7/23 Court Date

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Dr. Boe Jangles Esq. said:
Taking bets: Which will give out first?
A. The string of continuances.
B. The willingness of the plaintiff to give a shit.
C. Chris' overtaxed, cholesterol-laden heart.
Click to expand...

A) Probably at least one more continuance, two even
B) Would any sane plaintiff give a shit about a gaming quarrel?
C) Always the Greatest Common Denominator
 
To anyone thinking about going to court...
  • You're in for a special treat
  • He goes to this McDonald's 1-2 hours before the hearing time: 3287 Worth Park Charlottesville, VA 22911
  • He parks near the "judge parking only" sign directly in front of the long walkway to the courthouse
  • You will need to go through a metal detector, so leave excess shit in the car
  • You likely won't hear what the sentencing is inside the courtroom. You're too far away and it's too noisy.
  • He will be on high troll alert and there may be a reporter. Do not engage. That is an order.
  • Reread the first bullet :)
 
heyyyJackiePie said:
To anyone thinking about going to court...
  • You're in for a special treat
  • He goes to this McDonald's 1-2 hours before the hearing time: 3287 Worth Park Charlottesville, VA 22911
  • He parks near the "judge parking only" sign directly in front of the long walkway to the courthouse
  • You will need to go through a metal detector, so leave excess shit in the car
  • You likely won't hear what the sentencing is inside the courtroom. You're too far away and it's too noisy.
  • He will be on high troll alert and there may be a reporter. Do not engage. That is an order.
  • Reread the first bullet :)
Click to expand...
1- Love that there's apparently a reporter. Like that shit's way too ridiculous to be real.
2- You forgot the most important point; have fun, don't run.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
1- Love that there's apparently a reporter. Like that shit's way too ridiculous to be real.
2- You forgot the most important point; have fun, don't run.
Click to expand...

She's trying to do a fluff piece on the po' 'tistic boy getting harrassed by meanies on the Internet. She's very much real.
 
Chris, in full tranny regalia, steps to the front of the courtroom. He starts shoveling microwavable cheese pizzas down his throat. Through tears and around a mouthful of pizza, he shouts:

"They treated me like an animal...and that's what I became!"

All charges dismissed.
 
I'm pretty sure they're out of automatic continuances, right?
So isn't there actually a pretty good chance the trial could actually happen this time?
 
Jon-Nyan said:
Maybe i just don't get the legal system, but what's the point of all these continuances? It's just a big waste of time and money for the state right? It's not like they're waiting to investigate the crime further, the judge could just say "alright whatever do community service" and save everyone a lot of time.
Click to expand...
There's a balance to be had between ensuring a fair trial and cutting down on continuances.

If they cut down on continuances excessively, then lawsuits for defendants not getting their fair trial goes up. Those lawsuits cause money.

But if they permit too many continuances, then defendants can just postpone their trial indefinitely and escape justice. That also costs money.

So the judges grant enough continuances to the point where the defendant can reasonably establish their defense, without them dodging the trial entirely. It's also cheaper for the judge not to quibble over what amounts to pennies when defendants request a few continuances.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
trial_of_the_century_by_curtsibling-d8grh4b.png

http://curtsibling.deviantart.com/art/Trial-Of-The-Century-511885163
Click to expand...
He'll lie about the blarms being cool just so he'll have Rogue to himself and the charges dropped.

He'll go back on a deal so he can have both things when it comes to negotiation.
 
Can someone photoshop Chris' face over Bart's, I want this to be my prediction. heyyyyjackiepie's mention of a 'special treat' makes me imagine Chris having to apologize to the whole courtroom.

1151249466.jpg
 
Has anything "important" actually happened at any of these? Has he tried using Sonichu as a defense or brought up any trolls or similar things?
 
Pretty much what will happen:

Chris enters the court room 15 minutes late.
Bursts into doors wearing cool sunglasses.
Everyone starts shouting loudly
Judge bangs on his gavel "THERE WILL BE ORDER IN MY COURTROOM".
Chris Chan dramatically removes sunglasses.... court goes silent.
Chris: Ladies and dudes of all teenages of the court.... what are we doing here?
Prosecution:OBJECTION!
Judge: Overruled
Chris: Am I really on trial here today? Or is society on trial??
Crowd: OOOOoooooHHH wowwwwww
Judge: All charges dropped, Gamestop is ordered to change all sonics arms back. Someone get this man some pink lemonade and a harem of lesbians.... Young Lady do you have anything you wish to add?
Chris: [shits pants, falls through skirt to floor]
 
Either a continuance or minimal punishment. Chris fails spectacularly at everything except being a Karma Houdini.

To think that back in december when I heard about the GameStop incident I imagined Chris being dragged away by cops while crying and desperatly calling for Sonichu to rescue him while nothing happens and he's brutally shoved headfirst into a car, sent to rot in jail forever... Since then reality has brutally stabbed me in the face.
 
He'll be given a short prison sentence. As the van drives him to prison, though, a mysterious black helicopter shoots at it, forcing it off the road. Chris is kidnapped and bundled into the chopper, which flies him to Area 51. He steps out of the helicopter. A burly man in the uniform of a general comes forward. "Mr Chandler," he says. "It is an honour." He leads the bewildered Chris into the heart of the sleek military facility. En route, he explains the situation.

"Mr Chandler, no doubt you are aware of what's happening in the world. Gay marriage being legalised. Homophobia at an all-time low. In short, Mr Chandler, in 2015, the USA is being overrun by faggots. And that's why we need you - the first one to foresee the problem and the first to suggest a cure."

Chris shakes his head in bewilderment. The General continues. "For years, our scientists have been working on the vaccine - ever since it was suggested in the pages of your comic. But such is the homo contamination of our society that truly straight men are a rare species indeed. Why, I myself am a happily married man, but even I love to watch Eurovision. Then our top man, Schwartz here, pointed out the obvious - you are a straight man. You'll never be diverted from that path. You are our last, best hope for the future. We need a sample of your blood."

Finally, Chris speaks. "I am a Beautiful Transgendered Lesbian Woman with Swinging D-Cup Breasts, and I take Great Expection to Anyone who tries to Tell Me Otherwise. They can Kiss the Vagina Of My Soul!"

The general pauses. His jaw drops. His eyes widen. Then, seemingly sorrowful, he draws his revolver and fires. Chris falls to the ground.

The General's secretary comes in. "What was that, sir?" she asks.

The general shakes his head. "Nothing. Just some... homo."

"You want me to call security?"

"No, Lovely Weather. Don't call anybody."
 
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