Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

yeah this is the way to do it. Don't knock yourself because you didn't make it to some arbitrary number of days without fail, just take it as a small misstep and keep moving forward.

I might try to go to an AA meeting soon and not sure what to expect - I know someone who attends them regularly so will be having a chat with them beforehand. I technically did a tool assisted speedrun of alcoholism because I used medication to stop drinking and its only relatively recently that I'm actually starting to face emotional stuff from not having alcohol around anymore so I'm going to try and not be closed minded about it.

I don't seem to come across many people who have dealt with being an alcohol similar to how I have (actually finding success with medication). A lot of people seem to go (what feels to me like) super hardcore on AA and I'm not sure if that is for me - I did tons of therapy many years ago and I did quite a bit of self-reflection/insight stuff during that time period, but obviously sobriety is different. The only reason I never quit alcohol before in therapy is because I gave my doctors a chance and tried it for a year and it didn't work.

Any protips? Also has anyone here made new friends from AA and is that advisable at all?

Everyone's recovery is different and only a shitty AA group will judge you for it. My main advice is always to shop around with groups because every one is different. If you go to one group and don't feel welcomed, try a different one. As @Jerk Sausage already said: arrive a little early, stay a little late. Say hi to people, get their names, and try to hang out a little.

It's advisable to make friends because calling guys when you feel like picking up a drink is a great way to stop yourself - I've done it before and it fucking works. You also learn a lot from these guys, they often have more experience getting sober than professionals. You'll get a lot of help with the emotional part of getting sober and, for whatever it's worth, the 12 steps do help with addressing unhealthy behaviours. Lastly, a lot of people in AA are just cool dudes. Guys at my group organize golf games, sober cookouts, and there's even one guy who loves cigars as much as I do and we sperg about that.

I really feel like sending her money would just continue to enable the behavior she's developed where she does something irresponsible with no planning, it fails, she burns a lot of bridges in the process, and yet, someone always bails her out. But, I feel guilt. I don't like to sit on those feelings for too long. Does anyone have advice?

Yeah, keep doing what you're doing. Giving this person money sounds like a terrible idea.

 

[Clem Fandango]

That's alright. A lot of people don't stay sober their first time attempting. What did you learn from the experience? That's all I want to know. And I want you to know that we are all still cheering you on, so please don't give up!

I think the experience up to this point has shown me how bad I had got. Maybe this is the same for a lot of people, but due to the nature of alcohol abuse (or at least, the "type" of abuse I was doing), it kind of creeps up on you slowly.

But not drinking during the week, going in to the office well rested, nice and sober. It really shone a light on what I had become accustomed to putting up with on a regular basis. Coping with, not exactly hangovers because I don't tend to get those, but that kind of brain fog. Covering for the fact that I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate or do certain types of work before lunch. And avoiding colleagues, avoiding conversations. I feel like I'm much friendlier now, I've got more time for people and I'm more interested in talking to them.

In a sad way, it's realising that I'm now much closer to the man I was years ago, before I got too deep into drinking. I want to hold on to that.

With this slip up last week. I'm disappointed in myself, for sure. Specifically, I was weirdly scared that without drink I wouldn't be a able to "turn on the charm". That I'd be boring, awkward. Or somehow that I'd be seen as weak, unmanly. Which is so stupid because caving in was just about the weakest thing I could do in that moment.

In the end, the sky didn't fall in. We had a couple of bottles for the table, and when the topic of "should we order another?" came up, I'm glad that I managed to say nah let's leave it at that. At least that was salvaging something from the situation.

As I've said previously, I don't plan on being teetotal forever. Once this "challenge" is over then I want to be more moderate, monitor my intake and just generally be more responsible (I know that that's not an option for some people, or that some people think total abstinence is the only way - I respect that point of view, but I really do want to try this route first. If I can't make it work, maybe I'll turn to that later).

As you say, the number of days was always arbitrary. But there you go - at the end of the day I couldn't do it. Still, I'm glad to post in here with you guys. I'm at one slip up, and I'll aim to keep it that way until I'm done.

