UN Venezuela Megathread - Mercenaries 2 references galore! Cubanodun is MVP

With the news of an attempted army uprising ending in many arrests happening in the troubled nation, I think now is the time to just say 'Post all Venezuela related news here'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-40843494

The civil war is upon us.

 

[Adamska]

The best part is both Russia and China are telling him no, the former due to wanting to preserve their own oil while arguing with the Saudis, the latter just not really existing as an economy anymore.

 

[Cubanodun]

The best part is both Russia and China are telling him no, the former due to wanting to preserve their own oil while arguing with the Saudis, the latter just not really existing as an economy anymore.

Yep, that confirm what i said earlier in this thread, Russia abandoned Maduro when Rosneft was hit with sanctions and China gave up on us totally, knowing him he tried to ask for the money for those two but one doesn't care anymore and the other is dealing with worse issues that a whiner in the middle of nowhere, but after thinking it for a while i finally understood what is the aim of this he knows he is not going to get the money and he knows he can't contain the plague so he is prevently creating a culprit for it, when the plague became widespread he is going to blame the evil IMF for not giving the money, if THEY gave the dosh he PROBABLY could have control it, sadly he forgot a little detail

Chavez in a tantrum made us leave the BMI and the IMF and the IMF is still discussing if Maduro is actually the president, until that debate is over we don't have any kind of access to any kind of services they could provide us, also the IMF has a story of not doing what he wants when he wants

 

[soy_king]

Because he doesn't have JACKSHIT, the fall of the oil prices and the sanctions hitted him like a truck, he is FUCKED and now he has to eat his words, he has called the FMI murderers, sellouts, traitors and blamed them for every single bad thing that has happened to our economy

He like to put them as Super mega nazis with money

https://youtube.com/watch?v=gN1kDkAzwoE
https://youtube.com/watch?v=vfWUgofR0Yg
https://youtube.com/watch?v=QlGOvoa6VOg
And those are only a few of all the times he has shitted on the FMI, him now begging for money to fix the mess he started is incredibly amusing

Edit: we dont give a shit about the feefees of the CCP so #ChineseVirus is now trending on twatter

View attachment 1192283

The funny bit is that he'll probably get the money. The IMF, like all of the Western elite, don't really care what names you call them, just so long as you pull down your pants and act like a good boi while they're fucking you.

 

[Cubanodun]

The funny bit is that he'll probably get the money.

He wont, they have tried since last year to give him money but Trump is blocking them, until there is a new government he is not going to see a dime

 

[Radical Cadre]

He wont, they have tried since last year to give him money but Trump is blocking them, until there is a new government he is not going to see a dime

Trump needs the right Chavista to come along. Like that nice fellow who showed up to the State of the Union.

Surely that guy won't fuck this up.

 

[soy_king]

He wont, they have tried since last year to give him money but Trump is blocking them, until there is a new government he is not going to see a dime

Possibly, but since this is ostensibly for a humanitarian emergency, it would probably be heavily conditioned to be solely disbursed to NGOs and would have significant strings attached. Plus, if he were to ever get money from the IMF and then default on the loan, he would get fucked even harder than what he's currently going through at the moment.

 

[Cubanodun]

but since this is ostensibly for a humanitarian emergency

I would agree with you but let's try to remember what happened the last time we received humanitarian aid

Its like giving money to Chris, if Maduro receive in ANY way of form that money is going to be lost forever and he is not going to accept nothing less that cash in hand and with no restrictions attached and no supervision in any way or form, so is a lose lose situation he is not going to get the money because the FMI is not going to give it to him and because 100% sure he is going to refuse any conditions for the deal to pass through

 

[XYZpdq]

It's always amazing to check back on international affairs like this or the yellow vests and be reminded of the most horrifying aspect of modern life, that the fucking randos ostensibly assembled to cyberstalk that crazy sonichu guy is one of the more reliable sources for world news.

