03/15 - Phil delves deep - In which we get to hear the backstory

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Syaoran Li said:
Jennifer Lopez
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Infatuation with J.Lo. is the reason Phil picked Puerto Rico as his claimed heritage. Back in the day when she was more popular, Phil developed a fixation on her, and by extension, Puerto Rico. Then he started "cosplaying" as J.Lo. at his job at Wawa, changed his name from Phil Delici to "Felipe Delicias," and I think that was about the time he really started doing Australatina worldbuilding (where J.Lo. was made the president).

Phil thinks all of Latin America is a homogeneous single culture that resembles Mexico from Saturday morning cartoons -- complete with Mexican cultural elements like the calavera. It's analogous to how a stereotypical "weeaboo" sees Japan as being anime IRL, only even less accurate. And Phil thinks authentic "Latinx" food can be found in Jack In The Box tacos.

Also Puerto Rico has more of a cultural heritage than you described, although it's not that well known outside of the island.

TL;DR: It was infatuation with J.Lo. that led to Phil being a "Latinx" poser today.
 
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ToroidalBoat said:
Infatuation with J.Lo. is the reason Phil picked Puerto Rico as his claimed heritage. Back in the day when she was more popular, Phil developed a fixation on her, and by extension, Puerto Rico. Then he started "cosplaying" as J.Lo. at his job at Wawa, changed his name from Phil Delici to "Felipe Delicias," and I think that was about the time he really started doing Australatina worldbuilding (where J.Lo. was made the president).

Phil thinks all of Latin America is a homogeneous single culture that resembles Mexico from Saturday morning cartoons -- complete with Mexican cultural elements like the calavera. It's analogous to how a stereotypical "weeaboo" sees Japan as being anime IRL, only even less accurate. And Phil thinks authentic "Latinx" food can be found in Jack In The Box tacos.

Also Puerto Rico has more of a cultural heritage than you described, although it's not that well known outside of the island.

TL;DR: It was infatuation with J.Lo. that led to Phil being a "Latinx" poser today.
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I'm well aware that J. Lo is why Phil identifies as Latina despite not being one. Also, I know Puerto Rico has more cultural heritage than I give credit for, I'm just putting things in pop culture layman's terms since that's all a dumb spud like Phil really understands.

And speaking of Miss Jennifer Lopez...


 
auroraboreanaz said:
And what's this about his mom being Jewish? Is that an old thing that I'm just somehow not recalling? I know he has claimed Jew for a while but I honestly don't remember him ever mentioning his mother as one.
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Actually, that claim goes back to his Ahuviya phase. And not just any Jew, a "German Jew from Kaliningrad," because somehow he thought that let him claim the best of being a Jew/Israeli, a German/Nazi (yes, he seemed to have a bit of a Nazi fetish for a while too) and a Russian/Soviet/Communist, without realizing the incredible amount of tribalism and racism in Eastern Europe today. Do you know what most Russians would call a Jew from Kaliningrad? A zhid. Or probably worse. And there's not much more sympathy towards 'foreigners' either. Hell, you've got ethnic Russian white supremacists in Moscow beating the shit out of Caucasians and Central Asian for not being ethnically Russian.

Twrx said:
As far as I know, both of his parents come from Italian hertiage. They're both Republicans as well, that's part of why Phil was a die-hard Republican in high school.
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Haskins isn't exactly a common Italian surname. I always assumed his mom was English/Anglo-American. She's Protestant too, isn't she? Again not exactly a common Italian trait.

The Republican thing is apparently true though, and it certainly explains why Phil goes so far out of his way to look and act like a right wing talk show host's parody of Democrats. He seems to have a very literalist, black-and-white sort of mentality. I know some of that goes back to autism, of course, but everything he does tends to divide the world into an 'us' and 'them.' He assumes ALL minorities have to be non-Christian (or anti-Christian), poor, gay/bi/trans/androgynous/nonbinary, urban, etc. And anyone who has a house or job has to be a white protestant heterosexual male.

multiverse said:
So he's claiming not just to be Puerto Rican - but *native* Puerto Rican, and that he "discovered" they were native and his father somehow tried to "hide" this aspect from him? How? Why? Because regular Puerto Ricans are too white and not speshul enough?
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Nah, Boricua has come to mean Puerto Ricans in general today. It's a sort of ethnic (or political) identifier. The Taíno Indians no longer exist, at least not as a distinct culture. There are lots of groups, probably more in the mainland US than in Puerto Rico itself, who claim Taíno heritage. And to be fair, they're probably correct, they probably do have some Taíno ancestry, but also white ancestry, and/or black African ancestry too. Taíno language, religion and culture are pretty much dead, except for a few loanwords in Puerto Rican Spanish or some elements of Puerto Rican folklore. It's like someone who's 1/64th Cherokee claiming to be a medicine man and dressing up in bucksins on the weekend.
 
I wish there was a way to sneak some of his spit and send it away to one of those DNA race typing companies like 23 and Me or whatever and then just shove the results up his ass.
 