 

[neger psykolog]

I think the experience up to this point has shown me how bad I had got. Maybe this is the same for a lot of people, but due to the nature of alcohol abuse (or at least, the "type" of abuse I was doing), it kind of creeps up on you slowly.

As I've said previously, I don't plan on being teetotal forever. Once this "challenge" is over then I want to be more moderate, monitor my intake and just generally be more responsible (I know that that's not an option for some people, or that some people think total abstinence is the only way - I respect that point of view, but I really do want to try this route first. If I can't make it work, maybe I'll turn to that later).

I think there are 2 layers of what "creeps up on you slowly": there's the drinking itself and the amount you do and how it relates to social events but there are also the physical health consequences and the mental health consequences.

I definitely feel a lot better overall since ditching the absolutely dogshit hangovers that came in the most latter part of the sentence above this. The extreme anxiety and depression were knocking onto other days and other shit I was doing but I also know that drinking tons and regularly can have a pretty significant impact on a person's physical health - whether someone carries around a beer belly or their body has to handle increased blood pressure or their blood sugar system going into chaos (to say nothing about the fact alcohol is a neurotoxin so negatively impacts your brain regardless) all of that stuff definitely adds up over the years and especially for anyone who is about to settle into the midlife part of their life, it may not be viable or desirable to totally and permanently quit booze but at least cutting it down to special occasions will no doubt likely make someone live longer on top of making the occasions when they do drink actually special.

 

[Froggy Fresh Sextape]

Any protips? Also has anyone here made new friends from AA and is that advisable at all?

PROTIP: Try to find meetings that are described as Step/Traditions/Big Book.

PROTIP: Anyone with 3+ years sober should be safe to befriend.

PROTIP: Keep your dick in your pants.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

PROTIP: Keep your dick in your pants.

Can't stress this enough. Do not fuck anyone you meet at an AA meeting. It's like picking at a scab.

 

[Manwithamask2]

PROTIP: Keep your dick in your pants.

This is a good advice. Most Alkies like myself are lonely bastards. AA is not an dating site. It's ok if chemistries connect and you someone that is 'just like you' . I admit there are pairings that happened because of AA, but almost all of them have ended up failing. Keep your love live separate from AA. And if your love is from the AA the natural course will decide if you will be together forever or a one night stand.

 

[Boingboingboingboi]

I'm 2+ years sober and bored so i'm gonna write some stuff. @Clem Fandango hope you're keeping sober, buddy. it's worth it.

• AA worked for me. I hit rock bottom, went to a meeting, listened to what others had to say, found a sponsor, did the steps, and i'm fuckin sober 2+ years later. is it the only way? no. is it the best way? who cares. did it work? yes.
• sponsors are more important than meetings. it's easy to go to meetings and feel good after, learn some quotes, yada yada, but things worked best for me when i was one-on-one with another person who was personally invested in my recovery.
• I have 0 desire to drink. like, none whatsoever. i see bottles of soju and bourbon in the store and i fucking gag. no joke. how the fuck did that happen? i was doing like a bottle of absolut per night, or 300ml of soju per night, plus beers, or 2.5 botles of wine, or 6 or 7 strong zeros (9%). fuck i don't even remember. i was plastered 5/7 nights for the better part of a decade. and i thought it was normal.
• much of my motivation is actually negative. i see normal people around me, functioning, working hard, getting up every day---EVERY single day sober---the whole time i was pickling my brain. there's no fucking way i can catch up. i'm behind the 8 ball. people who worked hard through their 20s are miles ahead of me in terms of responsibility, manhood, handling stress, overcoming adversity, looking life in the eye, making plans and having them fail completely and still waking up for work the next day, sober. alcohol kept me in arrested development, and i really do resent it. i try not to though, not because it isn't true, but mostly because it's a waste of time. if you have time to complain, you have time to push forward. that's what i do. push forward. "trudge the road of happy destiny." i can't believe where i am now compared to 2 years ago. and i can't believe how much further ahead others are of me. i'll probably never close the gap. but what the fuck else am i gonna do? just keep pushing.
• exercise. just start running. nothing else comes close to improving your fitness. fuck the gym. fuck sports. just run. easy, solo, cheap, and you get used to it. "but i hate running". everybody does. but just do it.
• i wish i had more time for AA. i enjoy meetings, but i literally don't have the fucking time. i work too much. my life is just work, exercise, and spending time with my family. we make time for teh things we care about. yes it's an excuse. but i know that when my schedule gets a bit more manageable, i'll be back, and i look forward to sponsoring others and sharing more.
• there is no situation that could be improved with a drink. none. "social lubricant" is a myth. it makes people stupid. if you're worried that you'll be a boring awkward bastard without a drink, then maybe you are. work on your social skills. learn to be genuinely interested in other people.

