Your Kiwi Dating Profile - for all you kissless basement dwelling virgins

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Name: Human

Age: above 18, below 19

Gender: male by technicality

What are you looking for?; at least someone who I can talk with about the same interests (Chinese cartoons, vidya, memes, history and superficial politics & philosophy). If you have tiddies that aren’t the result of overweight, that’s a plus in my book.

Your qualities: I can sit through boring tasks and stay moderately enthusiastic. Autism is almost functional. Useless facts that are really supposed to be general knowledge but cause everyone is dumb I look smart. Also, I’m PoC so I’ll give you a N-wordpass of you stroke me hard enough.

Your flaws: Normie scum triehard. exhausted as shit when having been amongst people for a few hours. Master in procrastination . Joined two terrorist groups: Kiwi Farms and 4chan, both are filled with faggots. Not too much porn, per se, but arguably too much of it is 2d.

Something about yourself: almost have a degree that can get me at least 1700 in [insert developed world currency] a month. In six months. If I get my degree.:stress:
 
  • Name: La Luz Extinguido
  • Age range: newborn-99
  • Gender: Black
  • What are you looking for: Reparations
  • Your qualities: TBD
  • Your flaws: Sporadic violent outbursts
  • Something about yourself: I just want somebody who loves me and cares about me.
 
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Name: MAPK Phosphatase
Age range: ??
Gender: I'm a genderless organic molecule
What are you looking for: A living creature with eukaryotic cells to cohabitate with. No sex.
Your qualities: I regulate your immune system and keep you from developing cancer.
Your flaws: I kill everything I touch.
Something about yourself: I bind to the N-terminus of an MKP though the power of electrostatics.
 
  • Name : Fagatron
  • Age range : Mid twenties
  • Gender : Male
  • What are you looking for : Booze, amusement and big dicks.
  • Your qualities : Unyielding and unquenchable loathing of modern society.
  • Your flaws : Sometimes I don't fold my clothes up when I put them in drawers.
  • Something about yourself : I had sex inside a department store while it was open once.
 
  • Name: Syaoran Li
  • Age range: I'm 26, but I'll gladly be friends with Boomers and Generation X. Don't like Millennials all that much.
  • Gender: American Civil War Reenactor
  • What are you looking for: I don't even know at this point.
  • Your qualities: Self-employed, history sperg, knows how to maintain lawns and gardens
  • Your flaws: I'm a long-winded weeaboo who makes long forum posts and drinks like a coral reef
  • Something about yourself: One time I got drunk in Louisiana, blacked out, and then woke up shirtless in Tennessee
 
Name: Crass, but also Champ
Age Range: 25- 45
Gender: idk aren't crabs hermaphrodites or some shit?
What are you looking for: a smol tiddy tradgoth femcel gf (or a heavily tanned Italian winemaker gf)
Your qualities: numerous academic wine certifications, speaks bits and pieces of most romance languages, dad jokes, looks good in a blazer
Your flaws: nothing more than a pair of hermit crabs, pretty racist, once committed aggressive vandalism after drinking three bottles of Muller- Thurgau
Something about yourself: I play the Irish tenor banjo and one of my legs is significantly longer than the other
 
  • Achilles
  • Old enough to know better but still too young to care
  • Dick-free and loving it
  • Seeking a partner interested in breeding a master race and expanding the empire
  • I have nice hair and I'm good at spending money
  • I hate everyone and I have a terrible temper
  • I don't want diamonds, vacations, flowers or long walks on the beach. Bring me something I can use like a computer or a vacuum cleaner. Why are people so fucking stupid?
 
LordofTendons said:
  • Achilles
  • Old enough to know better but still too young to care
  • Dick-free and loving it
  • Seeking a partner interested in breeding a master race and expanding the empire
  • I have nice hair and I'm good at spending money
  • I hate everyone and I have a terrible temper
  • I don't want diamonds, vacations, flowers or long walks on the beach. Bring me something I can use like a computer or a vacuum cleaner. Why are people so fucking stupid?
Click to expand...
All I have to offer potential mating partners are guns and gun accessories. I agree, jewelry is dumb.
 
  • Name: Sundae
  • Age range: mid-20's
  • Gender: Puppet (on weekends I identify as the Loch Ness Monster)
  • What are you looking for: someone who's laid back and likes to have fun, to relax with and hang out with (preferably a redhead, but I'm not picky)
  • Your qualities: Artistic, can play multiple musical instruments, very laid back and chill, enjoy spending time outdoors, above average cooking skills
  • Your flaws: I can be somewhat OCD, bit of a procrastinator, not much for going to parties/raves/social events (I'd rather stay home and read a good book)
  • Something about yourself: I've seen nearly every Godzilla movie, I like to collect odd/strange musical instruments, and I also have a fascination with cryptids/the paranormal
 
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  • Name: Salt_Merchant
  • Age range: late 20s
  • Gender: Humble sodium trader.
  • What are you looking for: Someone who can identify the difference between Himalayan rock salt and Himalayan stone salt through touch alone
  • Your qualities: I can cook my own tendies
  • Your flaws:I have been told im far to humble
  • Something about yourself: for no reason i watch spoopy ghost videos before going to bed, and then am surprised i cannot go to sleep,
 
  • Name: Chris McGee
  • Age range: 13-17
  • Gender: Staying male but I call myself trans
  • What are you looking for: Feeling sorry about myself
  • Your qualities: I'm disabled therefore I don't need qualities, now give me money
  • Your flaws: I'm the worse uwu :(
  • Something about yourself: I totally look like an underage boy and not a blobfish
 
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Name: awoo
Age: early 20s
Gender: male awoo
Looking for: someone to cuddle me and give me headpats (and lewd me)
Qualities: idk. soft and tight. naturally subby?
Flaws: mood issues and unhealthy lifestyle
About me: I like a good puzzle or programming task. also I might be bi
 
Name : Cool Kitties Club
Age: 7 in cat years
Gender: cat
Looking for: egf (male)
Qualities: Funny, cool, based, epic
Flaws: not real
About me: I can jump high and laugh a lot :)
 
  • Name: Call me Slim Shady
  • Age: But a number
  • Gender: depends on the temperature
  • What are you looking for: Netflix and Chill
  • Your qualities: Strength 5; Perception-6; Endurance-4; Charisma-7; Intelligence-7; Agility-3; Luck-9
  • Your flaws: Weeb
  • Something about yourself: I KILLED Mufasa
 
Name: MerriedxReldnahc, but my stage name is Miss Foxxxy Chiliquiles
Age: Rapidly approaching 30
Gender: Lady person
What are you looking for: A dude who likes heavy metal and non-faggy comic books. Must have a good paying job so he can pay for me to go see all my favorite bands. He is not allowed to get jealous when I show my tits to the band.
Your Qualities: Sexy legs, can make tortillas from scratch, and hold the distinction of being the 700th fastest Luigi's Mansion speedrunner.
Your Flaws: bitch I have none
Something about yourself: There's a possibility I did in fact show my tits to my favorite band.
 
  • Name: NICE
  • Age range: TRY
  • Gender: GLOW
  • What are you looking for: IN
  • Your qualities: THE
  • Your flaws: DARK
  • Something about yourself: NIGGER
 
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