student who doesn't have a single Maester's chain link yet. Or maybe he could take the black.
 
MysticMisty said:
This. For all the flack Hufflepuff gets early in the first book, they turned out to be Harry's largest supporters after Gryffindor. Connor's ambition would get him sorted into Slytherin, where he'd be a third rate Crabbe or Goyle, if not even lower. Even Snape wouldn't be able to favor Connor.
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"Detention, Mr. Bible," Snape said sleekly.
 
Oh good, a fandom I know about!

Connor would really want to be a Ravenclaw but would get sorted into Slytherin, as his ambition would betray him. He'd then become the most self-loathing Slytherin in Slytherin, constantly complaining to the others how he really should have been sorted into Ravenclaw, and they'd despise and avoid him. This would only convince him further that he doesn't belong in this house, and he'd start making appointments with Snape to discuss the situation. Snape, however, would be having none of it. If he didn't get expelled, he'd be spending all his time hanging out with the Ravenclaws, trying to become Ravenclaw-by-Proxy. This would only serve to make two houses resent him. Meetings would be called. Snape would be pissed, Flitwick would be involved, Dumbledore would have to step in, and eventually they'd have to gain permission from the Ministry to Oblivate Connor's entire memory of the wizarding world and write him off as a loss.

Or, y'know, he'd be a Squib.

*braces self for the Autistic ratings*
 
The Knife said:
Oh good, a fandom I know about!

Connor would really want to be a Ravenclaw but would get sorted into Slytherin, as his ambition would betray him. He'd then become the most self-loathing Slytherin in Slytherin, constantly complaining to the others how he really should have been sorted into Ravenclaw, and they'd despise and avoid him. This would only convince him further that he doesn't belong in this house, and he'd start making appointments with Snape to discuss the situation. Snape, however, would be having none of it. If he didn't get expelled, he'd be spending all his time hanging out with the Ravenclaws, trying to become Ravenclaw-by-Proxy. This would only serve to make two houses resent him. Meetings would be called. Snape would be pissed, Flitwick would be involved, Dumbledore would have to step in, and eventually they'd have to gain permission from the Ministry to Oblivate Connor's entire memory of the wizarding world and write him off as a loss.

Or, y'know, he'd be a Squib.

*braces self for the Autistic ratings*
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He'd then start stalking Ginny Weasely and call her Molly-- thus pissing off both Ron and Harry... I don't know, that just popped up in my head after reading this...:oops:

Edit: -"It's Wingardium Leviosa not Leviosah, Connor"
-"FUCKY YOU"
*Connor waves his wand and causes an explosion*
 
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