OLE PISS said:
I wish there was a way to sneak some of his spit and send it away to one of those DNA race typing companies like 23 and Me or whatever and then just shove the results up his ass.
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Eh, it'd be hilarious, but honestly, because people moved around so much, it's very likely he'd have some distant ancestry across Europe and the Mediterranean, across info North Africa, Western/Southwestern Asia and maybe into Central Asia, and if his parents were in the Americas long enough, maybe some Amerindian (or, better yet, West African) blood mixed in there too. People moved around, traded, raider, conquered and intermingled. It's quite possible he'd have some distant Turkic, Georgian, Cossack, Moorish, Greek, Gypsy or Phoenician roots... but so what? It wouldn't make him 'non-white.' Having a great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather from a country or culture that no longer exists is a pretty tenuous connection. At the end of the day, Phil is white. When people look at him, they see a white guy. He was raised as an English-speaking, nominally Christian kid in a middle class Western suburb in a small town in the US. There's nothing wrong with that, but it's so far from the pretend life Phil wants that its hilarious.

And yes, I still think Phil finding he shares DNA matches with black Africans would be hilarious, given that he's terrified of black people. On the other hand, it might inspire him to start pretending to be black. LOL
 
The only trauma Phil ever suffered was when he banged his head on that bridge.

Reading between the lines, I'm guessing this is the result of people calling him out on the fact that not only is he white, but a brief Google search will reveal exactly how white he is. "W-well, yes, I know it says my Dad is Italian... b-b-but that's because his Puerto Rican nationality was so well hidden!" I note that he doesn't explain how ten-year-old Phil learned this closely-guarded secret, or what his parents' real names actually are.
 
How does Fatty Wop justify having more than one pair of roller skates? Does he put the other pair on his hands and try to do roller gymnastics?
 
Tragi-Chan said:
I'm guessing this is the result of people calling him out on the fact that not only is he white, but a brief Google search will reveal exactly how white he is.
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It took them long enough. I love that SJWs will chew out a pop star for wearing a bindi or wearing dreadlocks, but won't say anything when a fat autistic manchild pretends to be a chola as long as he claims to be trans and espouses the "correct" political views. I would think Phil's play acting at being a bad Latina stereotype would be far more offensive, but what do I know...
 
Mogambo said:
ctually, that claim goes back to his Ahuviya phase. And not just any Jew, a "German Jew from Kaliningrad," because somehow he thought that let him claim the best of being a Jew/Israeli, a German/Nazi (yes, he seemed to have a bit of a Nazi fetish for a while too) and a Russian/Soviet/Communist, without realizing the incredible amount of tribalism and racism in Eastern Europe today. Do you know what most Russians would call a Jew from Kaliningrad? A zhid. Or probably worse. And there's not much more sympathy towards 'foreigners' either. Hell, you've got ethnic Russian white supremacists in Moscow beating the shit out of Caucasians and Central Asian for not being ethnically Russian.

Haskins isn't exactly a common Italian surname. I always assumed his mom was English/Anglo-American. She's Protestant too, isn't she? Again not exactly a common Italian trait.
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When I did the digging into the Kaliningrad lie when I first encountered it was the first time it really hit home how little Phil knows about anything he claims he knows about most of the ethnic germans in the region where either deported or died when the Soviet Union took over the region.

Also Haskins in an English name, it's mostly around Bristol. She does have some German ancestry but it's on the her uterineal line and about 2 / 3 generations back from her, so Phil's Great Great grandparents.

OLE PISS said:
I wish there was a way to sneak some of his spit and send it away to one of those DNA race typing companies like 23 and Me or whatever and then just shove the results up his ass.
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It's amazing what you can do with that stuff but in lieu of that genealogy is all we can do.
 
Mogambo said:
It took them long enough. I love that SJWs will chew out a pop star for wearing a bindi or wearing dreadlocks, but won't say anything when a fat autistic manchild pretends to be a chola as long as he claims to be trans and espouses the "correct" political views. I would think Phil's play acting at being a bad Latina stereotype would be far more offensive, but what do I know...
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He honestly seems like the worst stereotype and extreme joke representation of the entire SJW movement possible. If it weren't for the fact that it would be such a long con I would honestly have half a suspicion that his life is a bit of brilliant performance art meant to discredit and anger trans people and communists and basically every group he affiliates with.
 
Shh, don't tell anybody but I found Phil's actually backstory guys;
Of course I did.

@Ravenor I have a horrible fucking idea. I know we made Phil's stuff super top secret and shit but we all love it when Phil chimps out over this shit so how about this (And obviously this would have to go by the big cheese) But we make separate section that's just for Phil, like call it 'For ADF's Eyes Only'. Make it so no one can post, rate, shit like that...but we collect choice comments and posts about Phil from the secret thread and post them in the Phil section. That way Phil can read shit and REEEEEEEEE but we don't have to worry about spilling the beans or giving him anything useful to sperg about. And it gives his ego a pathetic little boost.
 
MasterDisaster said:
Shh, don't tell anybody but I found Phil's actually backstory guys;
Of course I did.

@Ravenor I have a horrible fucking idea. I know we made Phil's stuff super top secret and shit but we all love it when Phil chimps out over this shit so how about this (And obviously this would have to go by the big cheese) But we make separate section that's just for Phil, like call it 'For ADF's Eyes Only'. Make it so no one can post, rate, shit like that...but we collect choice comments and posts about Phil from the secret thread and post them in the Phil section. That way Phil can read shit and REEEEEEEEE but we don't have to worry about spilling the beans or giving him anything useful to sperg about. And it gives his ego a pathetic little boost.
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That's a nice idea let me mull it over a bit.
 
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