Alcoholism Support Thread - Down the hatch

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
OrionBalls said:
Most people legitimately don't give a shit if you drink today, or not. You don't owe anyone an explanation. If they do care that you're not drinking, they probably already know why you're not. When offered a drink "No thanks, not tonight," is a perfectly normal answer. Worse comes to worst, and you really get nervous about it, say you're on an antibiotic.
Click to expand...
You're right. And I guess in a more general sense, no one cares about your shit as much as you do. It's good to keep things in perspective.

I think I'm just nervous because this will be the first time I will be offered booze since going cold turkey. I haven't been faced with that yet, since I told my friends and family what I'm doing. And it's easy enough to not buy alcohol for myself when I'm ordering.


But I know it's going to happen. I'm going to be in France. We're going to eat out, get wine for the table. People who know me are going to pour me a glass unless I say something, and it would be so so easy just to go along with it. I don't want to crack.
 
Clem Fandango said:
You're right. And I guess in a more general sense, no one cares about your shit as much as you do. It's good to keep things in perspective.

I think I'm just nervous because this will be the first time I will be offered booze since going cold turkey. I haven't been faced with that yet, since I told my friends and family what I'm doing. And it's easy enough to not buy alcohol for myself when I'm ordering.


But I know it's going to happen. I'm going to be in France. We're going to eat out, get wine for the table. People who know me are going to pour me a glass unless I say something, and it would be so so easy just to go along with it. I don't want to crack.
Click to expand...
That sounds like it's going to be really hard, and I'm not going to sugarcoat it, but I have faith in you! We've all got your back, on here. I'm sure other people will have suggestions for you, too, before you go.
 
Clem Fandango said:
You're right. And I guess in a more general sense, no one cares about your shit as much as you do. It's good to keep things in perspective.

I think I'm just nervous because this will be the first time I will be offered booze since going cold turkey. I haven't been faced with that yet, since I told my friends and family what I'm doing. And it's easy enough to not buy alcohol for myself when I'm ordering.


But I know it's going to happen. I'm going to be in France. We're going to eat out, get wine for the table. People who know me are going to pour me a glass unless I say something, and it would be so so easy just to go along with it. I don't want to crack.
Click to expand...
Remember to play the tape back and remember the shame of taking your son to a pub when you were supposed to be at a park. That's the kind of shit you do when you drink, versus all the great shit you get to do when you're sober. Try not to dwell on it or let it haunt you, but stuff like that is a useful tool in the arsenal to defend yourself against that first drink.
 
Clem Fandango said:
Not sure how I'm going to pull that off without drinking. What do you even say?
Click to expand...
No. Beyond that, I've become a big fan of telling people to mind their fucking business, but I'm fortunate enough to be in a position where my livelihood doesn't depend on making a good impression. That or "What are you a cop, what's with the fucking questions?"

I'd advise against lying if you can help it, it's bad for your soul but also there's some evidence that being truthful has some neurobiological benefits especially during recovery, according to Anna Lembke. As the last page illustrates, a big part of addiction is lying or keeping secrets and a big part of recovery is not doing that anymore, and not having to do that anymore. A lot of people in my group have clever little ways of not technically lying about it, like saying they're allergic or that they have to drive, but in my experience it's just as effective to be truthful but curt. If they offer, say no thanks. If somebody asks, just tell them you aren't drinking for 90 days; if they ask why, tell them it's to see what it's like, or to see if you can, or that it's a challenge or an experiment or whatever. If they ask what prompted that, tell them you drank too much one night and woke up in bed with their mom. Or mum or whatever y'all say.
Clem Fandango said:
I'm going to be in France.
Click to expand...
My condolences.

ETA:
OrionBalls said:
Had a drinking dream last night. Sucks to know that those will still happen after four years, but at least I woke up sober. (Panicking, but sober.)
Click to expand...
I have quit a lot of things and in my experience this is a good thing, it means that your commitment to abstaining has moved from a conscious thought to an unconscious/subconscious habit, or in your case remains salient as an unconscious/subconscious habit. If you know that you don't want to be doing something even in your sleep, it's fully integrated into your thought processes.
 