that was fun. i hope people find peace and freedom from alcohol. i complain a lot. need to practice more gratitude. i'm too fucking busy. but i'd ever trade what i have now for a drunken stupor. no chance.

 

[Clem Fandango]

I'm 2+ years sober and bored so i'm gonna write some stuff. @Clem Fandango hope you're keeping sober, buddy. it's worth it.

That's awesome, and you should be very proud that you managed to turn it around. It's not easy!

End of week seven. I guess that means I'm halfway to my goal. Still feeling positive despite that one fuck up.

Last week my wife was having an espresso martini in the evening, and I said I wanted one and that I should just forget it. She asked how long it had been, and I looked it up on the calendar. It had only been forty days. She said it wasn't very long.

Oh yeah? I said. How long have you gone without a drink?

She said, well I didn't drink when I was pregnant. Or when I was breastfeeding. So....that was about two years?

Women. They've got an answer for everything haven't they.

 

[Lian Xing]

there is no situation that could be improved with a drink. none. "social lubricant" is a myth. it makes people stupid. if you're worried that you'll be a boring awkward bastard without a drink, then maybe you are. work on your social skills. learn to be genuinely interested in other people.

You are correct; however, the rub is learning how to be in a social (or any) situation without a drink. If having a drink in certain situations is habitual, you must learn a new habit.

 

[Boingboingboingboi]

You are correct; however, the rub is learning how to be in a social (or any) situation without a drink. If having a drink in certain situations is habitual, you must learn a new habit.

good clarification. it's worth saying more about socializing in recovery. i'd recommend the AA book called Living Sober. You don't need to be in AA to get something out of it. It's just a bunch of sensible tips on how to handle social situations (and daily life) without alcohol. Very useful in early recovery. But here are some additional things that have been helpful for me:

• it's easier to socialize in brand new situations than to modify your ways in familiar ones. for me, it wasn't so much about learning new habits in social situations but rather about completely changing my social situations. i didn't start going to bars or dinner parties and not drink. that would be miserable early on (now i don't do it because i have no interest). instead, i just stopped going to bars and dinner parties for a while and started going to AA meetings (those are social). instead of meeting people for drinks, i would meet people for coffee, or sports. which brings me to my next point.
• don't plan on just socializing in early recovery. it doesn't work. people are boring---everybody knows this---and there needs to be a common interest or activity to anchor socialization. join a gun club. join a book club. start fishing your local spots, start a new sport. get a new hobby. find something social that doesn't revolve around just talking (and probably drinking). for me it was tennis and trail running, but there's a community for pretty much everything you can think of. find it and grow into it.
• sitting around people who drink and talk through the night are boring. drinking and chatting through the night is boring. i know it sounds crazy, insane even to regular drinkers, but try this: be completely sober for a year or more and then go to the new year's eve party with your old drinking buddies, sober, and see how interesting the conversation is. spoiler alert: it's not. nobody is smarter or more insightful while drinking. no conversation is more worth having when drunk or buzzed. it makes you dumber, and it makes dumb things seem less dumb.
• if you can't avoid a situation where you'd normally have a drink, just call someone in AA. they'll in all likelihood remind you that drinking is dumb. nobody cares if you drink. if you're uncomfortable, just go home. have an exit plan. call that person when you leave the event---there's lots of good advice. another thing i would do in early recovery when i didn't have a sponsor to call is give myself a goal the next morning. "nope, can't drink tonight because i have a 10k run in the morning. very strict training plan. i'm training for a half marathon". is it a lie? that's up to you. sure doesn't have to be.

those are just some blunt caveats. i'm not saying it's easy. it's not. and everybody's journey is different. i'm just sharing what's helped me.

Last week my wife was having an espresso martini in the evening, and I said I wanted one and that I should just forget it. She asked how long it had been, and I looked it up on the calendar. It had only been forty days. She said it wasn't very long.

if your wife is a normal drinker, that's a good example to set. i'm not really tempted by normal drinking anymore. early on i sort of idolized being a normal drinker who could enjoy e.g., an espresso martini in the evening, or whatever, but now i really don't care. i've drank so much booze the world over, indulged in every alcoholic delicacy there is to have (or at least every one i care about), and now all i think about is the stale taste and fogginess that even one or two drinks would give me the next day and say, "nah, i'm good." that wasn't my goal. somehow, it just happened. anyway, may your journey continue to be smooth!

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

early on i sort of idolized being a normal drinker who could enjoy e.g., an espresso martini in the evening, or whatever, but now i really don't care. i've drank so much booze the world over, indulged in every alcoholic delicacy there is to have (or at least every one i care about), and now all i think about is the stale taste and fogginess that even one or two drinks would give me the next day and say, "nah, i'm good." that wasn't my goal. somehow, it just happened. anyway, may your journey continue to be smooth!

This is such a good post. I drank like such a complete pig and did so much dumb shit. I had my fun and shouldn't be surprised I ran through it at light speed. It's like Ron Bennington says: everyone gets so many drinks until their body starts rejecting alcohol.

 

[come sect nocisum]

every time I go and buy a pack of smokes and some beer these fuck tards keep giving me free zyn tobacco pouches like some coke dealer IM SICK OF IT!

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Say no to drugs.

 

[Jerk Sausage]

PROTIP: Try to find meetings that are described as Step/Traditions/Big Book

Seconding this. If you don't hear the literature read, referenced or at least the preamble in the beginning of a meeting, you are at someone's interpretation of AA rather than AA proper. At best, they can be like social clubs with a vague theme of sobriety. At worst, there are some cultish meetings out there.

Everyone wants to figure out their own, personalized way to navigate life. But I know when I was at the end of my rope, I had no idea what worked for me. I'm still figuring that out, so staying inside the lines of the program that has remained relatively unchanged for 86 years is working for now.

exercise.

Definitely, but I started lifting before running. I stopped caring about having the perfect routine, perfect form, doing everything to an Olympic standard, etc. I just liked picking heavier and heavier things off the ground every single day with no breaks.

For the social stuff, when I was young, I was incredibly insecure and desperately wanted everyone to think I was cool, or to at least like me. It was a big part of why I drank; insecurities go out the window, and I felt like the world loved me when I was drunk.

I'm more and more very comfortable being disliked or perceived as a boring person. It's okay to be in a social situation with absolutely nothing to say, and to admit that. I just turn into Snake from Metal Gear when I am lost, and will ask a million questions even if it seems offensively obvious.

 

[A Beached Whale]

Been off and on since April trying to either sober up or stabilize how much I drink. It's had mixed success so far, until recently. Financial instability plus the stress of starting a new job led me to a bender on the weekend.

Monday I went home sick, shaking and sweating uncontrollably. I decided to cut off, maybe only drink a little to keep from withdrawals.

Yesterday I passed out for the first time while at work. (Completely sober, never drank before work.) The head impact sent me into my first seizure, and first ambulance rush to the ER. I'm still reeling and scared from it all tbh. Now I really am determined to quit after an experience like that, but my god, the temptation is there.

 

[Hey Johnny Bravo]

Been off and on since April trying to either sober up or stabilize how much I drink. It's had mixed success so far, until recently. Financial instability plus the stress of starting a new job led me to a bender on the weekend.

Monday I went home sick, shaking and sweating uncontrollably. I decided to cut off, maybe only drink a little to keep from withdrawals.