 

[Cubanodun]

JAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJA IN LESS THAN A DAY THEY TOLD HIM TO FUCK OFF

The reason? Lol you are not president brah get bent

 

[Cubanodun]

Welp i was busy grinding Azur lane and FGO at the same time because quarantine i mean doing important stuff so i was pretty much disconnected from the news so lets get a summary

About the Corona chan infestation there is nothing new to report is the same crap every day, the first report in the morning always claim that no one has died then in the afternoon someone died but eh who cares he was probably not going to vote for Maduro, also the reports are mostly doing off handed commentaries about how other countries are in worse shape than us, even when in reality the spread of the virus was because they did not bother to close the border completely and people that came to visit their families came with the virus from outside and the infestation is not worse because no one in his right mind will come here voluntarily

Because people were outright ignoring Maduro with his quarantine rules he decide to do his classic move, put Jorge Rodriguez to say another Netflix original thriller of a conspiracy that was going to kill him for sure!!! but his tacticool team of experts manage to foil it!! again except it apparently at first did not have anything to do with it

In the Colombian radio, Cliver Alcala a retired army general claimed that it was him that send the weapons and were going to be used to liberate Venezuela and he was pretty smug about it, until apparently USA confirmed that he was really a double agent snitching info to Maduro in exchange of shekels, USA got tired of it and decided to tackle the problem in another way

By putting a bounty in their communist asses

Spoiler: Nail a Commie get FANTASTIC PRIZES

Notice how Empanada man appears a Former President LMAO

Oh boy this came like a wrecking ball for those idiots, in less than two days they panicked HARD Cliver Alcala and Hugo Carvajal were informed that PMC were searching for them because dosh and they were not here so they dont have kind of protection of Empanada man they decide to cut the chase and deliver themselves to the DEA, Bounty hunters groaned in discomfort

Maduro took the news like a big boy

Nah he just shitted on orange man calling him a miserable piece of shit

The rest are paranoids because all that dosh would flip everyone, Guaido in the other hand is asking for a National emergency government by begging to the army to flip and arrest Empanada man

We all know is not going to happen, he was very quiet during this days but if this is his best shot then he is not achieving anything

 

[Kornheiser]

What would happen if bounty hunters actually got plantain man? Would the left screech or would civil war break out for real?

 

[Cubanodun]

What would happen if bounty hunters actually got plantain man? Would the left screech or would civil war break out for real?

The plan is already prepared since day 1, new government of transition and elections before the end of the year, then come the hard part of cleaning 20 years of communism out of the system, is going to take a while but is better than the alternative

Also i want to screenshot the autistic screeching of CODEPINK when that happens

 

[Super-Chevy454]

Also i want to screenshot the autistic screeching of CODEPINK when that happens

It'll be hard for Sean Penn to screech, he's been mute since a while.

 

[Cubanodun]

Happy april days fool my brothers, sadly april fools day is everyday in the shithole we like to call Cubazuela, lets go with the updates

After the bounties Maduro was doing what he do best, impotent screamings at cameras believing he look threatening, Pompeo took a moment of his time to give him a last deal, take it or well let's see what is going to happen to you

The plan consist of Empanada Man and Guaido being sidelined by a new government of transition consisting in a coalition of Commies and Democrats and calling for a election this year, the fake and gay congress of Maduro has to go but if they dissolve it willingly all of the members are going to have their sanctions lifted, Pompeo also claimed that he has "contacts" here that are going to help with the process, you can read the entire plan here

Well yeah the plan looks good and for humanitarian aids everything is set for success right?

No, he told them to fuck off

Because of course, they prefer to burn this place to the ground as long as they keep the little power they have

The international community obviously ignored his waa waaa and some countries want to help in the process like

Georgia

Austria

Letonia

And others that im to lazy to find, as always im not expecting absolutely anything, Maduro is not going to get out of there willingly

Now to the fun news, for some reason our Navy was harassing a mysterious passenger cruise (it was abandoned in Buenos Aires because the company went bankrupt) there was some kind of struggle and the passenger boat manage to wreck a 325 millions dollars glorified dinghy

The best part is that passenger ship did not even bother to rescue the poor crew

 

[Adamska]

Losing a ship to a luxury liner... just. Wow.