Last edited:
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
What I do is say I'm on a new medication that I can't drink with, like statins for cholesterol. Or say you hurt your back, took some Advil, and you can't drink.
Click to expand...
This is what I always say while traveling. I need to take Dramamine to avoid spewing my guts all over the plane so it's true anyway.

Co-workers aren't really going to pry too hard about why you don't want to drink. Your old drinking buddies might, but if they don't respect your decision you should probably find some new friends real quick (this was the hardest part of recovery for me, but thankfully there's a sober meetup in town who goes out and does fun stuff on the weekends.)
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
Remember to play the tape back and remember the shame of taking your son to a pub when you were supposed to be at a park. That's the kind of shit you do when you drink, versus all the great shit you get to do when you're sober. Try not to dwell on it or let it haunt you, but stuff like that is a useful tool in the arsenal to defend yourself against that first drink.
Click to expand...
That's one of those moments, you know. I can hear him saying "Daddy I prefer parks to pubs". I just occasionally remember that when I'm on my own, in the shower or something, and it's such a gut punch.i want to double up with the cringe. Makes me feel like I'm fundamentally not a good person.


But that's in the past now. Can't change that. Just got to focus on being better from now on. I'm going to make sure I have another positive update this time next week.
 
Jerk Sausage said:
Same here. I just order my soda or water, respond "No thank you" to offers of alcohol, and say "I don't feel like drinking today" if asked about it. I've never received any further judgment or pressure, and never told a lie.
Click to expand...
My family is all hardcore alcoholics who think you're hiding something if you don't drink, so it was hard to wiggle my way out of this conversation with them after I stopped drinking. They're also hardcore atheists, so telling them I started going to AA was not an option. I blamed new medications for a while before they finally got the picture that I wasn't drinking anymore and stopped bothering me about it.

Everyone else? No problem. My old drinking buddies were 100% supportive and I've even inspired several of them to cut back or quit altogether.
 
Hey Johnny Bravo said:
My family is all hardcore alcoholics who think you're hiding something if you don't drink, so it was hard to wiggle my way out of this conversation with them after I stopped drinking.
Click to expand...
My father is an alcoholic. If anything, he influenced me to NOT drink. It's a horrible demon that affects everybody around you. I even keep a dry house.
 
The Last Stand said:
My father is an alcoholic. If anything, he influenced me to NOT drink. It's a horrible demon that affects everybody around you. I even keep a dry house.
Click to expand...
My dad used to beat the shit out of me and throw me around the house. Now he's a puttering old man and people think he's cute, but I remember what he was like.
 
I've tried beer. Bud Light, that cheap shit. How do people enjoy that? It smells like sewage and tastes like piss.
 
The Last Stand said:
I've tried beer. Bud Light, that cheap shit. How do people enjoy that? It smells like sewage and tastes like piss.
Click to expand...
I hate schnapps, but I would drink a whole bottle if it was all there was to get drunk. Alcoholics will do whatever it takes to get where they want to go, even if it makes them look like a pig in shit.
 
The Last Stand said:
I've tried beer. Bud Light, that cheap shit. How do people enjoy that? It smells like sewage and tastes like piss.
Click to expand...
Bud/Miller/Coors Light and similar watery beers were my favorites specifically because they had the least taste. The "tasty" and strong beers were not enjoyable to me because the flavor was not the reason I was drinking. I could only put up with the extra flavor if it was a super high ABV content.
 
End of week five.


Sorry lads, I fucked it :-(

I was at this evening meal on the business trip. Offered a glass of white wine and I said yes.

I've got no excuses. The guy opposite me didn't drink, just said none for me thanks. And I was sat right there thinking "That. Just say that. Say it now". But I didn't. I wanted that lovely lovely wine. It was so good.