Yesterday I passed out for the first time while at work. (Completely sober, never drank before work.) The head impact sent me into my first seizure, and first ambulance rush to the ER. I'm still reeling and scared from it all tbh. Now I really am determined to quit after an experience like that, but my god, the temptation is there.

Are you certain the head injury gave you a seizure and not alcohol withdrawals? Either way, you should seriously consider seeing a doctor about your drinking. Take care of yourself. Head injuries are no fucking joke, even if all you do is bump your head. I've had a lot of "hahaha I bumped my head" incidents in my life and it's probably why I'm so retarded.

 

[Froggy Fresh Sextape]

Are you certain the head injury gave you a seizure and not alcohol withdrawals? Either way, you should seriously consider seeing a doctor about your drinking. Take care of yourself. Head injuries are no fucking joke, even if all you do is bump your head. I've had a lot of "hahaha I bumped my head" incidents in my life and it's probably why I'm so retarded.

Yeah, you can definitely seize from alcohol withdrawals even if you feel fine otherwise. Some people are just more vulnerable to them than others.

 

[Boingboingboingboi]

Been off and on since April trying to either sober up or stabilize how much I drink. It's had mixed success so far, until recently. Financial instability plus the stress of starting a new job led me to a bender on the weekend.

Monday I went home sick, shaking and sweating uncontrollably. I decided to cut off, maybe only drink a little to keep from withdrawals.

Yesterday I passed out for the first time while at work. (Completely sober, never drank before work.) The head impact sent me into my first seizure, and first ambulance rush to the ER. I'm still reeling and scared from it all tbh. Now I really am determined to quit after an experience like that, but my god, the temptation is there.

yeah, it's not temptation, it's obsession, and it's insane. alcohol is a devastating drug. any rational, sane person would look at this situation and come to the conclusion that drinking would be an absolutely awful idea and no help whatsoever. it would almost certainly cause harm and create obstacles for e.g., getting back on track at work and getting life together more generally. come back and read your post after 6 months (maybe even less) completely sober and i bet you'll agree.

i mean, real talk, isn't it a bit insane---like clinically fucking insane---to be at work during a time of admitted financial instability and be so sick/hungover that you have to go home, then a few days later have a seizure and bump your head and get rushed to the ER, and now, after all that, saying, "but my god, the temptation [to drink] is there"? i mean, how much worse would things have to get before that temptation goes away? losing limbs? waking up in a coma 4 years later? falling asleep/seizing up/being drunk at the wheel and taking out a family? i mean, you have the chance to have this be as bad as it gets, why not take it?

easier said than done, granted. probably harsh sounding, granted. but definitely speaking from experience. i remember the temptation being there at my low points too. but now i see it for the madness that it is. you will too. get yourself sober, my dude. you can do it, and only you can do it, but there's also plenty of help out there.

 

[A Beached Whale]

You're all absolutely right honestly. I remember around May/June when I was more tempered, it felt so nice. I considered actual hobbies again, didn't hate myself. It's nice to have a place here to talk about all this honestly.

I think that's why I'm nervous if the seizure was caused by a withdrawal(I did also have low magnesium and iron levels which is normal for me, only made worse by the drinking.) I don't want to have to consume any more and just quit, but I know that can be dangerous physically.

 

[Boingboingboingboi]

You're all absolutely right honestly. I remember around May/June when I was more tempered, it felt so nice. I considered actual hobbies again, didn't hate myself. It's nice to have a place here to talk about all this honestly.

yup. eliminating liquor makes rom for much more in life. i was a drunk bum for 10 years. now i have so much to do i can't even keep up. get that liquor shit out of the way and start living!

I think that's why I'm nervous if the seizure was caused by a withdrawal(I did also have low magnesium and iron levels which is normal for me, only made worse by the drinking.) I don't want to have to consume any more and just quit, but I know that can be dangerous physically.

presumabli your doctor could give you clarity about this. you may need medically supervised detox, but if you're a week or so sober and a few days post-seizure you may be past the worst point already? i really don't know. would definitely reach out to a treatment center if you're considering whether drinking more might prevent a seizure.