I can't wait until you lose a plane to a fucking kite at this point.

 

[Radical Cadre]

That is actually a good option: sidelining the bus driver LARPing as president and sidelining the politician LARPing as a revolutionary. Get the asshole personalities out of the way and force the respective parties to come up with someone new. While the problems aren't solely because of these two guys (Maduro [okay he did fuck a lot up] and Guaido), their presence in negotiations or on TV or anywhere really is absolutely not helping anyone anymore.

 

[Cubanodun]

Wow what a hectic day, is been barely 24 hours until Pompeo deal and Trump decide to give him a little push, by fucking the main source of revenue of his friends

To me the entire thing looks like a naval blockade in all but name

Did not help that the navy gain a lot of followers on twitter by now that dont know english but hey cant you blame them?

Florida man saying things

The answer of Empanada man was sending a very nervous Jorge Rodriguez to say on TV that there must be a "misunderstanding" and they are willing to "cooperate" with the USA yeah right and the water is dry motherfuckers

Losing a ship to a luxury liner... just. Wow.

I can't wait until you lose a plane to a fucking kite at this point.

The entire story is a trainwreck full of fail that is hilarious, according to internet detectives and the declarations of the Resolute staff, the Resolute was making repairs on international waters when suddenly the Naiguata approached them and demanded to be follow to Margarita, because the Resolute is a civilian ship it use a Satellite phone to communicate with their HQ, while the Resolute was talking with their HQ the Naiguata captain lost his patience and decide to open fire and ram the Resolute like they were playing World of warships, but the idiots did not notice that the Resolute is a ARTIC cruiser ship with a reinforced hull capable of breaking ice, so their puny guns and rams barely scratched the paint, to defend themselves the Resolute decide to TACTICAL RAM the Naiguata and destroyed her hull, when they noticed that they fucked it big time the big honchos decide to copy the transponder of the Naiguatá to another ship that was in port to make it look like the Naiguatá never leaved but it was to late because the Resolute warnet the MRCC on Curacao about the wreck of the Naiguata so the information leaked and now everyone is laughing at them for being morons and they deserved to be wrecked

To resume all of this, they tried to harass a ship 5 times their size and were wrecked in the process

 

[jje100010001]

I'm glad that in these trying times, we still have entire lolgovernments to gawk at.

This seething is delicious:

The government of Venezuela identified the lost vessel as the 1,500 tonne, 80-meter patrol ship Naiguata, and it has accused Resolute of improperly departing the scene after the casualty. "The action of the ship Resolute is considered cowardly and criminal, since it did not attend to the rescue of the crew, in breach of the international regulations that regulate the rescue of life at sea," the statement reads.

In a second statement attributed to Venezuelan president Nicolas Maduro, the government in Caracas alleged that the Resolute collided with the Naiguata in an "act of aggression and piracy." Further, the government speculated that it could not rule out that Resolute “was transporting mercenaries to attack military bases in Venezuela, unloading them out there on the high seas.”

Venezuelan Navy Patrol Ship Sinks After Collision With Cruise Ship

An encounter between the Venezuelan patrol vessel GC-23 Naiguata and the ice-class expedition cruise...

maritime-executive.com

(Archive)

 

[Fanatical Pragmatist]

"Commandante, we have lost a ship today!"
"Against what target? A US Carrier Strike Group? A Colombian surface patrol group? Some Guyanese pirates?"
"No senor! An unarmed civilian cruise liner..."

 

[Cheesy Toe Number 2]

Now to the fun news, for some reason our Navy was harassing a mysterious passenger cruise (it was abandoned in Buenos Aires because the company went bankrupt) there was some kind of struggle and the passenger boat manage to wreck a 325 millions dollars glorified dinghy

Ah, I see that the Venezuelan navy is getting in the same level as the US navy and by that I mean ramming and wrecking their own ships to civilian boats.