In the end I had three glasses. I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm going to keep going trying to "complete" the 100 days still.
 
Clem Fandango said:
I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm going to keep going trying to "complete" the 100 days still.
Click to expand...
yeah this is the way to do it. Don't knock yourself because you didn't make it to some arbitrary number of days without fail, just take it as a small misstep and keep moving forward.

I might try to go to an AA meeting soon and not sure what to expect - I know someone who attends them regularly so will be having a chat with them beforehand. I technically did a tool assisted speedrun of alcoholism because I used medication to stop drinking and its only relatively recently that I'm actually starting to face emotional stuff from not having alcohol around anymore so I'm going to try and not be closed minded about it.

I don't seem to come across many people who have dealt with being an alcohol similar to how I have (actually finding success with medication). A lot of people seem to go (what feels to me like) super hardcore on AA and I'm not sure if that is for me - I did tons of therapy many years ago and I did quite a bit of self-reflection/insight stuff during that time period, but obviously sobriety is different. The only reason I never quit alcohol before in therapy is because I gave my doctors a chance and tried it for a year and it didn't work.

Any protips? Also has anyone here made new friends from AA and is that advisable at all?
 
Clem Fandango said:
End of week five.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=J_3Zad-e9f4
Sorry lads, I fucked it :-(

I was at this evening meal on the business trip. Offered a glass of white wine and I said yes.

I've got no excuses. The guy opposite me didn't drink, just said none for me thanks. And I was sat right there thinking "That. Just say that. Say it now". But I didn't. I wanted that lovely lovely wine. It was so good.

In the end I had three glasses. I'm disappointed in myself, but I'm going to keep going trying to "complete" the 100 days still.
Click to expand...
That's alright. A lot of people don't stay sober their first time attempting. What did you learn from the experience? That's all I want to know. And I want you to know that we are all still cheering you on, so please don't give up!
 
Okay, I kind of have a share I need to get off my chest. I apologize for the long windedness.

My close family member just moved back to Alabama temporarily, to go get a car. She is not an alcoholic, but she can be manipulative, and is not a reliable narrator. Apparently, her plans all fell through: the car isn't ready, her friends wouldn't let her stay with them, she moved into a hotel for a week, but ran out of money. No car means way to get a job to come back. A very poorly thought out and impulsive plan. She called me a few days ago to say that she was going to be homeless. She did not ask me for money, because she knows better, and has burned me before, but it still kept me up all night. After all, we are a thousand miles from each other, at this point. I started looking at shelters, trying to figure out where she could go. I even looked for safe places for her to sleep rough, if she had to. But, I feel bad for that. That I gave her tips on how to be homeless instead of wiring her money. (I has homeless for a period in my thirties, and I wouldn't wish it on my greatest enemy.) I really feel like sending her money would just continue to enable the behavior she's developed where she does something irresponsible with no planning, it fails, she burns a lot of bridges in the process, and yet, someone always bails her out. But, I feel guilt. I don't like to sit on those feelings for too long. Does anyone have advice?

ETA-She did get into a women's shelter, btw, and has five weeks to figure something more permanent out.
 
Last edited:
OrionBalls said:
Does anyone have advice?
Click to expand...
You said it yourself; this person is not reliable and the story sounds retarded. You gave her sound advice and are not financially responsible after past misgivings.
neger psykolog said:
I might try to go to an AA meeting soon and not sure what to expect

Any protips? Also has anyone here made new friends from AA and is that advisable at all?
Click to expand...
Get there a little early, share when it's time to share, and stay a little late. A good AA meeting loves new faces, and you should expect to be approached afterwards.

Don't go in expecting to make friends, but welcome whatever comes your way. I've made friends.

And not all meetings are the same. There are some I absolutely despise, some that I love, and plenty that I'm indifferent towards. They're all different demographics, different in size, and different in vibe. If you don't feel good about that first one, don't write it off entirely. Try a different group.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom