Interests Twitter 1/30 - Chris's D&D sheet

[Chrus Chundlur]

Or instead of jumping through so many hoops you could just have with Chris the same regard for rules and fair play he has himself, fake some bullshit DM roll, and tell Chris that his character tripped and fell into a septic tank where he unceremoniously choked to death on a turd.

"Calm down, there was nothing I could do, it was fated and destined by the glirby-glorbo dimension diabetes Dieties. Sorry, Chris"

 

[Tikbalang]

You know that whenever his character dies, he'll force everyone go to the "last save/checkpoint " before he died. He'll treat like like it's a vidya.
Did I just died from getting STDs from a whore? Let's rewind the whole thing and start over

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

Atropos seems to be the best bet, but let's keep scheming.

Those are a lot of ideas, but you failed to notice that Chris's character has only 2 hit die. Let's say, for the sake of bullshit, that he managed to roll perfectly on them, so he has 18 + whatever his CON bonus x23 is. I'll assume he's tried to bullshit his cumulative possible +15 bonuses into CON rolls (which as a DM I would shoot down because those would be temporary forms, rant aside). So, we'll assume all stats except DEX are 20, again, because bullshit, and that leaves this Mary Sue with 35 CON for the sake of experiment, or a +12 to the roll. This leaves him with a cumulative hit point total of 294, more than enough to shrug off any single attack in 5e. With his nonmagical equipment and without casting spells, he can do at most 2d6+STR damage, or 2d6+12, for an average of 19 damage/round.

Let's think about equipment now. His bullshit equipment items are as follows:
" Sonichu Medallion, CC Sonichite, Magic Wand, Celestial Key, Magic Amp, Elixer Bottle [sic], Magic Stones"
Of these items, the only one I know of that has any use is the Sonichite, which could give him +5 to all stats, but he will forgo this, as per his own rules, to use the Chaos Emeralds he undoubtedly has up his ass for a +10 instead of a +5 (he gets another bullshit +5 for no reason because whatever.) He also wrote this: "Single Transformation lasts for one action." Now, I think he meant to say it's a Swift action to activate these, but RAW it says that they last a single action, so for maybe one attack. Of course, by RAW, Chris has placed no limit onto how many times he can do this, but hitting him when it isn't his turn could be argued to bypass these stat boosts. This pushes his saves down by -7, leaving him with +11 (assuming proficiency with all saves and 20 base stats).


So, let's think about this carefully. Chris's AC is 15, (Chain shirt's 13 plus a maximum of 2. Even though he's running around with an (assumed) effective DEX of 31 (16 plus bullshit transformations), the maximum DEX bonus for a chain shirt is 2. This means that higher level enemies won't have much difficulty hitting him, as long as he stays within range.

So, what does this all mean? There are attacks and items that can very slowly chunk his HP away, in confined spaces so running invokes attacks of opportunity (as Chris has no special defense against these, by items.), and his damage output depends on either burning through his limited spell slots or is basically nonexistent. So the best way to fight this creature would be something with regeneration in an antimagic field in an enclosed space. Chris's character cannot cause meaningful damage, his AC is too low to dodge forever, and he cannot heal through Divine Magic. With an assistant creature to grapple (against a presumed +18, +6 prof with +12 for stats), this means that he cannot run away either. You could very easily kill this character in the Material Plane alone with some careful planning and a small room.

Might I suggest a troll or two for that last idea? They got regeneration, have high strength and are a low enough cr that Chris wouldn't suspect too much right off the bat. He'd probably enjoy getting to beat up a "troll" in dnd

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

As @Chrus Chundlur observes, the really great thing about any RPG is that the DM is effectively the last word on everything. If you have a broken, OP, grandstanding PC, then I'd argue that it's any decent DM's duty and right to put that motherfucker down ASAP.

Hell, just teleport this Sonichu fuck-up into the heart of a supernova. Gotta go pffft.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Ok I am just gonna casually take inspiration from all of these posts for when I run my first dnd session. Which is not going to be for a while

 

[Antipathy]

Scheming

I wasn't aware that he listed his HP as having only 2 hit dice. And that mid level AC is definitely workable. However with that stupid +10 that gives him a AC of 25.

More Scheming

No, his AC is 15, regardless of what his stats are, because the Chain Shirt can at most grant 15 AC (13+2 DEX). Meaning that ghouls or Shadows or Trolls or whatever could rather easily hit him, especially in large numbers, (remember Chris has decided to give himself 23 levels, and so it is only fair to throw CR23 threats at him). His 294 HP won't matter if, assuming 1d3 STR damage a pop, and assuming 35 STR (for max bullshit), that means it'll take about 17-18 hits to kill him from STR damage.
Four Shadows will pump out 4d3 STR damage/round, and would have a flanking/surrounding bonus if they get on all sides of him. That's an average of 8 STR damage/round, meaning it'd take only 4 turns to kill Chris with this method, assuming he doesn't use Divine Magic. His DEX is an assumed 31, so some method of DEX damage would be the best to kill him.

Thus, I posit the most efficient way to kill this creature (barring instant death magic, save or die spells, etc,), is to have 8 creatures that deal DEX damage, and one Beholder with their antimagic eye. On Chris's turn, he can deal at most 24 slashing damage to any one target, while on the enemy turn, he takes 8d3 (or maybe 8d6 if we're being evil) DEX damage. Assuming D3s, we kill him, on average, on turn 2. (Average 16 DEX damage/round), because Chris's AC is still only 15, the monstrous flanking bonuses granted by surrounding will make hitting him a breeze. Once his DEX goes below 14, his AC falls to 13. This is ignoring anything the Beholder can do, such as petrification, charming, etc.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

No, his AC is 15, regardless of what his stats are, because the Chain Shirt can at most grant 15 AC (13+2 DEX). Meaning that ghouls or Shadows or Trolls or whatever could rather easily hit him, especially in large numbers, (remember Chris has decided to give himself 23 levels, and so it is only fair to throw CR23 threats at him). His 294 HP won't matter if, assuming 1d3 STR damage a pop, and assuming 35 STR (for max bullshit), that means it'll take about 17-18 hits to kill him from STR damage.
Four Shadows will pump out 4d3 STR damage/round, and would have a flanking/surrounding bonus if they get on all sides of him. That's an average of 8 STR damage/round, meaning it'd take only 4 turns to kill Chris with this method, assuming he doesn't use Divine Magic. His DEX is an assumed 31, so some method of DEX damage would be the best to kill him.

Thus, I posit the most efficient way to kill this creature (barring instant death magic, save or die spells, etc,), is to have 8 creatures that deal DEX damage, and one Beholder with their antimagic eye. On Chris's turn, he can deal at most 24 slashing damage to any one target, while on the enemy turn, he takes 8d3 (or maybe 8d6 if we're being evil) DEX damage. Assuming D3s, we kill him, on average, on turn 2. (Average 16 DEX damage/round), because Chris's AC is still only 15, the monstrous flanking bonuses granted by surrounding will make hitting him a breeze. Once his DEX goes below 14, his AC falls to 13. This is ignoring anything the Beholder can do, such as petrification, charming, etc.

its 15 on his sheet, but chris states that his super mega mary sue form that he can activate anytime he wants (presumably as a free action) says "+10 to everything" and I assume he literally means every number on his sheet from skills, stats, HP, damage, BAB, and AC too. So at any point something threatens to hit him he'll pop his sonichu ball and go "UHHH I GO SUPER MODE TO AVOID THE HIT!"

And yes the easiest way to take that away would be a Beholder. Chris would fucking scream that its Chaos Emerald power or whatever and shouldn't be effected by Anti-magic but that argument can fuck right off.

As @Chrus Chundlur observes, the really great thing about any RPG is that the DM is effectively the last word on everything. If you have a broken, OP, grandstanding PC, then I'd argue that it's any decent DM's duty and right to put that motherfucker down ASAP.

Hell, just teleport this Sonichu fuck-up into the heart of a supernova. Gotta go pffft.

Oh yeah. A player who comes to the table with a sheet like this is ASKING to be taken down a peg. this is all been 'how can we do it without going 'rocks fall, Chris chan dies.'

And I am genuinely of the opinion that once chris hears 'The DM is always right' he'll run from the table crying because he should be the one dictating how the game goes, and how everyone is mean for making him follow RULES. If he does get to a table I feel like its only a matter of time before Chris demands to be the DM so he can make his character an invincible DMPC who solves every problem and kills every enemy. He could do this at a table with other people or on the floor of his room with his amiibos in place of actual people.

 

[Metatarsupial]

Chris is the kind of idiot who would shoot an arrow through an arrow slit thinking it would spur a booby trap. Except arrow slits are used to shoot arrows from the inside. Not as some kind of switch.

Keep it short, make it witty.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

He could do this at a table with other people or on the floor of his room with his amiibos in place of actual people.

Odds favour the latter. Magi-Chan and Rosechu can't answer back or disagree.

 

[Antipathy]

its 15 on his sheet, but chris states that his super mega mary sue form that he can activate anytime he wants (presumably as a free action) says "+10 to everything" and I assume he literally means every number on his sheet from skills, stats, HP, damage, BAB, and AC too. So at any point something threatens to hit him he'll pop his sonichu ball and go "UHHH I GO SUPER MODE TO AVOID THE HIT!"

So, he has an assumed +15 to every single roll, defensive stat, etc..? (Remember, he has 3 super forms and can use 2 of them at once because bullshit).
Fine. Let's fucking roll with this. He has a +32 to all rolls (5+15+12 prof), and we'll assume his every stat is 50, his AC is 30, and that this transformed state does not wear off, ever. Now we reach the point where we need some serious weapons-grade bullshit of our own to fight this. Falling damage is a max 20d6, which means that, at maximum, it'll deal 120 damage, so pits/teleportation are out. Since Super Sonic has been in space before, we'll also assume for the sake of bullshit that this technicolor abortion does not need to eat, sleep, or breathe. Finally, let's assume that his asspull magic rocks provide immunity to all types of magical damage.

So, how to deal with this? The simple truth is that I don't know how to kill this sort of creature, but we can rather easily seal it away. The Deck Of Many Things is a powerful and hilarious tool for dickslapping egotists and was basically designed to sucker tards into killing their precious Mary Sue. The Deck's positive cards either won't help Chris or are basically worthless compared to his super Mary Sue equipment, and of the negative cards, Donjon, Flames, Balance, Void, Ruin and Talons would be hilarious.

Balance would affect Chris the least since we all know he's not exactly going to be roleplaying a Neutral Good character, probably skewing towards Neutral Evil or Chaotic Neutral at best. But this would force his alignment out of order of his God's, and therefore he would effectively Fall as a Cleric (which is something that can happen.). This denies him his spellcasting. Flames would cause a powerful devil to hate him. Maybe Mephistopheles? Orcus? An'grath from 40k? The possibilities for dickery are endless.

Ruin and Talons are fun as they would remove all his magical items. This means no more transformations, no more anything. Ruin would be more deadly as it would deny him everything at all, but considering all the magic items and the fact that they've been established to be needed for transforming, it means negating his stat boost bullshit.

Donjon and Void are the "fuck you, you die" cards. No save, no magic, no bullshit, you need a new character. Or you can have fun roleplaying screaming in a dark and tiny cage for eternity.

The only card that could be considered useful to Chris would be Moon, which grants 1d3 wishes, but this is a by the books gamble either way.

Alternately, a high enough level Wizard can use Wish and Simalcrum to duplicate himself infinitely. Now, each and every one of those Wizard clones can use Enervate, but twist it to be 3e style. Let's say Maximized Energy Drain, which inflicts 8 negative levels a pop.

Let us assume that this wizard has created his Clone Army of himself plus four Simulcra of himself. On their turn, (they will survive any divine magic hurled at them, and even if some don't, it's irrelevant), their target takes 40 negative levels without save or means to resist this. A creature that has more negative levels than their HD dies. We can argue that technically Chris has 2 HD and therefore would die from just one Energy Drain, but I'm assuming he has 23. Either way he dies.

 

[Some Manajerk]

Another thought occurs to me. Is his transformation considered a spell? If it is you could just have a wizard cast counterspell, since that would be relying on his saves before his OP transformation bonus kicks in.

 

[Ol' Slag]

Been playing 5e since it came out. The easiest way to put Chris's character in check is simple. Exhaustion rules.

Some Special Abilities and environmental Hazards, such as starvation and the long-term Effects of freezing or scorching temperatures, can lead to a Special condition called exhaustion. Exhaustion is measured in six levels. An effect can give a creature one or more levels of exhaustion, as specified in the effect’s description.

Exhaustion Effects

Level	Effect
1	Disadvantage on Ability Checks
2	Speed halved
3	Disadvantage on Attack rolls and Saving Throws
4	Hit point maximum halved
5	Speed reduced to 0
6	Death

These all stack as well. The more Chris gets, the worse it gets. A few of these well timed and at level three is when things get really bad. Combined this with a slow spell at the right time and it is over.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

Another thought occurs to me. Is his transformation considered a spell? If it is you could just have a wizard cast counterspell, since that would be relying on his saves before his OP transformation bonus kicks in.

It would be considered a magical effect of his OC artifacts, so you can't counterspell them. You COULD dispel them, however as per the spell.

So, he has an assumed +15 to every single roll, defensive stat, etc..? (Remember, he has 3 super forms and can use 2 of them at once because bullshit).
Fine. Let's fucking roll with this. He has a +32 to all rolls (5+15+12 prof), and we'll assume his every stat is 50, his AC is 30, and that this transformed state does not wear off, ever. Now we reach the point where we need some serious weapons-grade bullshit of our own to fight this. Falling damage is a max 20d6, which means that, at maximum, it'll deal 120 damage, so pits/teleportation are out. Since Super Sonic has been in space before, we'll also assume for the sake of bullshit that this technicolor abortion does not need to eat, sleep, or breathe. Finally, let's assume that his asspull magic rocks provide immunity to all types of magical damage.

So, how to deal with this? The simple truth is that I don't know how to kill this sort of creature, but we can rather easily seal it away. The Deck Of Many Things is a powerful and hilarious tool for dickslapping egotists and was basically designed to sucker tards into killing their precious Mary Sue. The Deck's positive cards either won't help Chris or are basically worthless compared to his super Mary Sue equipment, and of the negative cards, Donjon, Flames, Balance, Void, Ruin and Talons would be hilarious.

Balance would affect Chris the least since we all know he's not exactly going to be roleplaying a Neutral Good character, probably skewing towards Neutral Evil or Chaotic Neutral at best. But this would force his alignment out of order of his God's, and therefore he would effectively Fall as a Cleric (which is something that can happen.). This denies him his spellcasting. Flames would cause a powerful devil to hate him. Maybe Mephistopheles? Orcus? An'grath from 40k? The possibilities for dickery are endless.

Ruin and Talons are fun as they would remove all his magical items. This means no more transformations, no more anything. Ruin would be more deadly as it would deny him everything at all, but considering all the magic items and the fact that they've been established to be needed for transforming, it means negating his stat boost bullshit.

Donjon and Void are the "fuck you, you die" cards. No save, no magic, no bullshit, you need a new character. Or you can have fun roleplaying screaming in a dark and tiny cage for eternity.

The only card that could be considered useful to Chris would be Moon, which grants 1d3 wishes, but this is a by the books gamble either way.

Alternately, a high enough level Wizard can use Wish and Simalcrum to duplicate himself infinitely. Now, each and every one of those Wizard clones can use Enervate, but twist it to be 3e style. Let's say Maximized Energy Drain, which inflicts 8 negative levels a pop.

Let us assume that this wizard has created his Clone Army of himself plus four Simulcra of himself. On their turn, (they will survive any divine magic hurled at them, and even if some don't, it's irrelevant), their target takes 40 negative levels without save or means to resist this. A creature that has more negative levels than their HD dies. We can argue that technically Chris has 2 HD and therefore would die from just one Energy Drain, but I'm assuming he has 23. Either way he dies.

Oh God I'm shocked I didn't think of the Deck of Many things. 22 cards, half good, half bad. "How many cards are you going to draw chris?" "Uhhhh 12."
And yes. Removing his magic items would be hysterical. Having a Rust Monster eat his equipment would be funny too, but come to think of it I remember in 3rd there were several monsters that could actually drain or destroy magic items. Removing his crutch transformation would leave chris with nothing but high stats and his high speed, which is much easier to deal with.

Or... simply steal them. The Ethereal Fletcher is a great excuse to have certain items just... disappear.

Been playing 5e since it came out. The easiest way to put Chris's character in check is simple. Exhaustion rules.

Some Special Abilities and environmental Hazards, such as starvation and the long-term Effects of freezing or scorching temperatures, can lead to a Special condition called exhaustion. Exhaustion is measured in six levels. An effect can give a creature one or more levels of exhaustion, as specified in the effect’s description.

Exhaustion Effects

Level	Effect
1	Disadvantage on Ability Checks
2	Speed halved
3	Disadvantage on Attack rolls and Saving Throws
4	Hit point maximum halved
5	Speed reduced to 0
6	Death

These all stack as well. The more Chris gets, the worse it gets. A few of these well timed and at level three is when things get really bad. Combined this with a slow spell at the right time and it is over.

Thank you for sharing, since most people here aren't too familiar with 5e.
Do you have to do constitution checks to stave these exhaustion levels off or do these just accumulate automatically?
I ask because chris has a free floating +10 to everything he can activate freely due to his medallion and other magic OC items he has. If its a saving throw, it's not going to be as easy as you think to tire his PC out.

 

[Ol' Slag]

Thank you for sharing, since most people here aren't too familiar with 5e.
Do you have to do constitution checks to stave these exhaustion levels off or do these just accumulate automatically?
I ask because chris has a free floating +10 to everything he can activate freely due to his medallion and other magic OC items he has. If its a saving throw, it's not going to be as easy as you think to tire his PC out.

Possibly, or sometimes these things can just automatically happen if you do not have the right gear.

I also play AL like Some Manajerk and various modules will just give you levels of exhaustion if you do not have the appropriate equipment for the area.

Also, there are numerous ways to get rid of this character very easily.

The easiest is just two Arch-mages or two Liches with the ability to case ninth level spells.

Chris's initiative bonus is pretty standard and one of the few things not broken on his character sheet. Also, if I read that jumbled mess correctly, it looks as if Chris has the transformation take a whole action to complete, which makes it slightly less broken.

I would have my two arch- mages/liches go first and cast this spell:

Psychic Scream
You unleash the power of your mind to blast the intellect of up to ten creatures of your choice that you can see within range. Creatures that have an Intelligence score of 2 or lower are unaffected.
Each target must make an Intelligence saving throw. On a failed save, a target takes 14d6 psychic damage and is stunned. On a successful save, a target takes half as much damage and isn’t stunned. If a target is killed by this damage, its head explodes, assuming it has one.
A stunned target can make an Intelligence saving throw at the end of each of its turns. On a successful save, the stunning effect ends.

Stunned

• A stunned creature is incapacitated (see the condition), can’t move, and can speak only falteringly.
• The creature automatically fails Strength and Dexterity Saving Throws.
• Attack rolls against the creature have advantage.

I would do this twice, make sure they have a beefed up DC to beat (22 INT save) and most likely I would stun Chris and do 28D6 worth of damage. Chris cannot do anything while stunned, and cannot even activate his OP powerup and knowing Chris, I would bet INT is not especially high if not his dump stat.

EDIT: Neither of Chris's classes give him Proficency in Intelligence saving throws, so even if he was stupid enough to give himself four proficiences from both classes instead of the proficiences from the first class you take, Chris at best would have 16 INT, maybe? At DC22 saving throw, Chris would need to roll a 19/20 on the die, twice if I cast the spell twice.

 

[The Wichita Lion]

There is always the old standby and a personal favorite of mine. "Your party was captured pre-game and stripped of all gear. You are locked in a cell, with a tattered loincloth and a piece of half-molded bread." Yeah, he would still be fast as hell, but that is really all he would have at that point.

On a slightly off topic note, this thread has really reawakened my love for DnD. I don't have a store in my area anymore though, what is the best way to get back into playing? I tried Roll20 a couple years ago, but the only games I could find seemed more like massive communities with hundreds of people "playing".

 

[Ol' Slag]

There is always the old standby and a personal favorite of mine. "Your party was captured pre-game and stripped of all gear. You are locked in a cell, with a tattered loincloth and a piece of half-molded bread." Yeah, he would still be fast as hell, but that is really all he would have at that point.

On a slightly off topic note, this thread has really reawakened my love for DnD. I don't have a store in my area anymore though, what is the best way to get back into playing? I tried Roll20 a couple years ago, but the only games I could find seemed more like massive communities with hundreds of people "playing".

Look up Adventure League.

 

[Some Manajerk]

Have his character run the Out of the Abyss module. All sorts of lovely encounters that give you permanent madness levels, and knowing chris, he'd run headfirst into them without any thought. best part?

You get 6 levels of madness, you're now an (insane) NPC under control of the DM. Needless to say, this is very much a long term way of getting rid of him rather than ending it in the first session, but imagine the REEEing after having invested the time in the game.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

Have his character run the Out of the Abyss module. All sorts of lovely encounters that give you permanent madness levels, and knowing chris, he'd run headfirst into them without any thought. best part?

You get 6 levels of madness, you're now an (insane) NPC under control of the DM. Needless to say, this is very much a long term way of getting rid of him rather than ending it in the first session, but imagine the REEEing after having invested the time in the game.

Oh I can imagine the pleading, the greasy rivers of tears chris rolling down chris's face as he begs for a re-roll or a retcon on the fight that ruined his character. Full on toddler mode, kicking and screaming on the floor over his idealized self was killed on graph paper. If he doesn't have a full on melt down and flip the table he'd sit quietly not saying anything like it was a funeral then go home and crash into slumber. the next morning he'd unleash his fury on twitter about the evil men who conspired to kill his precious sonichu, and that she wasn't dead but in fact the new grand OverGoddess of all of D&D.

 

[anti SJW]

Just saw this on reddit r/dndmemes

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

The thought just occurred...what if Chris isn't trying to grandstand, but honestly expects all other PCs to be on a similarly-borked level?

Easy solution. Just arrange a meeting with your other players beforehand. Explain that a new player is coming in with a level 24 character, and that they can all re-adjust their skills, stats, items etc to place them all on a similar footing. (Of course, this means that all adversaries they encounter will need to be scaled up to pose a credible threat, but still.)

Effectively, play the Syndrome card on Chris. When everybody is special, then nobody is special.