UN Venezuela Megathread - Mercenaries 2 references galore! Cubanodun is MVP

With the news of an attempted army uprising ending in many arrests happening in the troubled nation, I think now is the time to just say 'Post all Venezuela related news here'

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-latin-america-40843494

The civil war is upon us.

 

[Randall Fragg]

The entire story is a trainwreck full of fail that is hilarious, according to internet detectives and the declarations of the Resolute staff, the Resolute was making repairs on international waters when suddenly the Naiguata approached them and demanded to be follow to Margarita, because the Resolute is a civilian ship it use a Satellite phone to communicate with their HQ, while the Resolute was talking with their HQ the Naiguata captain lost his patience and decide to open fire and ram the Resolute like they were playing World of warships, but the idiots did not notice that the Resolute is a ARTIC cruiser ship with a reinforced hull capable of breaking ice, so their puny guns and rams barely scratched the paint, to defend themselves the Resolute decide to TACTICAL RAM the Naiguata and destroyed her hull, when they noticed that they fucked it big time the big honchos decide to copy the transponder of the Naiguatá to another ship that was in port to make it look like the Naiguatá never leaved but it was to late because the Resolute warnet the MRCC on Curacao about the wreck of the Naiguata so the information leaked and now everyone is laughing at them for being morons and they deserved to be wrecked

To resume all of this, they tried to harass a ship 5 times their size and were wrecked in the process

So Venezuela is now officially less competent than Somalia.
Somali pirates can actually raid a civilian cruiser with a bunch of glorified speedboats. Venezuela can’t even do that.

 

[Cubanodun]

I'm glad that in these trying times, we still have entire lolgovernments to gawk at.

This seething is delicious:

Venezuelan Navy Patrol Ship Sinks After Collision With Cruise Ship

An encounter between the Venezuelan patrol vessel GC-23 Naiguata and the ice-class expedition cruise...

maritime-executive.com

(Archive)

I was wondering when they were going to use that excuse, they are triple paranoic after the new anti narcotics operation that Orange man throwed even saying that if the USA invade Venezuela they were going to go literally kill everyone that wanted a invasion, the most hilarious part is that they believe they are going to win against America and then they are going to get revenge

So Venezuela is now officially less competent than Somalia.
Somali pirates can actually raid a civilian cruiser with a bunch of glorified speedboats. Venezuela can’t even do that.

The saddest part is the fact that no one in the international community gave a shit because its was almost guaranteed that they were trying to rob that cruiser, they have still not acknowledged that their power ends in our borders, outside no one cares if they burn

 

[ColtWalker1847]

I was wondering when they were going to use that excuse, they are triple paranoic after the new anti narcotics operation that Orange man throwed even saying that if the USA invade Venezuela they were going to go literally kill everyone that wanted a invasion, the most hilarious part is that they believe they are going to win against America and then they are going to get revenge

There is no way government officials truly believe this... right? Their illiterate peasant mongoloid meat-shield militia, sure. But the government cannot be this utterly delusional and only say it to save face. Right? RIGHT?!?

 

[Radical Cadre]

Ah, I see that the Venezuelan navy is getting in the same level as the US navy and by that I mean ramming and wrecking their own ships to civilian boats.

I think their mistake was firing at the ship first. You kind of have to sleepily crash into it so you catch them by surprise. By firing shots they made the other ship angry and it was able to fire off a dragon beam or something.

 

[Cubanodun]

There is no way government officials truly believe this... right? Their illiterate peasant mongoloid meat-shield militia, sure. But the government cannot be this utterly delusional and only say it to save face. Right? RIGHT?‽

Of course they don't they just said that because they have a pathological need to blame others for their fuck ups, they REALLY want a intervention so they could get out and just say "booo hoo orange man bad"

Edit: scratch that, those morons actually believe the cruiser was a super sikrit commando ship full of marines that could use the lifesaver boats to introduce at least 42 marines.... jesus they are this stupid

 

[Snekposter]

Given what a fuckup Venezuela is, they deserve to have a response all of their own: the Risitas laugh. Maybe call it "Empenada Content" or something.

 

[Cubanodun]

Ready for more N E W S, hope you guys are buying a shirt because im planning to bitch nool to put a minecraft server where i can hide super sikrit intel to the Resistance, let's start with da updates

To start the TERRIBLE news as always lets go to the memory lane, in this same thread i posted millenia ago that our refineries finally croaked and a crisis of fuel was approaching, well, she is finally here folks in all her terrible glory, the country with the biggest reserves of oil in the world cant even have fuel because PDVSA has to be converted in a piggy bank to pay for gibes

Of course this was not a surprise since last year the fuel has been very difficult to obtain and corona chan only made things worse, maybe with this the commies are finally going to do something to fix that, maybe i dont know privatize PDVSA, clean it of corruption and make PDVSA productive?

Nah they appeared in TV saying what everyone know, there is now a plan to ration the fuel for god know how time and is ORANGE MAN FAULT REEEEEE

The people in PDVSA (where i worked back in the day) facepalmed to hell and back, they keep the lie that the sanctions are against ALL venezuela when in reality is to I N D I V I D U A L S, they also claim the reason there is no medicines either is because Orange man keep blocking them from buying them when in reality they dont have the money and are actually pissed off that almost all the circle they had of corruption have lost their money because orange man blocked their accounts

Well in all of this what is empanada man doing? remember when i told you guys about how we test for coronavirus by sending the sample to caracas because we did not have equipment elsewhere to test for it and they were centralizing all the test to hide the numbers? well he decided to gift to Colombia 2 of the machines that are used for testing to them, when we desperately need for free, for no reason other that to look good

This is more funny considering a couple of days ago he was screaming that Ivan duque wanted to rapemurder him, but this doesnt come for free oh no no no, when he does things like this is because he saw something he did not like and want in some way to appease the thing he fear, i checked what it was then boom got it, the Colombian army was making military exercise near the border

So yeah he is willing to sacrifice two machines that we actually need to fight corona chan for fear that orange man or the colombians yeet him

 

[TaimuRadiu]

There is no way government officials truly believe this... right? Their illiterate peasant mongoloid meat-shield militia, sure. But the government cannot be this utterly delusional and only say it to save face. Right? RIGHT?‽

The war has always been with Colombia and their Yankee overlords.

The war has always been with Colombia and Brasil and their Yankee overlords.

The capital city has always been Guarenas.

 

[AnOminous]

Given what a fuckup Venezuela is, they deserve to have a response all of their own: the Risitas laugh. Maybe call it "Empenada Content" or something.

Venezuela is basically the lolcow of countries at this point.

 

[Super-Chevy454]

Venezuela is basically the lolcow of countries at this point.

At this rate, even the lolcow of countries don't want to be in company of Venezuela.

 

[Adamska]

It's telling that I consider Somalia more of a country now than Venezuela, and that's not a country until they can finally get something fucking together.

 

[1Tonka_Truck]

Just noticed this video posted by CNW. Shows the 'boarding action' from the Venezuelan prospective. The jokes about somali pirates being more competent are now fact.

CNW on Twitter

“Video released by the Venezuelan Navy shows them shooting at the RCGS Resolute cruise ship then it shows the Resolute impacting the side of the GC-23 Naiguata and it shows severe damage to the Naiguata #Venezuela https://t.co/ciI15v6SDt”

twitter.com

I can't get archive.anything to process.

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

Venezuela is basically the lolcow of countries at this point.

Yeah, also, Venezuela is what happens when a lolcow becomes president and runs their own country.

 

[AnOminous]

Imagine being a cruise ship captain and defeating 10% of some country's Navy without even trying.

 

[Cubanodun]

Just noticed this video posted by CNW. Shows the 'boarding action' from the Venezuelan prospective. The jokes about somali pirates being more competent are now fact.


PC7Stronk.mp4

CNW on Twitter

“Video released by the Venezuelan Navy shows them shooting at the RCGS Resolute cruise ship then it shows the Resolute impacting the side of the GC-23 Naiguata and it shows severe damage to the Naiguata #Venezuela https://t.co/ciI15v6SDt”

twitter.com

I can't get archive.anything to process.

Notice the VTV logo, thats the commies channel and the video is HEAVILY EDITED to make them look good, no one believed for a second their version of the story it did not help that they insisted that the cruise ship was full of marines, absolute lunatics

 

[AnOminous]

Notice the VTV logo, thats the commies channel and the video is HEAVILY EDITED to make them look good, no one believed for a second their version of the story it did not help that they insisted that the cruise ship was full of marines, absolute lunatics

If this is the version they think makes them look good, the full video must be humiliating beyond belief.

 

[Cubanodun]

If this is the version they think makes them look good, the full video must be humiliating beyond belief.

It was a rushed job , there was not any credible way to make this look heroic in any sense, the best thing they could do is to bury this with screams of Orange man bad

 

[ObeseScreamingBlackMan]

Yeah, also, Venezuela is what happens when a lolcow becomes president and runs their own country.

Presidente Carlos Chantor.

 

[Traummaschine]

Edit: scratch that, those morons actually believe the cruiser was a super sikrit commando ship full of marines that could use the lifesaver boats to introduce at least 42 marines.... jesus they are this stupid

View attachment 1213100

Can you explain what the pictures are supposed to show?

 

[Super-Chevy454]

Yeah, also, Venezuela is what happens when a lolcow becomes president and runs their own country.

Indeed, and a warning tale for others countries who want to do the same.